33 replies to this topic

Hi Everyone:

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We are trying to cope with everything that has happened. Thank God I have a wonderful husband, we have never been closer than we are now.

I take things day to day - some days are okay and I can talk about Sean and look at his pictures... others I cry all day.

My health has been in question these days, due to the placenta previa I had an emergency D&C and lost alot of blood. I had 6 units of blood in the blood transfusion so things were a little out of control for a while. My dh is more concerned about me than anything else these days.

But the battle rages on... I was told that we could do a FET in the summer, but who knows how we will feel then.

Thanks again for all your prayers,

Hugs,
KoJo

Hi kojo, I was wondering how you were..wow you have really been dealing with so much and I just wanted to let you know that you and your husband are in my prayers and thoughts and I wish the best for you both under these horrible circumstances you have had to deal with...take care Valerie

[Barendina]

Hey Hon,

I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk about it here, and that's why I sent you an email. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I personally know what hell you're going through.

When we lost "Ethan" not one person in our lives *except here* understood the pain we were forced to bare. Yes we took lots of pictures after Ethan was born, and still to this day I will take them out every now and again and look at him. It breaks my heart.

It was so hard to do another transfer after losing him, but I was so so incredibly desperate to have back what I'd lost I didn't care. It was a chemical, then the 3rd attempt, was also a chemical. Now we're about to embark on our final transfer. We are deeply afraid it won't work again, but now I've made the choice to end it here, with or without a pregnancy. I really don't want to give up, but $$ and emotional involvement have lead me to this choice.

I pray this is the one for us, and I hope that if you both try again, that you too will be filled with the joys you deserve.

You can email me anytime, if you need someone to talk with, that's gone through the same loss.

Bare

Bare:

How far along were you with Ethan when he was born? Did they tell you what the problem was or what had happened?

It is very dificult to talk to others who have no been through what we have - losing a baby is so hard, but losing and IVF baby and so early is unthinkable.

I struggle with it everyday - 2 months ago on this day I had hope. We were admitted to hospital on Dec 13th and by Dec 16th he was gone, do to placenta abruption - he was born 11:40 am Dec 17th and was perfect. Sean David was a beautiful little boy. We have lots of pictures of him as well and it really breaks my heart when I am reminded that these are photos of my dead son, no my alive baby boy.

I am so sorry for what you have been through... no one should have to bury a baby.

Hugs,
KoJo

[Barendina]

KoJo

I was 2 days past 18 weeks with Baby Ethan when we lost him. We also lost our son to 'Placental Abruption"

When we were in the U/S room, I looked over at the monitor, then looked over at the Tec. I could clearly see she was not happy. I knew in my heart that our baby had passed. She left the room & returned 10 minutes later with a Radiologist. He then said he was sorry but our babe had passed. The next Morning on October 11th, I was induced & 7 hours later I gave birth to our son. He was big for his age. He weighed 9 ounces & was 9 1/2 inches long. He was absolutely perfect, accept for 1 thing

We held our baby angel for over 2 hours, then had the nurse take him to the mg. We had our son cremated & placed inside the tiniest urn, so he watches over us each & every day. I never thought in a million years I'd be spending hundreds & hundreds of dollars saying goodbye to my child. It was such a great loss & each time we attempt another transfer, it gets harder for me. I'm trying so hard to get back what I'd lost.... For me it's more about having a new memory. I certainly don't want what happened to Daniel, myself, our family & "Ethan" to be my last memory of this.

I know another baby will not take "Ethan" Or "Sean's" place...But I don't see it as that. I see it as our way of carrying on in their honour, doing it for them. I sure hope this is what you want to do? I can & will help you every step of the way. I wish I had someone with me when we did our transfer after our loss. We only had 1 embryo to transfer when we did our FET & I did get a + beta...but lost that baby @ 7 weeks. 3'rd IVF was fresh & we transferred 2 prefect embryos....that too was a + beta, but soon after I'd lost that pregnancy too. So we decided that tests needed to be done. I found out that I had high BP & Hypothyroid...I'm now on med's for this!

Did anyone tell you why it happened? Did you have any complications before you lost Sean, other than low fluid? Were you bleeding, did you have a lot of pains?

