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Anyone see "This is Us" Last night?

miscarriage TV

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5 replies to this topic

#1 wannabeamama

wannabeamama
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Posted 22 November 2017 - 11:27 AM

Caution ~SPOILERS~

 

Did anyone watch "This is Us" last night on CTV/ABC?  They explored Kate having a miscarriage in the first trimester and I think they did a pretty good job expressing the emotions involved and even covering the male perspective.  I am not one to cry over TV/movies but I came close haha!


Me: 37 DH: 36

 

TTC since 2014

 

IVF #1: November 2016

ER: Retrieved 5 eggs, 5 fertilized, ended up with 4 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Nov 2016: BFN

FET w/ ICSI #1         Feb 2017: BFP,  M/C Apr (Lost at 7 weeks, found out at 14, had D&C)

FET  w/ ICSI #2       June 2017: BFP,  M/C Sept (Lost at 9 weeks, found out at almost 13 weeks, had D&C)

FET w/ ICSI #3        April 2018: BFN

 

IVF # 2: January 2020

ER: Retrieved 15 eggs, 10 fertilized, ended up with 7 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Jan 2020: BFN

FET w/ICSI #1          Aug 2020: BFN

 

5 frosties left, likely not cycling again until next spring.

 


#2 writegal416

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Posted 22 November 2017 - 02:11 PM

I read a This is Us board and some of the women on the board were a little upset at it - not because of their personal experiences, but because the miscarriage itself seemed...fake and too "television." The emotional part was there, but the rest was too...cliché.  Not much about blood or anything in that area.  Or that it was taking time for the loss to end.  

 

I don't feel like I can comment much more about this because the only "experience" I've had was a chemical through my surrogate.  It's a loss, yes, but because we didn't reach the u/s stage, I don't feel comfortable saying it was a "real" loss.  

What I WOULD like to see about Kate and Toby's storyline is the difficulty it could be for "older" women (and Kate is "older" at 37) to get pregnant.  I can't tell you how many women - well-educated women, at that - who don't realize that they, too are "old."


____________________________________

 

Advised Not to Get Pregnant: Circa 1994 or 1995 (I was FIFTEEN!!!)

Married: August 2010

Started Adoption Process:  January 2013

Started Researching Surrogacy: August 2016

Found Embryos: November 2016

Matched with Surrogate: April 2017, all adoption put on hold (never matched with a child)

Surrogate's First Transfer: July 2017 (one FET) - BFP, but m/c or chemical (unsure, since second beta rose more than 60%, but third beta dropped)

Surrogate's  Second Transfer: October 2017 (one FET) - BFN

Surrogate's Third Transfer: December 2017 (double transfer) - BFN

 

Moving on to donor eggs...

 

New donor embryos available!!! Trying with them

 

Surrogate's Fourth Transfer:  February 2018 - was to be a double transfer, but one did not survive thawing, so single transfer; First beta - 685!!!!!; Beta #2 - 1594!!!  eusa_dance.gif yahoo.gif

First ultrasound (at 7 weeks, 2 days): Heart rate of 154 bpm, measuring slightly behind (just under 7 weeks)

Second ultrasound (9 weeks, 1 day):  Heart rate of 170 bpm, measuring small (again) at a little under 9 weeks.  Basically, it is growing at a good pace, just small - UPDATE:  heart rate is 175 bpm according to an email from the clinic! 

Harmony tests show that we are low risk and we're Team babyboy.gif


#3 quandry

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Posted 22 November 2017 - 02:55 PM

I read a This is Us board and some of the women on the board were a little upset at it - not because of their personal experiences, but because the miscarriage itself seemed...fake and too "television." The emotional part was there, but the rest was too...cliché.  Not much about blood or anything in that area.  Or that it was taking time for the loss to end.  
 
I don't feel like I can comment much more about this because the only "experience" I've had was a chemical through my surrogate.  It's a loss, yes, but because we didn't reach the u/s stage, I don't feel comfortable saying it was a "real" loss.  

What I WOULD like to see about Kate and Toby's storyline is the difficulty it could be for "older" women (and Kate is "older" at 37) to get pregnant.  I can't tell you how many women - well-educated women, at that - who don't realize that they, too are "old."


I haven't seen the episode yet so I can't comment on that. But I did want to say - a loss is a loss is a loss. Please don't negate your feelings by saying it was an early loss, or your surrogates. It's still a loss and it still leaves scars on your heart!

Research says that an early loss is processed the same way as a later one, and even a stillbirth or that of a young baby. Your grief is real. It is not imagined! And while outside this forum you may feel a need to minimize it, please don't feel that you ever EVER need to do that here!

Hugs honey!
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See about me page.

