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would like to know how you deal with the stress

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#1 Vanbar

  • Just Hatched
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Posted 23 October 2014 - 12:05 PM

Hello everyone am not one for posting but I need to know how to deal with the stress of infertility here is the information we have so far I am 33 year old male everything checks out I am I am good as far as that is concerned my wife is 32 female all her tests come back good so we are have unexplained infertility we have done 3 cycles of iui first cycle 5 follicles with of 50 million after washing and then a follow-up of 19 million Iui after washing in the same cycle it failed. we did one more IUI cycle after that with 2 follicles and 15 million after wash that failed as well. We just found out that this last cycle failed with 5 follicles and a after wash count of 15 million. they have run every test but they can think of and it all comes back as unexplained infertility I'm at my wits end the stress is overwhelming me and my wife and she doesn't like talking about it to anyone else but me. I was hoping this would help me vent out a little frustration and stress and I forgot to mention We been going this for a year now with no good news thank you.

#2 Anas



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  • My Clinic:OFC/OVO/MFC

Posted 23 October 2014 - 12:26 PM

Sorry to hear this is happening to you and your wife. We have been there. To me (I am no medical professional but has 5 IVF and 1 FET under my belt), the number of follicles your wife has for her age seems little low. I was around 35 when I started IVF journey with only one ovaray but AFC was between 9-11. I do not really have any suggestion on managing stress but if you ask me, I would pack myself with knowledge and try to eliminate all areas of factor to get close to your root cause. The problem is with IUI, there is no way of looking an egg so we do not know. You said your tests came back normal meaning your SA came back normal (sperm count, morphology, mortility, etc)?

Did your wife get tested for AMH (some clinics skip this as this is often now covered)? AMH is to show the egg reserve so will give you an idea. I am really sorry that she is going through this. From my experience, one needs to stand up for oneself to overcome IF. All my doctors did was reffering me to someone. I googled and found my good doctor (at MFC). I did all my research myself. I had to tell myself that this is like a disease and I had to fight it myself.

Best of luck.

  • CdnHockeyGal likes this

TTC since Dec. 09
Me (35) him (30)
Unexplained infertility but have only one ovary (lost right to dermoid cyst in Nov. 07) and he has low morphology (5%)

July 10 - Consultation at OFC
All test results normal (did not do Kruger test or AMH test) and was told to try for another 6 months
FSH around 6, antral foli count 9 (on the left)

Dec 10 - Asked to be transferred to MTL (OVO) from OFC
April 11 - Saw Dr. Jamal, antral folli count 8 (on the left) and AMH test show low ovarain reserve (due to a single ovary). Given Clomid for two cycles, had bad reaction (very cranky) and BFN. Dr. Jamal suggested Natural IVF without stimulation. Hated OVO dearly (long wait time, extreme lack of organization, nurses, etc). Googled and found MFC. Consultation booked in Sept. 11

Sept. 11 - Saw Dr. Sophia at MFC. She suggests a standard IVF.
Sept. 11 - Learned that private insurance thru work have coverage up to 20K for IVF (Thank goodness!)
Decided to go for 1st trial at OFC given proximity.

IVF #1 (Oct 11) at OFC (Dr. Haebe) - Puregon 400 IU for 9 days. 9 leading follicles (and 8 smaller ones), which resulted in 5 eggs (but one degenerated). Only 2 fertilized thru ICSI (embryo quality second best and average). Day 3 transfer of 2 embryos, which resulted in BFN

IVF #2 (Nov 11) at MFC - Puregon 300 IU and Menopure 75 IU for 10 days. 8 leading follicles (and some smaller ones). egg collection Nov. 16/11. 7 eggs collected out of 8 follies. 6 are mature and ALL SIX FERTILIZED!!! 5 day transfer of 1 blast Nov. 21/11. Beta scheduled Dec. 2nd 1st Beta 10dp5dt 287. 2nd beta scheduled Dec. 5th 2nd Beta 14dp5dt 1,524

1st U/S Dec. 19th (6wks & 6 days): heartbeat measured at 137bpm, baby measuring 7.2mm, cervix measured at 32.9mm


