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#1 *Diana*

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 07:48 AM

So I had my parents over for Fathers Day yesterday and we were all enjoying the nice weather outside on our deck..... when it happened.....


My mother said "Guess who's pregnant" ... needless to say it didn't matter who it was because it's not me.... but she said "your cousin".. my cousin who will be 43 in December is pregnant with her 2nd child. 


That was hard to swallow since my parents have no idea that we are going to a fertility clinic.... what is even harder is that I work with my cousins mother (my aunt) who does know that we are trying.... so when she comes in to work tomorrow am I supposed to jump for joy for her???? even though she knows we are struggling and trying.....


I am miserable and I know that I shouldn't be so selfish but I can't stop wishing it was me and not her....


DH doesn't really now what to say to me ..... all he managed to say was "it's no big deal".... hmmm not sure how to take that.....

  • My_time likes this

Me - 35 DH - 40


TTC - 1 year

March 2013 - First Investigative Cycle at ISIS

Pelvic Sono - OK


DX -  Slight Male Factor 


April 2013 & May 2013

Natural Cycles with Clomid - th_abfn.gif


Move to IUI (Completed 5 in Total)

June 2013 - August 2013, October - November 2013

All th_abfn.gif

Took SEPTEMBER 2013 off - to see if DH's vitamins give him a kick start.....his numbers got worse.


January 2014 - We begin our IVF Journey.


IVF #1

CD 3 - All is well

JAN 23RD - CD 21 - Start 0.2ml of Superfact daily

JAN 31ST - CD 0 - No period yet..... and lining is still a little thick.  Waiting to see what b/w comes back with.

FEB 7TH - SECOND DAY 0  CD 1- Got the call to start 150iu of Gonal F - 14 Follicles

Feb 19th - CD 13th - Trigger Shot and ER on Feb 21st CD 15

ER - Retreived only 3 eggs

Next day - Lab called 2 eggs are immature and one hasn't divided yet.  Wait another 24hrs.

Next day - Lab called - Last egg did not divide

Cycle a BUST - Nothing to transfer

Meet with Dr this week to see what's next and to find out what happened.


IVF #2

March 2014

CD 2 - March 9th - Found 4 cysts - 2 on each side.  Largest one is 1.7.  Waiting for bloodwork and meeting with nurse to decide if we can even do the cycle.

April 17th - Start Gonal (225iu)

CD - 13 (April 29th) - ER - Retreived 9 eggs

CD - 14 (April 30th) - out of 9 eggs 8 were ICSI'd, and 6 have fertilized.

CD - 15 (May 1st) - all 6 embryo's divided normally.  Dr is recommending a Day 3 transfer of 2 embryo's

CD - 16 (May 2nd) - Tranferred 2 Day 3 embryo's


Beta scheduled for May 16th

Had to go to clinic 2 days early (May 14th) due to shortness of breath and severe bloating.... they did the beta early and holy hell a th_abfp.gif Beta 206!!!!

2nd Beta - May 16 -421

3rd Beta - May 19th - 1077

First U/S Friday May 23rd. - OMG IT'S TWINS!!!!!! Due Jan 2015!

4th U/S Friday July 4th for NT Scan - 11 weeks 3 days

Tuesday July 29th - First OB appt

Sept 9th - Growth Scan and gender reveal - We are having a babyboy.gif  and a babygirl.gif !!!!! 








#2 JAllen

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 08:31 AM

I don’t think your aunt will want you to jump for joy for her. I am sure she probably is hesitant to say anything to you about it.   I know my friends found it hard to saying anything to me about the pregnancies. They were kinda of afraid. They knew how much I wanted to have a baby, and here they are having a third.


Its hard when others around us get pregnant. I give myself 48 hours of pity party fest. I am allowed to feel how I feel.  After the 48 hours is up I put on my happy face and start living my life again.  I can’t live in the pity party for ever. After all I think at least they are able to conceive and not have to go through this. I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy.


Don’t get me wrong I have skipped baby showers because they are not a place for me.  But I can’t be mad at my family or friends because they can have a baby and I can’t.


So all this to say that yes it’s hard to swallow, give yourself time to be selfish and hate the world, Come on here and vent and complain but eventually know that deep down inside you are happy for them. And one day you will have your family  one way or another J



As for your DH’s comment, that sounds familiar.  My lovely husband has said those comments before. Once I calmed down from the crazy tree, I told him that it may not be big deal for you but it is to me. I also let him know that those types of comments weren’t really supportive and really all I needed was for him to hug me and say nothing. Sometime we need to tell our partners exactly what we do need so they can give us that when these kinds of events happen.


I think sometimes our husbands are as lost as we are in this journey, we both just have different ways of showing it.



Feel free to pm me if you want  to chat more.



