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#1 GingerBelle

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 04:48 PM

I'm not really sure where to post this, so this might be the wrong section. And I'm also sure it's been posted before but I don't know how to search!

Anyway, for the first time since receiving our news a month ago, DH and I were recently asked the "when are you having kids? All your friends are having them" question. To say the least, it was awkward. We found ourselves stumbling over what to say and it turned into me saying something along the lines of "Oh, I don't know one day" and him saying flat out that "we're not", which obviously caused shock to the people asking because they know we've always wanted to. He then proceeded to NOT tell them what was going on, and made it seem like one of us had decided we didn't want kids anymore... obviously not the case. Then he said "can we please not talk about it", and the subject was dropped.

the whole conversation was very awkward because while we are planning to go the FC route, he doesn't want to go telling everybody and their dog about our situation; however, he is so pesimistic about the whole thing that his immediate reaction is to say we are not having kids... because he is the "expect the worst" kind of person.

Please give me a better way of dealing with this! I want to remain optimistic about our situation, but he just can't seem to do that, but at the same time, we don't want to tell the world what we're going through, but telling people we aren't having kids is just going to cause more questions.

Help!

IVF/ICSI #1 - June/July 2012
1 day 5 blast transferred
2 frozen day 5 blasts
DS born March 2013 heart.gif

FET #1 - 1 4BB blast transferred January 28, 2015

Beta #1 - February 10 - 701!

Beta #2 - February 16 - 5249!

1st Ultrasound - Blighted Ovum at 6w2d

2nd Ultrasound - Confirmed Blighted Ovum

M/C at 7 weeks cry.gif


#2 dozy80

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 05:02 PM

I've been really secretive ever since we started trying. I just say, "in a few years", because I figure I'll either be pregnant or adopting.

I do find it really awkward when people ask though.

Me: 33, DH: 36
TTC since February 2010
Diagnosis: Unexplained

IVF#1 - September 2011
21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature, 16 fertilized, transferred 1 5-day blast, 3 embryos frozen

DS born June 2012


#3 tabby

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 05:03 PM

I got by with lots of "I dunno, maybe someday" s. One thing that was really effective at shutting people up was "I don't know. We'll see how I do looking after our new pet first." Since we were older and most of our friends are childless no one asked for too much information.

I do recommend that you are very selective about who knows you are ttc. Many people think it's a miracle cure that works quickly and reliably the first time and it's hard dealing with their disappointment (or disapproval) as well as your own.
me: 41 dh:47
ttc from Sept 06
dx: endometriosis

Six clomid cycles including
two IUIs led to one pregnancy
that ended in m/c
IVF #1 in Jan/Feb 09 BFN
8 frosties

FET May 7, 09 BFP!!!
First u/s June 9 at 7w1d: a healthy singleton with a hb of 137bpm
August 20 (four months pg): It's a boy!
DS born February 4, 2010

#4 Erin_G

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:29 AM

I started out by just laughing it off and saying I was waiting for DH to grow up first. Unfortunately that just led to people giving me variations of the "tick tock" speech. What had mostly worked for me was that we hope to have kids someday but we'll have to see what's in the cards. I found that to be non-descript enough that people didn't know my business but also kept them from trying to tell me about my biological clock orpushing for more information.

Good luck. I know it's a tough one.
Erin & Cory
So fortunate to have twin boys from IVF #1
Thinking of the embabies we have on ice.

January 13- CD 1
March 2- ER, 10 mature eggs retrieved
March 3- 9 out of the 10 fertilized!
March 7- Transfered 2 perfect blasts and froze 6.
March 23- Beta Day- 5500!!
April 7- 1st ultrasound- TWINS!
May 12- NT scan- both babies looking good
July 11- 20 week scan- two perfect looking boys 15oz each; cervix 4.5cm
August 3- 24 week scan- both boys looking good, weighing in at 1lb8oz each
September 1- 28 week scan- I have two big, active boys- Baby A 2lbs10oz, Baby B 2lbs15oz
October 10- Nathan & Brayden are here! Arrived safe and sound at 33w5d



#5 SnowAngel

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 03:51 PM

There is definitely a point where the needling and point blank questions get old. Our struggle started with secrecy (and private heartbreak/meltdown). Then over the years our friend groups changed as the baby people did their thing and we did ours. Over time it came out in the open when we started treatment that was really going to affect our lives. It could no longer be a secret and the people that were with us were really supportive and good about hearing the straight goods.

