"There is no heartbeat today" 8 Weeks -Don't want to feel alone anymore - PG Loss - IVF.ca Forums

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"There is no heartbeat today" 8 Weeks -Don't want to feel alone anymore


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#1 Adrianna1417

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 05:18 PM

Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone would be able to reach out and I don't know, help me in some way. I feel very alone in this loss and it feels like no one understands that my miscarriage I am about to have (d and c) is different from people who do not have to do ivf. I cannot just Try again on my own due to fertility issues. I've had 2 fresh cycles that failed and a frozen transfer which worked but I miscarried. I have no frozen embryos left. I have low hormone levels, 1 ovary due to a tumor, and Low ovarian reserve. I was told I couldn't get pregnant on my own and that it wasn't likely. Does anyone think I could get pregnant on my own? Also, what is everyone doing to cope with their loss? I don't know what to say to family when they say they are worried about me and want to know it I'm ok. I'm Not ok. I tell them that. I am 100 percent depressed from all of these loses and cannot seem to get out of it no matter what. I feel like the only thing that could help me is having someone who has had a similar experience to talk with. I don't know what to do, any help of any kind would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

#2 Chil22

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 05:32 PM

Adrianna- I am so sorry for your loss, although I have not experienced your exact journey We have also needed IVF to get pregnant and I suffered a miscarriage a year and a half ago. It is heartbreaking and there is little that I can say to change how you feel other than to say I do understand your loss. What helped me was counseling, and alot of prayer. What will work for you, time will tell but if you need help there are lots of resources out there. Rest assured there is a lot of support on this forum here and I wish I could give you a big hug. xo

#3 amazing grace

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 06:38 PM

I am so sorry for your loss and I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many woman in the same situation you are in, including myself. I understand how you feel because I have been there. You are so right, we can't just pick up and try again because we need help to do so, hence the fertility treatments. Unfortunately many may not know and those who do, truly do not know what to say most of the time. At least, this is what I have experienced.  I had many failed cycles, a termination at 16 weeks and three miscarriages, all through a donor cycle. I have two embryos left but quality wise not the best. I have been told to start over. Easier said than done right? So sometimes I just forgive those who speak out of ignorance. I know you feel lost right now and believe me I was there. My journey left me broken, spiritually, physically and emotionally. I found solace in meditation, prayer and surrounding myself with people who truly had my best interest at heart, meaning they knew that I did not want to hear anything until I was ready. As noted above, counselling may be helpful and I know most fertility clinics do offer that. The most important thing, take time to grieve, talk to those you feel understand and find an avenue that will help you release your stress and frustrations. I wish you peace and light in the days to come and am here if you need to talk.


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#4 amazing grace

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 06:42 PM

PS; Sharing and expressing your feelings with those you choose may be helpful in coping too. As well, you asked if you are able to get pregnant. I think the best person to answer that question from a medical perspective is your RE. From an alternative perspective, anything is possible and miracles do happen. xo



#5 Adrianna1417

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Posted 05 October 2017 - 12:04 AM

Thank you both so much for responding. I am a licensed professional counselor so I do know a great deal about the process of grieving and coping. I hope to help others with this particular issue when I'm not right in the middle of it just like you are helping me with your responses. Thank you so much for responding. I know talking about it helps but it doesn't seem that way for me unless I have people who have had similiar experiences. Maybe because those are the people I feel comfortable with.. it's terrible I only want help from certain people! As far as coping, you're so right that I need to find what works for me although that's been very difficult. The only thing I've found that helps thus far is reading about what happened and educating myself about everything regarding this topic so I guess that is good. I fear that becoming too knowledgeable will worry me as I go through another cycle but I hope it doesn't! It's interesting how nothing else seems to matter in life now.. it's a horrible feeling. The holidays are coming up and family events. I don't see myself attending which I know is very unhealthy but I just cannot watch people be happy when I'm this sad. I am so happy others are happy, but I don't want to be around it because it reminds me of the person I lost in all of this, myself. It's possible I will get a counselor if things do not naturally get better in time. I cannot believe any of this had actually all happened over just these past 9 months. It's a ton of loss for 9 months I think that's maybe why I not doing too well and cannot seem to get out of it. I feel like I'm in a nightmare and every moment is pointless. When I was pregnant, every moment was meaningful because a baby was growing. I cannot even imagine what other emotions I will feel after I have the d and c. At first when I found out it had died, I wanted it out immediately. Now that I'm used to the fact that it's not living, I want it to stay. I don't want it to be gone.

#6 hopefuldadsomeday

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Posted 05 October 2017 - 01:33 AM

Adrianna, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  We've gone through 3 miscarriages and each time felt just as alone as you.  What really helped us was going to see a counselor.  Wishing you strength during this tough time.


March 2016 - Miscarriage #1 (chemical pregnancy)

August 2016 -  Miscarriage #2 (Trisomy-16)

December 2016 - Miscarriage #3 (unknown - suspected chromosomal abnormality)

IVF #1 - Aug 2017 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol) - 9 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 blastocysts, only 1 PGS normal embryo 5BB mitoscore 25.1 (frozen)

IVF #2 - Nov 2017 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol - with testosterone priming and growth hormone) - 7 eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized with ICSI, 1 blastocyst PGS-normal 5BB mitoscore 33.12 (frozen)

IVF #3 - Jan 2018 (estrogen priming antagonist protocol with growth hormone) -  4 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 1 blastocyst PGS-normal 6BB mitoscore 29.82 (frozen)

FET #1 - March 2018 - cancelled due to thin lining (6.25mm)

FET #1.2 - April 2018 - cancelled due to thin lining again! (4.85mm)

