Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and
that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car
by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of
fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that
way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your
ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these
day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it.
How could getting more vegetable be bad for
you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting
a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it
get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you
want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean!
Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain
whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my
lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food
and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well-preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand
- chocolate in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's
the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief
to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink
what you like. Speaking English
is apparently what kills you.
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