What to tell people when you are in treatment? That's up to you. But, as we found the first time around telling our families led to tons of other people knowing we were doing IVF. We'd accepted it by that time ourselves, so it wasn't that tough. Second time around we didn't share as much and they didn't ask as much. You just have to see what works and I agree, you need to be selective about who you tell because chances are that you will need to do lots of educating and ask them specifically for the kind of support and or discretion that you want.
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SnowAngel

If you want to know your past, look to your present conditions. If you want to know your future, look to your present actions.
- Buddhist saying on Karma


Married: September 4, 1999
TTC since: September 2003
me: 36 dh: 36

2004-2006
5 Cycles Chlomid
3 IUIs

2006-2010
Took a break

2010
Jul New clinic, new RE
Aug Started acupuncture,fibroid removed
Nov - IVF - BFP
Dec - Fetal heartbeat Dec 21. Miscarried Dec 26.
Aug-Dec - Leave of Absence from Work

2011
Jan - CoEnzyme Q10, Vit E, Vit C, Bet-carotene
Mar - IVF - BFN
May - Acupuncture, David & Blakeway's 'Making Babies' Program
Mar to ~Fall - Leave of Absence to give Project Baby the best I've got to offer!

#6 dawnkey

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 09:59 PM

I just tell people that I can't get pregnant without treatment... most people back off at that point. Or, they apologize for asking. I don't want people's pity - I just want them to mind their own business. lol.

Both of our families are fully aware that we are pursuing IVF. They have mostly kept their opinions to themselves, thankfully.

Me (41) Dx - Annovulatory PCOS, One blocked tube, Hashimoto's + Him (36) Perfect in every way! + 3 Fresh IVF cycles = Two perfect 👶🏼👶🏼 And one 👼🏼! Our Family is complete!

Treatment/Cycle details in my 'About Me'


#7 Nelly

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Posted 23 June 2011 - 10:48 AM

Let me just start by saying that I used to be one of those people to always asked couples about if they were going to have children and when. Of course, this is when infertility was not something I had ever thought of. So I want to say sorry! Of course, now I just never ask unless its someone whom I am very close with.

We spend so many years answering "we are trying so hopefully soon" when asked about kids and we have continued to say that in light of the discovery of infertility. What I really want to say to people is that they should just stop asking that question. It's far more personal than most people realize because they, like I used to be, are just unaware of infertility.
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#8 mouse

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Posted 23 June 2011 - 12:02 PM

I guess I've been luckier than most since most people never asked - I think they figured it would just happen or perhaps they'd heard my DH say he didn't want any. It wasn't until we moved overseas that I really ran into this question - and then every single cab driver, co worker, person on the bus would ask. For a long time I tried to be polite, but then decided just to be frank - and say that we'd had a baby die in utero and hadn't had any luck since then. Sometimes this was enough to make people change the subject - sometimes they took it as an open door to tell me what worked for the butcher, the baker, and their upstairs neighbour's cousin's shoeshine boy's candlestick maker. Sigh, I'm sure they meant well.

On this side of the pond, I answered the que (and the now more and more common 'when are you having a second?') with a simple "From your lips to God's ear" which is so far (fingers crossed) doing the trick.

For the record I never asked others - I guess I just thought if they were going to, they would and then we'd all know.
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The plural of anecdote is not data.

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#9 Doggymommy28

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 02:11 PM

For the longest time it was 'lets see how we get on with a dog first'. After that the comments genearlly stopped (we have been married 8 years) however a few times people did say something it was something along the lines of well things are not always as easy as they scare you into thinking when your 16. I alwways wanted to answer someones question by asking them how their sex life was as in effect this is what they were asking me, I never had enought guts to actually say it to someone but I thought about it.

