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You might be infertile if....


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#1 andia

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 03:40 PM

......you'll do anything to fight the urge to sneeze because you're afraid your ovaries might explode.

...you're having hot flashes before you're 30.

...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.

...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.

...you're afraid to go "number two" after an IUI (or embryo transfer) for fear of pushing out the spermies (or the embryos).

...when you go to the obgyn you don't have to use the calendar when they ask you the date of your last period.

... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.

... you know the pharmacists by name, and they know you by name. (scary, but true...)

... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3 (or during IVF, any CD.)

... you take more medications than your parents or grandparents.

... the thought of the holidays makes you nauseous for fear of inevitable questions and yet another pg announcement.

... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.

... you refuse to paint the future nursery for fear of jinxing yourself.

... you cried on Halloween seeing all those adorable costumes on the little ones and their pg mothers.

...your DH has seen ultrasounds of your uterus and ovaries, and knows exactly what he is looking at.

...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.

...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.

...you have more drugs than a heroine addict.

...you have lengthy discussions about the status of your cervical mucus.

...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.

... you speak to your RE in T-TTC acronyms.

...your husband doesn't think it's weird when you stand on your head after sex because who knows -- this might just be the ONE time you could get pregnant without the help of a team of specialists.

...KY is banned in your household as it kills sperm.

...you have forgotten what spontaneity is.

...your husband is tired of masturbating in clinics and complains about friction burns from having to do it too often (bad, I know!).

...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.

...you actually get excited over shots.

...when someone says what day is it to day and you start to answer CD whatever and have to catch yourself.

...you DH knows more about the your monthly cycle than your primary care Dr.

...everytime you go to the bathroom you check CM.

...you live your life 2 weeks at a time.

...you met your insurance deductible for the year...in your first month of testing with the RE.

...when you'd rather have an internal u/s RATHER than have bloodwork done.

... if you remember special events by what day of your cycle they fell on!

...when you see the letters IF, you think "infertility" and not "if".

...if you have forgotten a CD is also an actual object containing music, or a type of investment, and not just a date.
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#2

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 03:50 PM

Funny! sad but also true!

#3 Tash

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 03:53 PM

This is hilarious. I'd rather have an u/s over bloodwork any day.

I do shave my legs for my RE appointments.

:rolleyes:

Tash
ttc 6 years, me 36, dh 36
IUI x 4 - BFN, BFN, BFN, BFN
IVF #1 - Ectopic - caused left tube blockage - BFN
IVF #2 - BFN, IVF #3 - FET - 3 frosties - BFN
DH had Vericoseles surgery - count up from 2M to 40M
DNA Fragmentation - 25, 27, 29 - not good
Male Factor - he is taking Fertile One Supplements
IVF #4 - May 3, 2007 - Surprise another BFN
IVF #5 - FET - July 6 cancelled. Hydrosalpinx salpingectomy surgery Sept. 14
IVF #5 Again- FET Oct 18... POAS 6dp3dt (faint line), Beta October 31 - BFP 365 - 13dp3dt
Beta#2 - 670, Beta#3 - 1473, Beta#4 - 4473, Beta#5 - 9543
Ultrasound - November 17 - Twins! Twin A heartbeat 165
Ultrasound to detect Twin B's Heart beat - November 21 - Heart Never Started to Beat. RIP little one.
7w6d Beta 56,003 - Hematoma (4.1 cm) and 4 weeks bedrest. Ultrasound every Wednesday.
12w4d - Hematoma gone completely. Back to work January 2. Baby is healthy. hb 154
It's a girl!!! Born July 19, 12:05am, 7 pounds 14 ounces
Liljana Stavroula - our little "Lily"
IVF #6 -FET - Sept 30, 2009 - one 5 cell & two 7 cell - BIG BFN
IVF #7 - FET November 25. Beta-December 9, please send me your prayers - BFN
4/11/2010 - Natural BFP. Don't understand how with all our issues. In shock!
Due Date: December 8, 2010 - One little miracle! It's a Boy!!!!
Mattias Anton born November 30th, 8:45am, 8 pounds 5 ounces - Mats, Welcome to my World!

