What God Meant
Posted 14 January 2011 - 08:19 PM
What God Meant
What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility?
I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper.
I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.
I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.
I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility.
No, God never meant for me to not have children.
That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.
I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.
Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment.
I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.
Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.
And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
- tannikka, SandraDee, mouse and 13 others like this
Posted 14 January 2011 - 08:24 PM
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)
DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC,
Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).
May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )
Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014, finalized Feb 2015!
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Posted 14 January 2011 - 08:34 PM
"I'm opening up in sweet surrender to the luminous love light of the One"
Posted 14 January 2011 - 09:13 PM
Posted 15 January 2011 - 12:05 AM
- gibasgirl likes this
Diagnosed with Mild Endo, but considered "unexplained".
Married 2002, ttc since 2005
2005-2007 ttc naturally
2008 - finally referred to specialist and HSG
2009 - laparoscopy Dx - endo, treated.. given 70% chance of conceiving naturally with-in the year
2010 - still no baby... asked for referral to RFC
June '10 - initial consult at RFC, all testing complete... just waiting for the call
August 10th/10 - Got the call!! Woo hoo! Begin Superfact August 21st
September 4th/10 - Stims begin...
September 17th/10 - ER - 7 little eggies, 4 fertilized
September 20th/10 - ET - 2 beautiful little 8 cell embies, 2 frosties
October 5th/10 - BFP!!! Thank you Lord!! Beta was 858
Oct 25th/10 - first u/s One baby in heaven, one with a perfect heartbeat - 152 bpm
Nov 12th/10 - second u/s measuring 9w 5d!! Heard the heartbeat!!! 165bpm!!
Dec. 8th/10 - first prenatal appointment - got to hear baby's heart on doppler! Doctor says I am measuring pretty big!
Jan 13th/11 - third u/s - Do I want to know the gender?? Hmmmm... nope!
May 13th/11 - Beautiful baby boy!! Simpson Hunter, 7lbs 1oz, 20"... born at 35w6d!
June/July 2012 - trying to get back for FET... I think we are on the waitlist??
August 2012 - Possible PCOS?? not really sure u/s report said ovaries appeared polycystic??
Oct 8/12 - start sniffing Suprefact again, FET tentatively set for Nov 12-16
Nov. 13/12 - FET of two beautiful thawed out frosties! One 7 cell, one 6 cell (lost one cell in the thaw).
Nov 28/12 - test day... Praying for a blessing... or blessings... <3 POAS on Nov. 24 (11dp3dt) and BFP! Thank you Lord again!
Dec. 9/12 - emerg u/s after bleeding and abdominal pains - one gestational sac...
Dec. 20/12 - next u/s - will get a better view and hopefully see that beating heart!! Yup! 158bpm and measuring right on track at 7w5d!
Jan. 4/12 - prenatal - heard baby's heart on doppler - 160bpm. <3
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Posted 15 January 2011 - 08:22 AM
Trying since fall 2007
All tests show normal (we're "unexplained")
COH+IUI in Nov 08 = BFN
IVF # 1 Feb 09 - BFN
IVF #2 June 2009 - BFP
13 week u/s showed a missed m/c. Baby stopped developing around 8 weeks. Damn.
Moving on to adoption
March 22, 2010 - finished PRIDE classes
waiting to begin homestudy sometime in the next two years. That's not a typo - TWO YEARS
Feb 2012 - got a call that they are ready to start our home study...putting off all adoption decisions for at least 6 months because I am 2 weeks from my due date (see below)
Feb 2011 - we've been offered donor embryos! FET in a few months after preliminary tests are done...
FET June 2011:
May 7 - start suprefact and low dose aspirin (on CD21)
May 14 - AF started - super heavy and I'm super cranky. Headaches from the suprefact too
May 21 - starting Estrace and both of us start antibiotics
June 3 - u/s to check lining
June 8 - FET
June 21 - Beta is 564. June 24 Beta is 2286
July 12 - first u/s at 7w1d
Aug 18 - second u/s at 12w4d - everything looks great
Aug 30 - first prenatal appt
Oct 6 - 20w anatomy scan, could find out the sex!
It's a BOY!!
