3 replies to this topic

[BCMom]

'Trigger warning' i am so sad ....not surprisingly....but it was such a shock that the heartbeat stopped at 9.5 weeks and it doesnt help that baby is still inside a week and a half later.....it all went so well from donor retrieval to my FET to 10 week scan...where i will never forget the horrible silence as dr searched for baby's heartbeat. And his next words...'i have some horribke news for you'. Shock. No idea this was to come....everything had been good.. .except some unexplained back ache i explained to myself to be caused by ligaments stretching? Guess not..my baby was dieing. I keep wondering did i do something wrong or is something wrong with my body? Im older...is it wrong to be trying this? When we made the embryos (of which we have 10) the eggs are from a fertile 28 yr old donor and my partners sperm. I neglected to consider that he is 56 (with health issues)...does this mean all the embryos could have chromosomal abnormalities? My baby died at 9.5 weeks...thats when the placenta starts taking over isnt it? So something stopped that....The embryologist said they looked great! They were graded so well!!I so want to feel pregnant again....and stay that way....now i will be panicking through the whole nect pregnancy...if i am so lucky as to have one....How do others cope? Thanks for letting me vent.....

[hopefuldadsomeday]

Hi Bcmom, so sorry to hear about your loss.  My wife had 3 miscarriages back in 2016.  I'll never forget the moment we went for ultrasound, excited to see our baby's heartbeat, only to have the doctor tell us that there was nothing - we were absolutely devastated.  Even a young, healthy donor can still produce abnormal embryos, but given her age and fertile history, I'd say there is a high chance that there is a normal embryo in your batch.  I'm assuming you didn't have the embryos PGS-tested?  We did PGS-testing given my wife's history of miscarriages so that we could avoid transferring abnormal embryos.  Take your time to grieve, it's totally normal to feel the way you do.  We ended up going for couples counselling and found that very helpful.  Regarding panicking through the next pregnancy, my wife also worried through her entire pregnancy - so again, that's perfectly normal - though I believe most miscarriages happen during the first trimester.  Take care and hope your next cycle is succesful.

[girl12340987]

Hi BCMom -

 

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I recently lost my pregnancy at 9 weeks as well (a heartbeat on Tuesday - none on Friday the same week) so I do understand some of how you feel and there really are no words other than I'm sorry, it's awful. So awful.

 

I echo a lot of what hopefuldad says. It is definitely possible that there were still genetic or chromosomal issues with the embryo, as that's always a possibility - but also, given the donors age, there is a strong possibility you have a healthy embryo in the batch. At least one. Take the time you need for your body, and your heart, to heal. Counseling has been a godsend for me as well - if you can, find someone who specializes in infertility and miscarriage, or if not, in grief and loss (because this is a loss, and you are dealing with grief). You'll go through the stages - I bargained - I kept hoping they were wrong - then I got angry (I beat the crap out of a pillow with a toy baseball bat and screamed at the universe of taking my baby). Finally, I just cried. And that was just the first three days or so.

 

You can get through this. I'm so sorry you need to, though.

[amazing grace]

It's not easy and I am sorry for you loss. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control and understanding. Back in 2015, I finally got to my 12 week ultrasound after three miscarriages and found out my baby had a birth defect not compatible with life. At 10 weeks, I was told she was perfect and to this day, I still don't understand what happened. Today, I still have unanswered questions. She was a product of donor eggs and my husbands genetics. Donor eggs are not always successful and I learned that the hard way. That cycle led to no live birth, a termination, five negative beta's and just recently an ectopic. Unfortunately, fear comes with this process and to be honest, the only thing we can do is try to manage it. It is easy to self-blame but truthfully, it is totally out of our control. Wishing you all the best in the days to come.