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What are you tired of?


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#551 piggypower

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 09:38 AM

Please excuse my rampant negativity, but I feel like this is one of the few places that I can get things out of my system.

 

I'm tired of my RE. I'm tired of how I feel when I have to interact with him or his clinic coordinator.  I won't post his name because I don't want to be mean and the purpose of this post is just so I can get stuff off my back. 

 

But holy cow! That guy makes me so anxious! Every time I have to see him, I feel terribly nervous. Granted, any time I have to deal with infertility stuff in general I feel like crap, but seeing him really puts me on edge. He gives me (what I perceive to be) conflicting information, is super agitated when I ask for clarification and has even yelled at me more than once.   I think I ticked him off for questioning him? I have no idea. Now he seems so annoyed with me all the time, and it's like...what the hell is going on? Should I really be feeling this way when dealing with a health care professional?

 

And I can't get a straight answer out of him because he's convoluted when he speaks.  I keep blaming myself because I'm not able to think clearly since my mind and body are so junked up from the mental trauma of infertility. I'm so stressed that I can't digest everything he's saying, and then he's annoyed. Man, it's bad! 

 

To make things worse, everyone says he's so awesome and so amazing and so caring and blah blah blah. And again, I blame myself and I feel bad.   I'm tired of my low self-esteem DAMN IT! I swear this infertility thing is a trip...


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#552 gibasgirl

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 09:46 AM

Ohh ((PP)) that sucks.

If a person is nice to everyone, but an A-hole to you, then it makes them an A-hole.

You deserve better. We make these doctors very wealthy by giving them lots of money in the hope of becoming parents and deserve a level of respect and dignity.

If there is another clinic in your city, break free. It sounds like this person has run out of answers and isn't dealing with that constructively.

(((HUG)))
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#553 piggypower

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 10:00 AM

Ohh ((PP)) that sucks.

If a person is nice to everyone, but an A-hole to you, then it makes them an A-hole.

You deserve better. We make these doctors very wealthy by giving them lots of money in the hope of becoming parents and deserve a level of respect and dignity.

If there is another clinic in your city, break free. It sounds like this person has run out of answers and isn't dealing with that constructively.

(((HUG)))

Thanks gibasgirl.

 

Yea, it kind of hurts to feel like he's just an A-hole to me.  I do know that there are other women who have experienced similar things, so I'm not alone. But, it still feels like crap.

 

And I'd say that he thinks he knows ALL the answers. LOL. He's pretty arrogant.  And the timeline for treatment plan keeps changing because new factors and complications keep coming up. And then there's the waiting...


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#554 gibasgirl

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 10:20 AM

You're welcome, PP.

Insecure A-holes tend to be particularly cruel to kind people. They see something special that they think they lack and try to destroy it.

Of course they know everything, too.

It means that you are special. It sucks.

Take your money and run.

You can officially say that it's not personal, you just need a new set of eyes and a different approach or somesuch.
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#555 frostedlemon

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 10:32 AM

I have to agree with GG here - if you have other options I would explore them. You don't deserve to be treated that way, and you should have some faith in your doctor that they know what they're doing. I would put up with a less than awesome bedside manner if I had trust that the doctor was the best, but if this doctor can't even answer your questions or give you a straight answer, I would not be feeling that. And if it is in fact personal to you alone, I wouldn't want to be giving that doctor my money and I'd be worried he didn't have my best interests at heart either. IF is hard enough without feeling bad every time you see your specialist.


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See About Me for full info.

 

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." - Albert Schweitzer
 


#556 WishinNhopin

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Posted 26 January 2016 - 07:32 PM

Piggypower that's disgusting! It's so distateful. After that happened to me I did alot of "silencing" too. I like thst word.
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#557 Aiglee

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Posted 27 January 2016 - 09:25 AM

I'm tired of being reminded how different our lives would be without infertility. Yesterday I was doing our books and saw at last year's expenses. We spent more in infertility treatments than anything else all year, all in total we would have paid the loan my husband's dad gave us for the down payment of our house. So. much. money, and nothing to show for it.


  • gibasgirl, lumnay, autumnmarie and 3 others like this

TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma: Unexplained. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN

One Fertility: DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016, adoption finalized June 26th, 2017.


