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Posted 26 April 2008 - 10:58 AM

This isn't a request for answers, I already know all the right things to say. This is more of a vent of my/our experiences from this whole process. Its amazing how much strain the infertility problem can put on an otherwise healthy marriage. For some reason it conjures up insecurities and emotions which should be easily dismissed as irrational. My wife and I are in our 6th year of infertility. Luckily we were young when we started so time is still on our sides but the emotional toll has been incredible. We've never pointed fingers and we've never considered separating but to say we've reached new levels of frustration is an understatement.

To be stuck at a stand still in our lives is maddening. If we knew we weren't going to have kids, we'd have bought our sports car and condo long ago and made peace with a DINK (dual income, no kids) style of life. As it stands, we've been living day to day, making decisions as if kids are imminent, followed by months and months of disappointment. We've isolated ourselves from our remarkably fertile friends. We haven't been able to do any long term planning because it all revovles around doctors and procedures and unpredictable cycles. We've grown increasingly restless with the "unexplained" explaination. We hesitate to talk about it with anyone because they're either going to tell us what to do, constantly ask us if she's pregnant or just feel sorry for us. I find it so incredibly demeaning to be felt sorry for. If we don't tell anyone, then there are the questions of "when are you going to have kids", "why weren't you at the baby shower" and so on.

This whole process has thrust us both into long term depressions and has exacerbated small domestic conflicts into brewing resentments. It just seems so silly that something we don't have any control over could really challenge an otherwise great marriage and great life. I'm also a tight wad and wouldn't normally blow our life savings on something with such a high risk of no return. If only we weren't hard wired to want this so badly.

It's nice to see that other guys are affected as well. It's also nice to see that many of the guys had great luck shortly after posting. Here's hoping
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#2 gottahavefaith

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 12:50 PM

My husband or I could have written your post.....we can totally relate. Our life was on hold and still is...we won't feel peace until we're holding our child.
I am sorry that you are feeling this and I hope and pray that you get your happy ending soon. IF is an emotional roller coaster and unfortunately its not easy to get off the ride. If you have decided to do all it takes to have a baby then focus your energies on that. There is hope! A lot of us on this forum have defied a lot of odds and are living proof that anything is possible. Good Luck!!
July 2007 -DH diagnosed with severe low sperm count
April 2008 diagnosed with testicular failure/maturation arrest

IVF #1
Dec 2007 started BCP
Jan 2008 IVF #1 cancelled after 3 days of stims due to low E2 Levels (should've waited at least 5-6 days)
Jan 2008 changed clinics and waiting for AF

IVF #2
March 3 2008 begin BCP
March 29-April 5 2008 start drugs Gonal F, Repronex,Orgalutron
April 8 2008 ER - 15 eggs, 5 fertilized
April 13 5 day ET - transferred 2 8 cell morulas, froze 1 5BAO
April 23 1st BETA 100 BFP
April 25 2nd BETA 278
May 2 3rd BETA 6200
May 12 2008 Viability scan 120bpm one strong heartbeat
June 14 Emerg U/S diagnosed with placenta previa and subchorionic bleeding but baby ok
EDD December 29, 2008
DD born Jan 2, 2009
God has a plan

FET #1
Feb 8 AF, Feb 21 u/s to check lining
Feb 26,2010 Transferred ONE (only one we have) beautiful blast
March 8 2010 BETA #1 10dp5dt-42
March 10 2010 Beta #2 12dp5dt- 38 M/c :(
AF March 13

start BCP April 13 to May 3
May 7 AF, May 8 start stims gonal f 225 repronex and orgalutron
May 17 end stims, trigger May 18
ER May 20 9 eggs, 6 fertilized (Day 3 5- 8 cells, 1- 6 cell)
ET May 25 Transferred ONE advanced blast (froze 1 - 5BB0,1- 4AB0 & 1- 4BB0)
Beta 10DP5DT June 4- BFP 335
Beta #2 13DP5DT June 7- 1265
June 21 Viability scan ONE strong heart beat 122 bpm
EDD February 10,2011 (seems sooo far away)
DD born February 2, 2011
How blessed are we? HAVE FAITH

#3 Hopeful30

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 06:24 PM

Sameboat- First off welcome...I joined here in Novemeber and found this place a great source of info and a great place to vent to/with others that understand. I can't offer much advice and I know you weren't looking for any. All I can do is pray that you and your DW will be successful and that this incredibly emotional journey will make you stronger together versus drive you apart. I suppose that during times of stress and conflict it's always easier to become angry/resent the ones we love, it's not the right thing to do...but I think we hope that they'll always forgive us. I have to say that you and your DW are extremely courageous to continue trying after such a long time...I can't say that I would have the energy. I truly will be praying that you and DW will find success soon.

