13 replies to this topic

[momme2be]

Hi, I was very reluctant to post this but I think I'm in need of support. I thought I could handle this and "will get over this" but it's harder than I thought it would be. Here's my story in a nut shell: tried to concive on our own for over 10 years with no luck; had many many tests done and was told we're the unexplained case of infertility. Had IVF in Aug 2014 with 14 embryos frozen, and our first transfer was on Sep 20 2014 and our baby boy born in June 2015. We were over the moon that it worked on the first try. Few years forward and we have decided to try for a siblibg. We had a FET of 5 day AA quality embryo on Nov 7 2018. Betas were excelent and everything seemed to be going well in those early weeks. I did not expect anything to happen as I was so sure it will be so great as with my first transfer and pregnancy. How naive and arrogant was I! I got quite a life lesson and will be more humble next time around I guess.
We miscarried at 6 weeks 2 days. The experience was rather traumatic even though I really tried/still try to hold it together. Ended up in emerg on IV drip as I was really ill. Miscarriage happened last week and I do feel better physically but mental and emotional part is not so great. The grief is real. Those feelings are real. The loss of hope is awful. I wish I can just stop feeling this way and move on. Maybe any of you ladies have any suggestions what helped you to get through this? I thank you for reading and any support/suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Meg

[returnable]

I am sorry that you have gone through this experience. We have never experienced a miscarriage, but I have always had this article bookmarked ever since someone else posted it or I found it: 

 

https://mobile.nytim...l?_r=0&referer=

[Daisy.Eriksen]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. 

 

I had a missed miscarriage in September at 6+1. It was my first pregnancy. I think I was in denial for a long time. The grief really only hit me hard this past weekend. It is just so disappointing. The loss of what could have been is so very real.

 

Some things that helped me: I have a little figurine of my "Baby Bear" sitting on my dresser (I guess similar to the Jizo in the article that Returnable shared - thanks for sharing it). I wrote out all my feelings, which I found cathartic. I shared my grief with my best friend and my mom, both of whom were very supportive. I took a few days to mope and cry and read silly books and eat a ton of Christmas candy. And then I realized the sugar wasn't helping, so I am now back to trying to eat better, and get moving. But I suspect the grief will hit me in waves over the next half year too.

 

Please be gentle on yourself. Give yourself time and space to mourn. Treat yourself if needed. Take care of yourself. Lean on loved ones for support. I am thinking of you.

[momme2be]

Returnable, thank you so much for sharing this article with me! I'm looking into how we can honor the little soul that we lost. Thank you!

[momme2be]

Daisy.Eriksen, thank you for sharing your story with me. I love the idea of writing my feelings fown. I will definitely do that. And love the baby bear. I'm looking into the idea we can make our own.

[returnable]

Returnable, thank you so much for sharing this article with me! I'm looking into how we can honor the little soul that we lost. Thank you!

 

I thought it was the perfect way to honour a soul and come to terms with not meeting a baby.

[hopefuldadsomeday]

Momme2b - I'm sorry you are going through this.  We've been through 3 miscarriages so I can relate to the pain/hurt you are going through.  It was a pretty dark time for us, what really helped us was going for professional counselling.  I can tell you from our experience, your heart will heal over time.  We will never forget our lost angels, but we were able to move on.  It is perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling now and take as much time as you need to grieve.  Wishing you strength and success for your next cycle.

[amazing grace]

I am sorry to hear that you had a loss. I had three in a row and a termination at 17 weeks and just recently an ectopic. Not an easy road. I just learned that some things are just not meant to be. For whatever reason, those souls chose me to be their mother for a short while and had to move on. That helped me cope. Although now, after this recent loss, I just feel that it isn't in the cards for me. When doors keep getting slammed in my face, I eventually have to listen.

[JIC]

I am so sorry you are going through this. The pain is real and honestly it takes time.
I had 2 miscarriages in the past year (happy to see 2018 come to an end). Looking back at the 2 months following my first miscarriage I only now realize how much it effected me emotionally and mentally. What I found helped me was talking it out, I was lucky that I had my mother for support. Without her I would have spoken to a therapist. At first I listened to others and stayed strong then I realized I needed to grieve. If you need to cry do it, nothing to be ashamed of. Also the support of all the people on these boards are amazing. They just get it. Dont be afraid to talk and ask for support here. We may not know each other outside of these forums but from what I have expereinced there is no judgementand always have each others back.
It does get easier. You will never forget but you feel better over time.
Wishing you only the best

[momme2be]

Hi ladies, first of all I wanted to say thank you for the amazing support. I know you get me. I've had a rough couple of days. I was angry and sad. I feel like I'm moving through the grieving process. Also, the hormones are raging. I decided to go for acupuncture to relax, it helped me so much. As the honour to our little angel we got a little Christmas ornament Angel that we put in the center of our tree, and we picked up a toy for a little girl and donated to our local woman's shelter. I felt that this was something we had to do.

Ladies, you are all heroes! Going through multiple miscarriages is so incredibly tough. I cried reading all of your posts. My heart aches for all of us. But if the door gets shut in your face over and over again just kick the sh#t out of them! Let's not give up ❤

[Daisy.Eriksen]

Such lovely ways to honour your little one. And I'm glad that acupuncture helped. 

Yes, we are definitely moving through the grieving process. I've been dealing with anger and sadness too. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that the holidays aren't too rough on you. (on all of you ladies - so many sad stories in this thread.)

[Aimeehug]

I am sorry that you have gone through this experience. We have never experienced a miscarriage, but I have always had this article bookmarked ever since someone else posted it or I found it: 

 

https://mobile.nytim...l?_r=0&referer=

I read this last night. I don't know if I'm going to do a ritual like this or not, I don't even know what to think, but this is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. momme2be, thanks for starting this post. I like your idea of a Christmas ornament. My loss is so recent, and I was not far along at all. I'm so full of anger and sadness, I think right now I just want to pretend it never happened, but maybe something to commemorate the little bean is a good idea. I hope you find healing soon.

[momme2be]

Hi Aimeehug, I appologize for late response. And I am so very sorry for your loss too. My heart breaks every time I read that someone else has gone through this. This time of year is so much harder too. We were planning to tell our families at Christmas and now nothing . Please know that it doesn't matter how far along you were, loss is a loss. We have a right to feel the way we do. I felt that because my loss was early on that I should not have to grieve and hust move on but quickly realized that it does not work that way. I just had to let these feelings come, feel and pass on their own terms. Ignoring them did not work.
I hope you're doing well. I'm sending you hugs.

[Aimeehug]

Thank you. Christmas was definitely hard this year. It's our 4th Christmas since we've been trying, and I had so hoped we could share some good news too.
and now the waiting. Waiting for the follow up appointment. Waiting for the FET. I'm so tired of waiting.
I hope you were able to find some joy in your Christmas, and the hurt becomes less and less. And you get your rainbow baby soon.