Sometimes I feel like I get too negative and emotional. I know others do go through this pain, though too. I just feel like I complain a lot, and I don't want to, but emotions have been rough last few days and I need to share it.
I have a therapist now, I'm seeing her every other week, and unfortunately, we haven't even touched the infertility stuff yet, because I have so much other loss and grief that's unresolved, and she (and I, to a certain extent) feel that I need to process all my other losses and incorporate them in order to deal with the infertility stuff too.
When I first booked the appointment, that made sense, I was doing okay with infertility stuff, but last couple of days have been rough. I don't see her again until next week.
I'm doing my FET beginning of March, and I'm having a hard time feeling hopeful. I was so hopeful for my fresh transfer, and it worked! And then I lost it before it even began. And I know women can and do get pregnant again, and have it stick, but I also know there's a chance it won't, and I just don't know how much I can do with this. But I have to, because I can't quit either.
I joined a forum on fertility friend app 3 ish years ago. There were 12 of us in the group, all dealing with various levels of infertility/loss. We became such a close knit group, we became face book friends and have our own private fb group.
I remember worrying that I might be the last one in the group to get pregnant....and well, here we are, 3.5 years into infertility journey and the stats for the group are
6 got pregnant within the first year or so and now have 6mo-2 year olds. One of them is pregnant with her second and she's like 37 weeks.
2 got pregnant through IVF. They were some of my main supports, as they were in the deep with me, but one has a 8 or 9 month old and the other just gave birth. They're still supportive but not the same.
2 have older children and were trying to have babies with their current partner, but have both decided not to continue for their own personal reasons. I know they both hurt, too, but they're not very active in the group anymore
1 had a divorce, so she hasn't tried much over the last couple of years. She is now currently trying with her new partner, and just had a chemical, and I know she's hurting too, but again, she's barely active in the group, so not much of a support.
and me. Feeling a little sorry for myself and trying really hard not to. But one of my main support groups has basically become a mom's group.
I have a friend who just went through IVF, and when I got pregnant in December, I was so excited, we'd be able to share mat leaves and have babies grow up. She's probably one of the few people that I didn't get upset when she announced she was pregnant, because she's been trying even longer than me, and went through 2 IVF cycles and one FET to get this baby. However, as her Due date comes closer and closer (April) and I see how pregnant she is, my initial excitement and true enjoyment for her is turning more and more into jealousy and I HATE that.
Oh, and let's not forget how when I was anxious about being pregnant, I decided to start a DD group here, thinking if I just go all in, and not let myself fall to my fears, everything will be okay. And now I have to avoid the bottom half of the forums, because if I don't and I see a new post in August 2019 due date group, I realize the group is continuing without me.
Sorry for the long rant, I do feel better getting it all out. Sorry if it's full of negativity, just heart is hurting extra lately. Now I'm going to blast some 90s music and relive my youth. Totally forgot about Dishwalla's Counting Blue Cars "Tell me all your thoughts on God."