Now that we are at this stage close friends and family know what is going on but i ended up sending out an email about a month...


We writing this and truly hope that you are not offended as this is absolutely not the intention.

We have decided that from this point on what happens with our IVF cycle is going to be private. There is going to be a lot of things going on, tests/investigations, questions etc and as much as we love and respect all of you we truly feel that at this point we need what we are going through to just be the 2 of us. As you know the hope is that it results in a positive pregnancy test and given that most peolpe dont tell anyone for the first 3 months that they are even pregnant we would like to do the same. If something bad happens we will need to have the time to deal with that together rather than answering everyones, very well meaning questions.

We have so appreciated everyones support and love through this very trying time and really hope that sometime before the end of the year we will have some positive news to share with everyone. Until that time, please bear with us and I promise I will try and not be grumpy even though my hormones are going to be all over the place (DH does too)!!


Anyway I hope that this helps but I know its a hard question to answer when all you would love to do is give them a yes I'm pregnant.

Take care

Clovis
TTC since Aug/09

Aug/10 referral to RE
Sep/10 - Dec/10 multiple tests, HSG, sperm alaysis, blood work etc
Jan/11: Dx with MF infertity and DH referred for micro-tese
June/11: 0 sperm found with micro-tese
made decision to use donor sperm
made decisions re: donor
6 IUI's between July/11 and April/12 - all BFN's + 2 cancelled cycles

IVF:
May/12 patch protocol however cycle cancelled as clinic mis-timed drugs
June/12 patch protocol cycle cancelled due to crazy hormones
Waiting on CD1 (again) to now start suprafact IVF cycle - no AF, stupid hormones

July/12 hormones are normal again. RE suggests puregon straight away with no suprafact. Confirmed ER 28/July - my head is spinning from all these changes!
ET: 02/Aug - 1 embie tranferred
Early Beta 09/Aug - BFP 66 !!!!! Unfortunately also have OHSS but at this point I dont care so happy
Beta 13/Aug - 326
1 little gummi bear in there who is growing nicely and is 1 day ahead on dates
EDD: 19/April/13

#10 orchid

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Posted 03 July 2011 - 01:22 AM

My favorite line in the first 5 years we were TTC spanned from "We are not ready yet" to "We are enjoying being a twosome" and by the end my favorite one word response was: "Tonight".

By year 6, 7 and 8, close friends and family knew we had encountered challenges, so were open and honest with them about the exploratoy tests and treatments we were going through.

At the present moment, close family and friends know that we embarked on our IVF journey. A couple of my co-worker know as well, which was the most anxiety provoking thing, because they could see my belly growing (as a result of the hormone injections), so they outright asked me if I was pregnant. Not being upfront with people I see and interact with daily weighed heavy on me, so I told them. This may or may not be a good idea depending on the work environment, but for me so far so good.

Ultimately, it's a very personal thing, but one thing I've learned: guaranteed, telling a sibling who just had a baby and is overwhelmed by the intense attention her baby needs is not going to yield an appropriate response to the news that your $10,000 IVF failed, even though she is a shrink and you've gutwrenchingly organized her baby shower. Silly me! Telling grandma that you can't get pregnant because your husband's sperm isn't enough is going to yield that very practical and to her obvious solution: ask his friend to get you pregnant! Close friends we've told have been very lovely, so much so that a nurse friend of my checked in on me daily by phone during the IVF cycle. Her support and expertise I appreciated immensely. Also, my Mom, who has no medical knowledge whatsoever, yet was able to provide just the right words of comfort and encouragement when all I could do is sob on the phone, was also immensely comforting.

