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Do you ever feel like giving up?

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#1 lumnay

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 06:09 PM

Anybody here sometimes feel like giving up?  Does it ever cross your mind to just give up and run away from everything that is IF- or TTC-related because you have had enough? Does it hurt so badly that thinking about it make you sob uncontrollably like a baby? 

 

I do not have any advice for you.  I am just reaching out, trying to connect. Recently I've been getting these fleeting thoughts about giving up but I know in my heart that I probably won't give up...not yet... I won't  stop the fight until I reach a breaking point where my body (and/or my bank) will tell me to stop because there is NOTHING that I could do about it anymore.  I don't see that happening anytime soon and I hope with all my heart and soul that it won't ever come to that.  If it does, I hope I'd find the courage and strength to move on.


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#2 mouse

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 06:32 PM

((You))
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#3 amazing grace

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 07:17 PM

I know how you feel Lumnay, it has been a rough road for me as well. Five years on this road and I still am travelling it. Some days are better than others and after four miscarriages, two failed fets and the loss of my baby girl at 16 weeks, it was enough to break me. I was beyond devastated and felt that God did not want this for me anymore, I felt jealous of those who had children and I hated being around pregnant colleagues and friends. I found my strength in prayer and have finally come to terms with all my losses. I realized that things happen for a reason and God put me on this path for a reason and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for all the times I was pregnant and was able to have all those souls as a part of me even if it was short lived. Each time something negative happened, I tried desperately to look for a positive. Believe me it was not easy. I just celebrated a year in May that I lost my baby girl and although hard, I thanked her for choosing me to be her mother. It was an honour and a privilege to have her for 16 weeks, that was the turning point for me. Today I want to live with optimism and hope that one day I will have the opportunity to be a mother and it is my hope that all who are struggling find their happiness as well. It is not easy and I know that this was my way of dealing with my struggles but I do hope that you find your way too. Take care of yourself and if you need to talk I am always here. xoxo


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#4 amp77

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 08:09 PM

*hugs*


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Age 40, DH 44 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son and our first FET brought us our second son in 2017.  Our family is complete!

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

FET #1 - September 2016 - BFP - 5B-BB and 3 frosties (2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

June 18, 2017 - Matthew William was born at 2:46 am, weight 8 lbs, 11 oz and 21" long.  He is perfect in every way too!

 

 


#5 CdnHockeyGal

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 11:40 PM

((You))
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It was long, awful & hard. We got very lucky and didn't run out of both emotional and financial resources. We saw some of the most beautiful of people in our lowest moments. Baby Girl arrived Apr 10/2018

#6 Aiglee

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 08:38 AM

((Lumnay)) 

 

I also felt like that many times. You will know when its time to give up, and hopefully you will find peace from it. I know that for me it was heartbreaking but at the same time liberating that I can finally move on.


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TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma: Unexplained. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN

One Fertility: DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016, adoption finalized June 26th, 2017.


#7 StarSapphire

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 11:22 AM

*hugs* Yes, I absolutely do. Some times more than others. Sometimes I just want my life back! I was happy before we started all of this. I'm trying to find ways to be happy despite it, but there are days when it's really hard.

 

I think if there was a magic crystal ball that could say "Yes, you'll succeed" at some point it would make it easier to press on, but living with that uncertainty is the hardest part for me. Not knowing whether you should keep trying or step away for your own well-being. I haven't hit that point yet, but I definitely know what you mean. The only thing I know is that everyone who goes through this is so incredibly courageous and strong. I admire you all a lot. <3


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Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So


#8 kristeen033

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 12:13 PM

Yes I felt like giving up over and over. Especially after my m/c I didn't want to go through all that heartache again. My babies are almost 9 months old and every day I still feel so grateful that we finally got them because I was honestly in a place where I did not believe it would ever happen for us. Only you know when it's time to quit and how much to endure. My heart aches for you because I know your pain all too well. Hugs to you and I hope you find success or peace in whatever happens <3