EDD is Feb 26, 2012
beautiful healthy baby boy born March 1, 2012 <3
My friend ButterflyKiss provided this quote from Laura Bush's book and I think it captures how many of us feel:"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence... for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"
Posted 15 January 2011 - 12:47 PM
Nov 2009 - laparoscopy, endometriosis removed.
Jan-July 2010 - Clomid. Nuffin.
Nov 2010- IVF attempt 1 - two embryos transferred
Dec 2010 - Positive beta
Jan 2011 - Blighted ovum
Oct 2011 - IVF attempt 2
Nov 2011 - Negative beta. Done.
Winter 2011/12 - published: http://offbeatmama.c...t-not-defective
Spring 2012 - PRIDE training
July 11, 2012 - positive HPT - WTF??!!! Natural pregnancy it seems! Approx 6.5 weeks along
July 20, 2012 - Appointment with doctor. Ultrasound - it's in there!! 7w6d along, due March 1, 2013!
This is really happening! *happydance*
February 25, 2013 - Dakota Rose arrived after a somewhat unexpected c-section. And we are so in love.
Posted 15 January 2011 - 01:00 PM
Me (Nona): 36 DH (Greg):36 2 stepkids (age 12 & 14)
I have been a teacher since 2002.
TTC my first since 1999 (through 2 marriages)
One natural pregnancy (ectopic) May 21, 2009 :'(
IVF #1 (October 2010)
long protocol: 3 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized and transferred. BFN.
IVF #2 (October 2011)
short flare protocol: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized, 2 transferred, 7 frosties.
BFP (beta- 112, then 133, then 31) lost the pregnancy :'(
HSG- December 20/11 (right side blocked w/ hydro at end, left side open)...
FET #1 (March 2012)
u/s on March 16th, transferred 3 embies March 23rd
beta on April 5th- BFN (less than 1.2)
4 frosties left.... need further implantation testing...
Lap on April 13th: removed what was left of right tube, freed up left tube. Hysteroscopy and lysis of adhesions.
Breakup of marriage, December/12... I am giving up on TTC.
Posted 16 April 2012 - 12:52 AM
Posted 02 May 2012 - 01:35 PM
TTC just over a year
AFC: 6 (3 on each side)
IVF cycle (flare):
16 March 2012 - Start BCP
4 April 2012 - 1st u/s and bw
8 April 2012 - Start suprefact
10 April 2012 - Start Gonal F and Luveris
16 April 2012 - 2nd u/s and bw. 2 follicles on right, size 1.1 and 0.9, nothing on left. Dr. G. said to cancel the cycle and go to Mexico or US if I wish so. DH insisted on continuing.
19 April 2012 - 3rd u/s and bw. Now I have 2 more on left side.
21 April 2012 - 4th u/s and HCG trigger
23 April 2012 - EG - 4 follicles, 4 eggs, 2 follicles from right side ICSIed
24 April 2012 - 2 eggs from left side ICSIed
26 April 2012 - Transfer of 3 beautiful embryos
8 May 2012 - HPT - BFN
11 May 2012 - Urine test at lab - BFP
Miscarried before 1st u/s on May 29th
"God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains..."
Posted 02 May 2012 - 05:23 PM
Posted 08 May 2012 - 05:59 PM
Together 12 years, married since August 2009.
TTC: Since April 2011
Feb 14, 2012 - Initial consult with Hannam - Cycle monitoring, various blood testing, ultrasounds and sonohysterogram for me. Bloods and SA for DH.
March 30, 2012 - Second consult with Hannam to review all tests - DH dx with azoospermia. Me dx potential mild PCO. Confirmed I am not a CF carrier.
April 2012 - Subsequent blood tests for DH for blood levels (FSH etc). Karyotyping, cystic fibrosis,Y Micro Deletion tests and ultrasound also completed.
May 18,2012 - Karyotype test came back normal.
May 31, 2012 - Third RE appointment at Hannam. FSH and testosterone normal. Ultrasounds normal. No Y deletion. Small varicocele.
June 4, 2012 - Urologist apt with Dr. Grober, Mt Sinai - Suspected OA, suspected missing VD on one side. Requested TRUS, 3rd SA to test for retrograde ej & biopsy.
June 7, 2012 - Retrograte test completed.
June 14, 2012 - TRUS completed.
