Posted 13 December 2016 - 02:03 PM
Hi vent73 - I am with you on the barely coping bit ... and watching other people building their families ...
I think the passage of time helps in processing the predicament, but even though my RE told me that this decision is harder on the parents than the child born out of this process, it's still not our first option.
Although we were successful when I was 36 ... now at 40, I have also been advised to seek donor eggs.
DH is more than ready to call it quits and believes that is our best option.
I go back and forth between trying with my own, DE and occasionally quitting.
We are seeing a counsellor, which I think is helping somewhat with the communication between DH and I, but it hasn't solved my primal desire to be pregnant again and nurture another baby.
I recently read "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" by Ellen Glazer and Evelina Weidman Sterling ... which essentially says that done the right way, (ie. let the donor portion of the story be known to the child at an early age and use a known donor that the child can contact if they want to) these children thrive because they are so very much wanted. But, I struggle with the fact that I already have one biological child and how would the difference between them work out. Will the DE child feel less part of the family is what I really worry about.
I have also tried to look on the bright side of things, telling myself that financially we'd be better off with our family the way it is and that I will have less to worry about down the road in terms of funding higher education, but still I look at my son every day - how wonderful he is - and I want to experience the whole thing all over again. And it doesn't help that he comes home from school with drawings of our family with a future sister named Lily drawn in. It might sound very greedy to want a second miracle ... but this yearning is crazy bothersome and constantly unsettling.
I hope one day we both find a solution that satisfies our desire, solves this challenge in some way shape or form.
Thanks for posting and I hope others chime in on this important IF topic!!
TTC since 2003
Male Factor - Arimidex, but limited impact, therefore fast track to IVF/ICSI
IVF #1, May 2011 - Long Protocol
April 17 - start BCP (Marvelon)
May 3 - start Suprefact
May 13 - start Puregon
May 23 - HCG
May 25 - ER!!!!!!!! 16 eggs retrieved - all ICSI
May 26 - 14 eggs injected - 13 embrios (grow embies grow!)
May 30 - ET - 1 blast and 1 embryo transfered ... saw a taddpole wiggling on u/s!
June 1 - 2 blasts frozen (grade 4BB and 3BC)
June 05 - brown spotting
June 06 - bright red bleed
June 08 - Scheduled beta - BFN -
FET #1, July 2011
July 11 - Cycle day 1 - Started Estrace and Baby Aspirin
July 21 - u/s to check lining
July 27 - ET of 2 blasts
Aug 5 - BFP ... beta 164
Aug 8 - beta 429
1st u/s - Sept 1 - singleton - h/b 160n/t scan - Sept 30
1st OB appt - Oct 5a/s - Nov 23 - it's a BOY!!EDD - April 14, 2012
Karl Frederick was born on April 1st at 4:32 pm weighing 8 lbs 14 oz.
TTC #2 ... hope this works!
IVF #2 - Sept 2014
Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 300
23 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized, 1 3AB transferred, 1 3BC frozen
Oct 14 - brown spotting
Oct 15 - bright red bleed ... this is looking like my other fresh cycle!!
Oct 20 - BFP ... beta 67 ... OMG!!
Oct 23 - beta 182
Oct 27 - beta 1320
Nov 14 - HB around 72 and measuring at 6wk3dys, rather than 7wks4dys ... will probably m/c
Dec 2 - no HB and measuring 7wk4dys, miscarried the next day
FET #2, May 2015
Transferred 3BC ... BFN
IVF #3 - July/Aug 2015
Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 350
July 27 - start BCP
Aug 5 - start Suprefact
Aug 14 - start Gonal F
Aug 25 - retrieval of 16 oocytes
Aug 26 - 15 ICSIed, 8 fertilized
Aug 30 - 3 frosties (4AB, 2AC, 3AC) - freeze all cycle by choice
FET #3, Sept 2015
Transferred 4AB ... BFN ... devastated.
FET #4, Oct 2015
Transferred 2AC and 3AC ... very low BFP (7) ... second beta 0
IVF #4 - May 2016
Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 350, Luveris
May 11 - retrieval of 17 oocytes, 12 ICSId, 12fertilized
May 17 - nothing to transfer or freeze
Time for 2nd opinions