FET #1.3 - June 4, 2018 (lining 7.5mm!) - th_abfn.gif

ERA Aug 2018 - Pre-receptive by 1 day

FET #2 - Sep 18, 2018 (lining 6.9mm) th_abfp.gif  Beta #1: Sep 30, 2018 - 682  Beta #2: Oct 6,2018 - 6656 U/S: Oct 15 - measuring 6w4d (CRL 6.87mm), HR 127bpm! U/S: Oct 25 - measuring 8w1d (CRL 16.69mm), HR 168bpm!  Discharged to midwives!  June 7, 2019: It's a girl!  DD born 7lb 2oz babygirl.gif


#7 Graceland

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Posted 05 October 2017 - 05:50 AM

Adrianna, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've experienced 7 miscarriages over 7 years but there were 2 in particular that just rocked me to the core: an ectopic pregnancy rupture at 6 weeks and a 9 week loss where the baby's heart simply stopped beating. With our 9 week loss, we'd seen a healthy heartbeat twice before, so it was just so shocking/devastating. I remember it was two weeks before Christmas and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and ignore the entire world.

What helped me cope was leaning hard on my husband, family and close friends. We participated very minimally in larger family holiday events that year - and we had the amazing support of our family to do so. We also opted to do genetic testing on the baby following the D&C, which ultimately led to a diagnosis of why she passed away. For me, it helped having an answer to what went wrong and it helped to give me some closure. In the end, time to grieve was what helped the most. Over time, things got a little easier week to week. I continued to confide in those close to me and it really helped to know that people loved us and supported us, even if they didn't have direct experience with miscarriage themselves. I ended up bonding with a coworker who experienced a second trimester loss. We would go for coffee/walks and regularly check in with each other. Perhaps there's someone in your life you could offer some support to and in turn she could be there for you too?

All this to say, I know your grief very well and I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's so difficult and reading your posts remind me exactly of what that time in my life felt like. It will get better I promise.

Twin girls born December 2017 after 7 years of TTC

See 'About Me' for full details


#8 wannabeamama

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Posted 05 October 2017 - 08:06 AM

Sorry for your loss!  I experienced a loss like yours about 4 weeks ago, our baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and I also had to have a D&C.   We did not take a lot of time between embryo transfers so I ended up having 2 miscarriages in about 5 months this year.  It has been difficult, but I have found support here and we are also doing some counselling.  I have also find daily exercise helpful; it makes me feel like I am doing something for self improvement and the activity keeps my mind off things.  When it first happened I felt like I would never be able to move on and some days are better than others, but time does help too.


Me: 37 DH: 36

 

TTC since 2014

 

IVF #1: November 2016

ER: Retrieved 5 eggs, 5 fertilized, ended up with 4 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Nov 2016: BFN

FET w/ ICSI #1         Feb 2017: BFP,  M/C Apr (Lost at 7 weeks, found out at 14, had D&C)

FET  w/ ICSI #2       June 2017: BFP,  M/C Sept (Lost at 9 weeks, found out at almost 13 weeks, had D&C)

FET w/ ICSI #3        April 2018: BFN

 

IVF # 2: January 2020

ER: Retrieved 15 eggs, 10 fertilized, ended up with 7 five day blasts

 

Fresh ET Jan 2020: BFN

FET w/ICSI #1          Aug 2020: BFN

 

5 frosties left, likely not cycling again until next spring.

 


#9 Baby girl

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Posted 06 October 2017 - 03:39 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. This has happened to me I had a m/c well more than one. The first time I had a chemical pregnancy using IUI then the doctor said lets do one more right after because the pregnancy hormone is still inside you. So we did. I got pregnant. Then I saw the heartbeat at 6wks. The heartbeat was low so they didn't want to worry me. I was worried. They said come back next week. This happened in 2012 right before Christmas. I also work with children. So when they came back and said I am so sorry there is no heartbeat. I died. I was heartbroken knowing Our baby died. I had a d /c right before Christmas. Btw no one knew I was pregnant because we wanted to tell them at 3mths which would have been Christmas. Instead we told our parents the sad news. I don't even know how we got through it. So now fast forward to 2017.

I met a wonderful Doctor ho just looked at me in 2014 and said you have been through a lot. Btw I had a few more m/c which I don't like to recall. Ppl will tell u all sorts of things. I relied on my husband and my good friend. Talking and telling my story on here helped as well. Finally my doctor suggested an egg donor. He said I know you can get pregnant so that is a good thing! When I ended up going to counselling for using an egg donor. This also helped me. I know my story has changed but I started this journey in 2009. I finally got pregnant with a frozen embryo. I was 39 when this happened. I have beat the impossible. I am now 41 I will try again for one more. If it happens great if not I am happy too.

The moral of the story is don't give up and anything is possible. First take time to mourn and reboot. At least you know you can get pregnant. Be grateful for that as a nurse once said to me. Some people never experience this.

#10 PastryGal

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Posted 06 October 2017 - 08:16 PM

Adrianna, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it feels like you are alone but you are not! I'm just coming out the other side of something similar and what helped me was reading, counselling and yoga/exercise. I was saying the same thing about avoiding parties and gatherings to my counselor and how I felt that it was unhealthy and I felt guilty. She made me see that I had just been through a difficult experience and that it was ok to give myself a break for a bit and avoid something like a baby shower or family gathering if I needed to (and not feel guilty about it!). It will take time and a bit of work, (there were days that I had to force myself to go to yoga or call a friend to meet for coffee) but it will get better! I'm wishing you strength and sending you a hug!!


4 failed IUIs (2015 and 2016), 1 failed IVF (2016)

DE IVF 2017 - one embryo transferred, ended in miscarriage

FET 2018 - BFN

No embryos left - taking some time to decide what is next.