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S*** DH says


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#1 runnerchick

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 06:50 PM

So, after making his last sample at the clinic last week, DH says "Boy, if this works, I'm going to donate money to this clinic.... so they can get better porn!"

At least something is making me laugh!!
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#2 Yearning

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 07:18 PM

My DH and I have a great relationship that definitely involves humour and sarcasm!!! Every once in a while I make him crazy enough that he says...."and so your honour, that's why I killed her."

Of course it is in jest!!
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#3 EMJ

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 07:23 PM

Runnerchick- we're at the same clinic and DH describes it as "bad 80s porn".
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Me- 38, DOR
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#4 impatient

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

My DH has seen the porn at four clinics now and has based his general opinion of each clinic on their standard of porn. Apparently the first clinic's reading material was sleazy, and based on the 'hairstyles', hadn't been changed in a few decades.
  • Heather S and runnerchick like this
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014, finalized Feb 2015!


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#5 gibasgirl

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 08:20 PM

We're either ALL married to the same man, or patients at the same clinic.

Love the title of this thread, btw.
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#6 runnerchick

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Posted 19 April 2012 - 02:55 PM

His other suggestion was to put a little plaque with "Donated by (add our future child's name here) in grateful recognition of my existence." I thought that was a little much :)
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#7 Babaroo

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 09:47 PM

Hi, just something funny my DH said to me last night. We are currently on our 6th attempt, and he said, "You know, us trying to get pregnant has been like trying to pick up the hot girl at a bar. Like you've approached her 5 times and she keeps shooting you down. It sucks, but you're still determined, so you work up the courage one last time and approach her a 6th time. Here's hoping that this time the "hot chick" is drunk enough and we finally get lucky!"
  • smc, Yvonne and runnerchick like this
Me: 36, DH: 40 TTC since 2010 PCOS, Azoospermia 3 Failed IUI's, 3 Failed IVF's 2 chemical pregnancies, 1 M/C @ 6 wks Enough is enough! Going back to college & moving on to adoption (Oct. 2012) ---------------------------- Private PRIDE training - Nov. 2012 Ineligible for India adoption program, switched to CAS - Nov.2012 Began CAS Homestudy Jan. 2013 Approved for infant consent & foster-to-adopt - May 2013 Hysterectomy due to fibroids, adenomyosis(Thanks fertility treatments!) - Dec. 2013 Potential infant consent situation! - Feb. 28/2014 Officially chosen as adoptive parents - Mar. 3rd/2014 Our beautiful daughter Abigail is born - Mar. 15/14 at 8:02 pm I graduate college - April 19th/14 Birthfather finally signs consents! May 9/14 Revocation period ended - May 31/14 Paternity test: Birthfather is not the dad, yikes! - July 23/14 Adoption finalization date - Sept. 24/14

#8 tannikka

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:58 PM

When my DH left his sample while I was having egg retrieval, the fellow in the next room, leaving his sample, was a large black fellow. DH tells me afterwards that if they accidentally switch the samples, at least we will know with who. Geesh.
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#9 runnerchick

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Posted 05 May 2012 - 12:03 PM

Tannikka, that is SO funny!!


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#10 Proud_IVF_Mommy

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:51 PM

this thread is so freaking funny!

recently DH had to make an appt for a new s/a and there are NO clinics in our area that do this anymore....so he has to travel almost 2hrs to our clinic to do this and he said this to me after making the appointment "this is going to be the longest and most expensive masturbation session of my life" I just about died on the spot laughing at him! Posted Image
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TTC#1 for 3 years before being blessed with an IVFwICSI Miracle in Jan, 2010

TTC #2 for 3 years ~ No luck so far ~ IVF & FET cycles a bust.  Moving onto donor sperm. Not sure when yet...

Check out my profile for info on previous cycles

Sept 2013 - Still waiting on referral to an IF Specific Urologist - Hubs wants a second opinion before he ok's the donor sperm


#11 Juliet

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 05:57 PM

OMG my main reaction to all these posts is, "There's PORN in the bathrooms?!?" Posted Image

Can't believe being my age and going through ART I could still be naive about anything but I guess you learn something every day!

#12 smc

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 09:05 PM

OMG my main reaction to all these posts is, "There's PORN in the bathrooms?!?" Posted Image

Can't believe being my age and going through ART I could still be naive about anything but I guess you learn something every day!


Bathrooms??? Our clinic has "special rooms" dedicated to porn and .... well... you know lol
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#13 Baby 4 Millers

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 09:19 PM

Last time my poor DH had to try to provide a sample while the security alarm was going off. The doctor forgot the code for the clinic door. The alarm in the whole mall went off. After half an hour, I finally went in to "help". Believe me no porn was provided but I don't the the doctor will ever forget us.
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#14 snowmom

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Posted 28 May 2012 - 10:50 AM

At our clinic, the nurse called it the wanking closet. I think bad porn is standard, and a darn good thing, too! We get a giant needle shoved up our woohoo, the least they men can do is try to find big hair and 70's bush sexy! :-D
  • smc, gibasgirl and runnerchick like this
Me 40: Total tubal blockage, 1 ovary, DOR DH 35: Poor motilityTTC since 1998DS natural conception 1996DS&DD ivf icsi 2008DS ivf icsi 2013.Our family is complete.Donated four frosties. IP's got bfp!