On more of an advocacy note, I believe that I need to be open with the people I know about infertility. Being in the middle of it all may not be the right time to be an advocate for all, but when I tell people about the fact that we are doing IVF, I found that some responded with great stories of people they knew who had overcome their infertility and those that had twins in the end. I love hearing those stories and they make me feel like we are not the only ones.
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Me:40 DH:41
TTC since 2003
Male Factor - Arimidex, but limited impact, therefore fast track to IVF/ICSI
IVF #1, May 2011 - Long Protocol
April 17 - start BCP (Marvelon)
May 3 - start Suprefact
May 13 - start Puregon
May 23 - HCG
May 25 - ER!!!!!!!! 16 eggs retrieved - all ICSI
May 26 - 14 eggs injected - 13 embrios (grow embies grow!)
May 30 - ET - 1 blast and 1 embryo transfered ... saw a taddpole wiggling on u/s!
June 1 - 2 blasts frozen (grade 4BB and 3BC)
June 05 - brown spotting
June 06 - bright red bleed
June 08 - Scheduled beta - BFN - sad.png
 
FET #1, July 2011
July 11 - Cycle day 1 - Started Estrace and Baby Aspirin
July 21 - u/s to check lining
July 27 - ET of 2 blasts
Aug 5 - BFP ... beta 164
Aug 8 - beta 429
1st u/s - Sept 1 - singleton - h/b 160n/t scan - Sept 30
1st OB appt - Oct 5a/s - Nov 23 - it's a BOY!!EDD - April 14, 2012
Karl Frederick was born on April 1st at 4:32 pm weighing 8 lbs 14 oz.

TTC #2 ... hope this works!
 
IVF #2 - Sept 2014 
Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 300
23 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized, 1 3AB transferred, 1 3BC frozen
Oct 14 - brown spotting
Oct 15 - bright red bleed ... this is looking like my other fresh cycle!!
Oct 20 - BFP ... beta 67 ... OMG!!
Oct 23 - beta 182
Oct 27 - beta 1320
Nov 14 - HB around 72 and measuring at 6wk3dys, rather than 7wks4dys ... will probably m/c
Dec 2 - no HB and measuring 7wk4dys, miscarried the next day sad.png
 
FET #2, May 2015
Transferred 3BC ... BFN sad.png

IVF #3 - July/Aug 2015

Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 350

July 27 - start BCP

Aug 5 - start Suprefact

Aug 14 - start Gonal F

Aug 25 - retrieval of 16 oocytes

Aug 26 - 15 ICSIed, 8 fertilized

Aug 30 - 3 frosties (4AB, 2AC, 3AC) - freeze all cycle by choice

 
FET #3, Sept 2015

Transferred 4AB ... BFN ... sad.png devastated.

 

FET #4, Oct 2015

Transferred 2AC and 3AC ... very low BFP (7) ... second beta 0

 

IVF #4 - May 2016

Long Protocol - Suprefact, Gonal F 350, Luveris

May 11 - retrieval of 17 oocytes, 12 ICSId, 12fertilized

May 17 - nothing to transfer or freeze sad.png

 

Time for 2nd opinions


#11 impatient

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Posted 04 July 2011 - 12:55 AM

In the beginning, we would say, "Our puppy is keeping us busy enough right now."

Then after we started fertility treatments, "Probably in a year or two."

Now, since obviously more than a year or two has passed, I usually just tell people straight out if they're rude enough to ask. I don't go into details. I just say, "We've been doing fertility treatments for the last three and half years." If they keep pressing, I say, "We've been to every fertility clinic in BC" or "We've spent about $40,000 trying to get pregnant." That usually shuts them up.

Then, if they say, "Why don't you just adopt?", I tell them that we applied over a year ago and that we're halfway through the application process.

If anyone doesn't have the sense to drop the subject after that, then they're definitely not someone who belongs in my life. ^_^

Oh yeah, and just to add ... sometimes sharing about IF can be a good thing. A lot of people have or are going through a similar experience. But some people are very judgemental about infertility/IVF - so be prepared for nasty comments, and some people are just plain dumb - so be prepared for some stupid comments too.
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014, finalized Feb 2015!


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#12 impatient

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Posted 04 July 2011 - 03:40 PM

Ironically, I just got asked again this morning. At least she wasn't rude about it. She told me I'm still young and have plenty of time. Pretty funny because she's the same age as I am, but she just doesn't know it!
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014, finalized Feb 2015!


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#13 mcmuffin

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Posted 10 July 2011 - 05:12 PM

Thought I would jump in!