June 18, 2012 - Results from urologist - Retrograde sample - normal. TRUS - no vas or semen gland on the left side & some minor abnormalities on the right side. No need for biopsy yet.
June 28, 2012 - CF results received - DH comfirmed as CF carrier CFTR mutation (deltaF508).
June 28, 2012 - Request sent to MedCan for genetics councelling appointment. MedCan appointment confirmed for July 5, 2012. Decided not to go ahead with MedCan appointment in the end
July 9 2012 - Urologist appointment with Dr Grober to discuss next steps (ICSI). Confirmed that we would require ICSI and he would do PESA/TESA.
July 16, 2012 - Fourth appointment with Hannam. Discussed proceeding with IVF/ICSI. Decided to put IVF on hold due to change of country due to work. Ugggh more waiting!
Next Step - waiting for appointment with SIMS clinic in Ireland to proceed with IVF there. Initial consultation scheduled for September 17th, 2012 to discuss our case. Hopefully proceed with ICSI in January 2013.
"If plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 other letters"...............We're getting started on plan B
Posted 25 May 2012 - 01:23 PM
Thank you for posting this. It brought tears to my eyes. after all we have been through to finally have the blessing. I too say that this was G-d's plan for me. That I had to endure to learn....
All the Best,
- gibasgirl likes this
Posted 13 September 2012 - 09:11 PM
- gibasgirl likes this
Posted 13 September 2012 - 10:39 PM
Dx: Stage IV Endometrosis
Jan 2011 - First Laparoscopy, removed 2 cysts: 12 and 5 cm
Jun 2011 - Ultrasound revealed both tubes blocked
At the OFC:
1st IVF w/ ICSI - Antagonist patch protocol
Oct 31 - CD1
Retrieved 10 (follie count: 11 total, 3>15mm), only 6 mature, 1 abnormal
Injected 4 eggs, 3 fertilized, 1 made it to day 3, transferred 1 good quality 8 cell embryo
M/C at 6 weeks...
2nd IVF w/ ICSI - Antagonist patch protocol
Mar 24 - CD1
Retrieved 6 (follie count: 12 total, 5 >15mm), 4 mature
No transfer, none fertilized
Changed clinic: Hannam
3rd IVF w/ ICSI - Antagonist with OCP (GonalF+Luvervis, Etroxin)
Sept 18 - CD1
8 Eggs retrieved, 6 mature, 4 fertilized
Transferred 2 good quality blasts! One on ice
Nov 22 - Beta 9dp5dt 145 BFP!!! <3
Nov 26 - Beta 13dp5dt 915
Dec 10 - u/s @ 6w4d - 1 bean measuring 6w4d, hb @ 111 bpm
Dec 17 - 7w4d - [email protected] 152!!
- DS born Aug 4, 2013
Feb 2015 - FET
1 last embryo did not survive thaw - cancelled
Posted 13 September 2012 - 11:43 PM
Posted 23 September 2012 - 01:29 AM
#1 - IVF/ICSI March 2007 - BFN
#2 - FET July 2007 - miscarried at 6 weeks
#3 - IVF/ICSI March 2008 - BFP
Beautiful baby boy born 40 wks 6 days
#4 - FET May 2011 BFN
#5 - FET October 2011 BFN
#6 - FET January 2012 BFP
7 week ultrasound (Feb. 24) - twins!!
12 week ultrasound (April 2) - Baby A not doing well
April 5th - Selective Reduction of Baby A to give Baby B the best opportunity. A very sad day in our household.
October 12, 2012 - Beautiful baby boy born 40 wks 2 days.
Posted 23 September 2012 - 02:33 AM
- blessedtwice likes this
Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:37 AM
Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:42 AM
January 12, 2016 - Baby Lucas born (38w3d) 5lbs10oz, 19.5 in long! We are so in love!
Posted 02 October 2012 - 10:42 AM
DH - all good
4+ years TTC - about me page for details
Posted 03 October 2012 - 10:48 PM
Your post brought some peace to my heart tonight.
Me: 32 years old
DH: 36 years old
DS: 8 years old - June 17th, 2005 DD: 5 Months
TTC since 2008
Natural pregnancy #1: June 2005 - Our beautiful son - 5lbs 9oz
Natural pregnancy #2: Aug 2009 - MC @ 4w
Oct.8th, 2010- We got Married!
