5 replies to this topic

[PDJames]

Hello (:

 

Well I don't really know how to start this but here goes. Please bare with me...

 

I am 42 and husband is 47. We've been married for 11 years now and have only start thinking about having a family just this past year. Our lives has been a little hectic the past few years being both me going for my undergraduate and him getting his MBA so now that we've done that, we felt that we are now ready. I guess you can tell where this is going. We're both in our 40s and I don't know a whole lot about fertility and what to do and what is the next step. I was married previously and had 2 beautiful lovely daughters. Coming from a different country and different background, I still don't know how I got pregnant so easily before. Both of us have no one that we can be open about this topic as we come from a small family and we aren't very social either. When I approached my family doctor she suggested that we tried the natural way. Sure! No problem, except that charting your temperature and trying to get your husband to bed while you are ovulating doesn't really coincide very much! Pardon my being blunt but it's just the honest truth. We barely have sex anymore anyway. Not to say that we don't love each other. My husband and I are very open about this whole topic and he knows that he and I will have to see the doctor to get help. The problem is, where do we start? How do I tell my family doctor that I can't get my husband arouse in time to get me pregnant while I am ovulating? lol  . How do I know if I or my husband is having a problem Where do we start? Is there a good doctor that we can talk to? We're from Burlington, Ontario.

 

Any advice is very much appreciated. :/

[gibasgirl]

Hello PDJames (cute name),

Welcome to the community and all the best to you and your husband.

As you've experienced lately it can be more difficult to get pregnant in one's 40s compared to one's 20s and 30s.

First step is to get a referral to a fertility (IVF) clinic. It wouldn't hurt to get 2-3 because you want to make sure you actually mesh with the doctor who will be helping you and your husband have a child.

There is usually a wait of 3-9 months in the Toronto/GTA region (longer wait for the "better" clinics/doctors known for being thorough or successful with more challenging cases).

Once you are "in" there is still more waiting: exploratory tests on the woman, different semen analysis tests on the man, and for those who have had repeated failures, they sometimes seek out fertility doctors who have a specialty in immunological barriers to pregnancy -- but not all doctors believe in this and the more accurate testing only takes place in the United States, etc.)

Some of the "regular" IVF-related testing takes several weeks to get back. Some of the testing takes place on the woman at certain times in her cycle, so there is some waiting for that to come around.

Don't quote me, but I think for women in their 40s who have been trying to get pregnant for more than 3 (or is it 6?) months without getting pregnant should see a specialist. So, yes it would't hurt to see someone.

If you are in the Toronto-area, it would be worth your while getting a referral to the Create Clinic and the Markham Fertility Centre as they are reputed to be open and accepting of "older" patients. I can speak from experience re: Markham as I was a patient there and we are of a similar vintage, you and I. (they also do immunological testing and treatments there)

Some information on immunological issues: http://babyfriendlybook.com/

Warning: women are considered old in their mid-to-late 30s in the world of reproduction. Heck, many women feel old as they home in on 30 and, sadly, it sometimes feels as though when a doctor does not have an answer they will tell you it's because you are old. I found the doctors at the Markham clinic to be better in that they acknowledged the challenges of achieving success at this point in life, but also accepted that age was not the only factor affecting us. I've been to several clinics and I have been called old since I was 36/37. So, be warned. It can be a bit of a shock because it is kind of bandied about almost casually.

Welcome. There is a lot of information and support to be had here.

All the best to you.

[Pandabear8]

Welcome to this forum.
I like what Gibasgirl suggests, but just want to add that when asking your family doctor for a referral to a clinic you don't have to go into details about your sex life. You can just say that you want referrals as you have been trying for a while and with your 'advanced maternal age' you want to be proactive and have referrals in place while you continue trying naturally. Tell your doctor that because IVF clinics have long wait lists you don't want to waste time.
Good luck!

[Butterfli]

I have nothing to add advice wise as gg put it better than I could but I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the group. The supportive woman here have lifted my spirits many times when I feel like the 'real' world doesn't get me.
Good luck on your next step!

[me'n'B]

Welcome. Getting a referral is the first step. You will most likely end up joining one fertility as they are located in Burlington and have a great reputation as well as an affiliation to McMaster. Best to have all the testing done as soon as possible even if it confirms you can achieve pregnancy without assistance. We all need a little help and guidance once in a while. They also offer convenience banking so that a sample from dh is ready when needed.

[StrawberryJam]

Welcome. I think you've received wonderful advice and just wanted to wish you the best of luck.