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Been trying for 13 months


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#26 Aimeehug

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Posted 09 December 2018 - 02:18 PM

Ah, that makes sense. I'd be interested to see what the RE says. three more days of waiting! 


me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#27 Mcking

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Posted 09 December 2018 - 09:14 PM

So exciting! Almost there! :)



#28 Aimeehug

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 01:29 PM

I ended up getting my first results today. It is exactly as I expected. Yes it's positive, but it's a little on the low side (29) but she said it could be a late implanter, and to just go for the blood work tomorrow and again on Sunday. I'm going to have so much trouble relaxing until Monday. I so hope it sticks!!


me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#29 Mcking

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Posted 14 December 2018 - 10:03 AM

Congrats on your positive result aimeehug!!! Ugh, at the same time, I can see how that would be so stress inducing.  Sorry that you have to wait until Monday to get the final verdict. Rooting for you! I know I haven't been on this journey as long as most on this forum, but I'm finding the hardest part of this journey is getting the back-to-back results that are in the grey zone/on the fence, and the constant waiting game to finally get some clear answers. From day 1, it was: "I don't know what's wrong with you", to you "may" have "sub-fertility" with your "low-ish" ovarian reserve, to you "may" have endo, to you "may" have low number of embryos with "hopefully" decent quality, to you "may" have implantation issues, to it "may" be another 4-5 months until we can transfer and "we will see" how it goes from there.

My whole life, I always had mild but controllable anxiety. I was still able to function, get my masters, hold a decent job, enjoy good relationships. However, my anxiety really has just skyrocketed since starting this infertility journey. Totally have to face that the fact that I have absolutely no control over my fate. It was all an illusion that I was in the driver's seat all these years. All I have control is to continually cycle through my list of coping mechanisms and use them to the best of my ability. 

Don't know if you have time or ever watched the Netflix documentary "One More Shot". So good. So real. Could really  relate to the characters as they are also in their early thirties, and like the couple, my husband and I also met in university and are going through similar emotional ups and downs. After embryo transfer, she also had a positive, little on the low side. I think you could relate to that.


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#30 Aimeehug

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Posted 14 December 2018 - 10:22 AM

We got some similarities for sure McKing! I also have anxiety, which I feel is clear every time I post haha. But also have managed to keep it mostly under control, get my masters, hold a pretty stressful job (except needing to take time off during IVF because my anxiety just went rocket high).
I've been doing a lot of guided meditation lately. Well more than usual at least, almost every night. I keep falling asleep before it's finished, which is really not the point, but whatever. It's helping.
i'll have to check that show out. I think someone else mentioned it somewhere on here.

I tested again today, and line was stronger/darker/faster, so I'm feeling a lot of relief. Just trying to use positive thinking. it's really hard, because after so many negatives, there's a part that wants to protect myself and prepare for the worst. But I don't know if protecting yourself really helps that much in the end. So hopefully the numbers I get tomorrow show that they doubled, and then I'll feel even more relief, and then Monday I won't feel out of the woods, but I think I'll feel safer celebrating for sure!
My friend said when she got pregnant, it didn't feel real for a long time. I think she's 5 months now, and I think she still doesn't believe it. She'd been trying for 4 years and got her positive on her 2nd transfer (2 IVF rounds).


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me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#31 Mcking

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Posted 17 December 2018 - 08:53 AM

Great hearing about your friend, gives a little bit of hope to others. 

I really hope everything goes well for you today. 



#32 Aimeehug

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  • Location:St. Albert
  • Interests:Writing, reading, volleyball, yoga, watching TV
  • Dx:Endometriosis
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 17 December 2018 - 10:34 AM

I was feeling really positive on Saturday and let my guard down. I started bleeding on Sunday and spent the whole day in hospital. It's really too early to tell anything right now. My numbers were good, but he didn't rule out an early loss of an ectopic. I just have to repeat the blood work on Thursday and if that's still okay, will do an u/s week of Christmas.

The bleeding has slowed down, but not disappeared, and I'm still cramping. I'm so frustrated, scared and sad.. I  keep trying to remain hopeful. Lots of women I've spoken to had a lot of bleeding and still went on to have babies. I hope I'm one of those ladies.

 

how are you doing?


me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#33 Mcking

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 10:11 AM

That is so stressful. Even more so that you have to wait to do an u/s near Christmas of all things. I don't know about you, but when I am really really stressed out, the only people I can stand being around is my husband, my mom, and my brother. With the holidays coming up, I already cancelled on a few get togethers in advance with friends and relatives.

Just can't stand the questions of 'so, what have you been up to?' (which I often mumble the same, boring, lame response of "not much")..and hearing my sister-in-laws and friends complaining about their babies, or comparing sleep training schedules, daycares, etc., is not much fun. 

Do you celebrate Christmas, or done any Christmas shopping yet? I have literally not bought or wrapped a thing yet *sigh*. Just have not been in the Christmas spirit.

Hope you will be able to have some nice moments this holiday, even though the uncertainty of everything is probably making that almost impossible for you right now.

I'm also glad to hear that at least your numbers are good, your bleeding has slowed down, and that lots of women had similar symptoms and have gone onto have healthy babies.  Some things to hold onto.

I constantly read women going through infertility say they are 'cautiously happy' about all the positive things that happen to them along their journeys. Personally, I think that's a healthy, practical way of thinking. I'm starting to learn that it's really unfair and unrealistic for other people (and even ourselves) to expect us to be so positive all the time, and to expect us to be 100% joyous in anything good that happens, when we still don't physically have a baby in our arms.  I've had people make me feel bad about this issue. But I'm learning that I want to be happy, I want to be cautious--so I'm going to be both at the same time. 