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Me: 37, Tubal Ligation 2002, Tubal Reversal 2008
DH: 34, Normal
DS 16yrs & DD 14yrs from previous marriage
Trying for 7 years
November 2009 - BFP - Chemical Pregnancy
September 2011 - Clomid 3 rounds all BFN
March 2012 - Start IVF #1 at RFP in Calgary
April 2012 - 16 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized, 8 5 day blasts
Transfered 1 hatching blast - BFP!!!!! 7 blasts frozen.
May 2012 - 7 week U/S - baby measured good and had heartbeat
June 2012 - Stopped Prometrium 10 weeks, started bleeding 3 days later, U/S showed baby died right after 7 week U/S
August 25, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #1
September 8, 2012 - Start Estrace
September 21, 2012 - U/S Booked!
September 26, 2012 - FET Transferred one perfect blast. F/X
October 6, 2012 - 10dp5dt BFFN
October 9, 2012 - POAS test at Doctor's Office BFN
November 27, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #2
December 29, 2012 - U/S Booked
January 3, 2013 - Transferred One Hatching Blast!!! Still have 3 more in the freezer
January 10, 2013 - 7dp5dt - HPT - BFP!!!!!!
January 15, 2013 - Beta 96
January 17, 2013 - Beta 16 = Chemical Pregnancy
January 19, 2013 - FRER HPT - BFFN
June 6, 2013 - FET #3 - Starting Suprefact...hoping third time is the charm!
July 3, 2013 - U/S Booked
July 9, 2013 - FET date!!!
July 20, 2013 - 11dp5dt HPT = BFN sad.png
July 2014 - Fresh IVF Cycle Estrogen Priming Protocol

August 2, 2014 - 24 eggs retrieved!

August 3, 2014 - 11 Eggs fertilized

August 7, 2014 - Transferred 1 beautiful blast. 3 more frozen.

August 8, 2014 - Got call from clinic 6 more blasts frozen!!!  9 snow babies total and one in the oven smile.png

August 20, 2014 - First beta BFN

February 1, 2015 - FET Natural Cycle - Transferred 2 blasts one hatched. FXFX!!!

February 6, 2015 - POAS even though I know it's early...and surprise...BFP!!!!

February 10, 2015 - 9dp5dt - BFP on Clearblue Digital!!!!! th_abfp.gifyahoo.gif

February 19, 2015 - Beta 8928!!!! EDD Oct 23/15

March 7, 2015 - Ultrasound shows TWINS!!!! 2 little beans measuring 8 weeks with two little flutters for heartbeats preggo.gif

March  31, 2015 - 11 Weeks U/S. Baby A measures 11w3d Baby B measures 11w5d!!!!

May 2015 - 5 month ultrasound. Both babies look fantastic!!!! TEAM GREEN!!!giggle.gif

October 5, 2015 - C-Section date booked to meet my little babes!!! Can't wait the countdown is on!!!!!

September 19, 2015 - Babies decided to make an early appearance at 35 weeks 4 days!!!

Connor Melvin - Born 5:11am weighing 4lb15oz

Emily May - Born 5:13am weighing 5lb8oz

We are so in love! babygirl.gifbabyboy.gif

 

 

 


#9 farmwife

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 02:26 PM

Big big hugs!

 

I find myself feeling this way a lot lately. One moment I will feel empowered and full of hope and determination but only for a short second, then sadness and frustration takes over and won't go away. I'm tired of feeling helpless and negative. I'm tired of not being able to turn off the switch that makes me think about it. I don't want to give up, I want to be the one to make the choice, but when the dream and reality are so far away the choice isn't mine. 


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#10 CrisBelieve

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 02:54 PM

Yes, I have felt this way many times.  For me, the feelings come and go.  Some days I am full of hope and ready to face any challenge and climb any mountain...and some days I just want to dig a hole, crawl into it and put all of this baby-making business behind me once and for all.  But the feelings of hope still very much outweigh the bad days and so I continue on with this struggle and on this journey towards becoming a mother.  I do believe everyone's journey is unique and personal.  Only you will know when it is time. 

