179 replies to this topic

[Abster]

who cares call them ....u paid 10 000 dollars to sit there n be shy....rather be safe than sorry....[

How are you Bridgey? I've been following very closely as well, just want you to know I've got my fingers crossed for you!

[elipat10]

Bridgey-I'm finding your posts very annoying..........only because I can't start in yet.....you 're making me craaazzzzyyyy! Keep it up.. I can't wait for the fed ex man to show up w/my test from down there....well down past you! Then I fully intend to join in on the madness. You go girl...oh, and ditto....call the freaking clinic! Who cares--------call, call, call!

[bridgeypie]

You girls are awesome to support my madness!!!....

Secretly ...I know this is bad to say, but I dont think im BFP but I think this post will be SUPER useful for me / others to read to compair to in our states of madness....

Im out of POAS so I headed over to wal mart ( trying to only use first response now for consistancy lol ) and they only had one -left... I GASPED looking at the empty shelf LOL!!! It'll get me through tomorrows post and then I'll have to buy more

So heres my scoop if /when I get a BFN I'm going to wait 2 days to poas again...fair enough I figure...

Also - didn't call the clinic I just had MAJOR MASSIVE gas, once I ..."expelled" it ... I felt as though I could get on with my day ( be happy you dont live with me, Im a gassy women lately!! ) LOL!

Hope all of you are doing well! Can't wait till you guys can join in the madness! Let the POAS RACES being!!!

[forrsea]

Bridgeypie
Well I must agree this one is adictive to read. I was the same way as you poas everyday til it was gone hoping it would come back. My DH said that I wasn't allow the second time round and if he caught me he'd make me eat it. I drove him nuts. I wish you the best luck. I'll be lurking around.
PS your not crazy think most of us has done this but might not want to say

[ShebaB]

I am sorry. I think I am starting to know you and I don't think you will be able to go 1 day none the less 2 days without poas. You have a full blown addiction to this and I don't think you will be able to resist the urge of pissing on a stick! Call me wrong, but I don't think so. I can see you now. You are going to open your eyes in bed and start thinking to yourself "I have no more sticks". Then it is going to play over and over in your head "what shall I do". You will get up and look in all your hiding spots for a stick. Finally you will come to the realization that you are out. I give you a few moments to ponder what you are going to do next. Once the over whelming urge builds inside, you will grab the car keys from the counter and get into your car. You pause to think "where is the closest drug store". Once the decision is made you head off there. You will hit every red light on the way thinking to yourself "how many should I get". Your eyes soon notice the store. You think should I do this or not. The clerks look out the window and see you circling the store a few times. They are starting to see a look in your eyes and they are not sure if there is a robbery getting ready to take place or not. Soon you park. You get out of your vehicle and approach with a steady pace to the front door. The clerk sees you are not wearing a ski mask and feels a little bit at ease. You are on a mission! Once in the door you head off to the "family planning" section. You are now standing in front of all the boxes. You sigh knowing you have them in your sight. You start looking at all the boxes and compare, but we know you are going to get "first response". You take hold of it and travel to the front to pay. Once you get home there is nothing stopping you from opening that door and heading straight to the bathroom. You have held that 1st morning pee since you decide this is what you have to do. Finally RELIEF! Not only do you have relief from going to the bathroom, but you have fed into yours and our addiction. When finished you need to get to the computer right away and let us know what happened Am I right or not?

Sheba

[bridgeypie]

Sheba LMAO!!!!!! you are totally right!!!!.... I can totally see me driving with my legs practically closed trying to to pee and cursing every red light as I massively speed to the drug store hahah!!!....And you're right I wont be able to wait, my dh said that too - and I agree..Im an addict...I've never had an addiction in my life, not cigarets, not tv, not booze ...I now have a new found sympathy for those with addiction problems. ---Hello my name is Brigitte, I'm a poas addict...haha!!!

