21 replies to this topic

[Babyhopes1977]

I just received word that from my 6 eggs retrieved yesterday 0 fertilized. This was IVF #2. I just can't do this again. How do I learn to cope?

[annatarz79]

i m sorry that you have to go through this. it is really disappointing and i can actually feel your pain. I hope that you will find the strength to continue on this journey i hope that friendships build from this site will also help you move on to the next day. i m here if you need anything (hugs)  

[Babyhopes1977]

i m sorry that you have to go through this. it is really disappointing and i can actually feel your pain. I hope that you will find the strength to continue on this journey i hope that friendships build from this site will also help you move on to the next day. i m here if you need anything (hugs)

Thank you. It's just so difficult.

[amp77]

Oh no  I am so sorry about your results and that nothing fertilized.  Take the time you need to grieve and be gentle on yourself.  IF is such a nasty nasty thing for couples to go through and the road is not an easy one.  When you are ready, you may want to seek help from a counsellor.  Does your clinic have one that specializes in infertility?  I wish I had some words of wisdom but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am here if you need to chat.  *big hugs*

[CdnHockeyGal]

Hi Babyhopes - I'm so sorry...there are truly no words that will be comfort. I've attached a link specifically for those nearing the end or at the end of their fertility journey. https://ivf.ca/forums...-3#entry2287329

The well intentioned wishes of hoping you continue your journey though coming from a good place, are more often than not off the mark as they don't come from the same experience you have. You may find the Infertility Vets section of the site to have more of a calling to you at this space of time.

[Elizabeth22]

babyhopes, 

 

I am very sorry. 

 

Specifically on your question about coping, I see you are in Toronto. There are a lot of real life fertility groups/support which I have found helpful. PM me if you would like specifics. 

 

It helps to have friends going through the same thing. 

[gwinnyblack]

but  this is your only 2nd ivf why you think about stopping? i dont understand

everyone's been through some failures but lots of us have managed to start everything all over again.

and i wish you the same, you still have chances. maybe you can use donor's eggs?

[hs4816]

Gwinny, not everybody has the resources to continue. Maybe it's money. Maybe it's emotions. It could be anything. I know people so devastated from failure that jas ripped their marriage apart. 2 rounds of ivf is a lot. Considering donors isn't for everyone. Considering adoption isn't for everyone.

The original poster just needs support. If she wants to keep trying she will. If her journey feels over, then that's the truth for her.

[quandry]

Hs - well said.

Gwinny - please be sensitive to everyone's differing journey. Not everyone has the financial or emotional means to do one ivf, much less two. We are not here to judge, but to support our fellow board members. Leave judgements at the door when you enter here.

Babyhopes - for you I have hugs. I am so sorry this isn't working for you. I'm sorry your heart is broken and your soul is heavy. I'm sorry you feel spent. I hope you find a way forward, regardless of what that path is. I hope you find a way back to joy. And confidence. And surety. I think we all enter this journey so sure of ourselves, and somehow it has a way of breaking us down. Know this though. You are not alone. And while it seems trite in this moment of sadness to say that, one day it'll feel good to know there are others out there who understand and totally get it.

Hugs. I think it sounds like wine, chocolate and sushi are in order.

[s00n]

For us we decided that 1 round of IVF would be all we'd ever do. We ended up with OHSS and went on to a FET (we hadn't discussed the nuance, but 1 transfer is I think what we really meant.)

I decided from the outset that's all I could handle. Fortunately it worked. If it hadn't I truly think I would have stopped at that.

 

I don't know if you had thought about what you were willing to do - or if you just keep pushing ahead like many of us. Neither approach is ideal, they just have to work for you.

 

I wish you peace with your journey.

[Victoria]

 Wish I had the right words for words for you because I think I understand the pain and everyone deals with it in ones own way.