#558 littlecornfield

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Posted 03 February 2016 - 02:59 PM

I'm tired of:
-people telling me it will happen when it's meant to happen
-when you have one you will know it was the right time and you will look back on this and it will seem like the wait was meant to be
-people asking us when our next appointment is, when we are trying again, during a cycle when people ask if we are testing, have we tested, when will we test again, when, when when
-questions
-waiting
-feeling sad
  • gibasgirl, ladylazarus, lumnay and 1 other like this
34 yrs old DH 31
Ttc naturally for 1.5 yrs
Surgery for Uterine Septum and Endometriosis

2 failed IUI's September & November 2016

IVF #1 funded cycle January 2016 - zero eggs fertilzed :(

IVF # 2 long/agonist protocol May 2016
1 embryo transferred June 5th - none to freeze

#559 autumnmarie

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Posted 08 February 2016 - 11:42 AM

I'm tired of living my life like it's a giant algebra equation - if we do x now and then y happens, in z amount of time....but if x and then y doesn't...


  • gibasgirl, If at first, lumnay and 2 others like this

Me: 33, DH, 35

 

TTC - 2012

2014: MMC

2015: the year of pills, shots, IUIs and an ectopic

2016: BFP, EDD 4/19/2017

 


#560 nero

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Posted 08 February 2016 - 11:48 AM

I am really tired of waiting. Waiting to hear when I will start the treatment! I am keep on canceling all the plans for travelling cause we do not know when we will start! I really need a holiday,a break but do not know when I can really do it!


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#561 lumnay

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Posted 15 June 2016 - 04:04 PM

Tired of thinking about IF. 

 

There's never a day when I did not have a single thought about IF or related issues. I sometimes wish I could be okay without having a baby. 


  • gibasgirl, If at first, CdnHockeyGal and 2 others like this

Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details...

 

UPDATE: I'm counting the days and hours waiting for this miracle to unfold. Christina Perri's A Thousand Years pretty much sums up my experience.


#562 OneBigSigh

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 02:40 PM

I'm tired of not being me. And I have no idea who that is anymore.

I'm tired of listening to people and their opinions on what they would do. Even though they have never gone through anything like this and probably never will.

I'm tired of pushing away the man I love cause I can't figure out how to be "happy".

I'm tired of people asking why I can't be happy with what I have, not what I don't have.

I'm tired of working at my job and not being able to leave because I have one more transfer to do before a new cycle.

I'm tired of my mil and how she tells me I can't set boundaries on topics because we are all going through this. How if I express my feelings I am told I am rude and hurtful.

I'm tired of being pushed too far into my depression by people who are trying to get things off their chest about my behaviour, while I have been dealing with IF.

I'm tired of hearing about people talking behind my back, supposedly, and feeling like I have no friends at my job anymore.

I'm just tired.
  • If at first, lumnay, SunshineTTC and 2 others like this

Me ( 32 ) DH ( 32 ) : Male Factor.

 

More Info under About Me.

 

Taking a year long break to relax before doing another round of IVF....July 18/17 : Spoke to doctor. Might be going for donor sperm....just need to wrap my head around it now.

 

Oct.11,2017 : Slowly starting up again. Blood work done. SIS in November. 

 

Dec '17 : IUI with donor sperm. Dec 15 : 1st IUI: BFN

 

Jan '18 : IUI #2. BFN

 

Feb '18 : Transferring to PCRM Edmonton. 


#563 ilovemydogs

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 03:59 PM

I'm tired of always being the bigger person.
I'm tired of the judgments and assumptions.
I'm tired of failure and having few viable options.
I'm tired of covering up my feelings.
I'm tired of seeing some being heaped with blessings and not even getting one myself.
  • If at first, lumnay, SunshineTTC and 2 others like this
Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

See "About Me" for details.

#564 nervus optimist

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 07:56 PM

miscarriages :(


  • lumnay, Mrs. R and hopefuldadsomeday like this

I am 38, DH - 39
Genetic - IVF&PGD to prevent Genetic Disorder
IVF #1 - Nov/08 - MC @ 6 weeks, no embryos frozen
IVF #2 - Aug/09 - bfn
IUI #1 - Feb/10 - ectopic
PRIDE - Apr/10
Homestudy - July/10
Given the gift of donor embryos - Jan/12
Donor FET Jun/12 - 9 weeks - no heartbeat... MC
Donor FET Oct/12 - we're PG biggrin.png

===> Beautiful baby boy born 2013 babyboy.gif

Donor FET Oct/16 - chemical

April 2017 - surprise PG

===> Beautiful baby girl born 2017 babygirl.gif


#565 ven73

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Posted 19 October 2016 - 12:59 PM