 

 


#4 writegal416

writegal416
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Posted 22 November 2017 - 03:50 PM

 

I read a This is Us board and some of the women on the board were a little upset at it - not because of their personal experiences, but because the miscarriage itself seemed...fake and too "television." The emotional part was there, but the rest was too...cliché.  Not much about blood or anything in that area.  Or that it was taking time for the loss to end.  
 
I don't feel like I can comment much more about this because the only "experience" I've had was a chemical through my surrogate.  It's a loss, yes, but because we didn't reach the u/s stage, I don't feel comfortable saying it was a "real" loss.  

What I WOULD like to see about Kate and Toby's storyline is the difficulty it could be for "older" women (and Kate is "older" at 37) to get pregnant.  I can't tell you how many women - well-educated women, at that - who don't realize that they, too are "old."


I haven't seen the episode yet so I can't comment on that. But I did want to say - a loss is a loss is a loss. Please don't negate your feelings by saying it was an early loss, or your surrogates. It's still a loss and it still leaves scars on your heart!

Research says that an early loss is processed the same way as a later one, and even a stillbirth or that of a young baby. Your grief is real. It is not imagined! And while outside this forum you may feel a need to minimize it, please don't feel that you ever EVER need to do that here!

Hugs honey!

 

 

 

Thanks.  I get it, but the thing is, I don't feel anything.  And I wonder if I should feel guilty about not really feeling anything.  It was our first embryo in a set of four.  The second was BFN.  I suppose I'll feel something if one or both of the embryos in our next transfer don't work.


____________________________________

 

Advised Not to Get Pregnant: Circa 1994 or 1995 (I was FIFTEEN!!!)

Married: August 2010

Started Adoption Process:  January 2013

Started Researching Surrogacy: August 2016

Found Embryos: November 2016

Matched with Surrogate: April 2017, all adoption put on hold (never matched with a child)

Surrogate's First Transfer: July 2017 (one FET) - BFP, but m/c or chemical (unsure, since second beta rose more than 60%, but third beta dropped)

Surrogate's  Second Transfer: October 2017 (one FET) - BFN

Surrogate's Third Transfer: December 2017 (double transfer) - BFN

 

Moving on to donor eggs...

 

New donor embryos available!!! Trying with them

 

Surrogate's Fourth Transfer:  February 2018 - was to be a double transfer, but one did not survive thawing, so single transfer; First beta - 685!!!!!; Beta #2 - 1594!!!  eusa_dance.gif yahoo.gif

First ultrasound (at 7 weeks, 2 days): Heart rate of 154 bpm, measuring slightly behind (just under 7 weeks)

Second ultrasound (9 weeks, 1 day):  Heart rate of 170 bpm, measuring small (again) at a little under 9 weeks.  Basically, it is growing at a good pace, just small - UPDATE:  heart rate is 175 bpm according to an email from the clinic! 

Harmony tests show that we are low risk and we're Team babyboy.gif


#5 quandry

quandry

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Posted 22 November 2017 - 09:07 PM

Whatever you feel is what you feel. No need or reason to explain it or justify it. Whether you feel a lot or a little. That is ok. If you're concerned, you could see a therapist and discuss what's going on... but regardless... you have no need to explain to anyone.

See about me page.

 

 


#6 wannabeamama

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  • Location:Nova Scotia
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:AART

Posted 26 November 2017 - 09:31 PM

Agreed, a loss is still a loss.

 

I have to say I do agree with what you said was posted on another board, there was no blood and I think that could have made it a bit more relatable.  Alternatively,  if they weren't going to show blood they could have showed it as a missed miscarriage where the baby simply stopped developing and they could see that on the ultrasound.  Instead she just kind of called from the bathroom... 

 

The emotions expressed were not something you always see represented on TV though and I liked that about it.

I would like to see Kate and Toby also portray a struggle to get pregnant too! 


Me: 37 DH: 36

 

TTC since 2014

 

IVF #1: November 2016

ER: Retrieved 5 eggs, 5 fertilized, ended up with 4 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Nov 2016: BFN

FET w/ ICSI #1         Feb 2017: BFP,  M/C Apr (Lost at 7 weeks, found out at 14, had D&C)

FET  w/ ICSI #2       June 2017: BFP,  M/C Sept (Lost at 9 weeks, found out at almost 13 weeks, had D&C)

FET w/ ICSI #3        April 2018: BFN

 

IVF # 2: January 2020

ER: Retrieved 15 eggs, 10 fertilized, ended up with 7 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Jan 2020: BFN

FET w/ICSI #1          Aug 2020: BFN

 

5 frosties left, likely not cycling again until next spring.

 






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