 

Just wanted to say we are all here for you.  Sending many many hugs your way!  If you ever need to chat, I'm here.  xoxox


More details on our infertility journey in 'About Me' page

 

Me: 40, DH: 43

TTC for many years - severe male factor - Obstructive Azoospermia

 

Our 7th cycle brought us the miracles we were looking for.  Our twin girls were born in 2017!  heart.gif heart.gif

 

Trying for baby #3

 

Fresh transfer in Feb 2019 = BFN

FET - June 2019

June 25 - transferred one day 6 grade 2 expanded blast

June 29 - POAS...very very faint line!  

July 4 - beta @ 9dpt = 95, beta @ 11dpt = 311, beta @ 13dpt = 646

July 25 - viability scan @ exactly 7 weeks - one baby with heartbeat of 147!  So very thankful.

August 8 - 9 week ultrasound - baby moving around with heartbeat of 170!

August 30 - 12 week NT scan - all looks well with the babe, heartbeat of 155

October 24 - anatomy scan...everything looks great and we are having a babyboy.gif !  So happy!

 


#11 lumnay

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 03:29 PM

Thank for the responses and support.

 

With all the tragic events and horrible crimes happening these days, I often tell myself that I should just focus on the all the good things that I have.  Just focus on the positive side instead of feeling all these dark emotions, like sadness, frustration, and pain.  However, it is not that easy.  The pain and grief that women struggling with infertility is just too hard to explain.  Nobody really wants to hear about it when there are more real stories visible to the public. It is easier to watch the news and feel bad for victims of horrible crimes than to listen to a friend/relative struggling with infertility.  Just to be clear, I am not comparing our pain with that of crime victims/ survivors of other tragic events.  What I am trying to say is that disenfranchised grief is something that people like us will have to face quietly.

 

Our society loves winners which is why one will hear more success stories about celebrities getting their babies after they've won their infertility battles.  Sadly those who never got their happy ending will remain unnamed because stories like ours are just too sad, too dark. Our stories won't sell because the whole issue itself is difficult to understand and this makes a lot of people uncomfortable.  Ignorant, insensitive comments, and countless advice and tips are what we will usually hear, if we ever try to reach out to the general public.

 

I hope that by sharing this, those who are feeling alone will know that there are many of us struggling here and a virtual hug is always available on this site!


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#12 Dani88

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Posted 16 June 2016 - 06:26 PM

I am right there with you.  I just finished crying my eyes out... I also cried in the bathroom at work today.  I am having a very rough day today.


  • lumnay likes this
Me: 28, DH: 27 - TTC since Oct. 2014 - DH diagnosed with azoospermia on Aug. 11/15 - Micro TESE Aug. 23/16
DIUI#1 - Oct.4/16 - BFN / DIUI#2 - Oct.31/16 - BFP - MMC at 9 wks - D&C Dec.23/16 / DIUI#3 - Mar.13/17 - BFN 
/ DIUI#4 - Apr.10/17 - BFN
ICSI - Egg Retrieval - Jun.21/17 - Retrieved 8 mature eggs & tried to fertilize 2 with partner's sperm (didn't work) & 6 with donor
Fresh Transfer - Jun.26/17 - Transferred one 5AA blastocyst (& froze 4 good quality blastocysts) - BFP! - Due Mar.14, 2018
d5YBm5.pngJH5wm5.pngB5jIm5.png6bQDm4.pngKzhzm4.png

#13 sdfce879

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Posted 28 July 2016 - 11:53 PM

Yes, I used to fed up very often at the early stage of my treatments. We have been under infertility treatments for more than 5 years. Both of us have a problem, that was our greatest challenge. I have ed and she has a cyst on her ovary. Even though everyone supports us a lot, sometimes we feel very low and once we decided to adopt a child. Later we understood that anxiety, depression and all  these confusions are part of this treatment. Now we are also practicing meditation along with the infertility  treatments  with the guidance of an expert psychologist in Toronto. We are very close to the success and hoping for the best. Fingers crossed. Don't give up. Try! Try! And try! Be positive! You will get the result. All the best. Hugs. smile.png
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#14 idream

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Posted 08 August 2016 - 08:27 PM

About every second day.