  • Duck, gibasgirl, MB. and 1 other like this

Start TTC in 2008 ( Me: 26 DH 28)
Referred to OFC June 2009 testing until 2012 
January 2012....MF
Feb 10 2012 .......Consent signing to IVF!

IVF 1 May 2012- BFN IVF 2 Jan 2013 -BFN  IVF 3 May 2013 BFN  FET #1  Oct 2013 BFN 


It is a world of BFN's for me,  Told there is no reason why it hasn't worked, so on to plan B Adoption  

Me 32 DH 35 

January 19th 2014 - PRIDE Course Begins

​January 2014 Found an  Adoption Practitioner

January 30, 2014  Home study begins 

April 16 2014 Finally adopt Ready! 

2015 waiting for our kids 

2016 still waiting.... 

#3 gibasgirl

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 08:38 AM

Hello Diana,

I am sorry about the struggles. You will get through this and it is my hope that one day (soon) you will be the one who is pregnant.

When you see your aunt you can tell her that you "got the good news & and want to congratulate her and your cousin."

Then you can get a card and mail it to you cousin. Keep it simple, but say some of the things that one is "supposed" to say at times like these: congratulations, this is a happy time, wish her a healthy pregnancy.

The blessing in disguise here is you got some knews, but you were not put on the spot in one of those highly choreographed baby announcements followed by stares and questions about "why are you waiting?"

Not to minimise your feelings or experience in any way. You are simply feeling what you are feeling and that is ok. You have this site for support, venting, and understanding.

Writing gives you the opportunity to do the socially acceptable thing, acknowledge the good in other people's lives, but gives you the distance you may need to process this and put on a brave face.

Know that you will get through this.

PS, your husband's reaction is typical.
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#4 kristeen033

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 09:29 AM

I totally feel your pain. I have watched friends have 2 or more kids in the time we have been trying to have 1. I have a friend with fertility issues and they just found out they are pregnant not too long ago. When she told me I said I was happy for her...she asked are you just saying that because that's how I felt when people would tell me lol. Like someone else said I would not wish any of what I have been through on my worst enemy but I always have that why isn't it me feeling too. I do try to remain positive and not think bad thoughts on others because I believe that karma can kick you in the butt. Here's to hoping we all get what we are striving for :D

  • gibasgirl, MB. and Lisa1981 like this

Me: 37, Tubal Ligation 2002, Tubal Reversal 2008
DH: 34, Normal
DS 16yrs & DD 14yrs from previous marriage
Trying for 7 years
November 2009 - BFP - Chemical Pregnancy
September 2011 - Clomid 3 rounds all BFN
March 2012 - Start IVF #1 at RFP in Calgary
April 2012 - 16 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized, 8 5 day blasts
Transfered 1 hatching blast - BFP!!!!! 7 blasts frozen.
May 2012 - 7 week U/S - baby measured good and had heartbeat
June 2012 - Stopped Prometrium 10 weeks, started bleeding 3 days later, U/S showed baby died right after 7 week U/S
August 25, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #1
September 8, 2012 - Start Estrace
September 21, 2012 - U/S Booked!
September 26, 2012 - FET Transferred one perfect blast. F/X
October 6, 2012 - 10dp5dt BFFN
October 9, 2012 - POAS test at Doctor's Office BFN
November 27, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #2
December 29, 2012 - U/S Booked
January 3, 2013 - Transferred One Hatching Blast!!! Still have 3 more in the freezer
January 10, 2013 - 7dp5dt - HPT - BFP!!!!!!
January 15, 2013 - Beta 96
January 17, 2013 - Beta 16 = Chemical Pregnancy
January 19, 2013 - FRER HPT - BFFN
June 6, 2013 - FET #3 - Starting Suprefact...hoping third time is the charm!
July 3, 2013 - U/S Booked
July 9, 2013 - FET date!!!
July 20, 2013 - 11dp5dt HPT = BFN sad.png
July 2014 - Fresh IVF Cycle Estrogen Priming Protocol

August 2, 2014 - 24 eggs retrieved!

August 3, 2014 - 11 Eggs fertilized

August 7, 2014 - Transferred 1 beautiful blast. 3 more frozen.

August 8, 2014 - Got call from clinic 6 more blasts frozen!!!  9 snow babies total and one in the oven smile.png

August 20, 2014 - First beta BFN

February 1, 2015 - FET Natural Cycle - Transferred 2 blasts one hatched. FXFX!!!

February 6, 2015 - POAS even though I know it's early...and surprise...BFP!!!!

February 10, 2015 - 9dp5dt - BFP on Clearblue Digital!!!!! th_abfp.gifyahoo.gif

February 19, 2015 - Beta 8928!!!! EDD Oct 23/15

March 7, 2015 - Ultrasound shows TWINS!!!! 2 little beans measuring 8 weeks with two little flutters for heartbeats preggo.gif

March  31, 2015 - 11 Weeks U/S. Baby A measures 11w3d Baby B measures 11w5d!!!!

