25 replies to this topic

[From0to3]

I never thought in a million years that I would be in a position to be asking for advice on donating my own remaining embryos but here I am three years after desperately searching for donor embryos myself. My second fresh cycle of ivf was like winning the ivf lottery as from 5 measly eggs I produced 5 5 day blasts which has so far resulted in the live birth of three beautiful little ones under three. I have the two remaining blasts left on ice and am receiving the letters from the clinic on how I would like to proceed with storage. After a solid year of reflection - I still have no idea. 

 

I have ruled out destroying the last two as although this is right for many - its just not the right decision for me. Although I also like the idea of donating them to science to help further the technology that has made our family so complete - I have ruled this out as well as I just cant sign that consent.

 

This leaves me with two options : donate or use them myself.

 

I am hoping to get some insight from either someone who has donated embryos or someone who has received them. Specifically, what does open adoption look like when it truly comes down to it and/or why was closed adoption a better choice? Do you have contact with these children/donating parents and/or do you receive photos etc. Are there actually visitations happening with the receiving families?

 

I am also really wondering if giving these embryos for adoption is even a possibility as with my own eggs at 37 I was not a spring chicken when they were created. I just gave birth to the third a few weeks ago at 40. Would prospective parents even want to receive embryos created by someone over 35?

 

For those that chose to use leftover embryos after finishing what they imagined was their family - what were the factors that influenced your decision? As I have two teenage stepsons from my husbands previous marriage it would truly be a little bit crazy if these embryos took.

 

Although almost a surreal decision to have after years of infertility, I am really struggling with this decision and would really appreciate some insight or shared experience. 

 

 

[Red Wine]

I would contact your clinic and get direction from them to see if you're able to donate your embryos prior to getting your heart set on a course of action.

[nervus optimist]

I am the recipient of donor embryos and I can truly say it was the most magical gift we could ever have received. At a stage in our journey when we had long since given up on the idea of getting pregnant, and were starting to give up on the idea of adoption ever leading to us having a family, we decided on a bit of a whim to ask our clinic about it, and quickly realized that it was absolutely an option that was right for us.

 

In our case, our clinic was only offering closed/private embryo donations, so other than very basic medical history we know nothing about our embryo donors, and they know absolutely nothing about us. Given the choice I would have preferred at least a tiny bit more openness than that, but at the time there were not nearly as many options as there are now. Now you can work through a clinic, a lawyer, or an agency to be matched with a recipient couple (or individual), and you can choose any amount of openness that is right for you. In all cases there would be no fee to you as a donor, but the fees for recipients are highly variable, with the most economical by far being going directly through a clinic, and most expensive by far being going through an adoption agency. That being said, do not let those fees deter you if you feel that an agency is the best option for you. Agencies usually do significantly more screening of recipients and usually support a great deal more openness. In my experience openness usually means emails and occasional photos, but I do know one family that is very open and has regular social visits with their donor.

 

In regards to your age, I don't think you need to worry about it. The way that the process works from the recipient's side is that a recipient is given information about a donor and has the choice whether or not they want to proceed. They could say no based on race/ethnicity, age, medical history, but the fact that you have had 3 healthy children from the same retrieval would make it unlikely for any couple to say no, especially when the recipient couple is likely around that age too, or possibly older. I honestly would not have turned down embryos just because of someone being 35 and can't imagine too many people that would.

 

One thing that really is pretty amazing about being in your situation, is that you can give yourself the gift of time. If you aren't certain now you can always pay storage another year while you decide. Not many choices in life afford us that luxury. The embryos will be no worse for ware having waited a little while longer.

 

One last comment, that is a personal thing of mine that others may or may not agree with, is that I personally really don't like using the term 'leftover' embryos in reference to embryos that are unused and need to be planned for. I would hate for my son to ever feel like he was a 'leftover'. And I know that you in no way said or even implied that, but it's something that sits funny with me, so I do take the opportunity to share that with others. I guess there isn't a great alternative to describe them so it's an easy expression to fall back on, which is totally understandable. Just putting it out there.

 

Wishing you lots of luck as you figure out your next steps in your journey.

Congratulations on building such a beautiful family!

[From0to3]

I am the recipient of donor embryos and I can truly say it was the most magical gift we could ever have received. At a stage in our journey when we had long since given up on the idea of getting pregnant, and were starting to give up on the idea of adoption ever leading to us having a family, we decided on a bit of a whim to ask our clinic about it, and quickly realized that it was absolutely an option that was right for us.

