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When to quit?

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#1 hockeynet

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Posted 19 February 2019 - 02:34 PM

I've just received my BFN from IVF#6. No frosties from this cycle. This was supposed to be our last try to have child #4, but now that its over, I'm having trouble staying true to my word. After so much disappointment early on with IVF, we suddenly had a string of good luck. Twins, then another, basically back to back. Our luck seems to have run out. Our last frozen embryo from IVF#5 was BFN, and with this last cycle#6, by day 5, our four surviving embryos were only morulas and by day six, the three they did not transfer all arrested, and we had nothing to freeze.


Should I could my blessings, my three miracles, and move on from the fertility world? Should I try the dreaded IVF#7? (Does anyone do that many? Am I crazy?) I just turned 37, so on the 'old' side of the fertility world.


How did anyone else come to their decision to quit?

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#2 hockeynet

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Posted 19 February 2019 - 09:25 PM

I feel that my mind is so distracted with thoughts of infertility, that I'm not really being the greatest mom to my three right now. One way or another I have to come to a decision, and stick with it, so I can have a clear conscience and be the best mom, and person I can be.


If I do decide to call it quits, I have to be able to live with that decision, find ways to cope with all the reminders, and not constantly be thinking "what if?"


If I do decide to pursue further treatment, I will still have to cope with the end of child-bearing regardless of whether we have success or not.


Someone once wrote that they will always have that yearning for "another child" regardless of the number of children they have. It's being able to know and accept that feeling, and find ways to move on. I guess is always a transition period one way or another.

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#3 Eloise12

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Posted 26 February 2019 - 04:21 PM

Hi Hockeynet,


I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I am also struggling with whether to continue treatments or not, so know that you you are not alone. I have done 5 unsuccessful rounds of IVF so far and I am currently in an FET cycle with embryos that came from cycle 4. I may have given up after cycle 4, except that it was so monumentally better than my first 3, that I convinced myself I needed to squeeze every little chance of a good blastocyst out of me before I turn 40 or beyond. 


I don't know what it is like to have kids, and to balance your expectations/needs and desires against theirs; that must be difficult - you're very strong to be where you are in the first place. 


My decision making for myself is starting to sound something like this: "Do what you need to do, and can reasonable manage emotionally and financially so that at the end of it, when this hellish infertility nightmare is over (if indeed it ever is truly over), I can say I actually tried my best and did what I could. I don't regret it." 

  • Aimeehug likes this

Me: 38 39 DH: 41 43 TTC Since 2014
Miscarriage in April 2016 (natural pregnancy) 


Many IUIs 2017  - One BFP! - Chemical Pregnancy sad.png

IVF #1 August 2017 - antagonost protocol - 11 eggs retrieved, 6 fertilised w/ICSI. 2 embryos to transfer day 5 - BFN - nothing to freeze

IVF #2 - November 2017 - flare protocol - 7 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilised w/ICSI. 2 morulas (not quite blasts) to transfer day 5 - BFN - nothing to freeze

IVF #3 - April 2018 - DHEA priming - 10 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilised w/ICSI. 2 morulas to transfer day 5 - BFN - nothing to freeze. 

IVF #4 August-September 2018 - 17 eggs retrieved, 12 fertilised w/ICSI. 4 blasts (2 transferred day 5: 4AB and 2AA. 2 Day-6 frozen) BFP!! Beta #1= 39, Beta #2 = 105, Beta #3 = 210, Beta #4 = 20. Early Miscarriage. cry.gif

IVF #5 January 2019 - 7 eggs retrieved, 3 mature, 2 fertilised. Day 3 transfer of one 9-cell embryo: BFN.  Worst cycle ever? 

FET: March 2019 - BFN.

What...wait...what? April 2019 SURPRISE NATURAL BFP!! Early miscarriage @ 6wk. W the actual F? th_aholysheep.gif th_angrywife.gif

IVF #6 - August 2019 -BFN 

Moving on to DE IVF abroad


DE IVF #1 - 2 blasts transferred, chemical

DE FET #1 - 2 blasts transferred, BFP! Amazing betas  (170 - 40K) then bleeding then haemmorage at 6.5 weeks. ER and then hospital stay. Not great. Not great at all. icon_cry.gif

DE FET #2 - 1 blast transferred - BFN


Will this ever work? Losing hope, steam, money.  


#4 hockeynet

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Posted 03 March 2019 - 03:41 PM

Hi Eloise12,


Thanks for your message. I'm very sorry to hear of all your struggles with infertility. It's something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. I understand how you feel when there's a tiny bit of hope that you cling to, and it makes you want to continue and do everything you can to power through. It's unfortunately one of those things that you literally have no control over, and that's probably the most frustrating part.


I still haven't decided if this is the end of our treatments or not. I am however going to see the fertility counsellor in 2 weeks time. I saw the one at our clinic prior to our first BFP, and I found it really helped as we were nearing the end of treatments at that point in time. Since they specialize in infertility, I hope they can offer some perspective, and help see things in a new light. Maybe some tips on how to deal with the END. Either way, at some point I'm going to have to accept the end of child bearing years, whether it be now, after one more failed cycle, or potentially after a pregnancy. Again, the outcome totally out of my control, the only thing we do have control of is our actions and attitudes.


I wish you all the best with any future treatments, and know that you will do what is best for yourself and husband. Thank you for your kind words of wisdom.

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#5 Renae

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 06:20 PM

You sound so much like me Hockeynet,. last Aug was suppose to be my last and now at 41 im starting next month, .I have 1 child a 4 yr old. I cant stop thinking about it researching it.  I feel for you 

#6 happyfrog

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Posted 18 November 2020 - 02:54 PM

I am sorry to know about yr BNF-s, make any decision you feel comfortable with and won't regret in the future. Good luck!