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How do you deal with it?

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#1 Smiley2010

  • Just Hatched
  • 3 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Vasectomy
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 27 December 2010 - 02:58 AM

I went out for dinner with two couples, one just had twins and one announced they were 4 months pregnant. I couldn't be happy for either of them. I feel like i never want to go out with couples that conceive but i dont want people to feel sorry for me. When do you stop feeling sorry for yourself???
Me 39
DH 42

DH vasectomy 15 years ago
March 2009 Vasectomy reversal
March 2010 all test are negtive for sperm reversal deemed a failure
Oct 2010 IVF/ICSI #1
Long lupron protocol due to unexplained high estrogen
10 eggs retrieved
7 fertilize
3 transfered
None left over good enough to freeze
AF 1 day before blood test

#2 Cassandra_Angela

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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Hamilton, Ontario
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:HART

Posted 27 December 2010 - 08:05 AM

Believe it or not even if you have success and get pregnant you still kinda "feel sorry for yourself"
I wish I could say that goes away but at least for me so far it hasn't, when I hear of someone getting pregnant those feelings still surface.

Please see "about me" section for details

Pictures tell a thousand words: https://www.instagra...dra_angela1981/

#3 frostedlemon

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  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:Markham Fertility Clinic

Posted 27 December 2010 - 09:47 AM

I feel like I want credit for what I've been through. I want people to know all the heartache and the pain and the bitterness and the anger that I feel. I hate when I'm asked why I don't want kids, or why I don't have them, or why I'm not trying to have kids since I've been married a while. When people are pregnant, I want them to feel grateful for what they have, even if they're sick and are "so over being pregnant" because they have no idea that it could be a lot worse than a little throwing up.

I thought that once I got pregnant, I would feel less bitter about other people's pregnancies. Maybe because it's still early for me (I'm 6 weeks today and I'm still convinced it's all going to go wrong at some point, and I can only imagine the bitterness I'll feel if that happens), but I still feel bitter that other people get it so easily. Maybe it's also because a lot of them have never experienced a m/c and therefore have less fear in their pregnancies than I ever will again. That first time, m/c never really crossed my mind. I mean, we knew it could happen but never thought it would. And then it did. And now I can't imagine a pregnancy lasting. So yeah, still totally feeling sorry for myself.

See About Me for full info.


"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." - Albert Schweitzer

#4 jenNewWest

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  • 13 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Olive Fertility Vancouver

Posted 12 May 2018 - 09:47 PM

I hear you Smiley2010. I have a colleague who started in my office at the same time I did, and we've both been working together for a year. In that year he's had a child. Which was really hard for me to hear about :(


Mother's Day being tomorrow is going to be difficult too.

#5 Soccer242

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  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Markham Fertility Centre

Posted 13 May 2018 - 08:32 AM

Well Id say you are better than me if you are able to be happy for others but feel sorry for yourself. Im slowly climbing out of my rut but I honestly am NOT happy for others. I find it difficult and unfair every time someone else says something like we struggled for 6 long months and meanwhile Ive been at it for 6 years. I hate the fact that I have lost sympathy for others who complain about pregnancy or the 1 mc they have because o am ALWAYS comparing it to what Ive gone through.

I think it will always be in the back of our minds just like frosted said. Its a part of our experience and with experience comes knowledge about allll of this long medical journey which others who struggled but still got pregnant without needing ivf or iui could never understand.

#6 wannabeamama

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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Nova Scotia
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:AART

Posted 13 May 2018 - 02:03 PM

I agree with what others have said, I'm not sure some of those feelings ever really go away.  You just have to try not to let them completely ruin your day.  When I have those feelings usually acknowledging them rather than stuffing them makes it a little easier.  


Also, sometimes it may seem like a couple conceived easily but they might not be open about their struggles.  I know someone in my family had success with IVF but we did not know they did the procedures until much later.  They got pregnant about a month after a beach vacation, so most people just assumed it was natural...  You don't always know a person's situation I guess.


Mother's day is not easy, but I'm trying to realize that although they may not be traditionally celebrated there are different types of mothers.  You are a bereaved mother if you have experienced pregnancy loss, you could be a pet mother and women can be maternal to nieces/nephews and even kids in their community.

Me: 37 DH: 36


TTC since 2014


IVF #1: November 2016

ER: Retrieved 5 eggs, 5 fertilized, ended up with 4 five day blasts


Fresh ET Nov 2016: BFN

FET w/ ICSI #1         Feb 2017: BFP,  M/C Apr (Lost at 7 weeks, found out at 14, had D&C)

FET  w/ ICSI #2       June 2017: BFP,  M/C Sept (Lost at 9 weeks, found out at almost 13 weeks, had D&C)

FET w/ ICSI #3        April 2018: BFN


IVF # 2: January 2020

ER: Retrieved 15 eggs, 10 fertilized, ended up with 7 five day blasts


Fresh ET Jan 2020: BFN

FET w/ICSI #1          Aug 2020: BFN


5 frosties left, likely not cycling again until next spring.


#7 choicemom2be

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  • 274 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Mississauga, Ontario
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:RCC

Posted 17 May 2018 - 08:24 PM

I have one friend that just had a baby, another 2 friends due in August(1 with twins) and another friend also due in August with twins who never wanted kids! I think that's the one that hurts the most. Knowing that they never wanted kids and then end up pg with twins. I haven't actually been able to face her yet. She is having her shower in a few weeks just after I find out if my latest fet worked. I think if it's a negative I definitely won't be able to go. The hardest part is that no one knows that I'm going through this so I can't explain why it's so hard for me.
IUI #1 Dec 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #2 Jan 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #3 Mar 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #4 Aug 2017 ~ BFN
IVF#1 ER ~ DEC 2017 (11 follicles, 9 fertilized 7blasts frozen)
Dec 2017 ~ PGS testing (3 normal) (Day 5 5BC, Day 6 5BB & 6BB)
FET #1 Jan 2018 ~ BFN (6BB)
ERA Mar 2018 ~ pre-receptive by 1 day
FET #2 May 2018~ BFP! (5BB) ~miscarriage @6weeks