So I did POAS this AM...result...*gasp* BFN, gah ! Apparenlty I have the slowest metabolisim in the world. The hcg hadn't left my system. It was weird to see the BFN but at least now I know its out, and if we have to do this rollercoaster ride again, I know what to expect -and if a BFP ever comes back ( which you all know I'll test every AM) I'll now know it's true... I had a dream I had bw done and it was postive, lets hope dreams come true

Sheba..you're hillarious! LOL

Too funny Sheba!! Bridgey, I was super gassy in my 2ww and I got a BFP in the end, hopefully that gives you hope!! Stay positive, your BFP can come back!

[bridgeypie]

Hurray for the gas LOL!!

Im not disapointed yet of the bfn - in 6 days I will be..but until then I'll hope!

[Browneyedgirl]

Always remain positive!

[DesignerBug]

I'm sitting here hoping with you... 6 more days... no problem.... or at least that's what I'll be saying to myself for the next 6 days.

Although it's going to be tough... wait the 2 days.

I remember getting so ticked off with HPTs that I've actually reached a point where I won't buy anymore. I usually use them as a threat to bring on AF, because without a doubt as SOON as I pee on one of those things she shows up within 24hours. I'd like to think that if I were in your shoes I'd be able to acknowledge that I've had my addictive fun and that I'm going to hold out for 5 more days. I like to POAS the day before or the day of BETA as I HATE being blindsided with bad news.

Like I had to tell myself when I quit smoking.... I'm only a smoker as long as I have that next smoke. But until I do, I'm a non-smoker. So so far you're not a POAS addict. You're only an addict once again when you POAS. We're here for you man!

Best of luck

D

[bridgeypie]

not POAS for 6 days, that's crazy! I dont have that kind of will power.

I will not pee tomorrow though okay - promiss..one day at a time is what they say right?

[Katherine e]

Crossing my fingers and toes (but not legs!) for you Brigepie!
Katherine

[bridgeypie]

Katherine - thanks I need all the hope I can get, we only have a 15% chance...here's to hoping!!

[bridgeypie]

so, I had a really crappy day today - with lots and lots of crying.

I think my biggest regret with IVF is telling people, I really wish we would have kept it private, I feel so aqward around newborns and people with babies now, especially if they know.

Today was the worst day, went into the grocery store saw and chatted with my boss and his dw who is 2 weeks away from birth...sigh...ok... then turn the aisle and theres dh best friend and his very 8 month preggers dw, more sigh...lets get out of here to the comfort of my home, sit in the back yard, of course my neighbours invite over there friend walking by on the street with their 2 month old new born to which my DS just goes ga ga over, and my neighbour annouces to her DS aww I bet you can't wait for that - mommy and daddy will get on that next month for you *(chuckle chuckle)* ... they say this right infont of me knowing very well Im in the 2ww GAH I run into the house I CANT TAKE THIS...

So we go for a drive to "escape" and we're driving down a country road and see some cows, omigosh - that calf is soooo small, wait a minute there's an umbilical cord hanging out of the moms vagahgahi...hmmm...this calf must be just born, so we went around to find the farmer to tell him what we saw ( we didn't know if it was normal or not) I guess the cow had just given birth, the farmer said he was out there 60 minutes ago and it hadn't yet given birth, the calf must have been just 5 minutes old!...

Man what a BS day of pregnancy and babies all around me.... GAH (ok the cow thing was more cute then upsetting) but today has been a BAD BAD day for me, I'm generally really optimistic and can see the better in things...but NOT today.

Sorry - that just felt good to get out.

[DesignerBug]

Oh Bridge.... ((HUGS))).

Your miracle awaits you.

D

[elipat10]

Oh man......that sucks so bad..I'm so sorry you had a crap day! Here.... I had to do a few.......because you can't even smell them! I am sure that tomorrow will bring a new day for you! Cheer up girl, the fat lady hasn't shown her face yet!