#4

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 04:02 PM

So true, so true! this made me chuckle... ^_^

#5 sarah

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 05:02 PM

How funny (and accurate :) )!
Sarah

me: 34
ttc 5 years
1st IVF Oct/06 - canceled poor response, lead follicle
2nd IVF Dec/06 - BFN
FET #1 Mar 26 - 1 grade 4/8cell - BFN
3rd IVF/ICSI Oct/07 - 2 grade 4/8cell - BFN
3 embryos on ice - 2 grade 3/8cell, 1 grade 2/6 cell
follow up from Oct 07 BFN Aug 18/08
Sonohysterogram, September 4, 2008 - all clear! Got the go ahead for FET!
FET #2 : ?????

Homestudy/PRIDE complete 2008

Not sure where I am going from here. . .




#6 cthomper

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 06:30 PM

Very true
lol

IVF try #1 - canceled due to poor response • IVF try #2 - canceled due to over suppression from BCP only
IVF try #2 take 2 - May/June 2009 -
9 eggs retrieved, 7 mature and ICSI'd - no Embryos developed the end of the IVF dream
Dec 6th 2009 - Appointment with a counselor who is a specialist in dealing with infertility issues. - Went great!
Jan 18, 2010 - Follow up appt with RE :D Getting things moving again!

dIUI attempt #1 Feb13/10 - BFN • dIUI attempt #2 - March 12/10 - BFN • dIUI attempt #3 - 125iu Puragon, B2B insemination - April 5 & 6 2010 - BFN

Gave up on the idea of being pregnant, but not the idea of being a mother........


#7 baby2be

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Posted 22 November 2007 - 10:22 PM

This is just too funny, but so true!

Dana
ME-30 DH-39
TTC 8 years
1st IVF May/June 2006- Chem pg
2 FETs-BFN
PCOS, Damaged Tubes
Tubes removed May 2007
2nd. IVF Oct/ Nov 2007- BFN
3rd. IVF Feb/ March 2008- BFN
3rd. FET July/ Aug 2008- BFP Beta 6dp5dt 9, 8dp5dt 45, 11dp5dt 131, 15dp5dt 971, 21dp5dt 3060
4th. FET July 29th, 2010.
BETA 5.5dp5dt 14.6, 7.5dp5dt 53.6,10.5dp5dt 149.4,17.5dp5dt 1902, 19.5dp5dt 3282
Ultrasound showed one little bean!!

Vanessa arrived April 28, 2009!!!
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb3f.lilypie....hp/mhxbh8w.jpg" width="60" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie - Personal picture" /><img src="http://lb3f.lilypie....com/mhxbm7.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Third Birthday tickers" /></a>

Jaydan arrived April 9, 2011
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie....hp/RmHSFJO.jpg" width="100" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie - Personal picture" /><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie....com/RmHSm7.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>

#8 yanie

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Posted 23 November 2007 - 08:05 AM

ah hahahahahahaha go stuff lol
age: i'm 30 husband is 33
married: for 6 years togther for 13
ttc:5 years
clinic :mcgill reproductive center in montreal
told i have severe PCOS
husband is great
JUNE 07 clomid 50mg did not respond to meds
JULY 07 clomid 100mg did not respond to meds
AUG 07 doing IVM for a study
SEPT 1, 07. 33 eggs collected, 27 matured and frozen
SEPT 12, 07. 3 were put in. a 4cell and two 3cell
SEPT 14, 07 BFN from IVM
DEC 7, 2007 D&C went well
MARCH 10, 08 IVM, E/R 12 mature eggs 30 inmature eggs total 42 eggs
MARCH 13, 08 E/T tranfered 3, Two 8 cell, and One 7 cell embryo's.
MARCH 26, 08 beta .08 BFN
SEPT 9 FET PUT IN 4, a 8cell,a 7cell, two 6cell
SEPT 23 beta 8.3 BFN
have 3 frozen
total of 75 eggs collected in 2 E/R
total of 10 embryos put in in 3 E/T.

moving to IVF
giving to science
3 embryo's
and 23 oocytes

starting fresh with IVF!

