I've had two losses, both at about 7 weeks.
The first was a surprise pregnancy back in 2013. After what we went through to have our twins, DH and I were completely shocked to discover that I was pregnant! Initially, we were stressed out about the idea of having another baby; we had assumed that we weren't able to get pregnant on our own so we were caught off guard. By the time we had started to get excited, it was over.
Since that surprise, I have always felt like we were "meant" to have another one. We kept trying in the hopes that I would get pregnant again naturally, but it didn't happen. Finally, I convinced DH to do an FET. It was to be our "one last shot"; we would only do one procedure regardless of the outcome.
Our FET was in January. We got our BFP and were absolutely thrilled! This time there was no stress or doubt; this is what we wanted and hoped for. My betas were on the low side, but doubling. Still, I was uneasy about my lack of symptoms. My boobs were slightly sore, but I had absolutely no nausea and I was very nauseous with both of my previous pregnancies.
Despite my lack of symptoms, I never expected to hear the news at my 7 week ultrasound. There was no baby growing inside me, only an empty gestational sac. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach. We had assumed things would be fine, so DH was at work; I had gone to the appointment alone. It was devastating.
Now that it's over, I know it's time for me to move on. We have two healthy, amazing children and I am truly thankful for them. But there is a part of me that is so crushed and empty in knowing I will never have another baby. Will I ever get past this feeling? Will I ever truly feel as though our family is complete?