 

In our case, our clinic was only offering closed/private embryo donations, so other than very basic medical history we know nothing about our embryo donors, and they know absolutely nothing about us. Given the choice I would have preferred at least a tiny bit more openness than that, but at the time there were not nearly as many options as there are now. Now you can work through a clinic, a lawyer, or an agency to be matched with a recipient couple (or individual), and you can choose any amount of openness that is right for you. In all cases there would be no fee to you as a donor, but the fees for recipients are highly variable, with the most economical by far being going directly through a clinic, and most expensive by far being going through an adoption agency. That being said, do not let those fees deter you if you feel that an agency is the best option for you. Agencies usually do significantly more screening of recipients and usually support a great deal more openness. In my experience openness usually means emails and occasional photos, but I do know one family that is very open and has regular social visits with their donor.

 

In regards to your age, I don't think you need to worry about it. The way that the process works from the recipient's side is that a recipient is given information about a donor and has the choice whether or not they want to proceed. They could say no based on race/ethnicity, age, medical history, but the fact that you have had 3 healthy children from the same retrieval would make it unlikely for any couple to say no, especially when the recipient couple is likely around that age too, or possibly older. I honestly would not have turned down embryos just because of someone being 35 and can't imagine too many people that would.

 

One thing that really is pretty amazing about being in your situation, is that you can give yourself the gift of time. If you aren't certain now you can always pay storage another year while you decide. Not many choices in life afford us that luxury. The embryos will be no worse for ware having waited a little while longer.

 

One last comment, that is a personal thing of mine that others may or may not agree with, is that I personally really don't like using the term 'leftover' embryos in reference to embryos that are unused and need to be planned for. I would hate for my son to ever feel like he was a 'leftover'. And I know that you in no way said or even implied that, but it's something that sits funny with me, so I do take the opportunity to share that with others. I guess there isn't a great alternative to describe them so it's an easy expression to fall back on, which is totally understandable. Just putting it out there.

 

Wishing you lots of luck as you figure out your next steps in your journey.

Congratulations on building such a beautiful family!

Hi Nervus,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience and a warm congratulations on your little boy. It helps to get input from others who were given the gift of donor embryos. After boy/girl twins most people thought I was completely insane to continue on. I probably heard 100 times - I guess you're happy you're done.But I think ivf does something to our hearts and belief that we learn to roll forward as every cycle we roll the dice again and take that blind leap of faith after so much disappointment. I look at my third now and think how easily I could have checked that box that would have given consent to destroy her. My clinic doesn't offer any kind of counselling around this subject - they just send you the letter annually and expect you to make a decision without information. 

 

Thank you for listing out options of who I could work with other than my clinic and its hard not be torn about choosing an option that could be incredibly costly to a donor recipient but perhaps more informative to myself as the donor. When I was planning to travel to Poland for a DE cycle I was disgusted at how expensive the same treatment was in Canada. I wouldn't want anyone to incur such horrific costs. Thank you also for pointing out that we can keep restoring - I just hoped this long, exhausting journey would be completely closed now and with three under three I have so little time to reflect on anything of importance to me.

 

I also completely agree that the term 'leftover embryos' is distasteful so my bad. Some of this terminology we flippantly use without thinking that this is how someones child got started. I also think I am trying my best to distance myself from my frosties as I am really leaning towards donation. Do you happen to know if the embryos took whether the child would have automatic access to birth parent information at 18 like a standard adoption? Science is phenomenal yet poses these ethical dilemmas that I am guessing will become far more common in the future.

[grovehill123]

If you want to remain in contact with the recipients and potential children then going privately is your best option.  If you prefer an anonymous approach then giving them to a clinic would be option.  I have gone through a clinic, and felt like they over charge for one and get rich again on someone's IVF cycle, I had questions about the embryo which I never felt were fully answered.  I think honestly privately is best as you control where the embryo ends up, and you can decide how much contact you want.  They cover all the fees connected to the transfer too.  

[want2babies]

Congratulations! And sorry to hear that you have to face such a difficult decision. My family is complete and I have no more embryos, so I am not in this situation, but I have thought about the what ifs, what I would do if there are more embryos left. I think I would choose to use them myself. I know it's not easy, 3 under 3 is very rough (I have 3 under 5). but to me, the thought of other options is too hard. I know embryo adoption/donation is right for a lot of people, but I don't think it is for me. good luck in making your decision. whatever you decide, it's not going to be easy. I guess go with your gut feeling. if you truly can't decide, maybe wait another year, maybe the answer will come to you. you just gave birth and must be exhausted and stretched to the limit. so maybe this is not the best time to make an important decision. maybe give it more time. just my 2c, good luck. 