#15 runnerchick

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 08:17 PM

OMG you guys are too funny! We should change the name of this to s*** the ladies here say :)


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#16 ---

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 08:51 PM

At our clinic, the nurse called it the wanking closet. I think bad porn is standard, and a darn good thing, too! We get a giant needle shoved up our woohoo, the least they men can do is try to find big hair and 70's bush sexy! :-D



LMAO !!! That is too funny..and you are SO right !!! LOL


We've been to 4 clinics now, and DH thinks that the porn should at least goes up with the IVF Price tag ...but.......NOPE ! :)

#17 snowmom

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:07 PM

The first clinic we went to had a nice room with mood lighting and a leather recliner, videos, and magazines. Oh and wonderful erotic art on the wall. I got an operating room.
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Me 40: Total tubal blockage, 1 ovary, DOR DH 35: Poor motilityTTC since 1998DS natural conception 1996DS&DD ivf icsi 2008DS ivf icsi 2013.Our family is complete.Donated four frosties. IP's got bfp!

#18 Red Wine

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:42 PM

After my DH's s/a's he always says, "that was the easiest test I've ever taken".
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#19 rokgerl

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 10:25 PM

My DH's favorite line "my results are so good that I could knock up a nun!" My response...."well, I'm definitely no nun, so that must be the problem!". Glad we can laugh about these things.
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#20 jeanie08

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 12:07 PM

My DH went in to do his sample one time wearing a sweatshirt... He came out with it off, and was wearing a stag & doe t-shirt from a wedding that we were both in... It's like a baseball jersey - stag & doe logo on front, name and number on the back... Except, my DH - being the jokester he is - has "McLovin" and the number 69 on the back of his. I think the nurse was trying not to laugh when he handed his sample to her... I was like seriously, of all times you had to wear THAT shirt.
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Me - 36 - tubal

DH - 37 - low motility

TTC - since 2006

August, 2007 - LEEP surgery for abnormal cells in cervix

January 2008 - tests appear clear, referred to a fertility Doctor

May 2008 - referred to SOFT clinic in London

August 2008 - HSG- tubes said to be fine, routine bloodwork, DH - sperm analysis says low motility

November 2008 - IUI, natural cycle - BFN

August 2009 - IUI, natural cycle - BFN

September 2009 - IUI, natural cycle - BFN

October 2009 - IUI, clomid - BFN

November 2009 - IUI, clomid - BFN

December 2009 - IUI, clomid - BFN

January 2010 - met with Doctor to review, suggested Laproscopy, needed to be referred to a doctor in my city... waiting period took forever!

August 2010 - Laproscopy - test shows tubal blockage

IVF#1

July 28, 2011 - retrieval - 22 eggs

July 29, 2011 - 15 eggs

July 30, 2011 - 15 divided

July 31, 2011 - 13 embryos, 2 transfer

August 3, 2011 - 4 embryos frozen

August 12, 2011 - BFN

FET#1

November 16, 2011 - transferred 1 embryo (3 left)

November 30, 2011 - BETA 234! BFP!

December 2, 2011 - BETA 248 :-( praying that it rises

December 4, 2011 - BETA 199 :-(

December 6, 2011 - BETA 86 - :-(

m/c 6w

December 13, 2011 - BETA 5.4...

FET#2

June 20, 2012 - transfered 2 embryos (1 left)

July 1 - HPT - positive!!

July 4, 2012 - BETA 562 :-) BFP!

July 6, 2012 - BETA 194 ;-(

July 8, 2012 - BETA 163 :-(

July 10, 2012 - BETA 188 (it went up? not sure what to make of this - should I get my hopes up?)

July 12, 2012 - BETA 86 :-(

m/c 6w2d

July 19, 2012 - BETA 73

July 26, 2012 - BETA 143

August 1, 2012 - BETA 190 (Dr. prescribed misoprostal to help get the numbers down to 0)

August 2, 2012 - miso didn't work, taking birth control for 10 days

FET#3

June 15, 2014 - transfered 1 embryo - last one!!!

June 26, 2014 - HPT positive

June 28, 2014 - BETA 2076!!

June 30, 2014 - BETA 4615!!

July 5, 2014 - BETA 19405!!

July 12, 2014 - BETA 99980!!

July 21, 2014 - 8w ultrasound -1 little peanut - 173 HR!!! :-)

Aug 19 - 12w ultrasound :-)

Oct 7, 2014 - 19w ultrasound - all looks good!

Oct 16, 2014 - Found out today - it's a girl!!!

February 25, 2015 - Julia Brenda Joyce was born!! 7lbs 10oz 21"


#21 jenloveslife

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 06:14 PM

OMG just found this topic and I am dying LOL! As a response to the porn in Calgary, my DH said it was awful lol. And he always said his ``appts`` were with Scottina. I wasnt getting it at first but then he said u know scotties tissues--softens the blows! OMG what a joker.
Me: 29 DH:39
TTC- 18 mths
Diagnosed with severe endometriosis thru laproscopy Feb 2011, Diagnosed with left tube hydrosalpinx and corrective surgery Dec 12/11
Jan 23/12- First IVF treatment- Start Suprefact
Feb 7/12 Baseline u/s- Start Gonal F-225 and Luveris 75
Feb 19/12 Egg Retrieval- 20 eggs (some immature), 10 fertilized
Feb 24/12 Transfer of 1 perfect blast, 4 blast frosties
Mar 7/12 HPT: BFP!!
Mar 8/12 Lab confirmed BFP!!! Yeahhhhhh!
First u/s scan sometime of week of Mar. 26/12
Estimated due date: November 12/12
Seen 1 little bean with tiny blood clot Mar 29/12. Seen heartbeat, praying everything is gonna b ok
Next u/s booked for May 9/12
Baby measured a full week and one day ahead of schedule!!
Next ultrasound booked for June 14
U/S shows healthy baby right on track with growth. Chose not to find out the sex of our baby!!
November 11, 2012 Welcomed Nathaniel Dean into this world!

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