August 12, 2012: A beautiful baby girl born at 11:21 pm measuring 8 lbs 3 ounces/53 cm long


Trying for Number 2

October 7, 2013 - CD1

October 9, 2013 - First consultation

Start stimulation Friday October 11 (Puregon 300 & Menopur 75) for 10 days

Last us on October 21, 2013 7 leading follicles - Trigger shot tonight (Ovidral)

Retrieval October 23, 2013 - 6 eggs retrieved

Ferti report October 24, 2013 - 4 mature eggs and only 2 fertilized

At this point, I am losing hope.

Oct 25, 2013 - Surprisingly Dr. M. wants us in for 5 day transfer

ET October 28, 2013: one young blastocyst to transfer


8dp5dt HPT Positive yahoo.gif

Some spotting on 9dp5dt and 10dp5dt huh.png

Beta scheduled November 8,2013

1st beta 11dp5dt 106

2nd beta 14dp5dt 525.6

Viability scan scheduled Nov. 21, 2013

Viability scan shows fetus behind schedule by a couple of days

Repeat U/S

Discovered on Dec 10/2013 that fetus stopped growing at 7wk4days (Missed miscarriage)



CD1 March 29. First consult on March 31. Same protocol.

Stimulated for 8 days trigger April 8. ER April 10. Out of 8 follicles, 6 eggs retrieved. Only 1 egg was mature & fertilized. Clinic recommends Day 2 transfer. We declined Day 2 transfer given this may be a complete waste.

Dr.M. understood our concern & agreed. Booked for a Day 5 transfer (but will be a miracle if this one embryo makes it to Day 5). Dr. M. advised that the embryo on Day 2 is 4 cell grade 1. So there is little hope.

Ok no call until Tuesday, which means we are going in for a transfer on Day 5. ET on April 15. Transferred an excellent quality blastocyst. Now 2WW. Blood test April 28. BFN



CD1 August 18. First consult on August 19. Spoke with Dr. M about two wishes - minimum 10 day stimulation & 5 day transfer. Stimulated for 11 days. ER September 4. Out of 9 follicles, 6 eggs, 4 mature and all fertilized. Dr. M called and suggest double Day 3 transfer. However, DH veto a double transfer. Sticking to Day 5 transfer. ET September 9. Suprisingly out of 4 embryos on Day 3, 3 made to blastocysts. Transfer 1 Day 5 blastocyst. Shocking call the next day saying two left over embryos were good enough for freezing. 2ww Turned out to be a chemical pregnancy



FET CD1 Sept 27 First consultation Sept 30 Oct 16 Transferred two blastocysts 2ww

Started nausea 3dp5dt it can`t be this early POAS 5dp5dt readable BFP! Wow

7dp5dt POAS show dark test line (never had such a strong positive)

Worried about risk of multiples

11dp5dt 1st beta at 382.8 13dp5dt 2nd beta at 850

Viability scan booked Nov 11th (6wk 4days)

Viability scan at 6w and 8w are both fine. Now graduated to OB.

NT scan in December 2015: all is good

Anotomy scan in Feb. 2015





#3 s00n

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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Canada
  • Interests:Him- Potential SA issues Me- PCOS like crazy/anovulation/long cycles. Started TTC before 30.TTC/Secondary Infertility(2008-2015) - Adopted from public system in Ontario 2012.Freeze-All IVF after OHSS, and successful FET 2015 @ 36Yrs Old.
  • Dx:PCOS
  • My Clinic:OFC

Posted 23 October 2014 - 01:30 PM

That is very high to be doing IUI since the chance of multiples is really increased with IUI vs a more controlled IVF.


I know the stress of this has been a challenge to many couples.  My husband and  I went through infertility for years too, and it is difficult.  Boards like this can help, because no one can really "get" what you're going through aside from people walking the same path.


For us we decided we would go the adoption route first, and take some of the pressure off of trying to conceive.  Now we are proceeding with IVF and I feel like if it doesn't work we will be sad but we will be OK.