[nervus optimist]

 

 Do you happen to know if the embryos took whether the child would have automatic access to birth parent information at 18 like a standard adoption? Science is phenomenal yet poses these ethical dilemmas that I am guessing will become far more common in the future.

 

 

From what I understand they do not. As the child was born to the recipeint parents I don't believe there is any legal registry that maintains that information at this point - it is kept with whoever facilitated the donation. As in so many other situations science moves more quickly than law. Perhaps one day, and truthfully, I would be perfectly happy if it did, as I think my son should have the right to have his questions answered if and when he has them.

 

Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful reflections. I can imagine it is an extremely complex decision to be grappling with.

 

[want2babies]

 

 

 Do you happen to know if the embryos took whether the child would have automatic access to birth parent information at 18 like a standard adoption? Science is phenomenal yet poses these ethical dilemmas that I am guessing will become far more common in the future.

 

 

From what I understand they do not. As the child was born to the recipeint parents I don't believe there is any legal registry that maintains that information at this point - it is kept with whoever facilitated the donation. As in so many other situations science moves more quickly than law. Perhaps one day, and truthfully, I would be perfectly happy if it did, as I think my son should have the right to have his questions answered if and when he has them.

 

Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful reflections. I can imagine it is an extremely complex decision to be grappling with.

 

 

 

Thanks nervus optimist, I didn't know about this. I am just curious about this if you don't mind. So if the two parties agree on an open adoption, and the recipient parents change their mind later on, do the donor parents have any legal right to info about the children when they turn 18? in other words, are the donor parents at the "mercy" of recipient parents to know what happened to their embryos and children born from them? I hope my questions don't offend anyone. I am not trying to question anyone's way of life, just wondering. because if this is true, I think it makes it more difficult for people to donate. or maybe not, I don't know. it would make it more difficult for me at least. anyway, thanks and congratulations on your baby boy!

[From0to3]

Good points want2babies. Honestly you would think there would be some urgency to create a clear legal framework around some of these issues to protect all involved and especially lay out later parameters for children conceived from donor eggs. It really seems like such a grey area and I can't even get an appointment with my RE to discuss without going to the end of the wait list (which I understand but doesn't help with this decision). And yes - a few weeks after having a baby is probably not the time to make this decision! I guess the clinic will be getting yet another check for storage.

[nervus optimist]

 

 

 

 Do you happen to know if the embryos took whether the child would have automatic access to birth parent information at 18 like a standard adoption? Science is phenomenal yet poses these ethical dilemmas that I am guessing will become far more common in the future.

 

 

From what I understand they do not. As the child was born to the recipeint parents I don't believe there is any legal registry that maintains that information at this point - it is kept with whoever facilitated the donation. As in so many other situations science moves more quickly than law. Perhaps one day, and truthfully, I would be perfectly happy if it did, as I think my son should have the right to have his questions answered if and when he has them.

 

Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful reflections. I can imagine it is an extremely complex decision to be grappling with.

 

 

 

Thanks nervus optimist, I didn't know about this. I am just curious about this if you don't mind. So if the two parties agree on an open adoption, and the recipient parents change their mind later on, do the donor parents have any legal right to info about the children when they turn 18? in other words, are the donor parents at the "mercy" of recipient parents to know what happened to their embryos and children born from them? I hope my questions don't offend anyone. I am not trying to question anyone's way of life, just wondering. because if this is true, I think it makes it more difficult for people to donate. or maybe not, I don't know. it would make it more difficult for me at least. anyway, thanks and congratulations on your baby boy!

 

 

I think this is likely another case of the law not being up to date with the science, so the only thing that can be used as a point of reference for consideration would be in the case of more traditional open adoptions, where a child's birth record shows the the person who gave birth to them and their registered partner as legally documented parents at the time of birth. My understanding is that even in the case of those open adoption if the parents change their mind, their is not much legal standing that first parents have, but I may be completely wrong on this as my knowledge is very limited. Perhaps one step that you may find valuable is to speak to a lawyer who specializes in adoption and fertility law. I spoke to Sherri Levitan, the lawyer affiliated with this site, to gain insight when we learning about embryo donation and she was extremely kind and helpful, and even as a recipient she did not charge me for the initial consultation.