I'm tired of

-feeling disappointed, sad and heartbroken

-unanswered prayers

-not being able to focus on anything else

-spending our savings and having absolutely nothing to show for it except heartbreak

-thinking that there is something wrong with me

-feeling underserving of starting a family with the love of my life

-feeling jealous that his ex-wife got to experience creating life with my husband and i don't get to 

-second-guessing all our decisions

-transvaginal anything

-the tiny scars from my ectopic surgery that are constant reminders of what could've been, but wasn't

-friends sending pictures of their IVF babies during my cycles

-examples from the Bible (I don't give a F**K that Sarah was supposedly 90 when Isaac was born...honestly...people and their good intentions)

-being told that happiness is a choice and I that I can choose to be childless AND happy


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#566 Mrs. R

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Posted 19 October 2016 - 03:19 PM

I'm tired of:

-feeling like a failure

-feeling guilty that it is my body that has the problem

-feeling guilty that we may not be able to give our parents grandkids

-feeling sad, heartbroken, and not like myself

-crying when people announce their pregnancy (my cousin announced last night him and his gf are expecting....they have been together a year...I have been with my husband 13 years)

-constantly researching infertility

-planning my life around treatment....trying to plan travel is the worst

-driving 2 hours to my clinic

-transvaginal ultrasounds 

-people asking me if I have kids

-friendships that are not very close anymore because they don't get it and haven't bothered trying

-the expenses....clinic costs, accupuncture, therapy, supplements...it never ends

-feeling isolated

-not knowing whether to continue trying and hoping, or to move onto adoption


  • lumnay, SunshineTTC and ven73 like this

Began ttc May 2014

Me: 31 DH: 31

 

Dec. 2015: Diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure

Jan. 2016: Started at fertility clinic

                  Had tubal dye test - tubes open

                  Had Sono - low follicle count on ovaries, possible uterine deviation

Feb. 2016: Had hysteroscopy - uterus is normal

Mar. 2016: DH advanced sperm test - normal

Apr. 2016: Told I could have surgery or try IVF - chose IVF

May 2016: IVF "training"

June 2016: IVF#1 - cancelled due to no ovarian response

Oct. 2016: Surgery - diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis 

Nov. 2016: Began adoption process

Jan/Feb 2017: IVF#2 - 8 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, zero fertilized sad.png

Feb 2017: Became adopt ready in Ontario


#567 Riverdale

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Posted 23 November 2016 - 10:17 PM

I'm tired of;
-the word cancelled
- being emotionally drained
-crying a at drop of a dime
- obsessing over IVF
-being treated by a Dr 2 hrs away by plane
- of our lack of services in our city
-being miserable
-not being happy (or faking it) when around friends and their new borns

The list goes on..
I don't even like being at work, I just want to stay in my home with my husband and our two dogs
  • lumnay and SunshineTTC like this
Me 39 DH 47
Male Factor to begin with, now female factor ( endo)
TTC since 2011
DH - sperm analysis 2013, 2014, referred to Urologist local and Toronto, nothing done froze only 9 sperm, 2015, 2016
Me- Right ovarian cyst ( endometrioma) surgically removed Oct 2015. Feb 2 -Day 1 , Day 3 told to cancel,
DH will be put on Clomid 3 months, 4 month has surgery.
Me- Aug Day 1-day 3 start BCP, Us 10 days after, 1 follicle, cycle cancelled, Sept Day 1, no go need to have a natural period. Oct Day 1 -day 3 bw normal, day 9 bw surge start estrace. Nov 2 - Day 1-day 3 bw and us 1 follicle cancelled again.
Will try again for December. **fingers crossed **

#568 Lionttc#1

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Posted 13 June 2017 - 08:51 PM

Of people asking me if I'm pregnant for no reason or if I'm bloated cus of meds

#569 writegal416

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Posted 27 July 2017 - 08:31 AM

Slowly realizing that you're not treated like a "real mom" unless you were pregnant with your OWN child.  Those who are using donors and getting pregnant on their own can at least "pass."  I kind of had that feeling when we were in the adoption process (my husband seems to be immune to it - or at least isn't showing it)...


____________________________________

 

Advised Not to Get Pregnant: Circa 1994 or 1995 (I was FIFTEEN!!!)