[bridgeypie]

thanks girls, I dont know why im upset about this... i knew it wouldn't work - but im still just blah, and I can't sleep

[ShebaB]

Going through this process is so hard. Just when you think life itself is like a roller coaster IVF comes along and you feel as if the roller coaster is bigger with more loops and turns and you can't get off. It is really hard to stay optimistic all the time. We have to have times where we cry and let it all out. It is normal all the feelings you are going through. That is what this website is for. To help us relate to others knowing what we are all going through. Hugs to you! Sheba

[bridgeypie]

Thanks Sheba, this is so hard. I always thought I was an "emotionally stable person" WOW! Suprise,,,,I am the furthest from it

Hey Bridgeypie,

Not fair to judge your emotional abilities based on your reactions to this sort of thing. Two reasons: one, you're so jacked up on hormones that your body and mind are doing the same sort of back flips that 13 yr old girls do when they first get their "flower"; and two, you guys (women) and us guys (men) to a lesser degree are hardwired to need to do this. Sort of like needing to grab a breath of air after being underwater for a minute.

Every step of the way through this journey, we have made the decision to be less and less open about it. The reason we've done that is to preserve what little shred of strength and dignity we have left. The result is secrecy and isolation. I don't know what the right answer or balance is, probably unique for every different couple.

In your second to last post you said, "you knew it wouldn't work". Are you telling us something? Or are you just preparing yourself for the worst? If its the latter then I think you under estimate your odds. 15% is a good deal better than all of the crap that they make you try before getting on the IVF routine. I'm the biggest pessimist out there but I haven't come close to giving up on you yet.

[m2bmama]

Hey Bridgie - I agree w/ sameboat I havn't given up on you yet either. Just and FYI at my clinic for transferring one my RE gave a 50% chance, thats way better than 15 so think that!!!! I know your trying to prepare yourself but I don't think you fully can do that. I remember when I first seen you on this site you were so positive... try to hold on to that. I also remember the thread you created ' does it really happen' go back and read that and give yourself some positive vibes. So 50%, 20 from you, 20 from dh, 10 from ds !!!!!!! and an extra 10 from me!!!!!! Good luck, you only transferred one so on the POAS you will definitly only be seing HCG from one embie no chance of twins and no change of early POAS too. Try to remember that!

[stillsmiling]

Bridgey:

Here's a thought: you can't be crazy because so many of us can totally empathize with how you are feeling right now! Hang in there. Now you know the HCG is out of your system.... just waiting so see the HCG start to go back up now. THis is not the end of the race....only the middle hard section.

You and your little embie are in my thoughts and prayers.

Namaste,

Cindy

[bridgeypie]

You guys/girls are all so nice, I cried as I was reading that....

miracle to be - you are SO right, I totally forgot about what my dh said to be about that equation!!! Thanks for reminding me of that again

Sameboat - you're right the balance between telling people and not telling people is the hardest part, and I think that's what's upsetting me the most right now is that people know and people pitty me and I HATE that...Im glad you can see my point

I appriciate you guys/girls more than you'll ever know, thank you so much - I wish I could send you all a box of chocolates!

Cute story - as Im feeling happy now (the rollercoaster continues)...my DS really wants to have another baby and although he's only 2 somehow he's convienced Im preggers and that we're having a girl ANYWAYS we're shopping in walmart today and we walk buy the strollers and he's like MOM we NEED to buy a new stroller for the new baby...aww I thought it was so cute and I smiled, it really uplifted my spirits, as did this board thanks

I honestly think the hardest part for me isn't the fact that its a BFN ( because I already concider myself EXTREMELY luck to have DS) it's just the aqwardness and pitty ive created around myself from other people who know about our IF....that's the hardest part I think for me.. Idont like being "inferior" (sp?? )

These threads need to have spell check

Ok im rambling..just thank you thank you thank you!! xo

I can totally relate to the feeling of being inferior b/c of IF. I have a hard time telling people about my IF b/c I assume people will think less of me, maybe b/c sometimes I think less of myself. It just depends which day it is, sometimes I see myself as a better person b/c of IF, I am a better mom to my DD, never do I take one day for granted. There are always going to be hard days, but it seems you have already made the turn and are on the upswing again! Remember, stay positive, you've got a little fighter in you that needs it right now!!
And put the stick down!!!!