 

These questions are all so important and you should feel with confidence that they have been answered.

 

[want2babies]

from0to3, nervus has a very good point, I think it will be good to consult a lawyer that specialize in this area to get the complete picture. good luck with everything.

 

nervus optimist, thank you!

 

Best

[Tess]

In terms of North America, things are slightly different state to state and province to province, but from a legal perspective -- if you give birth to the baby you are the mother & legal parent.

 

Some states have surrogacy laws that allow people to make pre-birth declarations.  However, you would obviously not be signing a surrogacy contract.  You would be signing a contract affirming a transfer of the property of the embryos.  

 

Under law, embryos are technically property.  There have been fights over embryos in the cases of divorcing spouses and separating couples -- so we have some idea of how the courts adjudicate on the matter of embryos.  

 

What you would be doing, technically, legally -- in the case of donor embryos -- is conducting a legal exchange of the custody of property.  You do not purchase embryos, but you would be responsible for any future storage fees, etc. 

 

It is impossible, under the law, to adopt embryos.  The laws surrounding adoption will always be very different, because a mother has given birth to a infant, and infants have citizenship rights, etc.  

 

The mother who gives birth to the embryo will be the legal mother and parent, with the exception of people who enter into surrogacy contracts.

 

Good luck!  I'm sure a lawyer can help you out with this. 

[Tess]

So if the two parties agree on an open adoption, and the recipient parents change their mind later on, do the donor parents have any legal right to info about the children when they turn 18?

 

Legally - no.  You can't actually adopt an embryo in the legal sense of the word.  Under the law it's a donation.

 

in other words, are the donor parents at the "mercy" of recipient parents to know what happened to their embryos and children born from them? 

 

Legally - yes. 

 

Under the law, real adoptions require an infant.  ie - you would need to give birth to the baby and place for adoption -- or you would need to hire a surrogate and then place the baby for adoption.   

 

You can't donate an embryo to a woman and then exert any parental or custody rights over the child.  

 

Technically, even grandparents don't have the right of information at the age of 18, or to have information about grandchildren, if there is a family breakdown in communication.   In some cases grandparents have won some visitation rights in the court, but it's rare.

[want2babies]

Tess, thanks, what you said makes sense. I always thought (open) embryo donation is similar to infant adoption in terms of accessing info when the children are 18. didn't realize they are so different. 

[Tess]

Tess, thanks, what you said makes sense. I always thought (open) embryo donation is similar to infant adoption in terms of accessing info when the children are 18. didn't realize they are so different. 

 

You're welcome!  In some Australian States & in the UK the information is recorded and provided to the children when they are 18.  But, even in those countries, which are the only I am sure of in which the government tracks the information, I am unsure if the genetic donors are allowed information.

 

The donor sibling registry in the United States is a private organization that people can record their information and find each other if they wish.  Connections have been made there for many people around the world, but there is a fee to pay.  And some private agencies keep and record this information.  Usually, though, it is the child's choice to make contact.  

 

Your best bet to keep contact would be a private donation where you trust the other family.  There are many people who are looking to keep contact for their children for both the medical history and identity/psychological reasons (for the child).   They want the child to have contact if the child wishes, especially with half siblings.  But it's important to understand that the other family would have no legal obligation, just as your family would have no legal obligation to keep contact.

 

Good luck! 

[From0to3]

Wow - thanks for this eye-opener Tess. I am wondering if Canada has the same laws as the states as the US seems much more progressive in terms of the reproductive world. So much of the language used by donors/recipients here makes it seem as if embryo donation is similar to adoption and it would be very difficult to look at my two remaining embryos as the transfer of property like I'm giving away merchandise I no longer have use for. The law really does seem cold but I guess it needs to be clearcut. Given that these 5 embryos have produced 3 healthy children - the chance of the remaining two taking seems quite high. It would be almost impossible then to donate knowing that I would never have a clue if I had a fourth and fifth child and that my children never knew two siblings even as adults. Wow - I find it surreal that more discussion isn't had about this topic when donor embryos are a huge reality in the world of ivf.

[Tess]

 

"I am wondering if Canada has the same laws as the states as the US seems much more progressive in terms of the reproductive world."

 

In terms of the laws & legal precedents the courts in both countries are treating embryos very similarly.  Most of the precedents are arguments between divorcing spouses or partners who split.  