We haven't told anyone yet, and we are not entirely sure who we are going to tell or what we are going to say. DH is on board with whatever I decide. A part of me wants to tell those closest to us but another part doesn't, mostly because if we are not successful I do not want to have to answer questions (btw, Clovis I love the email that you wrote... I think I might use some of it when we do decide to tell people).

Yesterday my hubby's great aunt told us that we'd better get started (trying to have children because we're not getting any younger, blah blah blah). I took it with a grain of salt - she is a sweet lady and almost 90 years old, so I know it was only coming from a place of love. So I just made a joke of it and told her, "I guess we haven't figured out where babies come from yet." She responded, "Well, I guess that's my cue to go home so that the two of you can take the rest of the day to figure it out." Hah!
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#14 IreneIVF

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 07:03 AM

We told my family about the difficulties that we were having after a year of trying and my DH's parents about 6-8 months after that. We are not as close with his family because we don't live in the same city. We were nervous about telling his parents because my MIL likes to gossip and we weren't sure who she would tell. She was very understanding, which was great... but since then has told several people. I was very upset, but can't say that I'm surprised. She tells me all the time what her friends suggest we try doing - but not to worry because they don't know who we are, so she's still keeping it a secret.... not sure if she knows what a secret means....!

I tell non-family that ask "maybe in the next year or so"... but you can only say that for so long. After what happened with my MIL, I am far more careful about who I tell.

Irene

TTC since February 2009 - 4 IUI's in 2010 - all BFN,
IVF #1 - July/August 2011 (2 blasts transferred, no frosties) BFN
Switched to the Hannam Clinic - IVF #2 BFN
One more try - now cycling at CCRM in Denver, CO - IVF #3 no embryos made it to blast.
On to donor eggs! DE IVF #1 - Transferred 2 blasts - BFP!!!! EDD Jan 22, 2014Subchorionic hemorrage June 6 & 7 in the ER - heart beat 136 - thank god DD born January 16, 2014!
FET #1 - May 2015 BFN
FET #2 - July 2015 BFP - TWINS! EDD April 20, 2016

#15 Ames

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 02:18 PM

We were fairly open about the fact that we are having difficulties. I just couldn't take answering that anymore. I used to say "soon, hopefully" or "whenever it happens, we'll share" but I got tired of it. So, I started saying "we are having difficulties, and it looks like fertility treatments will be the only way for us to conceive. We would appreciate your support, but also privacy as we deal with this. We will be sure to share when it does finally happen."

People seem to get it a bit more now and the questions have just about stopped from the previous offenders :)

Cycle history in "about me"

3rd transfer was a success!
Welcome to the world our precious miracle! Landen John Thomas arrived March 21, 2012 at 4:09am weighing 6lbs3ozs and measuring 20 inches. We couldn't be more in love with him. He was so worth the wait!


Suddenly we have a toddler and each day is more wondrous for all of us...time to try to make him a big brother!


#16 Fiveyears777

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Posted 03 August 2011 - 08:20 PM

I would like to vent a bit, maybe this is the place, maybe not- I have a "friend" that I have distanced myself from due to her drama and opinions, but she would always ask us about why we are not pregnant yet, and conclude for me that we just needed to adopt, because her husbands brother and wife were infertile and they successfully adopted 2 children as infants from the same mother. For "less" then IVF treatments would cost. Here is what I would have liked to say to her 1) I don't want to find myself too old to try IVF, and regret that I didn't. 2) Imagine if your daughter came with a $10,000 price tag after her delivery, and if you didn't pay it, you would have to "give her back" you would do everything possible to get the money, and pay the bill. So, I demand the right to do the same- but I have to have the money up front. And I want the same respect for it. And then I would say "SO THERE." Lol, I just needed to get that off my chest, I am tired of people asking me "when are you going to have kids" it is hurtful and personal, and I should counter them by asking, oh I dunno, maybe when you pay off all your credit cards, quit smoking pot, and move out of your parents basement! But that would be rude! Thank you, ventilation complete.
Cheers ladies!

