Surrounded by fertile myrtle - Coping with Infertility - Forums

Jump to content

- - - - -

Surrounded by fertile myrtle

babies family holidays pregnancy

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 yaenaSK

  • Global 100+
  • 972 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:Aurora

Posted 09 December 2016 - 03:02 PM

(Warning for talk about pregnancies, babies and just general annoyed talk.)


Anyone else out there dreading the holidays?


We're gearing up to start our first IVF cycle on the 29th of December, and I am doing OK emotionally - I set some strict rules for most of the last couple of months (no googling IVF or infertility topics, I refused to step foot in our clinic for anything - so DH had to drop off any payments or pick up any paperwork). I just needed a time out.


Then, the holidays snuck up. And as I am trying to get my head in the game and prepare for our big steps, my cousin is about to pop with baby #2. And she hasn't exactly been kind or considerate. She knows how stressed and miserable IF has made me - so she is constantly sending me updates on her pregnancy, or complaining about how hard it is to be pregnant with another child at home and how tired she is. Or freaking out to me - "I think I am having a contraction!" I just want to scream sometimes "Know your audience!" I am sure she has lots of friends who will give her a kind, patient, sympathetic ear - but I am not that person right now.


And then, my sister in law - who is the closest thing to a saint I know - will be arriving with her three beautiful, perfect children. Their third was just born in July and I am so stinking jealous. It's like they think about having a baby and one pops out. I hate being so jealous because they are such wonderful people - but looking at them, looking at their children - it kills me a little inside. (We are an interracial couple - and my brother and sister-in-law are as well, and well - we're not a common mix. So their children are a perfect preview of what our children will look like - and a constant reminder, too.) Last year, my SIL had just announced her pregnancy and I avoided her all but Christmas Day - this year, I have to find a way to step up but I just don't know how. And I feel awful about it. Is there some sort of "don't be a jealous cow but stop hurting so much" pill I can take?


I just needed to vent, I think.

Me: 38

DH: 43


June, July, Aug, Sep 2016: IUI. All BFN.

January 2017: IVF #1. 7 eggs retrieved, 6 fertilized. 1 transferred on day 5 - BFP! DD born 10/08/17. heart.gif (2 embryos frozen)

Nov 2018: FET #1. 1 transferred. Chemical pregnancy.

Dect 2018: FET #2. Last embryo transferred. BFN.

April 2019: IVF #2. 16 eggs retrieved, 11 fertilized. 1 transferred on day 5 (5 frozen). Chemical pregnancy again.

Aug 2019: FET #3. 1 transferred - BFP!  Lost HB at 9 week U/S. MMC.  cry.gif

Nov 2019: FET #4. 1 transferred - BFP again! DD due Aug 6/20

#2 StarSapphire

  • Global 100+
  • 181 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Calgary
  • Dx:PCOS
  • My Clinic:RFP

Posted 09 December 2016 - 03:20 PM

Ugh. You are 100% justified in all of these feelings. One of the hardest things I found about IF is all the people around you who just don't get it (or are trying to be empathetic, but can't pretend they don't have beautiful children that we can't ignore).


Funny enough, I was just reading about boundaries today on the advice of my therapist. I don't know that there's much you can do about your SIL if you'll have to see them all because of holiday stuff. That's a tough one. But as far as your cousin goes, you might need to set a boundary with her. Not unkindly or with anger, it's okay to tell her, "Hey, I know your pregnancy is really tough for you but I don't think I'm the best person to support you with it right now. Pregnancy brings up a lot of feelings for me and it can be hard for me to handle. Thank you for understanding." This makes it about you more than her behaviour so it should be tough for her to take offense without being kind of insensitive. It's okay to say "I can't do this." You don't have to hold her hand through her pregnancy related feelings in addition to shouldering the heavy burden of infertility on top of it.


Anyway, sorry for carrying on in your replies, it just struck a chord with me today. I hope you make it through the holidays okay and I'm wishing you all the best for your upcoming IVF!

  • Zoe13 and yaenaSK like this

#3 Hopefulrealist

  • Global 100+
  • 885 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:TRIO

Posted 03 January 2017 - 11:47 PM

Hey there


Totally feeling you...It seems like everyone I know is pregnant or has had a child in the past couple of years. My brother and SIL are pregnant with #2 (both after 1 month of "trying") and my BIL and his new GF just announced that they were pregnant after being together for 4 months....WTF?! Unfortunately they had an early is terrible to admit that I was a little...relieved?! I don't know what the right word is. I was sad for them but also glad that we won't be hearing updates every 2 mins and oversharing from BIL....He knows that we have struggled for years and of course calls the minute they get a positive test. Not to mention that he is currently technically married to another woman (going through a separation/divorce) and it is a terrible idea that they have a baby together right now....


I have mostly been able to be happy for my brother and SIL but sometimes the daily snap chats and pictures and ultrasound photos are a little too much to take...I have mixed emotions though b/c I love my nephew and want the updates but the second baby announcement left me feeling sad...we started trying a year before them and it is just a painful reminder of everything we want(ed)...


Anyway, sorry for rattling on. Just wanted to say I definitely feel your pain. ((hugs))

Me- 32 33 34, DH - 33 34.35.Two Failed IUIs (2015). IVF#1 - BFN. IVF#2- Sept 2016 (Freeze all/PGS). FET#1 Jan 2017 - BFN. FET#2 July 2017 - BFP. 

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: babies, family, holidays, pregnancy