Take care.
ME-33 DW-33
Married- 7 yrs (Best Friends for 16)
TTC- 2 yrs.

Edmonton Fertility
1st appt- Sept 2007
2nd appt- Nov 2007
Male Factor & Elevated FSH
Next Step...Straight to IVF w/ ICSI.

Consult- Dec 2007

DW starts (I Love her for doing this)
BCP- Feb 9th
Baseline U/S-Feb 29
Stims- Mar 1
E/R-Mar 14
6 growing embies...
E/T-Mar 19 (2 transferred)
None to freeze...
Beta #1- Mar 28 (BFP!!!-245)
Beta #2- Mar30 (595)
Beta #3- Apr 1 (1390)
1st U/S- Apr 23- TWINS!!!! WOOHOO!!!
Twin A - 162bpm Boy
Twin B - 157bpm Girl
EDD-Dec 5

Emergency C-Section Oct. 15, 2008 (32wks+5 days Gestation)

Posted Image

Surprise Natural (Miracle!!)- Baby Boy. Born November 14, 2010

<a href=""><img src="" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>

#4 Rick


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 09:08 PM

Sameboat, you articulated well how many people feel. Good luck to both of you.


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Posted 01 May 2008 - 01:42 PM

Hey sameboat!! That post seems like a chapter out of our lives!!! Sounds like you two have about 6 months on us in terms of fertility issues. Hats off to our dw's eh!! The "unexplained" answer is certainly exhausting. We were talking about that the other day, and decided that it would definitely be better to be told that one of us/both of us has a specific fertility issue that is making it hard for us to conceive.... I mean, yeah there may be resentment or guilt, but I think once you realize that there is nothing you could have done to prevent that issue from arising, that you would get past it and concentrate on what you could do to combat the issue and achieve success!!! I've decided "unexplained" sucks!!! 4 iui's and one recently failed ivf later. "Life" certainly does seem to be in a suspended state right now.... how can you plan anything though, when all of your time and money is going into this most frustrating part of your lives!! Here's to taking it one day at a time and to having one of life's most natural process's turn into something completely opposite!!

This isn't a request for answers, I already know all the right things to say. This is more of a vent of my/our experiences from this whole process.

#6 bridgeypie

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 10:33 AM

So this is an old topic - but I revisted it with a smile - because Im sure you both are in such a better place and now I bet every little bicker held so much value because of the point it brought you to today :)

I hope I can read back on my posts ( soon ) and smile because i've finally achieved my goal
Me 25...DH 30....DS 3 ( concieved naturally born dec/05 )
IVF #1 - ER(07/04/08) 6 follies, 1 egg, 3dt of 4 cell grade 3.5 embie = BFN 07/19/09......DISASTER
IVF #2 - ER (09/25/08) 13 follies, 8 eggs 100% fertilization, 5dt 2 cavitating morulas = BFN 10/06/08......Getting Better
IVF #3 - ER (03/01/09) 7 follies, 5 egss, 4 fertilized, transfered 3 embryos 9 cell 3.0, 8 cell 2.5 and 7 cell 2.5 = BFP
Early Beta -13dp3dt 500 Second Beta - 15dp3dt 1649 Third beta -21dp3dt 12,300

G/G/B triplets!!!!

Babies born on due date Oct 14th
Baby A - Alanna Chelsea 5lbs 6oz
Baby B - Benjamin Albert 5lbs
Baby C - Lauren Summer 5lbs

Visit my blog:

#7 edaase

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:59 AM

This post brought tears of happiness to my eyes!!! CONGRATS SAMEBOAT!!! Really does make it ALL worth it!!!
Me 35 DH 35
TTC - 3.5 yrs
Feb 08 - both tubes removed
1st IVF Cancelled
2nd IVF/ICSI Jan 09
Syneral Dec 27/08
Menopur 225 Jan 7/09
ER Jan 18/09
One little embie..that didnt make it to transfer...
3rd IVF/ICSI March/April 09
Antagonist Protocol - 450iu of Gonal F
May 22nd start stims no suppression no bcp!


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Posted 03 April 2009 - 01:27 PM

I agree, this post is just what I needed to read today. It just gives me courage to keep going, to not give up no matter how hard it gets...although I do still really REALLY hope it's not that much longer, haha ;)

This post brought tears of happiness to my eyes!!! CONGRATS SAMEBOAT!!! Really does make it ALL worth it!!!


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Posted 25 October 2009 - 04:08 PM

Your venting is what I wanted to say.
My wife has to take all the drugs, pain, miscarriages,

I feel so helpless...