16 replies to this topic

[mardi]

Has anyone ever asked for 'sick leave' for fertility? If things become too stressful at work, would you ask for time off to focus on yourself and your health? I was wondering if anyone has done this before.

[ValleyGirl]

Hey - I was extremely nervous for my treatments and I took three weeks between stimming, transfer and two week wait period. I took an extra week using my "sick"leave with no questions asked. I will also be using "sick" leave to take a few months off prior to my mat leave. I figured that this process and building our family was far more important to me than any job. Take the time that you need. If you are stressed out, talk to your doctor and take time for you. I see you are at the OFC, my doctor there told me that she sees a "marked difference" in those that are calm and positive throughout this process. In the end always look out for number one (hopefully that will soon be someone growing in your tummy). Best of luck with your decision and your cycle!

[gibasgirl]

If you do, just stick to either taking vacation or the generic medical reasons explanation If your employer thinks IVF is b.s. then it could be a problem or even denied you. Others have fully disclosed and had complete support and understanding.

But once the genie is out if the bottle there is no going back. It is up to you but it is your private medical matter so careful who you share it with. Know your audience.

[KiwiGal]

The answer to this is a bit different from person to person. I think it depends on your employer, your job and your level of comfort with the infertility process. Each one of us is different, has different needs, and has different stress levels at home and at work.

For me, I worked right through the stims and appointments and only took time off for the ER and into the ET. In total, it will be 5 days. Even taking that time off, I can work a bit from home and will be doing so to keep me occupied. I get bored quite easily so being at work was a great distraction for me and I found that the days went by more quickly and I had less time to think about the process. My job hasn't been very stressful over the last few weeks because we've hit a bit of a lull in how busy we are, so it seemed like perfect timing. Had it been as busy as it was about a month ago, I would have definitely had to take more time off. I chose not to disclose why I was going to be off and just told them it was for a medical procedure. They didn't ask any questions and I never offered any more information. It worked out well, especially when I had appointments so frequently with stimming.

You're the only one who can know what is appropriate for you and your body. I think you should take off all the time you think you may need. Doing IVF can be a stressful process and if you're more comfortable at home, then that's where you should be.

I wish you all the best with your cycle and hope you find a work/life balance that works for you.

[_journey]

I believe that taking time off helped me. We live in Ottawa but I was cycling in Montreal, so I had the added logistical challenge of getting there for 80% of my appointments once I started a cycle. My first 3 invitros, I took time off from the retrieval to the transfer date and then a few days afters. Usually, about two weeks in total. I have an extremely challenging and stressful career, and I found it so hard to balance work issues, infertility and then 3 early losses. For my last cycle, I decided I'd focus solely on myself: eating and sleeping well, massage, acupuncture, yoga, meditation and of course the medical component which included a new protocol. I have no idea whether one specific element of the new regime was responsible for our success, or whether it was a combination of factors. I do believe very strongly, however, that my time off work set the stage. I ended up taking 7 weeks off, which was medical leave with a doctor's note. Definitely longer than I had anticipated, but I wanted to wait until after my 6w viability ultrasound. Good luck!

[dougbliss]

Great question mardi....one I have been wondering about myself. I think it is the best thing we could do for ourselves, especially if you have a stressful job, or are traveling to a clinic. We are set to go for a second opinion at a clinic that is 4 hours away and if they give us some options I am contemplating taking some extended tme off......if we decide to cycle again. I didn't do that with my first two cycles and tried to do it all, which probably did not help matters any.

Journey, you have it right!! Sleep, eat, yoga, massage, acupuncture...time for yourself!! I think all of us try to be strong when dealing with IF, but I am coming to the realization that maybe I just need to take a step away from trying to be a super hero everyday and just be a superhero to myself for a while.

Kiwigal, i hope all goes well with your fertilization report!!

Gibasgirl, you make some excellent points and remind me alot of my sister in that regard

Mardi, good luck my dear and just remeber its okay to say you need some time off to focus on something that you really want

[impatient]

I agree with Gibasgirl - just ask for time off for a 'medical procedure'. They don't need to know the details, and in fact, are not allowed to ask. I personally found it helpful to take time off during IVF, especially around retrieval/transfer time. I wouldn't bother taking time for IUIs except for the day of.

[angelpoo11]

I wasn't in a good place physically and mentally when I started my first IVF. In addition to work at the time, I was also taking classes and preparing for a national exam for my accounting designation. I was extremely stressed so I had decided to quit my job and take a year off. I'm still taking time off. I know it's very extreme but I feel like I did the right thing otherwise I would have just broken down. I'm doing my last and final cycle soon and if that doesn't work out, I will be back in the work force, refreshed and ready to work.
Everyone is different. So if you want to take some time off, go ahead! Don't feel bad that you need to. Although I had to keep reminding myself that I am taking a break from work for a reason. I know it's hard sometimes! Hang in there! It will be worth it in the end!

[mardi]

Can a FS write you a note for taking time off or does it have to be from your family doctor?

[gibasgirl]

Can a FS write you a note for taking time off or does it have to be from your family doctor?

