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IVF at 43 - Does it make sense?

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#26 misshoneysuckle

  • Just Hatched
  • 1 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Calgary
  • Interests:First time IVF in 2012 with a Donor made one gorgeous girl. Trying again - we have 3 embryos left.
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:Dr Sher, Las Vegas

Posted 04 July 2015 - 06:12 PM

It depends how much money you have and how badly IVF takes its toll on you.  After reading so many sad stories of failed pregnancies with women of higher FSH such as myself, and as we had limited income, we did our very first IVF as a donor cycle and had a gorgeous baby girl when I was 40, and she's now 3.


We are looking at doing a frozen cycle later this year as we have three embryos in storage.  We used Dr Sher in Vegas as he was highly recommended.  He is always investigating new techniques.  One is testing blood for NDK 'killer' cells - my medical knowledge is not at expert level but my understanding is that some women have cells in their blood that are so efficient at protecting that they work to expel a pregnancy.    His prescription was a course of 3 or 4 Intralipids by IV tube.   He also precribed Viagra suppositories as my uterine lining was thin when he first checked me over upon my arrival at his clinic.   Having a donor takes so much money, and in some countries such as my native UK it's illegal to have anonymous egg or sperm donations, which means you have to go on a list for a free donor or find a somebody lovely who may do it for you.   


I was very upset when I was first told that I'd probably need a donor to get pregnant.  I was crying on the floor, actually, for a long time and my husband didn't understand.  All sorts of reasons - I felt that the baby would be 'his' and not 'mine'; I felt old and unattractive as I was peri menopausal; I thought that if we had a donor egg child that one day he or she would seek out her 'real' mother and prefer her to me.  It was hard to pick a donor as the agency we were recommended sent us adult pictures and I was only expecting pictures of the donors as children - some people would want to see those perhaps but I wish I hadn't.  It was also a little hard to show my husband pictures of these women as it was like he was choosing an alternate mother of his child, and maybe prefer her to me.  I also had a little cry when he gave over his sperm donation as it made me think that he was going off to make a baby with another woman.  So lots of insecurities surfaced, that may or may not affect you too!


The pregnancy wasn't easy as both embryos took, and one split, causing a triplet pregnancy which was monochorionic ... and after much debating we reduced to leave our singleton.  The decision still haunts me, but it was likely the entire pregnancy would have been lost otherwise, and there was a  big risk to my health.  Then an incompetent cervix was found and a cerclage fitted, and bed rest prescribed, which validated our sad decision - with an incompetent cervix, I would have certainly lost the entire pregnancy later on.  But our statistics for our baby developing normally were on our side due to the younger age or our donor.


So anyway.  Our darling is 3 years old and perfect.  I nursed her for 2.5 years and was so obsessed with her that I've waited much longer than anticipated to try for a second baby.   I decided before I was even pregnant not to tell too many people about using a donor, at least not initially because I read somewhere that it's the child's information to share when and if they are ready, and to whom, and to avoid the situation of telling them when they are old enough to understand, rather than them feeling that everybody knows their 'secret' already.  So at this stage, only two friends know: one who was trying to get pregnant at the same time as me, and another who had a little girl the same age as my little girl - who told me first that her baby was a donor too, so I blurted our my 'secret' to her and it felt good.  My mother passed on years ago, or I probably would have told her.  The biggest lesson I learned from this friend, who told everybody that they used a donor, was that most people forget anyway.  I do worry that my daughter will one day say 'you're not my real mother' but I kind of know that I AM!  She would not exist without me, and my husband of course; She was inside me, my food sustained her, I felt all her kicks and wriggles and I nursed her into toddlerhood. 

  • awaitingmyangel and iwant2beamama like this

Blocked Tubes and high FSH. First time IVF in 2012 with a Donor made one gorgeous girl.  Trying again later in 2015 - we have 3 embryos left.