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Infertility and Step-parenting Buddies

stepmom stepdad step-parent IUI IVF infertility

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4 replies to this topic

#1 schlepp

schlepp
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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:10 PM

Anyone else going through infertility while also being a step-parent? I would love to connect with others in the same situation. There was a great episode on the Beat Infertility podcast on this topic and it made me want to get a thread going for us step-parents.

 

I didn't want to post this in the parenting forum as I really wanted to connect more on the infertility topic than the parenting. It would be great to have a thread going where those in treatment can get support and those who have been through it can offer support/advice. 

 

My situation: my partners has two teenagers with his ex-wife and we've been doing fertility treatments off and on for two years. My partner had a vasectomy that was reversed last summer. We have not been open with the kids or his ex about this process. We figure why get anyone upset about something that may not happen. And I can guarantee they will be upset. 

 

Anyone else? 

 

 


(age 38) June 2016 IVF #1 antagonist, 13 mature eggs, 4 fertilized, 1 blast frozen

October 2016 FET #1 cancelled, thin lining

Changed clinics

(age 39) April 2017 FET #1.1 BFN

July 2017 partner has vasectomy reversal

Feb & March 2018 - Medicated IUI x2 - BFN (even with 7 mature follicles on the 2nd IUI)

(age 40) May 2018 IVF#2, lupron flare, 7 mature eggs, 5 fertilized, 1 blast & 1 morula fresh transfer, BFN. 1 low quality blast frozen

June 2018 IVF#3 mini stim, 1 egg, immature

Sept/Oct 2018 IVF#4 antagonist with HGH - CANCELLED due to high estrogen/29mm cyst

Oct 2018 IVF#4.1 antagonist with HGH - 7 eggs, all mature, 6 fertilized, 2 blasts on day 6, PGS tested/euploid

November 2018 FET #2 w/immune protocol and 1 PGS tested -  BFN

Locus Medicus testing for virus, bacteria and immune issues. Husband treated.

(age 41) April 2019 IVF#5 converted to IUI#3 due to follicle growth. BFP 12 day post IUI. Di/Di twins.

Dec 17 2019 - Baby boy and girl born at 36 weeks + 2 days. Everyone very healthy. 

 

See my 'about me' page for more detail on my treatment history.


#2 From0to3

From0to3
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Posted 20 May 2018 - 06:12 PM

Hi Schlepp - I was in the same situation as you patenting two stepsons half-time while going through infertility and ivf. It was really tough and a mind you know what emotionally. I have come out the other side and now have three of my own ivf babies but step-parenting and infertility was seriously not for the faint of heart. Does your husbands' ex live close by? My husband's ex wife was incredibly domineering and smug which added to frustration. Great idea for a thread.
  • schlepp likes this

IVF#1:17 Eggs, 4-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfn.gif

 FET#1: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif m/[email protected] th_agrr.gif 

IVF#2: 5 Eggs, 5-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif Boy/Girl Twins born DEC 2013 babygirl.gif babyboy.gif 

 

FET#2:Transferred 1: th_abfp.gif Baby Girl born July 2016 babygirl.gif  

 

2 Frosties Remaining.


#3 schlepp

schlepp
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Posted 22 May 2018 - 06:55 AM

Hi Schlepp - I was in the same situation as you patenting two stepsons half-time while going through infertility and ivf. It was really tough and a mind you know what emotionally. I have come out the other side and now have three of my own ivf babies but step-parenting and infertility was seriously not for the faint of heart. Does your husbands' ex live close by? My husband's ex wife was incredibly domineering and smug which added to frustration. Great idea for a thread.

Great to hear from someone that has been through this and is successfully on the other side. 

 

I don't have a lot of issues with my partner's ex as she doesn't know yet that we are trying. But trying to keep it all a secret is very tough when we have the kids around. I'm paranoid of them digging through the fridge and finding my medication. Having to make excuses to get something from the fridge and then run up to our room to do shots. We had to pretend we went for a very long brunch date the other weekend when we had my egg retrieval. Then you add it my occasional hormonal sadness causing low patience with their teenager behaviour. Not a great mix. 

 

I will add we were looking at buying an investment property (we currently rent) and the ex wife freaked out at my partner. Demanded to know where the money would be coming from (me) and even with that answer somehow was not happy. So my partner feels like if we're successful he is going to say it was some kind of miracle and his vasectomy just reversed itself. Because she would be livid about the money spent on treatments...which again, is actually my money since my partner is paying child support and saving for the kids post-secondary education. 

 

We are planning to move out to the suburbs where the kids live in the fall. Now that my fresh IVF transfer has failed, I'm nervous that we will still be doing treatments by then. The commute into the clinic will be 90+ minutes each way compared to 20 minutes right now. I'm almost thinking of saying we delay until we're at least no longer doing IVF cycles, and only doing transfers. 