Yes your RE or GP can write the note. My FS wrote a note on a notepad that made no reference to their specialty. My boss googled them. How do I know? Got feedback. I felt exposed and violated.

So if you don't want them to know you are doing ART, then maybe look at doing this with the non-FS.

[Muminwaiting]

If you doctor gives you a letter I am assuming you can take medical leave. It probably pays 60% of your salary so its ultimately up to you I guess. We do it for surgeries and sick leave so it would be like that.

[LMR]

Hi All,

I am a little confused about how those who were able to get weeks off, was it short-term disability? I work for a very large, public organization. If you take more than 5 days sicks, you need to go on short-term disability, which means a ton of forms that your doctor needs to fill out saying why you are unable to work. IF is not a medical reason that qualifies, but complications from IF is. That is my understanding. So it would have to be for emotional reasons. I have taken a lot of sick time this yr due to procedures and a miscarriage. My boss is now up my a** about it, even though I provided notes. We are thinking about doing a 4th cycle and I dont know how to handle this from a missing work perspective, except to go to my doctor playing up the emotional side to it and getting written off a for a wk or 2.

So, for those who took time off, especially substantial time, like a few wks or more, what did your doctor say in the paperwork? Did they have to fill out forms to be provide to your insurance company?

[Juliet]

I took a medical leave. IVF is not an option in my town, and I was referred to a clinic by my family doctor after we'd completed all the local testing we could do. The clinic was just an hour and fifteen minutes each way but through crazy traffic and the cycling hours could not mesh with my job hours and responsibilities. I was worried about the logistics of cycling as well as the stress. I had already been diagnosed with exhaustion prior to the leave, trying to uphold everything and all the medical appointments.

I called HR first to see if I qualified. Immediately they said yes, with the fact alone that I was commuting for the health care and my job isn't flexible. When I returned to my doctor to have the paperwork filled in, she was more than supportive. She has been with us on previous stages of this journey and had also treated me for the exhaustion, and wanted the best possible outcome for me. The forms were tricky - they really focused on whether the employee physically could carry out the job rather than emotionally, the stress or the commuting - but there was room to explain the demands of what it involved. I didn't have to do anything with insurance - I guess HR took care of that.

While it was very difficult to leave work and impacted a lot of people, many who were very curious and gossipy - plus, it was just upsetting in general for me when it got to the point I made this decision - I will NEVER regret taking that leave. I finally put myself, my health, my future family and best chances first, when I know in the past I have often put myself last to please others or not advocate for myself. After ten years in the role, I tried to not allow myself to feel too guilty. I also hoped I would have enough emergency banked days accumulated over the decade that my salary and benefits wouldn't take too much of a drastic cut, which was true. If it's an option, I strongly encourage it!

I am sorry for anyone who has had this difficult journey compounded further by a-hole or unempathetic employers. It makes everything so much worse. I was told that I didn't even need to tell my immediate bosses anything as long as I had the doctors' paperwork, which I did before I of course applied for the leave. In the end I was very fortunate because my boss (who was new and only knew me for 3 months before I said I was leaving to pursue medical treatment) was worried about me and said if I felt comfortable, I could tell him and he would not evade my privacy. He said he and the staff would worry. (The only other 2 people to take a medical leave the past 10 years had cancer - and I did not want anyone to worry like that.) When I confessed to him, he actually got tears in his eyes and became the first person I have known in real life to struggle with infertility - he and his wife struggled for 7 years before she herself took a leave of absence and pursued IVF - they have two beautiful children today. He said their only regret was they didn't do it sooner!!

I recognize how fortunate I was to be treated with this respect and consideration, and wish it could be the case for everyone. Without resentment or poor treatment for repeat absences related to infertility and its heartbreaks. Wishing everyone the best!!

[Curly-K]

Hi I recently took 4 days off using my sick days to rest after having non stop cramping. My employer is very understanding about fertility so they were able to accommodate me. I have a fellow employee who also took 8 weeks off to stay home with his wife so they could work on their fertility issues.

[Nerium]

I found it very difficult to be vague about my IVF at work. All of the appointments started to really add up. I was going in every morning for several days in row during stimming. I work Saturdays and Sundays, so it was hard to explain why I had a doctor appointment first thing Sunday morning. Also, the ER and ET are several days apart so it was hard to explain that I was going to have two procedures within days of each other and would use the time in between as annual leave. I couldn't tell them the exact dates that it was going to happen because I didn't know. I tried to drop hints with my fertility doctor that my work was very physical and stressful so that she would give me some time off during the process, but she wouldn't budge and told me that women run marathons when they're pregnant. :/. I was only offerred a note for 2 days for ER and 1 day for ET. The rest is vacation leave.

[Nerium]

Personally, I think that the fertilty clinics should be encouraging us to take the time off.

[Seems like forever]

Nerium I'm so sorry to hear your employer is being suck a jerk about this same with your doc. I only took two weeks last round the day before er and 13 days after as I had to travel 4 hours each way for the procedures I totally regret not taking more time. My first day back to work which was 8dpt I started cramping real bad. The next day Christmas Day I miscarried. It was horrible. To make it worse I had to go back to work the next day. This time I will be taking a couple weeks at least enough to get me through the 2ww.