May 2015 - 5 month ultrasound. Both babies look fantastic!!!! TEAM GREEN!!!giggle.gif

October 5, 2015 - C-Section date booked to meet my little babes!!! Can't wait the countdown is on!!!!!

September 19, 2015 - Babies decided to make an early appearance at 35 weeks 4 days!!!

Connor Melvin - Born 5:11am weighing 4lb15oz

Emily May - Born 5:13am weighing 5lb8oz

We are so in love! babygirl.gifbabyboy.gif




#5 Bahar38

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 01:03 PM

Dear Diana,


you're in the right place to let out your thoughts and feelings, because all of us here understand how it feels when ppl around you get pregnant and us dealing with infertility.


It happened to me as well and I call it "pregnancy jealousy". It's very hard to deal with but at some point we have to let go of these feelings. I felt that every time I did it I isolated myself and it cut me off from ppl who I really cared and loved to hang out with.

I had to deal with my best friend being pregnant and not to mention she didn't want a baby in the first place. It's still not easy for me to see her belly getting bigger.


after being sad for a while but I realized that her friendship was far more important than what I'm feeling. I started to think that others destiny and happy moments has nothing to do with me. I thought about what if I get a good news like that!! don't I want my family and friends to feel happy for me too? however everyone is different and you may see pregnant person not being considerate of others feelings.


I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have with this person, however being honest about your feelings will help them understand so they can be more considerate toward you when they're around you.

Let them know that you're happy for them but because of your own battle it brings up emotions that are difficult for you to deal with and it doesn't take away from your joy for them but that you need a little time to come to terms with your own emotions.

all we hope for is for them to understand us when we say these things to them.


I also think although these emotional reactions to the pregnancy news of others can be distressing, they're understandable and to be expected. It's normal to feel this way because it's the "grief" speaking...


now regarding your DH comment... all I can say is that most Men don't know what to say and when to say the right things during these situations. They deal with these emotions differently that we may not like or agree.   I guess that was a way of him to comfort you wink.png


we're all here for you
all the best

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#6 Duck

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 01:05 PM

Your getting great advice about allowing yourself to have your own feelings.


I remember being really upset when my SIL got pregnant at 41, when she decided 6 weeks earlier that she actually did want a baby and stopped taking birth control pills - and shared this story with everyone.


I was upset, my husband didn't understand and really told me that I was just being too sensitive. He didn't get it as it was only into year one of our 6 year journey but eventually he got it.


Just wanted to let you know that your not alone - your feelings are legitimate for you to feel - and you certainly should not have guilt about the feelings added to the pile.

  • gibasgirl, Butterbean and Lisa1981 like this

Diagnosed with endometrosis at age 19

5 pelvic surgeries

2 IVF, numerous FETs

2 different gestational carriers

Now mother of 2 year old twins.

#7 Lisa1981

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Posted 17 June 2013 - 06:46 PM

I agree with duck, you received great information from the ladies :). I think most of us have been thru a similar situation. My DH's 17 year old niece got pregnant.. not yet out of high school, no job etc .. I was mad, devastated you name it, I was it... when we have family gatherings, I'm the one that teaches her things (like removing the air bubbles from the bottle, poor child kept ingesting air bubbles,, grrrr).. that make's me even more upset.. because she can't even take care of him (he cries when I give him back to her... ouch).


It's hard, very hard but you have to be the bigger person (and let your emotions out when needed, there's nothing wrong with a pity party). Everyone here, will be here to share in your party (I know they have been here for mine ;) )


As for your DH, men don't understand like woman do. They are not emotional creatures. One day, something will happen that will make him realise how hard it is (it happened to my DH)


Hang in there, your time will come.

Me: 33 - DH: 36

July 2012: referred to Ottawa fertility center
August 2012: Test results are back
High FSH, Low AFC (only 6)
Endo (duuuh) & DOR  (great....)

And may has well make it a trio...male factor (motility)


After 2 failed IUIs, 5 Failed IVF:

Trying on our own until spring come's along... 


Feb 09: A little Miracle, a natural BFP. Praying it sticks around for 9 months.

Feb 11: Beta 25 (yikes)- P4: 47 oh boy, put on progesterone

Feb 13: Beta 86 - P4: 144

Feb 18: Beta 544 - P4: 96

Feb 20: Beta 1128 - P4: 81... increased progesterone to 600mg

Feb 24: Beta 1608 - P4: 100... oh boy, not looking promissing

Feb 25: Beta: 1942 (no P4) at another hospital.. ok, looking better... U/S: sac and yolk. Nothing else.

March 04: HB 115. Problem: Sac is small... repeat u/s next week

March 14: U/S , HB (abdominal) 167bpm (internal) 158bpm. Problem: Sac still small, reapeat u/s in 10 days..

March 24: U/S confirmed no HB.. stop progesterone. M/C that same evening