5 replies to this topic

[elenabelka]

Hello. This is my very first message on any forums ever. After the news 2 weeks ago, I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone or leave my house. My friends won't understand as they never went through this, and honestly, there is nothing they can do, because there is nothing to be done. I feel like it is a death sentence. I am 30 years old healthy woman. I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year, when I finally went to fertility center, because I thought I am the problem (since he has a daughter already), it came out that he has 0 morphology and even the abnormal ones are 1%. Since then my life is like a movie. All my life I just wanted to have kids. My life is so meaningless right now. Has anyone else went through same emotions? I am trying to understand if what I feel is normal or I really need to seek help. Everyone seems so strong trying to work it out with their partner. I am just angry and upset and what is worse, now that he can not have children, he spends more time with his daughter leaving me constantly alone in this. It hurts a lot and I don't know what to do. Please help. I feel like I am just being selfish and I just never had to go through something like this and I don't know how to cope. 

[melbous]

I also went to go checked out thinking it was me. My husband had zero sperm. Fast forward a few years and we now have a beautiful one year old daughter. We tried supplements for him. He got sperm but not great. We tried IUI to no success and IVF (which daughter is from). I am currently in the 2 week wait to see if we are having a second child. My advice is to be patient and not give up. It's not always an easy process but everyone here has been through it. You're not alone

[annatarz79]

Hi elenabelka in this forum i doubt that you will find someone who has not felt the way you are feeling at some point during their IF journey. it doesnt matter if it is our partner or us that have the issues but the whole partnership suffers from IF. 

the up's and down's are too many but hang in there. you need to discuss your feelings with your partner and you need to decide what is your next step. ok you figured out what was causing your IF so you need to seek help and advice from professionals.  i know friends and family seem to not understand but sometimes they dont have to... sometimes they can just listen and just be there for you. i know that you are not alone and in this forum you will find plenty who do listen and we do know what it is like !!

[ThirdTimesACharm79]

Elenabelka-

I do feel hesitant to respond, because it seems what you are asking is more in the relationship realm. I am a straight shooter and say things that are not "fluff or smoke up your arse".
You need to reevaluate your relationship. Children do not improve any relationship. If you don't have a strong foundation and a supportive partner, then why stay? Why can't you talk to your partner? Have you tried counseling?
I don't need you to answer my questions, but please think. Your partner in life, your mate, your companion , should be someone you can turn to in tough times and definitely someone you can tell your true feelings to. Talk about it. Know what you want and need.
See a counselor. Don't be afraid to make tough decisions. It's your life. You don't get a redo. You and only you are responsible for your happiness.

[jtstan]

Hi elenabelka..... so sorry you're going through this. But have you two actually sat down with your RE to discuss the results and what your options are? A quick internet search even on 0 sperm morphology does not seem to mean a fertility death sentence... also keep in mind that even a normal sample would include only 4% normal forms and the fact that he has sperm and has fathered are a good sign. Has he been evaluated for a varicocele (can affect sperm quality)? Are all his other hormone levels in normal range? Sperm takes around 3 months from beginning to end to mature and there's plenty of ways to influence the quality (vitamin and mineral support, co q 10, cut out alcohol, loose clothing, no hot tubs etc). Just because he had a very bad sample does not necessarily mean that his sample will permanently be bad. Luckily we live in a day and age where there are many different ways to have a baby.... if conceiving naturally even after doing all that can be done for his sperm isn't working there are other interventions that can be done. IVF with ICSI might be an option.... or even if both you and him are open to it and it comes to it, there is always donor sperm.

As for the communication between you two.... I am a strong believer that infertility does not cause problems necessarily.... it merely accentuates issues that are already there. The way you are feeling is not wrong.... but it's what you actually do with those feelings that can be. Pulling away from him and giving off an angry, blaming vibe would likely make a parter that is likely already feeling terrible about himself feel even worse, and certainly would not make him want to be around you...and he might be spending more time with his daughter because he really realizes how precious his relationship is with her in the face of possible infertility. Seeking professional help from a therapist that specializes in infertility might be really useful for you two at this point.

[HannahGrace]

Elenabelka I am so sorry for your emotional distress. This is a very difficult journey. As such, my advice for you is to find a moment of strength to be as honest as possible to yourself and evaluate your relationship. If your partner is not motivated it will be too difficult to find hope and overcome potential obstacles. You play a very limited role in trying to motivate your partner in this topic of ivf and fertility; you both have to really want this to survive the emotional journey. The great news is that you are only 30 and still have time to make things right and only you know what that really is.
I wish you luck-