24 replies to this topic

[andia]

......you'll do anything to fight the urge to sneeze because you're afraid your ovaries might explode.

...you're having hot flashes before you're 30.

...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.

...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.

...you're afraid to go "number two" after an IUI (or embryo transfer) for fear of pushing out the spermies (or the embryos).

...when you go to the obgyn you don't have to use the calendar when they ask you the date of your last period.

... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.

... you know the pharmacists by name, and they know you by name. (scary, but true...)

... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3 (or during IVF, any CD.)

... you take more medications than your parents or grandparents.

... the thought of the holidays makes you nauseous for fear of inevitable questions and yet another pg announcement.

... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.

... you refuse to paint the future nursery for fear of jinxing yourself.

... you cried on Halloween seeing all those adorable costumes on the little ones and their pg mothers.

...your DH has seen ultrasounds of your uterus and ovaries, and knows exactly what he is looking at.

...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.

...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.

...you have more drugs than a heroine addict.

...you have lengthy discussions about the status of your cervical mucus.

...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.

... you speak to your RE in T-TTC acronyms.

...your husband doesn't think it's weird when you stand on your head after sex because who knows -- this might just be the ONE time you could get pregnant without the help of a team of specialists.

...KY is banned in your household as it kills sperm.

...you have forgotten what spontaneity is.

...your husband is tired of masturbating in clinics and complains about friction burns from having to do it too often (bad, I know!).

...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.

...you actually get excited over shots.

...when someone says what day is it to day and you start to answer CD whatever and have to catch yourself.

...you DH knows more about the your monthly cycle than your primary care Dr.

...everytime you go to the bathroom you check CM.

...you live your life 2 weeks at a time.

...you met your insurance deductible for the year...in your first month of testing with the RE.

...when you'd rather have an internal u/s RATHER than have bloodwork done.

... if you remember special events by what day of your cycle they fell on!

...when you see the letters IF, you think "infertility" and not "if".

...if you have forgotten a CD is also an actual object containing music, or a type of investment, and not just a date.

Funny! sad but also true!

[Tash]

This is hilarious. I'd rather have an u/s over bloodwork any day.

I do shave my legs for my RE appointments.



Tash

So true, so true! this made me chuckle...

[sarah]

How funny (and accurate )!

[cthomper]

Very true
lol

[baby2be]

This is just too funny, but so true!

Dana

[yanie]

ah hahahahahahaha go stuff lol

[Sara33]

This is too funny! I kept nodding my head..thinking "yes, I've done this one & this one....."

S

what a good laugh i had. So true. I even read it out loud to DH and he laughed at the porn (and yes, it didn't faze me!) and DH lines!

[blueslippers]

What a funny thing to read on a Friday. I had a really good laugh. It's funny because I thought I was the only one that did those things. I guess I'm really not so alone after all.

[Purple]

This is really funny! Thanks so much for writting it, most of it hit home with me. Its amazing how we all have so much in common here that NO ONE else really understands! What a great forum this is!

really funny. the shaving the legs thing is so accurate - especially in the winter!!

karen

[SandraDee]

These are hilarious!! I especially like the ones about the CM, I'm still obsessed about over it.

I’ve tried to think of a couple more.

-- Your hubby has tried to deduct the cost of porn as a medical expense on his tax return.

-- You love ovulation predictor kits… because it’s so exciting to pee on a stick and have it be positive for a change.

-- Your DH has stopped setting his alarm clock because your basal thermometer does a better job of waking him up.

-- You pour a glass of wine within 5 minutes of arriving at family gatherings – just to nip all speculation in the bud.

And I’m pretty sure there’s something funny to be said about the 6 months I spent looking at my saliva under a freakin microscope every day -- but I can’t quite put into words.

[Lynne18]

This is great, thanks!

[hopeful123]

so funny ,thanks
sam

You might be infertile if....
...you can look back at how freaked out you were about going for a PAP exam before all this IF stuff and laugh.

[m2bmama]

no kidding. to think I avoided a pap couple of years here in there just because. who the heck cares anymore whats another test!

[maybebaby]

Oh my gosh, so funny! So true!
I only have one to add...

You might be infertile if...

-- your DH might already be at work by the time his sperm get a chance to start their journey to meet your egg


I couldn't help but think during my last IUI as I lay on the table after the procedure, about the irony of possible fertilization without my husband being in the room...or even in the building!

LOVE it!!! So true

[gibasgirl]

...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.

...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.

... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.

... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3 (or during IVF, any CD.)

... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.

...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.

...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.

...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.

...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.

So true.

[CarrieW]

Great post! I can totally relate to all of them!!! I especially love the "internal u/s instead of bloodwork" and the "porn selection"!

[LiNzi]

You may be infertile if;

Your RE says you have a great looking uterus and it feels as good or better than DH telling you you're beautiful *blushing*

You and DH can joke about "the chair" still being warm and neither of you being completely grossed out (but kind of)

You know exactly how long your luteal phase is... I think other than this website I am the only person that knows what a luteal phase is just proving this true lol

You set your alarm to check your temp at the same time everyday even if its your sleep in day

You know what your cervix feels like

[blueeyes082]

so funny! thanks for the laugh!

[michelleo]

I have just had this start to happen:

when you call your husband your DH when talking about him to people.

ie. "I was telling my DH we should go to dinner with you guys next week" Responses are generally confused looks.