[amazing grace]

Baby,

I am sorry that it did not work out well This journey is so difficult and at times it leaves one badly bruised. I too have had a bad go at this and after a termination at 16 weeks, a miscarriage and four negative Fet's, and I am not including the three in a row miscarriages at my former clinic, I feel totally defeated and beat by this. Like you, I am not sure whether or not to continue. The one thing that has helped me is meeting great people on this forum who have been very supportive during my most difficult days. They have been more helpful to me than my own family and friends. I wish you comfort in the coming days and peace with whatever decision you make. Take time for yourself and listen to what your heart tells you, in time. xoxo

[Babyhopes1977]

Thank you for everyone's kind words. I take comfort in such support. It hasn't been easy.

[MissyBaby]

I clicked your title and was hoping to read a success story that your journey is over because you got your BFP. 

 

I am so sorry. I am sitting at my desk crying for you ( a complete stranger). *HUGS*

 

I hope you can find the strength to try again. 

[gwinnyblack]

hs4816

yeah I understand sorry if my response sounded a bit insensitive i didn;t want to hurt or harm anyone

it was just my opinion, I thought that even if she said that she decided to stop but she wrote here she needed some type of encouragement as a lot of us come to such platforms for that use. sorry for sounding a bit stupid. 

i was one of those and i actually still am one of those women that come here for some advice and perhaps I consider something else as support... 

sorry if i upset anyone..

[gwinnyblack]

quandry

hi i am sorry but I haven't been judging anyone

I was just trying to be helpful

and if the original poster has some questions or concerns I would be glad to resolve them or just to try and resolve them. 

and if it is the money issue there are a lot of possibilities still... 

sorry again. 

[gwinnyblack]

Thank you for everyone's kind words. I take comfort in such support. It hasn't been easy.

I hope that you feel better!

Whatever you decide!

Good luck!

[queenbeefertility]

Baby,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I wanted to recommend a few resources that really help guide you on your next step, whatever it may be. The two I like most are Unsung Lullabies and The Infertility Workbook. Managing the Stress of Infertility is also good. The workbook and Unsung Lullabies are my favorite. All three really help walk you through the emotional trauma you have experienced and help you to make sense of all your emotions and feelings. There are exercises and techniques to help you feel peace at such a turbulent time. It's a way of processing what you have experienced so you can make the best decision for yourself moving forward. I wish you the best. 

 

Kaci

Queen Bee Fertility

[s00n]

QBF- Is unsung lullabies a good book for women who wanted children and didn't get that experience too? My sister is in a strange spot with very bad PCOS but also her partner decided he didn't want kids and she decided she wanted him. I know she hasn't fully reconciled this, and I think that she needs something therapeutic. Wondering if there's a spot for that. I do know that she's gone to an RE to investigate her fertility.

[Punky]

That is such disappointing news. We just had our egg retrieval for our second round of IVF and out of 10 eggs only one fertilized. I was
Reluctant to even try a second time myself. Coping is such a day to day endeavour. I hope you have found some ways that work for you and since it's been a few months since your post I'd love to hear what you found helpful. Are you going to consider other options? I don't even know what to do next myself.

[Babyhopes1977]

That is such disappointing news. We just had our egg retrieval for our second round of IVF and out of 10 eggs only one fertilized. I was
Reluctant to even try a second time myself. Coping is such a day to day endeavour. I hope you have found some ways that work for you and since it's been a few months since your post I'd love to hear what you found helpful. Are you going to consider other options? I don't even know what to do next myself.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I still struggle from time to time. Good days and bad. My best friend just told me she's pregnant at 37. So all the feelings cam back again. If I had the emotional energy I would continue. Maybe in the future I will consider donor eggs. I wish I could tell you there was a solution. But I haven't figured that out yet.

[ggirl]

Hi Babyhopes1977,

 

I wanted to say that I did have a somewhat similar experience (regarding the egg fertiilization issue) which later resulted in success. My first attempt at IVF we had  about 9 eggs retrieved and 1 fertilized and not good quality. I was absolutely devastated. And I had one child who was 3 at the time so it made no sense to me. 

 

I decided to research other clinics and saw another doctor. During my second IVF we got 7 eggs and 5 fertilized.  We have 1 baby boy who is 16 months now. We used ICSI that time around. Also, the medication doses were not quite as high  as I believe this can possibility affect egg quality but don't quote me. 

 

You know better than anyone what is best for you, but definitely look at different options if and when you feel up to it.

 

Girl