#17 GingerBelle

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 12:12 PM

FiveYears - I am sorry you are dealing with the insensitive friend. It's hard when people just don't understand. I recently found out that my mom took it upon herself to discuss my issues with her SIL, after I expressly told her not to talk about it with other family members. She says she did it because her SIL has "been there" and her suggestion was to "get on the adoption list." Not only am I furious with my mother for doing this, but seriously what kind of advice is that?!! Adoption will be a last resort for us and we are not even CLOSE to being there yet. So thanks anyways for your UNSOLICITED advice!!!

IVF/ICSI #1 - June/July 2012
1 day 5 blast transferred
2 frozen day 5 blasts
DS born March 2013 heart.gif

FET #1 - 1 4BB blast transferred January 28, 2015

Beta #1 - February 10 - 701!

Beta #2 - February 16 - 5249!

1st Ultrasound - Blighted Ovum at 6w2d

2nd Ultrasound - Confirmed Blighted Ovum

M/C at 7 weeks cry.gif


#18 hopefulgirl

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Posted 15 August 2011 - 01:55 PM

I hate hate hate that question! I know ppl mean well but a year into trying I vowed to NEVER ask a woman that again.

We would usually answer "Maybe in a few years" or "When the time is right". We had one friend who never let up, so the last time she asked me when I'm having a baby I answered "Well when I get pregnant I guess. Doesn't it work that way?" and winked. Not much you can respond to that. :)

We still haven't announced our pregnancy widely yet so now we answer "It's on the horizon".
DX:PCOS 2 years, lots of tears and one lucky IVF cycle...
Winter 2012 - Welcome to the world baby boy!
Summer 2013- Surprise BFP makes two?!
Aug - NT scan looks great. In love already.
Feb 2014- Welcome baby boy #2

#19 helenhere

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Posted 25 August 2011 - 08:08 AM

We tell everyone everything. My husband jokes about his sperm and I joke about getting hormone injections. People are understanding, others shocked at our openess, and some are curious and ask many questions which we do not mind. Infertility is not a secret and I think we have helped others examine their situation. If we need help with something regarding the IVF, somebody is willing to help and does not need a big explanation because the issue is general knowledge to all. People are excited for us and if bad things happen, well, there are many shoulders to cry on. It works for us.

Good luck with everything!
Me: 35 DH: 37 Tubes tied at 25 years old and DH low sperm and motility
March 2011: consult for IVF
Lots and lots of bloodwork
October 2011: Hysterscopy to remove polyp
January 18th: Started Daronda 20 units
January 30th: BW and Daronda reduced to 15 units
February 2nd: BW and Daronda reduced to 10 units
February 8th: BW and Daronda remains at 10 units
Told to start stimming on February 16th
Febraury 16th: Started Menopur
February 20th:BW E2 535
February 22nd: Ultrasound
February 23rd: BW E2 at 2500
February 24th: US many nice big follies
February 25th: 11:15pm trigger shot
February 27th: Go to hospital at 8pm for more bloodwork and to prepare for ER
February 28th: ER!!!!!

#20 galfromaway

galfromaway
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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Halifax, NS
  • Dx:N/A
  • My Clinic:AART

Posted 30 August 2011 - 01:13 PM

We've been pretty honest with those closest to us. My FIL would joke about it being time to get me pregnant, and this started after a couple months of me living with my now husband. :D But once we started trying, and started having to look at the assisted fertility side of things, we made sure to tell our parents and siblings, and our closest friends, as well as key work colleagues (I share an office - hard not to hear phone convos) about what we were going to be going through. Some would ask how things were going, but for the most part everyone was pretty respectful and didn't pry too much. And the "Got her knocked up yet?" teasing stopped too. (Kind of sad about that - it was fun in some ways. :)) And we'd let folks know how things were going, be it the injections, or the multiple blood stabbings I'd have to have in the course of a week, or the emotional roller coaster it was. The support was so important for us, and still is.

Now if an acquaintance ever asks, we just tell them we're still practicing and leave it at that. ;)

We'll hopefully be starting our second IVF attempt in the next few months, and we've decided to keep this one a little quieter - our parents know, but we're not telling our siblings at this point, and only certain friends are being made aware of it. After the disappointment of the first one, we need a little more privacy with this one.