 

I don't think many parents think of their embryos as property.  But the law is quite a bit colder then people.  The law can't treat 3 or 5 day old embryos as people because we'd never allow people to be destroyed or used for research or frozen. The states/provinces don't exactly treat embryos as property in a legal struggle over the embryos --  but it's the closest legal analogy.  

 

There are private agencies, both in Canada and in the USA, that will record information and foster communication and openness between the donating family and the recipient family.  These agencies also arrange for the storage and distribution of embryos.  In many cases the donating family can choose the recipient family, etc.  It seems to work well for people for the most part. 

 

On another thread on this site people were talking about an agency called Beginnings? (I think that was the name), that fosters open donations or records information.  There are a lot of agencies that treat donation like adoption, allowing birth parents to choose the family, and or meet the family, or what ever they are comfortable with.

 

In many cases future parents are looking for openness and are willing to search to find it.  They want to have interactions or meetings or sibling reunions and BBQs and get-togethers between the families.  They are scared that the birth families won't want to be there to answer questions for the children.  But this contact is not a legal right.  You can't go before a judge and assert a right to communication.  The other family has to choose to be on board with their own free choice.    

 

I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that the birth parents are going to have the legal rights of parents -- including custody.  They get to decide how and when to talk about the donation, who to communicate with, where to live, and if they want communication with you.  At age 18, the child will decide for himself/herself if they want to meet you or communicate with you.  You can't force him/her to interact with your family.  There's no law that says the child or parents have to interact with you with the child is under 18 or above the age of 18.  In many cases people find good matches, and agencies find good matches.  But if you aren't comfortable with that risk you should not donate.  

 

But if you are looking for a legal guarantee, it doesn't exist.  

 

However, a legal guarantee also doesn't exist in the USA in many cases for open adoption.  Not sure what the situation is in Canada, but under the impression that in British Columbia adoptees can find out information.  

 

I'm not a legal expert on adoption, but from what I understand: In terms of adoption in the USA, in most States the laws do _not_ enforce open adoptions, nor do they allow the birth parents to find out information about the children when the children reach the age of 18.  Some states like Oregon allow birth mothers and grown children to find out information.  In some states, I believe it is only the grown child that can request information & not the birth mother.  

 

In many states neither the grown child nor the birth parents have the "right" to request information.  That being said, many adoptions are open, which means both parties have the names and some contact.  Private adoption agencies can facilitate communication, but these are private agreements, not something enforced by the state.  But the legal parents have the rights of parents, and that means they can close the adoptions in most states.  

 

In terms of language, I think the term "embryo adoption" started in the USA.  George Bush popularized the idea of the snowflake babies and promoted it.  You could investigate Nightlight Christian Adoptions, the Embryo Adoption Awareness Campaign, and Embryos Alive Adoption Agency -- they all try to make the process as close to adoptions as possible. You can definitely find agencies that will try to treat donations like adoptions, and keep records, and promote communication between families.  BUT - this isn't a legal right & that's important to understand.

 

Good luck!!

[Tess]

I just googled beginnings.  It looks like it promotes open embryo donations in Canada.

 

from the website:

 

http://www.beginning...m-launch-canada

 

"Embryo donation is not adoption or surrogacy.  The couple donating the embryo selects the recipient couple.  The recipient female carries the embryo to term and becomes the delivered child’s birth mother.  Importantly, the Beginnings Embryo Donation Program is based on ‘openness’ which involves ongoing communication and contact between the donor parents and the recipients, including the child."

[From0to3]

Thanks Tess! It is important to understand and appreciate all the information. Really helps me to think about the gravity of such a decision. Excellent legal insight.

[Berry]

From 0-3, thank you for opening this discussion up! I have contemplated the same thing. 

 

However, we decided to try our own embryos. 

 

I am in awe of your 'lottery' success  

 

Can you tell me, if you don't mind, do you know the grades of your 5 embryos? 

[From0to3]

Hi Berry - yes I have to be honest and say I find it completely surreal that the cycle I considered a total failure with so few eggs compared to 17 the first cycle, that was almost cancelled because of two crazy dominant follicles, has lead to such results. I believe the two first ones transferred during the fresh cycle were 5ab and rated 'good' whereas the remainders were 4ab and rated 'average'. The embryologist even told me right before the fet that the embryo had degenerated and lost cells but was capable of regenerating. It's crazy that beautiful embryos dont take and sometimes the ugly ones provide the baby.

