ive been asked to be a surrogate father. - Page 2 - Ask The Fertility Lawyer - IVF.ca Forums

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ive been asked to be a surrogate father.

surrogate father

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30 replies to this topic

#26 g20raff

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 08:45 AM

i really think this choice is for her to complete her nursing school....


i feel it to be this as after speaking with her, i feel like that is the reason more than anything..


she said it wasn't but i don't believe it.

#27 Red Wine

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 09:47 AM

I don't think a year of leave will allow her to finish her schooling.  A baby isn't a part-time job.  A baby is a person which requires a whole lot of attention since the baby is 100% relying on its caregiver(s) to keep it alive.  If she wants to finish school then she'll find a way without this "plan". 


Life hands us lemons and we have to figure out how to make some lemonade out of it.  If she is as strong as you say then she'll find a way to make lemonade.


I would say she is trying to manipulate you with this proposition.  As I said before, no good deed goes unpunished.

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#28 vball_gal

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 10:33 AM

I have to agree with Redwine here, this is someone that doesn't want to get lawyers involved early to ensure a proper contract is in place.   There is no excuse period when discussing having a child with someone where they want you to be the sperm donor for not involving lawyers.   Red Flags should be going off because I think there is a hidden agenda here as well. 

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#29 g20raff

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 11:43 AM

thanks guys.... I have red flags... 


I dont want to make an error for a child that may not be looked after in the proper way.


you guys are really great and super excellent forum

#30 ideagirl

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Posted 01 March 2014 - 10:47 AM

Thanks JacMac,


I almost feel obligated now to do this and it weighing heavily on my mind that if i decide not to, that it is because of me that she hasnt fulfilled a void in her life of having a child..


i kind of wish she never asked me this.....


But i can honestly say that i would feel grateful to help her fulfil her wishes and to know its because of me i have granted the greatest gift...


you guys are great in guiding me along this dizzy journey...



Oh good lord, it's not your fault if she doesn't have a kid--all she has to do is spend a few hundred bucks for donor sperm, and she's set. For that, she wouldn't even have to pay for a lawyer since a sperm donor who donates to a sperm bank has already signed the necessary paperwork. She does NOT require YOUR participation in order for her to become a mother.


And if you conceive through natural conception, you just plain are the child's natural and legal father, period. You cannot get out of the responsibility for that... nor should you try to, frankly, because that would be traumatic for the child. Conceiving through natural conception and then abandoning the kid is very different than sperm donation.


An Ontario lawyer would have to advise you further, but be aware that in many jurisdictions, the only way a man can avoid being considered legally the child's father, with all the legal and financial responsibilities that go with that, is by donating sperm at a doctor's office and having a doctor inseminate the woman. DIY "turkey baster" home insemination will result, in many if not MOST jurisdictions, in a finding that you are the legal father. Only a trip to a lawyer (for advice and an appropriate contract) and a subsequent trip to a doctor (for the insemination) will cause you to be considered a sperm donor rather than a legal father. She could probably accomplish all that (lawyers plus doctor fees, assuming this isn't covered by Canadian health insurance) for maybe $2000.


And if she doesn't have $2000 for this, or even ~$800 for donor sperm plus the necessary doctor's visits, how does she have enough to raise a child?

#31 BoyWonder

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Posted 03 May 2014 - 10:29 PM

She is using the age-old GUILT TRIP to get what she wants. Shame on her for doing such a dastardly deed to such a nice person. You sound like a kind and gentle soul and she is taking full advantage of that. Do NOT let her guilt-trip you into giving her what she wants. Huge red flag when she does not want you to get legal counsel regarding such a life-changing decision. It is NOT your fault that her clock is ticking and she has no one in her life to be the father to her child. She is buttering you up saying you are everything she wants for her baby but she is more than likely saying those things just to get you to do what she wants. She sounds like a selfish, self-serving person, not the heroine you admire her to be. I sincerely hope that you did not fall victim to her guilt-tripping and stayed far away from this whole situation. If she continues to harass you about it after you have denied her, you should seriously consider ending such a stressful friendship.