#34 Aimeehug

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  • Interests:Writing, reading, volleyball, yoga, watching TV
  • Dx:Endometriosis
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 18 December 2018 - 11:52 AM

I was feeling cautiously optimistic at the beginning. That was definitely my motto. Since the bleeding, it's been much harder. Yesterday I was able to hold out some hope, but I'm bleeding more again. I'm pretty sure this must be the end. I just don't see how this could be okay. I had to leave work early because I couldn't stop crying. 

I bought all my gifts because I bought a lot through one company online where I'm a consultant (Steeped Tea). But I still need to wrap it. And I'm def not in the Christmas mood. It's going to be even harder now. I just did another blood test, but won't get results till tomorrow. I was hoping to go back to work because I just cancelled on all these people while going through IVF and just rescheduled them. And tomorrow is our work Christmas party. But I don't know how I'm going to manage tomorrow 

 

I hope you are doing okay. Did you get results from PGS testing? You did that right? 


me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#35 Mcking

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Posted 21 December 2018 - 10:08 AM

Aimee, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been the past while. I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I read some of the stories on this forum, yours included, and I just can't make sense of why the heck these things are happening to such good, kind people. The only thing I know is, I wish you eventually find the answers/peace/comfort you need--whatever the next steps of your journey are.

 

To answer your question above, I did not do PGS testing. My RE did not recommend, due to my relatively younger age (31 years). I will be leaving it up to chance. 

 

I don't know if this will interest you at this point in time, but thought I might share, since we have many similar things going on (low AMH, endo, similar symptoms). I met with my RE yesterday. First follow-up after IVF. He gave me the choice of doing a biopsy to check for endometriosis or just to go ahead and treat me as if I have endometriosis since I fit perfectly within that clinical picture (he thinks I have a minor version of it, that is so micro it does not show up on tests, but is impacting my AMH and fertility in general). I was unsure of which option to pick, so I asked him what he was leaning towards, given that I only 4 frozen embryos to work with. He told me he was leaning towards just treating it before FET, to be on the safe side. So I went with his advice.

 

The choice of treatment was between Birth control vs. Lupron injections (either option would be for 2 months). He told me that Lupron has more side effects (puts you into menopause), but is the gold standard tx for endo (shown through studies to be the more effective option out of the two). So I chose Lupron and will begin next month (he felt the hormones in my body are still coming down from IVF and wants to give me a bit of a break). So 2 months of Lupron starting in January, then transfer of frozen embryo is the plan. Side effects look fun...mood swings, headaches, hot flashes, etc. But he said if they get too severe, he will add back some estrogen. My thoughts on the matter--I don't want to look back and regret not choosing the more effective option, so if that means having to 'suck it up' and deal with the side effects, so be it. 



#36 Aimeehug

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  • Location:St. Albert
  • Interests:Writing, reading, volleyball, yoga, watching TV
  • Dx:Endometriosis
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 21 December 2018 - 10:33 AM

I hope Lupron works. I was on Lupron, but only for the month before retrieval. I don't know if the doctor didn't reccommend longer because she feels I've been treated since it was burned off in January. But at my follow up I'll ask again, since it'll have been a year since that surgery.
Fair warning, I think Lupron made me loopy. I was really weepy, but it could have also been just because I was so emotional going into IVF, and I'm an emotional person. But I do think Lupron played a role. However, it's temporary, and if you just give yourself space and special care, I'm sure you can get through it. Because of my job, I ended up taking some time off because of the emotional rollercoaster. So, make sure you give yourself some good self-care!!

 

I got confirmation of my loss on Wednesday, and I've been struggling with that. I'm guessing I'll be doing a FET probably March would be my guess. I don't have my follow up until Jan 14th, so have to wait until then to hear anything.


me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.


#37 Mcking

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Posted 21 December 2018 - 10:21 PM

Thanks for the heads up. I am already anticipating mood swings--I am also an emotional person to begin with. I will make sure to participate in extra self-care over the next few months, for sure. 

It's the worst when follow-up appointment is weeks away. Not sure about you, but the wait of finding out what the plan will be, and getting some answers is very hard for me. On the other hand, not sure if you are welcoming the break from doctors, treatments, tests, etc, and taking some time for yourself after all you've been through.

Looks like we both may end up doing FET this March. Hope it's a good month for the both of us. 



#38 Aimeehug

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  • Location:St. Albert
  • Interests:Writing, reading, volleyball, yoga, watching TV
  • Dx:Endometriosis
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 22 December 2018 - 12:11 PM

When I first heard it was Jan 14 I was okay because I was still pretty upset. Im doing better now and just want to move forward. Sucks that this all had to fall over the Christmas break.
Im sure Ill be even more anxious to get going by the time the appointment comes around.

me: 34 DH: 35 TTC since: Sep 2015

 

Jan 2018- Lap for Endo, and septum removal surgery

Mar-Aug 2018- 3 failed IUIs

Nov 2018- IVF...got my very first ever positive. 

Dec 19 2018- confirmed loss. at 5 weeks. cry.gif

Feb. 2019- preparing for first FET. Let's do this!

March 13, 2019- Transfer date for FET #1

March 18, 2019- turned 34 and got a squinter 5dp5dt.

March 22, 2019- Positive Beta! 

April 8, 2019- 1st ultrasound. all good except a small SCH.