11 replies to this topic

[85-25-19]

HI All, 

I am new to posting, although I have been quietly lurking and learning as I go through my journey.

 

DH and I underwent IVF investigation last year and it was determined that I have DOR and don't produce enough progesterone after ovulation to support a pregnancy.  I am only 36 - it broke my heart to learn that there was an issue in my body and it couldn't do what it was supposed to naturally.  I had already begun to feel like my clock was ticking but to actually be told that my clock was ticking was something totally different for me. 

 

We underwent egg retrieval in February -  7 eggs retrieved, 5 mature, 4 fertilized, 0 good.

It was so upsetting for me.  The entire process was exhausting and I felt so unlike myself physically.

We were advised to do another egg retrieval in an attempt to obtain higher quality eggs. 

 

We underwent another egg retrieval in March - 5 eggs retrieved, 4 mature, 2 fertilized, 1 4AA and 1 5AA blast. Both blasts tested normal for PGS. We were thrilled!

 

In May I did an FET with one of the PGS normal blasts.  First beta test was only 5.88 (borderline). Had to do a repeat next day and was 9.06 so had doubled.  Few days later was 47, then 103, then 226 then... 202, then 164, then the news... failed. How? PGS normal! How? Great grading! My lining was 11mm and there were no obvious issues in my uterus. I had a sonohystogram the week prior to transfer and an ERA in March to test receptivity. All systems were go. How did this fail? 

 

I am devastated.  How does a PGS normal, perfectly graded blast fail?! I have read and read and read and I keep reading and reading.... I am so tired of reading. 

DH and I agreed that we would only do the 2 retrievals  - all our cycles have been paid 100% by us and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. 

 

I am already onto our next steps, even though we have another PGS normal, great graded frosty waiting for when I have completed this miscarriage and all the hormones are out of my body. I can't see any hope in it working because this one failed. DH isn't interested in a donor egg. And I can't bring myself to not have other options if this last frosty fails. I am so torn up and tired.

 

Anyone recently gone through a failed FET with a PGS normal blast? How do you cope with the concept of it failing when it should work given the testing and grading... I feel so lost. How do you even begin to hope for the next when all you feel is confusion and upset?

I feel the room getting smaller and smaller. And my chances of having a baby vanishing before my eyes...

 

 

[Cotton]

I'm sorry that happened to you. My RE said PGS normal embyos only have 60% success rate.

[returnable]

I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Unfortunately, having that perfect embryo is just a good start and not a guarantee. I would really suggest speaking with a counselor who specializes in infertility to help you through this difficult time.

[From0to3]

I am so sorry for your loss ... the heartbreak of a miscarriage after ivf is a loss so devestating only women who have been through it can truly understand. I too have been through this pain with a 'perfect' hatching blast ending in a miscarriage at 9 weeks even after seeing a healthy heartbeat. This was the fet after my failed first cycle where 2 other 'perfect' hatching blasts did not even begin to implant. PGS testing wasnt really available at the time but they were perfectly graded and my RE was bold enough to say he would put money on them. Noone tells you what an absolute crapshoot the ivf process is. Noone emphasises that we have 0 control over the results and how giant the gamble is both financially and emotionally. My heart hurts for you as Ive been there and know that pain and loss youre experiencing. As a ray of hope at the end of that dark ivf miscarriage tunnel, my next cycle only produced 6 eggs (the first was 17) with a giant dominant follicle and it was suggested I cancel the cycle by an alternate RE. My own pushed me to go ahead and 5 of 6 eggs fertilized. Two were transferred resulting in my b/g twins. My next fet a year later resulted in my now three year old daughter. She was a 3AB embryo with degenerating cells and an initial beta of only 26. I tell you this only to give you a little hope at a difficult time when everything seems pointless and exhausting. I was 37 at the time. If it happened for me it could certainly happen for others. Big hug.

[85-25-19]

I'm sorry that happened to you. My RE said PGS normal embyos only have 60% success rate.

 

It is unfortunate I was never told that PGS only had a 60% success rate. It may have helped ease the current frustration I have. Everything I have read indicates miscarriages are generally because of chromosomal issues - I just figured PGS would reduce the chances significantly. 60% is still a low number for success.  It really is a crap shoot - you never know what is going to happen. 

[85-25-19]

I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Unfortunately, having that perfect embryo is just a good start and not a guarantee. I would really suggest speaking with a counselor who specializes in infertility to help you through this difficult time.

