2 replies to this topic

[WandringCairn]

How do you manage friends with babies? I'm about to go on a 2.5 week vacation with another couple, and their 4 month old. We were originally pregnant at the same time, within a week of each other, but I miscarried. One long and unfruitful year later, and 3 failed IUIs, we are about to start ivf. I dont know how to manage being around my friend and their baby as we are starting down the road to ivf.
Any suggestions?

[Daisy.Eriksen]

Aw, I'm so sorry for your loss and your IUI failures. It is so hard to watch good friends and family get what you want, and I can't imagine how hard it is to see your friends' baby who would have been the same age as yours. 
 

You are a strong person and a good friend to go on a vacation with your friends in this situation. Do they know about your loss and treatments? Are they generally supportive people? Maybe you can try to build in breaks throughout the trip to take care of yourself - have some meals with just you and your husband, or take an afternoon to yourselves. Try to have some adult-only time - maybe the dad and your husband watch the baby while you and the mom go out for a bit, and vice versa?

Sometimes even well-meaning people say stupid things so maybe prepare yourselves for those types of comments and prepare responses in advance.

I tend to go overboard in talking about babies with new moms, make them talk about sleep schedules and feeding etc etc blah blah blah, I can sort of tune them out while saying supportive things. Somehow I find that facing my jealousies head on like that make me feel a little bit better, if that makes sense. 

I don't know if any of that is helpful. Just know that you're allowed to feel sad for yourself (even if you are happy for your friends) and you're allowed to be jealous. This is a hard time. Hopefully your friends will be understanding and supportive and you'll have a good vacation.
And good luck with IVF! 

[kayte1]

I'm assuming your relationship is quite close with this couple, seeing as you're going on a lengthy vacation together that was planned awhile ago? How have things been between you since your loss (I'm so sorry) - have they been supportive and have you discussed your emotions and next steps with them? Would they have any idea how hard it might be for you and how different your path to having a baby has become? Do they say anything to you about it all?

I'm curious about this side of things, as mutually close and open relationships are so key in this situation, and I would think would make for comfort and security. I would need this if I was going travelling with them.