Hi there, I'm new to this forum. It seems quite difficult to find a forum on the web about IVF with a number of active members and discussions. I find it a bit weird to seek help on an IVF forum as a male from NYC. It has been one full year of my wife trying IUI and IVF with no success. I'm getting frustrated and impatient, so I wanted to step up and see what I can do to help my wife and myself.
My main question is that I want to get your thoughts as to when my wife and I should decide to switch doctor?
Here is my story.
- I'm 39 and my wife just turned 35. We do not have children yet. Both healthy. No issues with my sperm and no issues with her eggs.
- A good friend of mine recommended me this doctor in NYC. She and a few of her friends had success with this doctor through IVF.
- My wife started IUI in January 2019. We had tried IUI three times and no success, so we decided to switch to IVF.
- First IVF in mid-2019 failed, and we didn't do PGD/PGS. Fresh transfer. Two embryos. One not sure what happened and disappeared. The other one remained but after six weeks, wife had a miscarriage and did a D&C. She was devastated. We later discovered that the embryo had a missing chromosome, and it was never developed into a fetus.
- Second IVF in late 2019 also failed. This time, we did two egg retrievals with 13 embryos. We paid out of pocket to do PGD/PGS (in addition to many other out-of-pocket expenses) and thought we could maximize our chances. We ended up having five normal embryos and we were happy initially. Wife did a frozen transfer and we had two normal embryos injected . After a few weeks. My wife bled and subsequently, the pregnancy signs were all gone. We knew things weren't good. About a week or two later, a tissue (the size is about 2x of an adult's thumb fingernail.) passed out of my wife's vagina. We were both devastated but luckily, my wife didn't have to do D&C this time. Lab test said the tissue wasn't a fetus. Doctor never responded to our call. The nurse sent us a report and just said the issue wasn't a fetus. That was it.
- We still have three normal embryos frozen. It has been about four weeks since the tissue passed out, and my wife's period hasn't made a come back yet.
- I'm not so happy about this doctor. It's not about the money that we spent, but it's more about his attitude toward things. I met with the doctor in person many times, and he spoke like everything was positive, but at the end, everything failed. The fact that a good friend of mine and her friends had success with this doctor, I'm just not sure how I should proceed. The doctor didn't even bother to call us back and explain to us what the tissue was and what it contained.
- I'm now sucking this up because my wife and I still had three frozen normal embryos at this place. Our plan is once my wife's period is back and after 2-3 months of rest (letting her body to heal up, etc.), we will try another frozen transfer. At that time, I will see that doctor in person and I will sure asked what that tissue was. If the 3rd IVF fails, we plan to switch doctor.
Wanted to get your thoughts on all these. I have learned a lot about IVF over the past 13+ months, and my wife and I we did whatever we could. All I'm asking for is what I can do to maximize my chances. We followed procedures but still failed.
After the 2nd failed IVF, my friend (who did the IVF) said that my wife didn't do a full rest for two full weeks (i.e. just laying in bed and doing nothing) so that could be an issue. On the other hand, the doctor said a two-week full rest wasn't necessarily. My wife did do a one week rest at home after the frozen transfer. My wife reported allergic reaction on the patches, and the doctor/nurse didn't do anything once we reported the issue. After the second miscarriage, doctor said probably because the allergic reaction of the patches, and the absorbing was not good. I don't really believe him.