 

Yes, this is much more complicated in the blended family. I would love to hear from others! And 0to3, your success gives me hope!


(age 38) June 2016 IVF #1 antagonist, 13 mature eggs, 4 fertilized, 1 blast frozen

October 2016 FET #1 cancelled, thin lining

Changed clinics

(age 39) April 2017 FET #1.1 BFN

July 2017 partner has vasectomy reversal

Feb & March 2018 - Medicated IUI x2 - BFN (even with 7 mature follicles on the 2nd IUI)

(age 40) May 2018 IVF#2, lupron flare, 7 mature eggs, 5 fertilized, 1 blast & 1 morula fresh transfer, BFN. 1 low quality blast frozen

June 2018 IVF#3 mini stim, 1 egg, immature

Sept/Oct 2018 IVF#4 antagonist with HGH - CANCELLED due to high estrogen/29mm cyst

Oct 2018 IVF#4.1 antagonist with HGH - 7 eggs, all mature, 6 fertilized, 2 blasts on day 6, PGS tested/euploid

November 2018 FET #2 w/immune protocol and 1 PGS tested -  BFN

Locus Medicus testing for virus, bacteria and immune issues. Husband treated.

(age 41) April 2019 IVF#5 converted to IUI#3 due to follicle growth. BFP 12 day post IUI. Di/Di twins.

Dec 17 2019 - Baby boy and girl born at 36 weeks + 2 days. Everyone very healthy. 

 

See my 'about me' page for more detail on my treatment history.


#4 TS1906

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Posted 02 October 2018 - 08:37 AM

We're in very similar situations Schlepp! 

My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage (daughter 13 and son 9) and a high conflict (we diagnosed narcissistic sociopath) ex wife. Oh the stories that I can tell you...

 

Step daughter is well on her way to become just like her mom, while the little boy is the sweetest thing ever.

 

We, too, are hiding that we're going through the IVF process, but have no other choice. Kids would FREAK! My step daughter "told" me on a few occasions "you're not allowed to have any more kids"....

 

Not only is infertility the hardest thing (in my opinion) we have to go through, but add step kids into the mix, and it becomes so overwhelming!

 

Let's just hope and pray for the same success as From0to3 and that everyone blends, in time :)



#5 schlepp

schlepp
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Posted 02 October 2018 - 01:22 PM

We're in very similar situations Schlepp! 

My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage (daughter 13 and son 9) and a high conflict (we diagnosed narcissistic sociopath) ex wife. Oh the stories that I can tell you...

 

Step daughter is well on her way to become just like her mom, while the little boy is the sweetest thing ever.

 

We, too, are hiding that we're going through the IVF process, but have no other choice. Kids would FREAK! My step daughter "told" me on a few occasions "you're not allowed to have any more kids"....

 

Not only is infertility the hardest thing (in my opinion) we have to go through, but add step kids into the mix, and it becomes so overwhelming!

 

Let's just hope and pray for the same success as From0to3 and that everyone blends, in time smile.png

TS1906 - If you ever want to chat feel free to send me a PM. Round 4 of IVF and I am so tired of the stress of hiding it when we have the kids. One night I had to get meds from the fridge covertly in the middle of a game of Uno and pretend I needed the bathroom. 

 

I am super lucky that my partner has a low conflict relationship with his kids. And the kids still think he has the vasectomy so they are not making any statements about us having kids. Honestly, they probably think I am too old!


(age 38) June 2016 IVF #1 antagonist, 13 mature eggs, 4 fertilized, 1 blast frozen

October 2016 FET #1 cancelled, thin lining

Changed clinics

(age 39) April 2017 FET #1.1 BFN

July 2017 partner has vasectomy reversal

Feb & March 2018 - Medicated IUI x2 - BFN (even with 7 mature follicles on the 2nd IUI)

(age 40) May 2018 IVF#2, lupron flare, 7 mature eggs, 5 fertilized, 1 blast & 1 morula fresh transfer, BFN. 1 low quality blast frozen

June 2018 IVF#3 mini stim, 1 egg, immature

Sept/Oct 2018 IVF#4 antagonist with HGH - CANCELLED due to high estrogen/29mm cyst

Oct 2018 IVF#4.1 antagonist with HGH - 7 eggs, all mature, 6 fertilized, 2 blasts on day 6, PGS tested/euploid

November 2018 FET #2 w/immune protocol and 1 PGS tested -  BFN

Locus Medicus testing for virus, bacteria and immune issues. Husband treated.

(age 41) April 2019 IVF#5 converted to IUI#3 due to follicle growth. BFP 12 day post IUI. Di/Di twins.

Dec 17 2019 - Baby boy and girl born at 36 weeks + 2 days. Everyone very healthy. 

 

See my 'about me' page for more detail on my treatment history.






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