Cautious optimism. :)

Good luck!

Our story:

Nov 2009 - laparoscopy, endometriosis removed.
Jan-July 2010 - Clomid. Nuffin.
Nov 2010- IVF attempt 1 - two embryos transferred
Dec 2010 - Positive beta
Jan 2011 - Blighted ovum sad.png
Oct 2011 - IVF attempt 2
Nov 2011 - Negative beta. Done.
Winter 2011/12 - published: http://offbeatmama.c...t-not-defective
Spring 2012 - PRIDE training
July 11, 2012 - positive HPT - WTF??!!! Natural pregnancy it seems! Approx 6.5 weeks along
July 20, 2012 - Appointment with doctor. Ultrasound - it's in there!! 7w6d along, due March 1, 2013!

 

This is really happening! *happydance*

 

February 25, 2013 - Dakota Rose arrived after a somewhat unexpected c-section. And we are so in love. :)

 

 

 


#21 ivfsurvivor

ivfsurvivor
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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Calgary, Alberta
  • Dx:Endometriosis
  • My Clinic:RFP Calgary

Posted 15 September 2011 - 12:16 AM

I told people, "We don't know, because at this point we can't", shut them up immediately.

Now we tell them that we have one IVF baby and the second one will have to be that way too, so we don't know when or if. Sometimes they ask more questions because they are curious, and I am at ease with the situation and process now so I answer whatever questions they have. I'm not embarassed anymore to suffer from IF, I accept it for what it is, a challenge, and believe that on the whole as a group we are too private. IF is more common than people think and maybe by bringing it to peoples attention Provincial funding will follow.

Trust me, this attitude did not come easy, our DD made it easier though. Before Eylish, I'd basically start crying at that question and actually filed a harassment complaint against a co-worker because he wouldn't back off me being pregnant. I am a police officer and he wrote "Pregnant woman driving" in the dust on the back of my cruiser, I went immediately to the car wash. He meant it in good fun, but it was like cutting off my toes on a daily basis. Lots of heartache, lots of writing, lots of soul searching, lots of therapy, lots of support, lots of many things, helped me get here. A much happier and contented place.

T.
I'm gonna go now. My time here is done, and it's time to move on. I am on Facebook and if you'd like to be my friend PM me, I will leave this account active for awhile, but not for too much longer.

It's been a blast(ocyst) (my lame attempt a IF humor)

T.

#22 jalara

jalara
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  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Dx:N/A

Posted 16 October 2011 - 01:44 PM

Generally, we keep things to ourselves. But I've found that I need to tell some people, so I talk to a couple of ladies I take classes with - it feels safe since they don't know us or our family really, and they're very understanding and even curious about the science behind it (being nursing students and all).

Our families have no idea, and that's the way it's going to have to stay. I can't handle my IL's being more nosy or loud-mouthed than they are (MIL called all 5 of her sister's the night BIL told her (in confidence) that they were expecting .....).

For now, when people are being nosy, I ask about their sex life or fav way to masturbate - because that's how private I consider these things and they get the hint pretty darn quick!
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#23 bambi

bambi
  • Global 100+
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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Toronto
  • Interests:Looooooove to travel, photography, reading, tennis, cooking, foreign movies :)
  • Dx:Immunological
  • My Clinic:MFC

Posted 19 November 2011 - 07:51 PM

First of all, I'd like to say that I am so happy to have found this forum. I think it's a great way for us to share what we're going through without worrying that anyone is going to judge us.
I too struggle with this question and I hate it when people ask. I don't mind if they ask if we have kids, it's when they ask... "when are you going to have them"? That's what frustrates me the most... It's obvious that people that ask such question haven't had any problems getting pregnant and having children.
Before I used to answer by saying... "I don't know if we're ready for that yet..." but now I just say..."Have kids? Are you kidding me? And mess up my figure"????????????
People just shut up when I say that... especially women... LOL
Meanwhile inside, my only true desire is to hold a baby in my arms and give him/her all the love that I have to give.
God only knows how much I want that.
Thanks for listening.

