305 replies to this topic

[Daisy.Eriksen]

blue, nice to hear from you - I hope this means things are going well for you.

 

BCMom, I'm sending you a PM now.  

[StephSherwood]

Hi Everyone, sorry for not updating in such a long time.  We got some really sad news yesterday.  I went in for my 12-week ultrasound and the doctors told us that our baby has a defect on its brain that is usually fatal.  They're not sure if it's genetic or random, we'll be doing tests in the coming weeks to figure it out.  They said it's nothing I did, but it still makes me wonder if I took enough folic acid, if I ate poorly, what could I have done.  Now we need to decide how to proceed.  I don't want to carry a baby to term that is going to die soon after birth and be in pain, but choosing to end a pregnancy is a really difficult and gut wrenching decision.  Like how do I decide to do that?!?  I spoke with my Mum, and Mom-in-law and they were both so quick to say "terminate sooner rather than later", and it just made me so angry.   I just feel really raw and I'm trying to focus on work to get my mind off of it.  I know I am so lucky to have a 2-year old, and a lot of people don't even get that, so I am remembering that and trying to stay positive.  Sorry for the downer post  Hope everyone is doing okay.   

[Daisy.Eriksen]

Im so sorry Steph. That is heartbreaking and devastating. I am thinking of you as you face the coming days, weeks and months.

[returnable]

Steph - I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine. So much heartache on this journey.

[StephSherwood]

Thank you @Returnable and @Daisy.  I really appreciate it.  We decided to go ahead with a D&C this week.  It was the hardest decision of my life, but now that it's done I do feel relieved.  My friend put it really nicely - we are choosing to take on the pain now so the baby doesn't have to.  The doctor was wonderful, and she told me she could see the issue with her naked eye, and it was very pronounced. It is likely I would have miscarried in a couple of months.  I got some anaesthesia during the procedure and the first thing I remember when I became aware again afterwards is sitting in the recovery room crying, and a nurse telling me I'd done the right thing.  I feel like she was an angel.  I am taking a breather before we think about doing IVF again, and just focusing on health and living life to its fullest, and the many blessings that we have.  Also focusing on staying off instagram and trying not to yell "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!!!" at every pregnant lady I walk past.   Lol.  Hope everyone is doing okay, and those of you who have moved onto new cycles are having successes.  Big hugs to all.  

[Daisy.Eriksen]

Steph, thank you for sharing. I've been thinking about you every day. It couldn't have been an easy decision (impossible, really). I am proud of you for doing what you needed to do. Your friend did express it so well. I'm glad that the nurse and doctor were kind, so that the procedure went as well as it could in the circumstances.

 

A breather from IVF sounds like a good idea, take some time to recover physically and emotionally. I can't relate to your experience, but I can definitely relate to wanting to yell at pregnant women how lucky they are! 

 

Sending you much love and remembering your little lost baby. x