 

Thank you, I will look into this. 

[85-25-19]

I am so sorry for your loss ... the heartbreak of a miscarriage after ivf is a loss so devestating only women who have been through it can truly understand. I too have been through this pain with a 'perfect' hatching blast ending in a miscarriage at 9 weeks even after seeing a healthy heartbeat. This was the fet after my failed first cycle where 2 other 'perfect' hatching blasts did not even begin to implant. PGS testing wasnt really available at the time but they were perfectly graded and my RE was bold enough to say he would put money on them. Noone tells you what an absolute crapshoot the ivf process is. Noone emphasises that we have 0 control over the results and how giant the gamble is both financially and emotionally. My heart hurts for you as Ive been there and know that pain and loss youre experiencing. As a ray of hope at the end of that dark ivf miscarriage tunnel, my next cycle only produced 6 eggs (the first was 17) with a giant dominant follicle and it was suggested I cancel the cycle by an alternate RE. My own pushed me to go ahead and 5 of 6 eggs fertilized. Two were transferred resulting in my b/g twins. My next fet a year later resulted in my now three year old daughter. She was a 3AB embryo with degenerating cells and an initial beta of only 26. I tell you this only to give you a little hope at a difficult time when everything seems pointless and exhausting. I was 37 at the time. If it happened for me it could certainly happen for others. Big hug.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I have read so many long journeys and their outcomes being positive. It does inspire hope at a time when things feel so bleak.  

[Cotton]

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. My RE said PGS normal embyos only have 60% success rate.

 

It is unfortunate I was never told that PGS only had a 60% success rate. It may have helped ease the current frustration I have. Everything I have read indicates miscarriages are generally because of chromosomal issues - I just figured PGS would reduce the chances significantly. 60% is still a low number for success.  It really is a crap shoot - you never know what is going to happen. 

 

Some REs are guilty of overselling PGS IMO.

 

It really is a giant crap shoot. Even proven donors in their 20s occasionally have bad cycles.

[Maybe]

I am exactly in the same boat, only that I am 41yo. I have one embryo left with lesser quality after failing the best AA transfer. I didnt even get implantation. I would say that you implanted and that a great sign. I even did ERA and inflammation test before the transfer. RE was so excited at the time of the transfer that I wanted to tell her that it is inappropriate to raise my hopes that much but avoided to offend her and tried to focus on positives.

Now I feel empty handed and yes, I understand and few the room getting tighter on me too !

[Futuremama1980]

I had a failed FET with a PGS normal embryo. Having one normal embryo left, I opted to have an ERA test done before transferring my second embryo. The test revealed that my uterus was receptive as expected (6 days of progesterone) but I am convinced that the scratch that is involved in the procedure primed my uterus to be receptive to my successful FET the following month (Baby is now 2). I also did acupuncture prior to my retrievals and FET.

Currently in 2ww after my second retrieval (age 40) (3 euploids). After having my first baby, I got pregnant naturally last year (for the first time!) with a blighted ovum that miscarried at 11 weeks and had a couple of chemical pregnancies before going ahead with another ivf round (as I was almost 40, couldnt afford to wait any longer).

[Snowqueen]

Im in very similar shoes as you are in. And it doesnt help when everyone around you seems to be on their second, third kid. Fertile women always seem to have an answer for me too. Just dont think about it, youre trying too hard... Itll happen when its right... It gets frustrating after a while.

I dont know how philosophical you are, but I highly recommend reading The Secret. It seems cheesy, but I really allowed me a new perspective on life. Receiving the things we want starts with us allowing ourselves to think in a more positive manner. Never sell yourself short by convincing yourself its never going to happen. Remain positive, remain hopeful. Your journey is your journey, nobody elses. Dont compare your age to others. Your child will find a way to you, you just need to believe it. In whatever way he/she arrives, thats up to you to set in motion.

I apologize for being corny, but negative energy is extremely powerful. It weighs heavy, it does nothing for you. Keep a positive outlook and please dont give up.

[happyfrog]

I am sorry to ready your story. Unfortunately, nothing is granted during your fertility journey. I watched the webinar with a doc who said that grading is only one of the factors, and it might happen that embryos with the best grading will fail, whiile ones with the lowest grading will be successful. Infertility is draining emotionally and financially, try to stay positive and do not give up.