April 9, 2011 took a HPT and got a BFP!!!
April 13, 2011 found out that i'm 8 weeks and 2 days pg!
natural pregnancy
It's a Boy!!!!!



I am too postive
to be doubtful
too optimistic
to be fearful
and to determined
to be
defeated




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#9 Sara33

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Posted 23 November 2007 - 02:30 PM

This is too funny! I kept nodding my head..thinking "yes, I've done this one & this one....."

S

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Posted 23 November 2007 - 07:25 PM

what a good laugh i had. So true. I even read it out loud to DH and he laughed at the porn (and yes, it didn't faze me!) and DH lines!

#11 blueslippers

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Posted 23 November 2007 - 07:53 PM

What a funny thing to read on a Friday. I had a really good laugh. It's funny because I thought I was the only one that did those things. I guess I'm really not so alone after all.
Me 38 DH 38 TTC x 9 years IUI with injectables x 4 BFN endometriosis surgery BFP March 2007 with IUI, m/c at 8w2d:( 2 more IUI, BFN IVF 1 and 2 BFN FET 1 BFN discovered I was a Type I diabetic (WTF?) started insulin failed adoption of Baby Boy May 2009 (mom changed her mind via Text Message) back to the clinic IUI #7 BFP, Baby boy E born at 37w via induction (placental abruption)July 18, 2010 8lbs4oz doing great! took a break to breastfeed until 2012 (only part of this that ever came easy for me) TTC #2 January 2013 IUI 1B, 2B, 3B BFN IVF #1B BFP but slow and low betas, m/c one twin 6w, lost the other one at 9w FET #1B Feb 19, 2014 transferred last two embies. BFP - praying this one works out because I think we are done with ART otherwise.

#12 Purple

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Posted 24 November 2007 - 12:26 AM

This is really funny! Thanks so much for writting it, most of it hit home with me. Its amazing how we all have so much in common here that NO ONE else really understands! What a great forum this is!

:D

Me (39) - DH (45)
DS & DD - thanks to IVF
one FB (fur baby!) a dog
all done TTC

IVF/ICSI #1
Oct 31/07 - Foothills Waitlist
Jan/08 - Started weekly acupuncture
Feb/08 - Operative Hysteroscopy for polyp removal
Mar-Apr/08 - Cycled and transfered 2 embies
Apr 21/08 - BFP
May 8/08 - 1st Ultrasound, saw one beautiful little heart beating away at 122 bpm
July - Nov/08 - tonnes of pregnancy complications with me (baby is healthy and normal on every scan), bleeding (subchorionic hematoma) and bed rest, scary times...
Dec /08 - Our Son was born healthy at 37 weeks weighing in at 7 lbs 13 oz and 21" long, what an ANGEL!!

FET #1
July 2011 - eSET - transfered 1 embryo - BFN

FET #2
Sept 16/11 - start suprefact and accupunture
Oct 14/11 - eSET - transfered one thawed beautiful embryo with all 8 cells still intact!
2WW - trying to keep busy!!
Oct 26/11 - POAS = BFP
Oct 29/11 - offical clinic test = BFP
Nov 11/11 - here come the complications again!!! started spotting and cramping
Nov 16/11 - 7 week ultrasound - normal! Good heart beat 163!
Nov 27/11 - spotting is almost all gone, but my hcg values are dropping and doc is worried about M/C
Nov 28/11 - still spotting - 9 week u/s - normal! Good heart beat 135! Thank you God!
Dec 7/11 - still spotting - 10 week u/s - normal! Good heart beat 168! Thank you God!
Dec 20/11 - still spotting occasionally - 12 week u/s (decided against doing nuchal) - normal! Good heart beat 134! Thank you God!
Jan 16.12 - everything normal now & feeling much better - 16 week check up - Good heart beat 160! Thank you God!
Feb 07/12 - 19 weeks u/s - its a GIRL!!!!
Feb 13/12 - 20 weeks level 2 u/s follow-up - one soft marker for downs (heart spot EIF) otherwise all normal findings. Tech still confirms seeing girls parts!
Feb 28/12 - met with genetic counsellor and was told that I have a 99.5% chance of having a healthy baby even with that soft marker.
Apr 07/12 - everything is going well, Happy Easter!
May 2012 - feeling good, getting U/S every 2 weeks due to gestational hypertension, but everything is under control and baby and me are fine!