[Berry]

Thanks! I had a 4ab and 4bb transferred with my fresh and got myself a girl. I'll never know which one took!

 

Then 2 x 4BB's made one pregnancy, but it miscarried. Then a 4BB and 4BC transferred, and no pregnancy at all. 

 

I'm left with a single 4BC and just not sure it's worth the effort and money. I'm looking for some success stories from 4BC, but most come from A's and B's. 

 

If we weren't going to use it, I would donate it. And if it did become a person, then I'd want some sort of openess so that my child could one day know her 'full' sibling. 

[Cheryllynn]

Hi, I'd like to add our story.  We had tried for several years with only miscarriages as a result.  We were offered 7 (!) embryos from someone in Canada, we are in the States.  We signed a legal document that was an arrangement between our two families and a legal firm as the go-between.  In our case, the donors did not want to have contact but obviously we know each other as we signed legal papers.  We have never met in person.  

 

The first transfer, we transferred two embryos and finally had our first take home baby!  Words just cannot explain the emotions, the healing for me that happened, and the beautiful baby girl that entered our lives.  

 

Second transfer, we transferred two and positive pg test however ended in a m/c.  This led to immune testing and treatment.  Up until this point we were wondering if the 2nd transfer had ended in a pg, what we would do with three remaining embryos and we seriously were looking for someone to give them to.  However with the miscarriage, this was a rude awakening.  

 

Third transfer, I chose the best and the worst embryo.  The worst embryo had been frozen for 10 years and was B grade.  The other six were AA and AB and frozen 8 years.  The worst embryo did not survive the thaw and we transferred one embryo.  My concern is that at this point I would not be able to carry twins.  The other thought I had is that if I chose the two best embryos and got pg with twins, I'd be putting them both at risk and I'd be leaving the B grade embryo still frozen.  For us, it worked out and I gave birth to my healthy son.  

 

One embryo left, AB, and I knew it was a good one, a keeper, a take-home baby.  So instead of looking for a  recipient of one embryo, we transferred the remaining one and we have our little beautiful baby girl.   I am so glad that these three have each other as a genetic sibling group however I rarely even think of them as donor embryos anymore.  They are 100% our children. 

 

In the legal agreement the donors did not want any contact, except for a health emergency where there might be a need for bone marrow transplant, and specifically chose us I think because we are in a different country.  

 

My concerns would be deciding what, if any contact there is.  I personally would have liked more contact or at least the ability to tell my children they have two full siblings from the donors.  The second concern is health issues.  It's a bit odd for them to say 'we don't want to know if there were children' but on the other hand they want our contact information just in case.  

 

Since I spent some time on a donor embryo board, I know there was a donor that was looking for her recipient but the recipient stopped contact.  There are ways to locate people, but this is the only case where I heard of someone having problems.  

 

In case you are wondering at all if you'd like to keep them, I wanted to share that by the time I used the last embryo, that embryo had no problem surviving the thaw and was almost hatching at transfer time.  I think she was frozen for almost 10 years.  The RE had no qualms at all about using embryos that were frozen for so long.  So, I wouldn't feel rushed at all if you have the energy and health to continue with the two remaining embryos. 

 

Best of luck to you!  

I feel like I'm the luckiest mom every to three beautiful children

DD born May 2009 and is now 7!

DS born 4 weeks early June 2012 and turned 4!

DD born Oct 2014 and is just a ray of sunshine  

[pandagrl]

I have been lurking on this thread, completely fascinated by the stories and the discussion. I'm doing my first round of IVF next month and I have a huge pile of paperwork to sign and I've been thinking what I would do if I produce more embryos than I need for one baby. I love the idea of donating them but feel like I would want to have some contact, even if minimal, to allow that child (and my child) to know about each other, to know about their genetic roots and their link. But I feel quite a bit of hesitation because there's a bit of guilt there, but more importantly, because of the complex legal implications. Obviously I'm getting way ahead of myself! At 40, I'll be lucky if I have one healthy embryo that produces a child. Just wanted to say thank you all for sharing and good luck From 0-3, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself eventually. Definitely take your time with it and keep researching. All the best!

[Cassandra_Angela]

I have no experience with embryo adoption but I do know that in regards to a traditional adoption the "openness" isn't legally binding. Personally I agreed to once a month contact but I'm not legally held to it.
I know some clinics offer transfers of the embryos during a time of the cycle when they won't attach, basically to let them arrest in their natural environment. Maybe that's an option for you if none of the others really feel right.