Again I am so sorry that you had to experience the tragedy of losing your child..It makes it so much more painful when thousands of $$ are invested too. It sounds so cold, but for those of us that have spent thousands of dollars know that child we're carring is that much more special. So when you lose a pregnancy after IVF , All the hopes & dreams have been ripped away & all the money in the world couldn't have prevented that. That's was hurt me!

Huxz...

Lets keep in touch.

Bare

HI Bare:

We were told that the placenta had abrupted due to Placenta Previa.

We had a complicated pregnancy right from the get go. First they told us that he was a cemical preg and not to get our hopes up. Then as he grew they said that because of the placenta placement (covering the cervix) that we would have lots of complications and the placenta would not feed him properly. Then we has a sub-coreonic bleed at 12 weeks and they said that this could be the beginning of a miscarriage. Well we fooled then all and he survived only to end up with low amneotic fluid - is AFI was only 3.5 and should have been around 10 - 20cm.

It was 2 week after we were told about the low fluid that we lost him. I had terrible pain in the middle of the night, felt like contractions. MY dh call the ambulence and I was admitted. When they checked for his heartbeat it was strong about 169 or so. We were then monitored very closely. I had 2 more gushes of blood that day so they put me on the fetal monitor. His heartbeart was regualar and he was moving around alot. Then they lost his heartbeat, they said due to him moving around so much - they tried to find it with the machine but couldn't so they called the tech to do an u/s. It was 20 min from the time they lost his heartbeat to the time the tech did the u/s. He was gone. He couldn't find the heartbeart at all. That was Dec 16th, he was born Dec 17th @ 11:40 am.

This is the 2 month anniversary of my baby's death.

Living a Silent Sorrow,
KoJo

[eve]

Hi Kojo,

I just noticed your post today. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I understand how you feel, because we also lost our son Thomas at 20 weeks. He lived for 2 hours after delivery and we also buried him. My water broke at 15 weeks and with almost no amniotic fluid his survival was slim, but we hoped. He was born and died Aug.8/03. We will always miss him. I still cry a lot but life goes on and with time it gets a little bit easier. Unfortunately I had 2 miscarriages since then and no baby brother or sister for Thomas. I am prying for you, your husband and your son.

Eve

[Barendina]

KoJo

I am so sorry I wasn't hear to support u on the 16th...I really am. I just came & seen your post. Please forgive me? I hope you're making out alright?

No One told us why...they just said it was Placenta Abruption. This confused me because I starting having problems at 9 weeks. I started to bleed. Had an U/S & was told we had sub-corionic bleed & it would repair itself. Bleeding stopped & then again at 11 weeks, I started to bleed. This time it was more heavy. Had another U/S & was told again that it was still a sub-coreonic bleed & we had a big clot between the wall and placenta. Sent me home. Everything was fine until my 17 week when I started having pain. At 18 weeks, I was listening to babes HB with our monitor & it sounded funny.

When DH came home, he couldn't find the babes HB...We went to ER & were told babe was fine, but to reassure me an U/S would be scheduled for the morning. The next morning, the U/S confirmed that our angel had died. We were absolutely devastated. The next morning I was induced. While I was in the Hospital, the Dr also said I had low amniotic fluid. He seemed weirded out. But what difference would that make at that point now hey! No one ever told me how low it really was...

Our Son "Ethan" Passed away on October 9th/2003 The night I knew something was wrong & was born on October 11th/2003 He weighed 9.5 Ounces & was 9 inches long. I've since had 2 chemicals. I have Hypothyroid & high BP as well.

Was told today that my TSH levels have again increased & are up to 5.7 now....I'm certain my transfer is not going to happen now. This is just terrible news.


Bare

Hello Kogo

Iwas afraid before to look inside this page..
Now as I read all the posts I feel that I can share my terrible pain with u..
I still have my bubba but the doctors dont give me any hope..
I dont know which is the worst..to m/c ¨naturally¨ or to do it by your own..I dont know if I will have the strength to take pills to m/c..
I dont know what to say..
I feel so so so sad..
I just want to say that I am here for u and everybody who experiences similar problems..