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Split up embryos?


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#1 mbelle

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 01:01 AM

Not sure if I am posting this in the right spot but it seems ethical, perhaps bordering on a legal question to me.

I have 5 embryos to donate. For some reason it isn't sitting right with me to give all 5 to one family and go down this list so to speak and give each one its turn. I would prefer my embryos to be together on one hand, but then I know it might not work out that way anyway (I realize not all 5 will be together;) so giving them away at once to multiple families of my choosing seems like the best way? Is this done? Or is this wrong? Is it super selfish to offer this to a family? On another hand I just don't want to be on edge waiting years for all 5 to be used to see how it turns out, or letting the last on the list stay frozen until it's his/her turn.

I think it is nice to give hope to multiple families, I know I sure loved feeling hope in the process of creating them. Thanks in advance for your support/insight.

#2 nervus optimist

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 04:10 AM

As a recipient of donor embryos I can share that at this point, they are your embryos and therefore 100% your choice in terms of what to do with them. That being said, we were told that from a legal standpoint, once they are donated their fate is entire decided by the recipients. In fact, unless you have a specific agreement about openness, you may not be able to find out the outcome at all, but if you want to know, then ensure that those arrangements are made prior to a donation being made. Also, I can share that in our case we were gifted 3 embryos, we chose to transfer them one at a time. The first resulted in a miscarriage at 9 weeks, the second is our amazing son, and the 3rd was a chemical pregnancy. Also, it would be important to know how your embryos are stored. Embryos are usually stored 2 or 3 to a straw, depending on quality and what, if anything, you had discussed with your doctor prior to freezing, so you may be limited in how you split them depending on how they are actually stored. I can also share that when we were waiting for donor embryos we were aware of some donors who chose to split their embryos amongst recipients, and others who did not. 

I hope that all makes sense. In the early stages of learning about the process I called Sherry Levitan, the lawyer who volunteers on the site, to learn more about the process and options and I found the phone consultation to be extremely helpful. That was around 6 years ago so it is very possible that a lot has changed in that time, but one thing that 100% has not changed is that as a potential donor it is you who is in the driver's seat. You decide what is important to you and then everything else will fall into place. 

 

Embryo donation is a beautiful thing, and I can tell you that without a shadow of a doubt it gives hope to families who literally had lost all hope of becoming parents. Oh, and to answer one of your questions -absolutely nothing you can decide in this scenario is selfish. This is literally the most unselfish thing you could ever consider doing. Learn the different options and do whatever is best for you and your family.

 

Wishing you much luck as you make these huge decisions.

:flowers:


  • Graceland, CdnHockeyGal, ENF and 2 others like this

I am 38, DH - 39
Genetic - IVF&PGD to prevent Genetic Disorder
IVF #1 - Nov/08 - MC @ 6 weeks, no embryos frozen
IVF #2 - Aug/09 - bfn
IUI #1 - Feb/10 - ectopic
PRIDE - Apr/10
Homestudy - July/10
Given the gift of donor embryos - Jan/12
Donor FET Jun/12 - 9 weeks - no heartbeat... MC
Donor FET Oct/12 - we're PG biggrin.png

===> Beautiful baby boy born 2013 babyboy.gif

Donor FET Oct/16 - chemical

April 2017 - surprise PG

===> Beautiful baby girl born 2017 babygirl.gif


#3 mbelle

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Posted 22 October 2017 - 06:09 AM

Thank you so so much for this reply. It means the world to me❤️ And helps me a great deal. I just saw the response now, still figuring out how to navigate this site. I feel more empowered and glad that I am not too outrageous in my desires. It also gives me something else to ask my clinic (how embryos are stored). I also feel more empowered to do what I feel is best (while I still have the control). I just love them and what they could be, I want them to have the opportunity to live even if that's not with me/us.

I was wondering about having a semi open relationship with the donor families and would like to know how it turns out. Have no intent on messing with their lives daily but a yearly or twice yearly update would be appreciated. Brings me to another thought that the family could get embryos and then just disappear or back out on that part of agreement, it seems hard to legally mandate that....mmmm more questions. Lol
  • nervus optimist, CdnHockeyGal and SperoMama like this

#4 nervus optimist

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Posted 22 October 2017 - 06:37 AM

It certainly is a lot to think about. Look into as many different sources as you can. Adoption agencies are starting to get involved in embryo adoption, and usually offer opportunities for donors to go through profiles and select the recipients, if that is what they want to do, and they are experienced in supporting openness in the relationship between donors and recipients. Some lawyers specialize in this as well. Embryo donations done through a clinic are almost always completely closed and anonymous. And some people end up being matched, or finding their donor/recipient themselves through sites like this or by other means, even word of mouth. The options are limitless, and you are 100% in the driver's seat.

 

Best of luck figuring things out.