 

I find to hard to be excited or hopeful anymore.


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Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do


#15 4 years and counting

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Posted 09 August 2016 - 11:39 AM

I occasionally feel like giving up but when I hear from my doctor that everyone in their clinic is shocked that I am still going through this journey; I really wonder if I should give up.


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Me 43, DH 43

 

Trying since 2012

 

Natural Pregnancy May 2012, ended blighted ovum

Natural Pregnancy June 2013, miscarriage 6 weeks (chemical pregnancy)

Natural Pregnancy January 2014, miscarriage 8 weeks

IVF Pregnancy December 2016, miscarriage 4 weeks (chemical pregnancy)
IVF Pregnancy May 2017, 1st beta May 23 hcg 3,290, 2nd beta May 25 th_abfp.gif

First clinic 2012-2014

Second clinic 2014-present

 

Dx: diminished ovarian reserve; thin lining

 

Unsuccessful protocols: estrace, estradot patches, gonal f, natural cycle

 

Lining gets to 8.0 mm

 

Using donor eggs

 

FET attempts 15, transferred 4 times (2 BFN, 2 BFP), cycles canceled 11.

IUI attempts 2 (2 BFN)

 

Successful protocol for lining: estradot patches, Viagra

Successful protocol for FET: medrol, lovenox, PIO

 


#16 lumnay

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Posted 17 August 2016 - 03:31 PM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!


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Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details...

 

UPDATE: I'm counting the days and hours waiting for this miracle to unfold. Christina Perri's A Thousand Years pretty much sums up my experience.


#17 amp77

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Posted 17 August 2016 - 04:52 PM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!

:(  *hugs*


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Age 40, DH 44 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son and our first FET brought us our second son in 2017.  Our family is complete!

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

FET #1 - September 2016 - BFP - 5B-BB and 3 frosties (2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

June 18, 2017 - Matthew William was born at 2:46 am, weight 8 lbs, 11 oz and 21" long.  He is perfect in every way too!

 

 


#18 StarSapphire

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Posted 18 August 2016 - 11:06 AM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!

 

((lumnay)) I hope you're feeling a little better today and were able to take care of yourself yesterday. Infertility hell is an awful place to be, for sure. Thinking of you. 


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#19 Clover83

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Posted 04 September 2016 - 08:41 AM

Although we are early on in the infertility journey, I echo so many of the preceding thoughts. Today in particular I'm having a very rough one (my body just confirmed what I suspected, failed IUI) and just want to crawl into a hole and give up. The tears just won't stop.
What I want to know is, how do you all try to find joy in the things that used to bring you happiness but don't seem to anymore?
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#20 returnable

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Posted 04 September 2016 - 03:45 PM

Honestly for me I try to accept things that I cannot change no matter how much I would like them to be different. Although it seems right that everyone should be able to have a child, like many things in life this is not guaranteed. It sucks. But that is life.
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#21 amp77

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Posted 04 September 2016 - 08:36 PM

Honestly for me I try to accept things that I cannot change no matter how much I would like them to be different. Although it seems right that everyone should be able to have a child, like many things in life this is not guaranteed. It sucks. But that is life.

This is generally my motto in life - don't worry about things you can't control.  It is not always easy but for me, there is no point spending emotions and energy on things that I cannot change.  Doesn't always work but I try to live by that.


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Age 40, DH 44 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son and our first FET brought us our second son in 2017.  Our family is complete!

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

FET #1 - September 2016 - BFP - 5B-BB and 3 frosties (2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

June 18, 2017 - Matthew William was born at 2:46 am, weight 8 lbs, 11 oz and 21" long.  He is perfect in every way too!

 

 






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