Married: August 2010

Started Adoption Process:  January 2013

Started Researching Surrogacy: August 2016

Found Embryos: November 2016

Matched with Surrogate: April 2017, all adoption put on hold (never matched with a child)

Surrogate's First Transfer: July 2017 (one FET) - BFP, but m/c or chemical (unsure, since second beta rose more than 60%, but third beta dropped)

Surrogate's  Second Transfer: October 2017 (one FET) - BFN

Surrogate's Third Transfer: December 2017 (double transfer) - BFN

 

Moving on to donor eggs...

 

New donor embryos available!!! Trying with them

 

Surrogate's Fourth Transfer:  February 2018 - was to be a double transfer, but one did not survive thawing, so single transfer; First beta - 685!!!!!; Beta #2 - 1594!!!  eusa_dance.gif yahoo.gif

First ultrasound (at 7 weeks, 2 days): Heart rate of 154 bpm, measuring slightly behind (just under 7 weeks)

Second ultrasound (9 weeks, 1 day):  Heart rate of 170 bpm, measuring small (again) at a little under 9 weeks.  Basically, it is growing at a good pace, just small - UPDATE:  heart rate is 175 bpm according to an email from the clinic! 

Harmony tests show that we are low risk and we're Team babyboy.gif


#570 Cooochabee

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 07:55 PM

All the things in the world revolving children and babies. Especially in commercials

#571 Ninihat

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 02:33 PM

- My In laws treating me like there is something wrong with me because I can't give them a grandchild

- My MIL for not having the sensitivity to stop asking my new SIL when she is giving her grandchildren

- My sisters for telling me that I haven't been through enough to complain about anything (1 failed fresh cycle; 1 failed FET - that sucks, no?)

- Friends thinking that when I'm not drinking that I must be pregnant

- Wanting this so badly and wondering if I will ever be able to be just okay with it



#572 returnable

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 03:25 PM

Vaginal ultrasounds. I never had a problem with them, but am getting fed up over the past few months.


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#573 hopefuldadsomeday

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 06:05 PM

Vaginal ultrasounds. I never had a problem with them, but am getting fed up over the past few months.

 

When my wife had her last miscarriage, she had her vaginal ultrasound done at BC Women's Hospital.  They were training a new student on how to use the ultrasound.  They determined at the beginning that the pregnancy was no longer viable, then they spent an extra 10 minutes getting the student to use the ultrasound for practice.  At this point my wife was really upset and told them so.  She understood that the student needed experience, but this was definitely not the right time for it.

 

Anyways, I'm sick and tired of all the waiting.  Waiting for cycle to start, waiting to see how many follicles are growing, waiting for day 5 reports on embryos, waiting for PGS-results...I can't believe it's been almost 2 years already since the start of our infertility.  I hope all this waiting will be worth it


March 2016 - Miscarriage #1 (chemical pregnancy)

August 2016 -  Miscarriage #2 (Trisomy-16)

December 2016 - Miscarriage #3 (unknown - suspected chromosomal abnormality)

IVF #1 - Aug 2017 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol) - 9 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 blastocysts, only 1 PGS normal embryo 5BB mitoscore 25.1 (frozen)

IVF #2 - Nov 2017 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol - with testosterone priming and growth hormone) - 7 eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized with ICSI, 1 blastocyst PGS-normal 5BB mitoscore 33.12 (frozen)

IVF #3 - Jan 2018 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol with growth hormone) -  4 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 1 blastocyst PGS-normal 6BB mitoscore 29.82 (frozen)

FET #1 - March 2018 - cancelled due to thin lining (6.25mm)

FET #1.2 - April 2018 - cancelled due to thin lining again! (4.85mm)

FET #1.3 - June 4, 2018 (lining 7.5mm!) - th_abfn.gif

ERA Aug 2018 - Pre-receptive by 1 day

FET #2 - Sep 18, 2018 (lining 6.9mm) th_abfp.gif  Beta #1: Sep 30, 2018 - 682  Beta #2: Oct 6,2018 - 6656 U/S: Oct 15 - measuring 6w4d (CRL 6.87mm), HR 127bpm! U/S: Oct 25 - measuring 8w1d (CRL 16.69mm), HR 168bpm!  Discharged to midwives!  June 7, 2019: It's a girl!  DD born 7lb 2oz babygirl.gif


#574 LilyChaska

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 02:46 PM

crying

not sure of next step

taking fertility drugs

questioning all the time

 


Love you all.

Be kind to yourself.

Grateful of this group.