Posted 25 May 2019 - 09:11 PM
I was done. I started down a completely different path. Egg donation and I felt like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. We chose an agency. Found a donor. Invested many more of the money we work so hard for into her assessment, expenses and medications. On the day she was to start stimulation she disappeared. Not actually... but she changed her mind and walked away. Her prerogative of course... but still another blow to my spirits. And our pocket book.
Flash forward we finally did our second OE last ditch Hail Mary IVF at Mt Sinai, a new clinic, about a year and a half later when I was 34. And it worked! Ive never had a more stressful nine months as I agonized over every twinge... every tiny brown spot... every Braxton Hicks contraction. I must have had no less than 20 ultrasounds (very patient OB team) and several trips to L&D for monitoring. Turns out the stress either made no difference or it was the right recipe because my son born a week late by emergency c-section (HUGE head!) is perfect. Hes almost four now and sleeping across the hall.
14 months after he was born we were ready to try for a sibling. Back to Mt Sinai we went through a full stimulation and recovery. I was so happy that even though my response was slow... it wasnt worse than my successful cycle a year before. But nothing fertilized. I now heard from this clinic that my reserve was done. The eggs I had left were poor quality. I was so grateful for the son we had but grieved for the sibling that would never be.
Dr Cruickshank at Mt Sinai said she felt for me and suggested I could try taking letrolzol and the old fashioned way while she pondered our future options. My first cycle I decided against it. The next one I thought why not... took letrozol just like Chlomid and beyond my wildest expectations we found ourselves pregnant again at 37 years old. My daughter was born nine months later. Shes two now and shares a room with my son. My second pregnancy was less stressful but post partum was tough. Still I didnt have a sense of finality although I knew that we were done. And I knew how lucky we were.
Flash forward to 2018. Im 39. We come home from a family vacation and Im having weird symptoms and no period. My hair is falling out. Hot flashes. Crazy mood swings. My doctor says its peri menopause and orders bloodwork. I decide to Pee on a stick... for fun? Who even knows why I did it. Ive never had one of those sticks be so positive that I didnt have to squint and ask for second opinions. It was positive before I even looked at it. I cried. I did t cry happy tears. I just cried. For nine months I was nervous. Not for fear of losing the pregnancy but rather fear of losing the life we had. I felt like a fraud. I didnt enjoy being pregnant. I was terrified of postpartum depression that dampened my first year with my daughter. I felt guilty already as I believed that I wouldnt bond with the new baby and my love was fully expended on my two children.
My third child, a girl, was born three days ago. Delivered my c-section by Dr Moore from the ER so many years ago. As Im writing this shes nursing. (It hurts!!). My csection recovery is slower than the last two and Im still almost fully immobile. But holy moly boy oh boy do I ever love this baby. In 72 hours shes lifted my worries and shown me that the love I have to give is infinite. Shes the greatest 40th birthday present I could have ever asked for. I feel euphoric. Our family is full and our future is exciting. And all the pain and stress and acronyms are behind us.
In the end Dr Moore did remove my tube... both tubes in fact. During my third and final c-section. I wish I could have known six years ago in the throes of fertility treatment that Id find myself here. I do honestly think though that all of those experiences contribute to my gratitude and profound appreciation for what weve built.
This site has been a great resource and companion through the years. Im thankful for everyone that shares their experiences. Negative stories are difficult to read but make us feel less alone. The positive outcomes can also be difficult when youre dealing with loss but they also create hope. Im glad that you can find both here. I also ready to move on.
XOXO! Thank you.
- schlepp, MrsCann, DorothyandToto and 2 others like this
34) 35 36 37 39 DOR
27) 28 29 32 Perfect and lovely
DS - 3 year
DD - 1 year
TTC 8 YEARS
no longer TTC
December 2011 Natural BFP - CP 5w2d
August 2012 Natural BFP - CP 4w2d
February 2013 Natural BFP - CP 4w2d
May, June, July 2013 TI + Clomid BFN
October 2013 IUI #1 BFN
November 2013 B2BIUI#2 BFN
January 2014 IVF#1 Cancelled due to poor response. BFN
March 2014 EPP IVF#2???
I'm going with my gut and we are moving on to donor eggs. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and couldn't be happier about our decision. Time for some good news!
March 7, 2014 egg donor selected, deposit paid... lo and behold Natural BFP!!! B/T and beta is 4085! This is a crazy ride indeed.
March 11, 2014 96 hr beta 6855. numbers are not doubled as hoped. pregnancy is likely not viable.
March 18, 2014 ultrasound scheduled - ectopic confirmed. beta = 8900. Took a shot of methotrexate
March 25, 2014 beta = 6500
April 1, 2014 beta = 1325
April 9, 2014 beta = 350
May 15, 2014 beta = 65 Yup! Two months later and still waiting...
March 31, 2014 Screening appointment for donor egg process started again...
May 2014 Donor selected, screening complete... donor backs out.
October 2014 IVF#2 @ Mount Sinai, final attempt with OE
Oct 14, 2014 POAS = BFP!!!
Oct 16, 2014 beta = 107
Oct 20, 2014 beta = 629
Nov 5, 2014 u/s = 1 heartbeat detected!!!
Nov 13, 2014 u/s#2 8w, fhr 160 bpm, crl 15mm
Nov 26, 2014 u/s#3 measuring 9w6d! fhr 157, crl 28mm
Dec 4, 2014 u/s#4 measuring 11w2d, fhr 170
Dec 17, 2014 NTS u/s scheduled...
EDD June 25, 2015
My dreams came true on July 2, 2015 when my sweet DS was delivered by C-section. Huge Love.
OHIP funded OE IVF#3 @Mount Sinai... I guess we'll try again.
June 10, 2016 after 10 days of stims, retrieved 6 eggs. All 6 failed to fertilize. Nothing to transfer.
July 19, 2016 TTC the old fashioned way with Letrozol... August 2016 BFP!
Baby Girl born by C-section April 17, 2017
Posted 29 May 2019 - 05:51 PM
What a great story. So glad you have your three beautiful children. All the best to you.
Me:40 DH: 42
PCOS, one blocked tube.
Currently in IVF cycle