:flowers:


  • CdnHockeyGal likes this

I am 38, DH - 39
Genetic - IVF&PGD to prevent Genetic Disorder
IVF #1 - Nov/08 - MC @ 6 weeks, no embryos frozen
IVF #2 - Aug/09 - bfn
IUI #1 - Feb/10 - ectopic
PRIDE - Apr/10
Homestudy - July/10
Given the gift of donor embryos - Jan/12
Donor FET Jun/12 - 9 weeks - no heartbeat... MC
Donor FET Oct/12 - we're PG biggrin.png

===> Beautiful baby boy born 2013 babyboy.gif

Donor FET Oct/16 - chemical

April 2017 - surprise PG

===> Beautiful baby girl born 2017 babygirl.gif


#5 Abrianna

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Posted 22 October 2017 - 07:50 PM

We are currently going through the process as recipients of donor embryos that are being split between two couples in an open donation. One thing you might consider is starting with an open donation to one couple and then when they are done with the embryos pass them onto a second couple. In our case we only want two children so it is in our legal agreement that when we are done with them or 4 years has gone by without a pregnancy the leftover embryos are given back to the donor couple or passed onto a mutually agreed upon couple.

Embryo donation legal agreements are highly individualized so you can write almost anything into them. You need to be comfortable with the recipient couple though as enforcement of the contract is a whole different story. I think the biggest thing is finding the right couple to match with so that you don't have any concerns about the relationship now or in the future. We have been blessed to find a great match with our donors where it has already turned into a natural friendship. There are some great Facebook groups for embryo donation that we found very helpful initially and is where we matched with our donors. All the best in this next stage of your journey. Embryo donation is a beautiful gift and a choice to give life.
  • nervus optimist and DQC like this

Me:33 DH:37 Dx MFI

Ottawa Fertility Centre:

IUI#1 Feb 2016: gonal-f/centrotide
1.5mil post wash BFN

IUI#2 April 2016: gonal-f/centrotide
400,000 post wash BFN

IVF#1 July 2016:long agonist protocol(bcp/suprefact, gonal-f 150iu, Ovidrel)

AFC 28, 12 retrieved 8 mature, 1 fertilized with ICSI BFP ended in CP

IVF #2 Nov 2016:long agonist protocol(gonal-f 125 iu and luveris 75 added)

AFC 18, 3 eggs retrieved 2 mature, total ICSI failure

Hannam Fertility:
IVF#3 July 2017: Antagonist protocol( gonal-f, menopur, centrotide, double lupron trigger)

AFC 32, 17 eggs retrieved, 14 mature 6 eggs frozen as back up, 8 PICSI 3 fertilized and arrested at morula/stage 2 blast.

IVF#3.5 Thawed 6 eggs for fertilization with PICSI and AOA. 2 out 6 thawed, 1 fertilized and arrested day 3.

Final diagnosis of severe male factor with sperm head defect and unexplained egg cytoplasm dysfunction. Moving onto known embryo donation!

 

Create Fertility (Donor Embryos):

FET#1: December 2018 BFN

 

FET#2: February 2018 BFP


#6 Aiglee

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Posted 23 October 2017 - 08:11 AM

mbelle, regarding having an open adoption agreement and the couple walking away and not hearing from them. I have an open adoption and I have learned that the open adoption agreements are not enforceable at all, so yes, the couple could walk away and you may never hear from them, BUT like Abrianna said, find a couple that you think is right, and then have faith.

 

My son's birth mother also had that fear, and his birth grandparents even more. We assured them they are family and tried to make them comfortable since it was all we could do to help them believe us. We are almost a year into our adoption and they still thank us that we have not closed the adoption even though we keep telling them they don't have to thank us and they are family.

 

When you find the right couple(s) you will know. Write all the agreements you need but also have faith that good things will happen and they will not walk away.


TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma: Unexplained. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN

One Fertility: DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016, adoption finalized June 26th, 2017.


#7 Sheilla

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Posted 18 November 2017 - 07:46 PM

Hello. Iam a 43 years old healthy woman looking for embryos donation. I have not found any groups on Facebook. Could anyone of you let me know where I should look to find a good match? Thank you very much and it is sooo nice to know that there are people with big hearts like you that are willing to help others to build their families. I love how you say you love your embryos mbelle. When I did my IVF, after the egg retrieval, I swear I loved those eggs like they were potential babies and I cried the day they showed them to me when performing my transfer. Good luck to all of you ❤ [email protected]

#8 EuroMixCeltNord

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Posted 19 November 2017 - 12:25 PM

Thank you so so much for this reply. It means the world to me❤️ And helps me a great deal. I just saw the response now, still figuring out how to navigate this site. I feel more empowered and glad that I am not too outrageous in my desires. It also gives me something else to ask my clinic (how embryos are stored). I also feel more empowered to do what I feel is best (while I still have the control). I just love them and what they could be, I want them to have the opportunity to live even if that's not with me/us.

I was wondering about having a semi open relationship with the donor families and would like to know how it turns out. Have no intent on messing with their lives daily but a yearly or twice yearly update would be appreciated. Brings me to another thought that the family could get embryos and then just disappear or back out on that part of agreement, it seems hard to legally mandate that....mmmm more questions. Lol

Hi mbelle, You sound like a good match as as a couple we a looking for a donor, open to child/donor contact, and are European and some Japanese lineage which we hope to have. Would you be interested in helping? please contact me if you are. Cheers


- EuroMix