Natural pregnancy #3: April 2011 - MC @ 4w
Natural pregnancy #4 :Feb 2012 - MC @ 4W
Feb 2012 - referred to Markham Fertility Clinic
Diagnosed as Recurrent Early Pregnancy Loss.
August 2012 - Started a organic food and vitamin detox
October 7, 2012 - OMG! BFP!!!!!
Oct. 9 2012 - Crap pink discharge..Emerg room visit...U/S showed Sac and blood work was fine
Oct. 10 2012 - Followup with Dr. Garcia HCG increased in 24 hours!
HCG injections and Progesterone to keep my sesame seed safe.
All blood work from genetic testing came back normal for myself and DH
Oct.24, 2012 - u/s #1 showed a wonderful tiny beating heart!
Oct.24th 2012 - spotting at night from u/s #1 - u/s # 2 showed a strong little bean holding on there
Nov 7, 2012 - 9w u/s - perfect!
Nov. 28th, 2012 - 12 week NT Scan - beautiful experience!
Dec 6th - Followup
Jan 7, 2013 - 2nd blood/Urine test
Jan. 21st - 20 week Anatomy Scan - We're having a GIRL
Jan 22 - Follow up - All tests are clear and normal. Placenta previa will be monitored until delivery
Posted 08 October 2012 - 06:10 PM
TTC - 2005 - No ChildrenMe: 40 - PCOS/Low Egg Reserve/High FSH 17DH: 41- HealthyART: Clomid/Clomid IUI/Superovulation IUI (completed too many cycles to count)Feb 2010 - Clomid IUI - BFP - Missed Miscarriage at 7 weeksJune 2011- IVF cycle cancelled - advised no further fertility treatment recommended due to high FSH 17 & low egg reserveIVF DE - Friend agreed to donate her eggs but later changed her mind - IVF cycle cancelledOct 2011 - IVF DE - BFP - Difficulties: low hcg, spotting & cramping -spontaneous miscarriage at 6 weeks 4 days Sept 2012 - Cancun, Mexico - IVF FET 3 5 day transferred - stick my little beans - Mommy loves you alreadySept 29th 2012 - Positive HPT! BFP - Now to wait for the official Beta Results Oct 2, 2012 - HCG 964 Progestrone level 84.0 (14days past transfer) - now the wait to see if levels are increasing normallyOct 4, 2012 HCG 2252 & Progestrone Level:124 (5weeks & O days) Oct 6, 2012 HCG 5383 Progestrone Level: 297.4 (5weeks & 2 days)Oct 15, 2012 HCG: 54490 Ultrasound: Twins!! (6weeks & 4 days)Baby A Measures 6 weeks & 2 days with HR 116 bpmBaby B Measures 6 weeks & 3 days with HR 131 bpm Nov 7, 2012 Ultrasound at 9 weeks & 6 daysBaby A & B have caught up in size & are measuring correctly with same HR of 178 bpmNov 29, 2012 NT U/S Scan - 13 weeks & 0 Days Both babies measuring correctly with strong heartbeats. NT Scan was Negative. It was so awesome to see them both moving around so much. Wow have they ever grown since my last u/s. Next U/S Jan 7th at 18 weeks & 4 days
Posted 02 June 2013 - 11:31 PM
Posted 06 June 2013 - 06:01 AM
TTC since Sept. 2011
Aug. 2012 - DX with PCOS (started metformin)
Aug. 2012 - Oct 2012 - clomid + trigger , timed X2 - BFN
Oct 2012-Jan 2013 - clomid + trigger IUI X3 - BFN
Took a break until the spring to begin IVF -
June 1 - Started BCPs
June 24 - Start stimming....75iu meopur, 75iu puregon
June 27- (moved up to 100iu of puregon)
June 29 (moved up to 150 iu of puregon)
July 1 - scan...6-10 follicles expected on ER day
July 3 - last day of stimming, HCG trigger
July 5 - ER.....8 Retrived, 5 mature, 5 fertilized
July 7 - 5 embryos
July 8 - ET (2, grade 1 embryos transferred), 3 embryos to be frozen (1 - grade 1, 2 - grade 2)
July 22 - BFP!!!
July 24 - Beta repeated - numbers doubling....fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy!!