33 replies to this topic

[Aiglee]

Whats the difference between a CAS birth mom trying to find a family for her unborn baby compared to a private birth mom trying to find a family for her union baby?

I guess Im trying to wrap my head around CAS vs Private or maybe Ive got it wrong
 

Something else I should add because its the main question in everyone's mind is how long it takes for a baby. If the baby is through an infant consent program (private or public) you have to keep in mind that mom/dad chooses you. That means it could take years or it could take weeks. There is nothing in particular that you can do to speed it up. When agencies tell you to expect 3-4 years it's just a number they throw at you really because you could be waiting 10 years, or you could be waiting 2 weeks.
Having said that it also relies on how the agency shows their profiles. They all work similarly in that they show birth mom a certain number of profiles based on their desires. Some show 3, some show up to 10. If an agency has 100 profiles, they might not show yours just because is newer so that would make it your times get long.
 
In our case birth mom wanted a Christian family, so CAS gave us a very brief summary of birth mom and asked us if we wanted them to present our profile. We said yes and birth mom saw our profile along with a few others. A lot other things happened and we had to wait 2 months after that to hear back from them (even though the baby was already born) and then she decided to choose us. That was the only time our profile was shown. We dont know how long the other families shown had been waiting. We know birth mom chose us because we were Christian and she liked the baby would know Spanish and English and thought that would be good for him. At the end of the day, the time it took from the time we were approved to the time we had the baby in our arms was 7 months. We know other families that took less than 1 month. We have heard of others that waited years. You just have to be prepared to wait the longest time of your life, and hope it doesn't get to that.

 

 

As far as I understand it, most of the moms looking for a match with CAS are actually women that are on the radar with social services already, so it is women that if they tried to keep the babies then CAS would probably apprehend the baby and look for a foster family. I think anyone can choose to go with CAS but most women go with private agencies because they get some expenses paid, but with CAS they dont get any money. All of this is just what I have understood but I might be wrong. It is most, not all though, I know some moms through the CAS infant consent program that birth mom were just a young girl, or a family with too many kids already, so not in CAS radar.

 

Also keep in mind that most CAS do not do infant consent, Waterloo does but i think its only 1 of a handful, so then a CAS adoption is free, but a private one can cost around $20K

 

As a side note something you learn at some point is to to be careful not to call women looking at an adoption plan: birth mom. They are still mom until the baby is adopted or on adoption probation at which point then they are birth mom. I think some don't care but i know a lot of them don't chose families because of that.

[choicemom2be]

For those that were ttc and then decided to go the adoption route, how long did it take to make the final decision to go ahead with adoption?
I was told I have a 1% chance of having a biological child after 4 failed iui's and 1 failed fet and 2 fet miscarriages. I am trying to process everything but it's obviously overwhelming. I was thinking I would give myself till after Christmas to make a decision. I would be doing this as a single parent so that adds another layer to the mix to complicate things further. I guess I just wonder if you knew right away or did you need a lot of time to grieve and process before making a decision?

[ilovemydogs]

It took me about 6 months after we had a failed cycle with donor eggs. My husband didnt want to proceed with another transfer until we looked into adoption (it wasnt off the table, but we needed a break). It took me about 6 months and I ended up filling out the local CAS inquiry form on Mothers Day 2016 because it was another hard one for me. Although we ultimately did our home study independently of the CAS, the next mothers day was spent having brunch with the children we would eventually adopt.

[Aiglee]

I went into my marriage knowing I would have a hard time getting pregnant so I was already open to adoption, but my husband had hope we would be able to conceive. After 2 years of trying at our first clinic, we did 3 IUI, 1 IVF and 1 FET (undiagnosed) and neither worked, I kept talking with my husband about adoption. When we decided to try again, I NEEDED a plan B, so he agreed that if the second clinic didn't work, we would go the adoption route. On that second clinic we got a diagnosis and our chances were less than 5%, we still did the IVF and didn't work. 

 

It ended up taking my husband 3 years to be open to the idea. Everyone is different, some take longer and some get there faster. You could go to talks about adoption before taking the step, or join prospective adoptive parents groups and talk with people there. Information helps. I know I couldn't go through another mother's day or another Christmas without applying for adoption. 

 

I got my last failed results on the first clinic July 2015, did pride September 2015, IVF second clinic November 2015, found out it didn't work just before Christmas 2015, spent the beginning of 2016 finishing everything adoption related and was a mom by Christmas 2016.I like to move fast when I can, but like I said, my husband took a lot longer

[Axl2]

I knew right away that Adoption was our next step once I found out I couldnt get pregnant. My husband wanted to look at all options it took him about 6 months. We went on the waiting list on April 2016. I think you know when your ready to start the adoption journey.

[Axl2]

Hey so I wanted to put adoption brochures on bulletin boards but have realized that there isnt many places that have bulletin boards. Do any of you have suggestions where there might be bulletin boards?

[s00n]

 

Hey so I wanted to put adoption brochures on bulletin boards but have realized that there isnt many places that have bulletin boards. Do any of you have suggestions where there might be bulletin boards?

 

Do you mean to advertise to expectant moms? Starbucks/Bridgehead and other coffee shops usually have them as well as health food stores. Churches may be another good spot?

[s00n]

Coming into topic late re: adopting after trying - for us we went into TTC knowing we'd like to adopt as well as TTC. When TTC wasn't working we went the public adoption route and adopted through CAS. We started paperwork as we were wrapping up stuff with our Doctor re IUIs. We came back to TTC when our daughter was 4. We had considered another adoption also but didn't know if we'd try IVF if we went through the process of trying to adopt again. Doing both was something we had talked about from the time we got together as a couple, but I had to convince my husband that the timing was right - that we needed to re-focus on something with a more likely outcome (which for us was public adoption.)

[Axl2]

Ok I will have to check Starbucks out. I know Tim Hortons doesnt have bulletin board. I need to hand out the brochures that I have.

s00n are you guys doing both? We are 2.5 years on the waiting list. The last time I checked we are #47 on the list so hopefully we will be placed soon.