Remember to keep connecting as a couple - sometimes you can become focussed on the problem and you don't take time for the rest of your relationship.  Also be kind to each other.  You will both experience stress in different ways.

See my about me page for details on our IF journey including adoption and other avenues.

#4 MEW

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  • Location:Guelph
  • Interests:Weight lifting, Ultimate frisbee, gardening, water:)
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Karma

Posted 23 October 2014 - 03:25 PM

Acupuncture- with out that I dont know how I would have mentally survived - In stressful weeks I go between 1-2 a week and it is a life saver.  My clinic is a "community acupuncture" so this means that you could potentially be treated with other people at the same time - its different but it works and it's much more affordable then single acupuncture. Its pay as much as you can with a recommendation of between 20-40$ My health care at work covers $300 so thats a lot of treatments - I've actually blown through my $300 and am now paying out of pocket.  Im now going for morning sickness and stress and I love it. 


Good luck to you and your wife:)


Edit -https://www.pocacoop.com

Is what your looking for - they have locations on this website.

  • s00n likes this

Me:39 38   DH:38 37 

TTC - since sept 2011

Sept 2013 -First round of Ivf

No surpression

Starting GonalF 3rd day of AF

August 24 - started GonalF 300ui, Bravelle 75iu U/S and blood work 

August 28- started Cetrotide - 0.25mg

Sept 4 - ER - 18 eggs

Sept 9 - Transfer cancelled due to mild OHSS

Freeze all 7 embies! 

Oct 14 - Natural cycle - Finally AF arrives. 

Oct 16 - Base line u/s and blood work

Oct 28 - switched to medicated cycle

Nov 3-CD21 Lupron shot

Dec 7 ET! Transfer one excellent Blast.

Dec 21 - bata  ! 1551

Jan 5 -miscarriage  at 6wks 6d

Next FET

Feb 27 - Lupron shot

March 9 - AF arrives  - start estrace

March 20 - lining check

March 28 - estimated ET

April 11 - BFN

May 9 - transfer with assisted hatching …doing a "natural" cycle. 


Sept 16 - Transfer with assisted hatching, 2 "Excellent" blasts.  

Sept 30 - Beta - 1150:)

Oct 2- Beta -2984:)

Oct 14, 2014 - one bean measuring 6wk6d heart rate 124 smile.png

Terrible morning sickness - acupuncture=bearable morning sickness:)

Nov 25 next U/S

Due date - June 3 GIRL!! Team pink! Who would have thought:)babygirl.gif HeartGlomp.gif








#5 ilovemydogs

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Posted 23 October 2014 - 04:01 PM

My husband relieves stress by participating in sports. He curls and plays hockey/soccer/baseball. Keeps him busy and he gets excess energy out. He says it keeps him from going crazy. I read. I will sometimes meditate. We've been on this roller coaster for 6 years.

It's important to have some hobbies or outside interests. It helps to pass the time and keep from obsessing.
Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

See "About Me" for details.

#6 ladylazarus

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Posted 23 October 2014 - 08:56 PM

Infertility is a major life crisis and it takes a huge toll on relationships sometimes. I think everyone is different in how they approach the day-to-day stress (mediating, exercising, journaling, etc.) but it's that big picture stuff that compounds & sneaks in under the radar over time that can be so overwhelming. That sounds like what you are talking about. If there is anyway you can go to counseling together, specifically someone who specializes in infertility and grief counseling, I highly recommend it. I wish I had done it sooner but when I finally did get some counseling from a real specialist, I got some great tools for coping and for planning ahead. It really can ease the way to talk this stuff out because how you deal with all this could be much different than how your wife deals with it - it's good to sort this out as soon as possible. Sometimes, the journey is longer than you anticipate even when there is a lot of hope for success.


Personally, I dealt with the stress with acupuncture, photography and journaling. When I hit a wall, I went to see a counselor.


Please let your wife know, if you think she'd be up for it, that she is most welcome to join the site. The quality of the support and information here is stellar. It can make a big difference to have a safe place to vent feelings and just know that you are not alone. Best of luck to you both!!

