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Giving up after IVF?

IVF miscarriage loss

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9 replies to this topic

#1 Pegs11

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 05:02 AM

Hi, just wondered if anyone here decided to give up on IVF while they still had frozen embryos left over? I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant but expecting a miscarriage (bad first scan). This was our third FET and I just feel like I don't want to go through it again, the physical and emotional toll has been so great. 

The problem is we still have 5 healthy frozen embryos, and I worry that I might feel weird/bad/guilty having them destroyed. But I am just not sure I can cope with another round... Just wondered if anyone here has been in the same situation, and how you coped? Thanks



#2 choicemom2be

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 06:49 AM

I considered it after my miscarriage but after giving myself a bit of time to grieve and recover I decided to go ahead again. I decided though that if I couldn't go through with it I would look into embryo adoption because I couldn't bare the thought of destroying my embryos.
It's a completely personal decision. I would suggest giving yourself a bit of time first especially since you don't know how this pregnancy will turn out yet. If heaven forbid you do have a miscarriage I would suggest giving yourself some time because it is a very emotional experience, and it may take some time to recover. I would hate for you to make an emotional decision that you may regret later. Fx for you that it all works out.
IUI #1 Dec 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #2 Jan 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #3 Mar 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #4 Aug 2017 ~ BFN
IVF#1 ER ~ DEC 2017 (11 follicles, 9 fertilized 7blasts frozen)
Dec 2017 ~ PGS testing (3 normal) (Day 5 5BC, Day 6 5BB & 6BB)
FET #1 Jan 2018 ~ BFN (6BB)
ERA Mar 2018 ~ pre-receptive by 1 day
FET #2 May 2018~ BFP! (5BB) ~miscarriage @6weeks

#3 kayte1

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 07:27 AM

Pegs - so sorry for what you are going through, I have been there and it is such a scary and stressful place. Surround yourself with as much love and calm as you can. What I found was in the moment, its hard to consider anything but getting through the now. You may find that if this doesnt work out, with time and healing you are wanting to try again and give it another shot.
With time, some self-care and talking to an infertility counsellor, I was motivated and wanting to try again. The best time to evaluate isnt now. This can be such a hard journey, its very overwhelming with what many have to deal with. You will have lots of support whatever path you choose. Hang in there Xo

#4 Pegs11

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 07:40 AM

Hi, thank you both so much for your kind comments. I will certainly wait a while before making any decisions (and we have paid for embryo storage up to Feb next year so I don't need to make any decisions right now)... however, my own unique way of coping with things is to start thinking through all the possible options, should this not work out. It's just how I roll...

 

Choicemum, what stage are you at with things now?

 

Many thanks and big love to all x



#5 choicemom2be

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 05:07 PM

Pegs11~ I'm looking at transfering end of August beginning of September. Just waiting on good old AF to show up. I am so nervous as this is my last embryo but I am trying to stay positive.
IUI #1 Dec 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #2 Jan 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #3 Mar 2017 ~ BFN
IUI #4 Aug 2017 ~ BFN
IVF#1 ER ~ DEC 2017 (11 follicles, 9 fertilized 7blasts frozen)
Dec 2017 ~ PGS testing (3 normal) (Day 5 5BC, Day 6 5BB & 6BB)
FET #1 Jan 2018 ~ BFN (6BB)
ERA Mar 2018 ~ pre-receptive by 1 day
FET #2 May 2018~ BFP! (5BB) ~miscarriage @6weeks

#6 Pegs11

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Posted 10 August 2018 - 05:23 AM

I wish you all the very best with your next cycle. All the vibes xxx


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#7 JIC

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Posted 10 August 2018 - 06:51 AM

Pegs11. So sorry you are going through this stress. Try to take it one step at a time.
If it comes to the point you need to make a decision about your next steps make sure you have taken care of yourself first physically and mentally. It takes time to get into the right mindset. I have started my first fet (double donor thsi time) since my misscarriage in Jan. I never thought I would try again but after a lot of thought I decided it was the correct action for myself, even with the fear and nerves on high alert this time.
Just know whatever decision you make is right for you.
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Nov 2016 Feb 2017 4 failed iui

Mar 2017 IVF 3 pgs abnormal embryos

Oct 2017 IVF 1 pgs normal embryo

Dec 2017 FET  6.5 mc

May 2018 Donor FET 5 week mc

Feb 2019 Donor FET 5.5 week mc

Mar 2021 completed adopt ready

 


#8 Pegs11

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Posted 10 August 2018 - 11:23 AM

Thank you JIC for your reply. The biggest thing putting me off doing it again is the physical toll it's taken on me. I've really struggled with all the hormones and stuff and it's exacerbating a health condition I have (which is ordinarily very manageable, but these hormones are really upsetting the balance of things) I'm just not sure my body could handle another round. To be honest I'm not sure I'm the best 'host' for this baby, and maybe that's why things aren't going too well. I think if this doesn't work out, I will accept that I'm not physically cut out to carry a child. Even if the baby can cope, I'm not sure I could x 



#9 amazing grace

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Posted 26 August 2018 - 10:48 AM

Pegs11,

I wanted to share my story since I was in the same boat as you. After three miscarriages, a termination at 17 weeks and countless negative frozen cycles, I decided to quit. I had two frozen embryos left but they were not the greatest quality. One was a cavitating morula and one an early blast. How did I reach my decision? I was tired of all the ups and downs. I just could not put myself through the emotions anymore and finally realized that it was just not meant to be for me. I came to terms that I would never be a mom and I was okay with that. I was finally at peace and happy knowing that it is okay for me to forfeit on trying to be a mother. For the longest time, I felt that it was my given duty to be a mom. I was put on this planet to get married and produce. Ideals that were instilled in me from the time I was probably in my mother's womb. Reality finally hit and I deprogrammed myself. There was more to life than raising children and I believe that the universe has a plan for me and whether or not it involves biological children, I truly don't care. Eventually, I learned that one needs to realize that when the universe keeps fighting you on things, then maybe just maybe it is time to reevaluate and that's exactly what I did.



#10 amazing grace

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Posted 26 August 2018 - 10:52 AM

Just to add,

I read stories of women who constantly do fet's, ivf's and just never get anywhere. I read stories of women analyzing every symptom during their two week wait, only to find out it is a negative. Stories of women who search for new age methods to help them and never get far. I just sit back and think, that I hope one day they find their way. It is okay to decide not to go through it anymore. The most important think is that you listen to your body and what it is telling you.







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