How has infertility affected your marriage/relationship? What did you do to cope?
Posted 23 December 2019 - 04:08 PM
Im currently thinking about separating from my partner and it terrifies me for so many reasons. We have been in a sexless relationship for nearly two years (not only caused by infertility) and he has no desire to work on it. To me, sex is important, especially because I already feel like a failure as a women due to all the infertility issues I have. To top it off husband said well its not like this whole IVF thing is going to work anyway- totally cold, unempathetic and unsupportive. I should have listened to the signs after my second natural miscarriage when he told me to get over it.
I have another egg retrieval cycle scheduled for Feb and Im starting to think thats all it will be. Freezing eggs. Im not confident enough in where our relationship currently is to fertilize them.
Me: 36, Hub: 36
TTC 4 years
3rd IVF cycle, 3rd FET- BFP, due June 1
Posted 04 January 2020 - 11:52 AM
Misskika - I'm so sorry this is on your plate, along with everything else right now. It is a great idea to revive this thread though, because I think there are so many of us who can relate to each other.
Initially, IF brought my husband and I closer together - because it was the two of us facing off against something, as a team. However, in the last year or so, it has been more of a strain. Like Misskika, I debating putting treatments on hold until our marriage reached a better place, but in my case instead had some very intense discussions with DH to talk about how I was feeling and what I needed changed. Luckily for me, he was open to that conversation (but, I should add we have previously gone through marriage counseling - prior to our IF journey even beginning - so I think that helps in these moments).
Our struggles are primarily around communication and support. He doesn't have great instincts on how to support me through this journey, and I often feel like he is condescending in his attempts - he gets overprotective to the point he thinks my own wants and instincts are damaging and tries to tell me no, based on what he thinks I should really need or want. On the other hand, I struggle because I react strongly to the hormones that are part of treatment, and have pre-existing depression, so my reactions are often more intense and that creates a strain too. And like so many here, we have a basically sexless marriage. It bothers him more than me, but that is because I have basically stopped seeing myself as a sexual being at all, with the treatments and body changes. It is an area we still go back to often - something I need to commit to working on, and he works on being patient because we both are in agreement that a sexless marriage is not a long term option for us.
June, July, Aug, Sep 2016: IUI. All BFN.
January 2017: IVF #1. 7 eggs retrieved, 6 fertilized. 1 transferred on day 5 - BFP! DD born 10/08/17. (2 embryos frozen)
Nov 2018: FET #1. 1 transferred. Chemical pregnancy.
Dect 2018: FET #2. Last embryo transferred. BFN.
April 2019: IVF #2. 16 eggs retrieved, 11 fertilized. 1 transferred on day 5 (5 frozen). Chemical pregnancy again.
Aug 2019: FET #3. 1 transferred - BFP! Lost HB at 9 week U/S. MMC.
Nov 2019: FET #4. 1 transferred - BFP again! DD due Aug 6/20