  • juice likes this
Me - 46 One Blocked Tube, One Sleepy Ovary
DH - 56 Tired Swimmers
"I've had dreams enough for one, And I've got love enough for three..."
TTC 4 years
2007 - Charts, temps, pre-seed & all the rest - BFN every month
2008 - 7 IUI's in Seattle, using Femera- All BFN
2009 IVF/ICSI #1 @ PCRM - Canceled Long Lupron, no response (of course!)
2009 IVF/ICSI #2 @ PCRM - BFP, but low HCG (49 @ 11dp3dt), chemical
2010 IVF/ICSI #3 @ VFC - BFP!! Third time was a charm!

Little Ronnie, my Winter Solstice baby was born December 22nd 9:36am, 6lbs 13oz 19.5" long

#7 Vanbar

  • Just Hatched
  • 2 posts
  • Dx:N/A

Posted 25 October 2014 - 08:52 PM

Thanks for the information
All my tests did come back normal for sperm count, morphology, mortility, my wife at frist thought it was my fault because of my old job but that was not the case. Her test have come back all normal for tubs lining and egg we where informed that her eggs where younger then she was with the test results. Are doctor wants to run the one test again for block tubs but it would be the 4th time in a year it was done. My wife won't join the forums because she only has me to talk with and does not want to anyone else but me he tried to get her talk with someone before it did not work. And she does not want to go see a counselor because she does not believe in them.

#8 LastTry

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  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:N/A
  • My Clinic:KARMA (Canada) / CRM (CR)

Posted 25 October 2014 - 10:55 PM

hi vanbar,

did you try to see some other doctor for the second opinion? I've seen a lot of stories on this forum when people asked about second opinion and the new doctor ordered some new tests (not ran by the first doctor) and found what was the problem...

Did you do all of iui-s using the same protocol? Is your doctor willing to try the new one? Does your doctor believe in things like endoscratch or taking intralipids? Did your wife try the fertility friendly diet to improve the implantation chance? Look through the forums here and you will find a lot of great info!

Good luck with your journey!

  • manhattangirl likes this

Me&DH 40+, 2 kids (teenagers),
3 miscarriages  (all 1st trimester natural pregnancies) 8388.gif8388.gif8388.gif 2010-2012
IUI and IVF with OE did not work for me
DE IVF - October 2014 th_abfp.gif
Baby boy arrives in June 2015!


#9 manhattangirl

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  • Dx:DOR

Posted 01 November 2014 - 01:08 AM

I was going to say what LastTry has written. 


Tested for "everything"? I doubt it. 


Did you both have immunology testing?

Did you have testing for infections?

Genetic testing?  Ancestry testing to see if you are distant relatives? 

Me 41, Husband 38


TTC since 5/27/15

Egg freezing: March 2014

7/2/16- natural BFP

#10 JennyAnne

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 05:18 PM

Our marriage was in trouble while we were ttc. The stress was awful. I felt alone. Hubby was depressed. Our saving grace was finding a support group thru our hospital. They had meetings every 2 weeks. We usually went once a month though. Hubby didn't want to go, but gave it a shot bc I asked him to go for me. It was so awesome. We met real live people who were going thru the same things. We got to vent to people who really understood us. One thing I have decided since having my son, is to be more open about ivf and infertility in general. You'd be surprised how many of your friends and acquaintances actually have issues as well. If we ever did it again, I would lean on my girl friends more. Keeping it all bottled inside didn't help us. I just felt alone and there are so many people out there who care about me/us. I understand why I kept it to myself. Didn't want to have to keep everyone updated and tell people it didn't work out again. But I wouldn't do it that way again.

TTC for 2+ years
Male factor infertility
IVF/ICSI - 11/2009 BFN (Froze 6)
IVF/ICSI - 02/2010 Chemical pg
IVF/ICSI - 05/2010 BFN
FET - 08/25/2010 transferred 3 embies
1st Beta - 09/08/2010 288.7
2nd Beta - 09/10/2010 941
3rd Beta - 09/13/2010 2,859
U/S - 09/22/2010

CALEB ISAAC born 5/26/11