Jun 2012 - Our baby girl is born healthy and sweet.  We couldn't have asked for more!


#13

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 10:07 AM

really funny. the shaving the legs thing is so accurate - especially in the winter!!

karen :blink:

#14 SandraDee

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 04:18 PM

These are hilarious!! I especially like the ones about the CM, I'm still obsessed about over it.

Iíve tried to think of a couple more.

-- Your hubby has tried to deduct the cost of porn as a medical expense on his tax return.

-- You love ovulation predictor kitsÖ because itís so exciting to pee on a stick and have it be positive for a change.

-- Your DH has stopped setting his alarm clock because your basal thermometer does a better job of waking him up.

-- You pour a glass of wine within 5 minutes of arriving at family gatherings Ė just to nip all speculation in the bud.

And Iím pretty sure thereís something funny to be said about the 6 months I spent looking at my saliva under a freakin microscope every day -- but I canít quite put into words.
Me: 43 DH: 44
TTC: started at age 29. MF and Endometriosis
IVF #1 age 35: BFP! Twins!

FET #1: BFP but M/C at 6.5 weeks
FET #2: BFN
IVF #2 age 39 : BFP: Twins again!

#15 Lynne18

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 12:16 PM

This is great, thanks!

#16 hopeful123

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 12:22 PM

so funny ,thanks
sam

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 01:22 PM

You might be infertile if....
...you can look back at how freaked out you were about going for a PAP exam before all this IF stuff and laugh.

#18 m2bmama

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 01:43 PM

no kidding. to think I avoided a pap couple of years here in there just because. who the heck cares anymore whats another test!

#19 maybebaby

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Posted 27 June 2008 - 12:40 PM

Oh my gosh, so funny! So true!
I only have one to add...

You might be infertile if...

-- your DH might already be at work by the time his sperm get a chance to start their journey to meet your egg


I couldn't help but think during my last IUI as I lay on the table after the procedure, about the irony of possible fertilization without my husband being in the room...or even in the building!
ME-41 DH-41 TTC 5 years AFC: 5 left, 9 right / Sperm Count & Motility good, morphology?
m/c - September 2004 & October 2005 (both natural) / furbaby - December 2005
HSC to 'have a look' - January 2006 / HSC to remove uterine polyp - November 2007
BFN after IUI - April 2008 (puregon & ovidrel) / BFN after IUI - June 2008 (puregon & ovidrel)
Cancelled proposed IVF for August 2008. Have decided not to pursue aggressive means of conception.
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Posted 08 July 2008 - 09:40 PM

:lol: LOVE it!!! So true

#21 gibasgirl

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Posted 12 February 2011 - 09:08 PM

...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.

...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.

... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.

... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3 (or during IVF, any CD.)

... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.

...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.

...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.

...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.

...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.


So true.

