6 replies to this topic

[Wishingandhoping8888]

Anyone have any tips for dealing with infertility? I'm 32 with severe endo and dor. Currently finished three embryo banking cycles and am waiting to do a fet.... just found out one of my girlfriends is pregnant with a second ... seems so unfair and at times I just feel like giving up. I hate going to family or friend gatherings as it's awkward when someone brings up the inevitable baby question.

Anyone have any tips? Right now I'm contemplating becoming a hermit and surround myself with childless friends (not many left to be honest)

Trying to really stay positive before my first fet but it's hard.

[Mamasita204]

I feel the same way, so I'm not sure I can give you advice. I feel super emotional and my friend who has twins (almost a year old) just told me yesterday that she's pregnant again.I am happy for her, but the news made me cry uncontrollably. I just try to keep my mind busy with work or other things.
I'm thinking about doing another cycle to bank embryos too (instead of FET)bc I'm 36, and only got 2 frozen 3day embies.

[kayte1]

So sorry - I know your feelings well. The thing that helped me most was deciding to stop spending time in situations that made me feel poorly about my health - scared, anxious, sad or misunderstood. I was still nice to everyone and would recognize their triumphs and special days (if I couldn't be there in person for the above mentioned reasons) I would send a gift. On the counter side I have also felt the pain of certain friend and family relationships I had to distance myself from, but at the end of the day if I felt worse about how they treated me or their capacity to be kind and helpful, I cut my losses.
Identifying some solid trustworthy outlets was important for me, as well as feeling like I was doing things for myself that were gentle and positive - and reminding myself to try and make time for things like working out and lining up things I could look forward to.

[ndo_inwaiting]

I would say tons of self care, making meaningful connections with other women struggling with infertility, knowing my limits in terms of what I could and could not do re other people and their babies (Ie only attending baby showers for close friends vs any friends), being open about our struggles so people could be understanding, and doing circle bloom fertility related relaxation/meditations all helped and continue to help me after 6 year fertility journey. Its a really tough journey and connection with the right people (supportive friends and infertility friends) and self care are super important. And giving yourself time and space from other demands. Are there any fertility support groups close to where you live? I met some amazing women through fertility yoga and a fertility support group. Wishing you whatever you need to get through this journey and tons of luck with your fet:)

[annatarz79]

Lots of things have been tried but the.most liberating for me was adopting a dog. I trully laughed after a long time and i think that caring for another being helped my maternal cravings. Obviously a dog can not replace a baby of my own but it did really help me.that was one of my best decisions ever

[Zelda]

Wishingandhoping8888

 

I totally know how you're feeling. I also have severe endo.

 

I started my first IVF cycle last summer, and against all odds, got pregnant. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 23 weeks. Of course, the problem my baby had only occurs in 1 in 10, 000  pregnancies. It didn't have anything to do with endo. In fact, the doctors could not find any cause. Talk about the worst luck ever. 

 

I can also relate to the feelings of envy you have for other women who are pregnant/have babies. I worked with two other women who were pregnant at the same time I was, and it has been really hard watching them celebrating the birth of their babies while I mourn the loss of mine and deal with the very real possibility that I won't have any children at all. 

 

What has helped me cope is trying to feel grateful for the things that I do have that are good in my life and to make a list of the advantages of  leading a child free life- not surprisingly there are a lot of them! These are only some of the items on my list: 1) I will probably get to retire earlier than my friends because children are expensive! 2) I can do more travelling. 3) I have more free time, in general, to pursue my own interests. 4) I don't have to worry about raising ungrateful, spoiled little brats (parenting is hard and I've seen a lot of people fail at it, to be perfectly honest!) 5) I don't have to go through the painful and, for lack of a better word, really gross process of childbirth (I'm squeamish, so sorry, nope, I don't find a woman giving birth to be beautiful.)

 

There are so many more items on my list, but I think you get the idea. Not everyone is lucky enough to have children, I guess. And it does seem really unfair, especially when you see other people who have them who don't really seem to deserve them. But I also do notice that the majority of those people also seem really unhappy. We all have our own struggles, I suppose. 

[Zelda]

There's also this: https://www.theguard...uffers-research