ME: 38, DH: 39
Trying to conceive since 2007
Natural pregnancy #1: 2007: seven weeks, left ectopic (treated with Methotrexate)
Natural pregnancy #2: 2008: six weeks, left ectopic (treated with Methotrexate)
IVM 1: 2010: BFN
IVM 2: 2011: BFN
IVM 3: 2011: BFN
Changed clinic: MFC
Explored immune testing with AEB: July/August 2012
Suggested Immune treatment: 2 LIT, 1 IVIG, Lovenox and Aspirin
LIT 1: September 2012
LIT 2: October 2012

Got clearance to cycle from AEB
Started BCP: October
November 14: Day 2 of cycle got cancelled due to high estrogen levels and cyst
December: BCP
January: starting IVF #1


#24 conky

conky
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  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:DOR

Posted 20 November 2011 - 09:38 AM

I didn't get the question too often (not as often as most do), but if it was someone I really didn't want to share personal information with, I'd say something non-commital like "we'd like to, we'll see" but for others I would be honest and say we'd been trying but were having difficulty. I'm pretty comfortable being open about having difficulty and seeing a fertility doctor (and using IVF in the end). I totally get that some people like to keep this sort of information private...it's very painful and personal, and frankly a lot of people out there are assholes who will react as such...but I feel FOR US it's important to be honest about it because we're comfortable doing so and I think it's important for people to know that infertility can happen to anyone and it's not just spoiled, rich couples who use IVF.

#25 nervousjessie

nervousjessie
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  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Regional Fertility Clinic Calgary

Posted 21 November 2011 - 03:44 PM

I have also struggled with this question, we have kept it very secret for the 4 years of ttc but I'm so tired of friends and strangers asking the dreaded question, for us the question changed from WHEN will you have to kids to WHY don't you have kids (I guess they wanted more of an answer than we just didn't want kids), and ya that was hard! It got to a point that I didn't want to go anywhere or see anyone bc of this question.

We are 33 and 35 and belong to a large group of friends that are all couples, and most of them have 2-3 kids each but we are one of only 2 couple (out of about 20) that don't have kids, and the other couple just got married so they don't really count, all they talk about is how bad they want kids and can't wait.

I don't know how many times our friends have asked me, men and womeon, why we don't want kids. What else got to be very difficult is a few of our "best friends" that we used to do everything with (holidays, camping, dinners, barbecues ) stopped WANTING to do things with us, they actually said it was because we didn't have any kids for their kids to play with . . . It has gotten to a point that we hardly talk to or see friends we have had for over 10 years because they want to do things with people who have kids, we don't get invited to group get togethers anymore, even though i would always make an effort to "stop" by and torture myself with the 30 babies and toddlers running around. Now I know I just said I got to a point where I didnt want to do much, but it was a totally different feeling to be discriminated against for not having kids, especially when these couples knew we had been trying, they didn't know the extent of our infertility but knew we had been trying. And I most often made an appearance, at all the baby showers and visits in the hospital . . .

Talk about suffering in silence! Then we decided to tell a few our families and got the standard response "it's no big deal, just adopt" easy for you to say when you have kids of your own . . . or else they would just feel sorry for us . . . not sure which was worse . . . or like my mother who is so worried about the risks she feels like we are playing god and going against nature . . . I guess the question is really is there an appropriate response?

I did decide to confide in one of my closest girlfriends and she was great in the beginning but during my actual IVF cycle she didn't ever have time to chat, she knows I started my cycle back in October and she hasn't asked me once how it was going or how it went or anything - not very supportive in my opinion!

Then, I met "Monica", a lawyer I met through my business, on our third lunch meeting I told her everything . . . it just came pouring out of me, and she has been AMAZING! I mean, she barely knows me and sends me email cards all the time that make me smile and feel so much better - supportive!

I think what I have learned is that this is a very difficult time in our lives and people just honestly don't know how to respond, they do their best to say what they think will help not realizing the impact it might have.

wow, sorry for being SO long winded, no idea that was going to happen when I started typing!!