#22 CarrieW

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Posted 28 February 2011 - 11:56 AM

Great post! I can totally relate to all of them!!! I especially love the "internal u/s instead of bloodwork" and the "porn selection"!
Carrie

Me-38
DH -38
Dx: Anti sperm anti-bodies
TTC: 7 years

Dec 2006 - #1 IVF/ICSI - 2 blasts - BFN and 6 frosties
Mar 2007 - FET 3xday3 - BFP *Beautiful little girl!*
Mar 2009 - FET 3xday3 - BFP - M/C @ 7weeks
Oct 2009 - #2 IVF/ICSI - 2 blasts - BFN only 1 to freeze
Mar 2010 - FET 1 blast - BFN
Sept 2010 - #3 IVF/ICSI - 46 eggs, ET cancelled due to OHSS, 7 Blasts in freezer
Nov 2010 - FET 2 Blasts- BFN
Jan 2011 - FET 2 Blasts- BFN
lots of prayer, exercise, councelling and reflection- I am back to try again.
June 2011 - FET 3 Blasts
Beta is June 29th - POSITIVE...Holy Crap!
July 18- perfect 7w ultrasound
July 19- another m/c - my heart is broken.

Trying again in January with a new protocol. Good or bad this is our last cycle.
Jan 2012- IVF #4 Milder and longer stimulation phase - 2 PERFECT 1AB and 1AA fully expanded blasts transferred
Feb 6 Beta 274!!!!
Feb 8 Beta 577 - looking good!
Feb 10 Beta (just for fun!) -1160- Right on target!
Due Date October 12!

#23 LiNzi

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 12:01 AM

You may be infertile if;

Your RE says you have a great looking uterus and it feels as good or better than DH telling you you're beautiful *blushing*

You and DH can joke about "the chair" still being warm and neither of you being completely grossed out :) (but kind of)

You know exactly how long your luteal phase is... I think other than this website I am the only person that knows what a luteal phase is just proving this true lol

You set your alarm to check your temp at the same time everyday even if its your sleep in day

You know what your cervix feels like
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Me:27 DH:230 Signature in "About Me" (Got too long)

#24 blueeyes082

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Posted 11 April 2011 - 10:48 AM

so funny! thanks for the laugh!
TTC- May 2011
TTC- May 2011
March 2011: First consult with clinic
April 2011: Found our donor
April 2011: Had my Sonohysterosalpingogram. Everything is Normal
April 2011: Had a Transvaginal done. they said my follicles don`t seem to be growing. They said they hope they start in a few days
May 2011: Had a Transvaginal. I have 16 follicles.
May 2011: Been Put on `the pill` to kick start my period.
June 2011: Had a Transvaginal. I have 16 follicles.
June 2011: Been put on Clomiphene
June 2011: I have 5 mature follicles
June 2011: IUI#1: Had two IUIs done back to back
June 2011: Waiting to see if the IUIs took




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#25 michelleo

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 05:30 PM

I have just had this start to happen:

when you call your husband your DH when talking about him to people.

ie. "I was telling my DH we should go to dinner with you guys next week" Responses are generally confused looks.
Me 36 DH 36
TTC our first child since 2005

M/C #1 - February 2006
M/C #2 - October 2008
M/C #3 - July 2010

July 21,2010 - Initial appointment at RFP in Calgary.
October 13, 2010 - Results are in... Thrombophilia (clotting disorder that causes miscarriage) and Hashimotos with antithyroid antibodies. Apparently my immune system hates me. Synthroid, selenium & Low-dose aspirin. Keep on trying naturally for 6 months. OMG I'm now 35!
January 20, 2011 - Well it looks like my Throbophilia is the wrong kind to be causing my m/c's and all my immune stuff was a figment of my imagination? Back to square one.

IUI #1 - Feb.19/11 - Mar.3 - BETA = 11,Mar.5 - BETA = 55,Mar.7 - BETA = 166,Mar.15 - BETA = 984 - Beta dropped to 400 and bleeding M/C #4
IUI #2 - June 17, 2011 - BFN - Ouch, that one hurt.
IUI #3 - August 30, 2011 - Beta on Sept. 12 - BFN
IUI #4 - February 17, 2012 using DH's frozen sperm - Beta on February 28 - BFN
IUI #5 - March 15, 2012 - Beta on March 26 - BFN
IUI #6 - April 12, 2012 using DH's frozen sperm - Beta on April 23 - BFN