18 replies to this topic

[infertilestepmom]

Hi,

My partner and I have been TTC for almost 4 years and have been through what feels like hell and back. 2 IUI's, 3 IVF's - which resulted in me getting severe anxiety and depression. I am doing my best to look after myself now and I just don't think I can handle the physical/mental/emotional strain of more failed treatments.

 

This doesn't stop the fact that I have a glimmer of hope every month.

 

Is anyone else in my shoes? I'd love some advice or to learn about what your next steps will be.

 

As part of a little therapy for myself I also shared my infertility story online, which was a massive step for me...

You can check it our here if interested.

 

Thank you for any guidance you may have.

 

 

 

[returnable]

I am sorry for what you have been through. I just started reading the book "The Art of Waiting" and there is a story in there about a couple who just stopped trying. Finding a support group would be wonderful for you I think.

[Hopefulrealist]

Hi there,

 

I have definitely considered stopping but I think seeing how close we are has just kept the hope alive. I think we all have a point where/when it might get to be too much - both emotionally, financially, physically. Everyone is so unique that it is impossible to say when that moment is for each person. 

 

This process is really tough, I really do get what you're going through. We have also been TTC for about 4 years and still have yet to see one positive pregnancy test. I definitely never thought when I went off the pill that this would be our reality so many years later. BUT, I try to think about the positives and the good times we have had between our failed cycles and try to feel grateful for what we do have...some days that works - others not so much. 

 

Congrats on opening up - I think it does help to share your story,  it definitely is a reminder that you're not alone. 

[amazing grace]

I am sorry this journey has been so difficult. Know that you are not alone! I have had a termination at 16 weeks, a miscarriage at almost 7 weeks. Three early miscarriages at the beginning, it has been five years and four failed FET's. The last one was December 2016. I took a long break and am just starting to get back into it. However, I still get knots in my tummy each time I talk about trying again. I found comfort in learning that every experience has a lesson. Sometimes, we don't know what that is until much later. My faith and hope has kept me going and those friends that have been me through it all. I take part in meditation and am very spiritual. This has helped me tremendously. Find what makes you feel at peace. Whatever you decide, listen to that little voice, for it speaks to you and then it will lead you in the right direction. Good luck!

[cherry123]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I am also at this point now and at my age, if I don't do something now, then it means I am forever closing the door on using my own eggs. Like you, I am simply burnt out. 

 

To date, I have done 5 fresh ivf cycles, too many FET to count and IUI. We have male factor that makes a natural conception impossible, so there is also no hope for a miracle natural conception. Thankfully, we had success after our third IVF so that makes it a bit easier to decide to stop.  I was always driven by the path of least regret.  Also, just because you want to stop now, doesn't mean that you cannot revisit the decision later. Good luck and I wish you all the best. Nothing about infertility is easy. 

[kayte1]

Also wanted to say, your website is one of the loveliest I've seen, and your post so well-written and genuine. In the midst of your struggles, you have created a special community, reaching out to others and already people reaching back. I will be following along and wish for all the best for you!

[infertilestepmom]

I am sorry for what you have been through. I just started reading the book "The Art of Waiting" and there is a story in there about a couple who just stopped trying. Finding a support group would be wonderful for you I think.

 

 

Thanks for your message. I should check out that book. I would love to find a support group for people who've stopping trying, however it's tough to find. I've searched for everything from 'life after TTC' to 'coping with infertility', but it seems the people in those groups have all been blessed with kids. I will continue my search.

[infertilestepmom]

Hi there,

 

I have definitely considered stopping but I think seeing how close we are has just kept the hope alive. I think we all have a point where/when it might get to be too much - both emotionally, financially, physically. Everyone is so unique that it is impossible to say when that moment is for each person. 

 

This process is really tough, I really do get what you're going through. We have also been TTC for about 4 years and still have yet to see one positive pregnancy test. I definitely never thought when I went off the pill that this would be our reality so many years later. BUT, I try to think about the positives and the good times we have had between our failed cycles and try to feel grateful for what we do have...some days that works - others not so much. 

 

Congrats on opening up - I think it does help to share your story,  it definitely is a reminder that you're not alone. 

Sending you positive thoughts in hopes things work out for you. The process is definitely really tough. I always say I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Thanks your reaching out

[infertilestepmom]

Also wanted to say, your website is one of the loveliest I've seen, and your post so well-written and genuine. In the midst of your struggles, you have created a special community, reaching out to others and already people reaching back. I will be following along and wish for all the best for you!

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I wasn't sure whether to share my feelings at all but it's been very therapeutic. I feel like I actually hated how it was all a deep dark secret before. Thanks for your kind words. Wishing you all the best too!

[infertilestepmom]

I am sorry this journey has been so difficult. Know that you are not alone! I have had a termination at 16 weeks, a miscarriage at almost 7 weeks. Three early miscarriages at the beginning, it has been five years and four failed FET's. The last one was December 2016. I took a long break and am just starting to get back into it. However, I still get knots in my tummy each time I talk about trying again. I found comfort in learning that every experience has a lesson. Sometimes, we don't know what that is until much later. My faith and hope has kept me going and those friends that have been me through it all. I take part in meditation and am very spiritual. This has helped me tremendously. Find what makes you feel at peace. Whatever you decide, listen to that little voice, for it speaks to you and then it will lead you in the right direction. Good luck!

 

Thanks for your note and advice and I wish you all the best as well. Good luck to you

[Aiglee]

Hi, I have been there and decided to stop. I did my last fertility treatment in 2015. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was a wreck physically and emotionally. As much as it pained me to stop, whenever I thought of trying again I would break. I would cry uncontrollably, and be too scared to continue. Whenever a cycle failed, I would be so devastated that I would have out-of-nowhere nose bleeds, which scared me that it was affecting my blood pressure. I just couldn't do it anymore.

 

It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the best decision I could have done at the time. I took time to grieve, I went to therapy, I talked to other people that did not have kids (single, divorced, infertility, it didn't matter, I just needed someone that would understand maybe not ever having kids), and signed up for a 9 months trainer at the gym to get my body back. 

 

Slowly but surely I started to feel better. I just concentrated on other aspects of my life. I am not a baby machine, I have hobbies, family, and friends. I bought a new house, I started a new hobby (woodworking) and started moving towards adoption.

 

Adoption is not for everyone, one of my friends had already already decided with her partner they would not go that route if they couldn't get pregnant and that is also ok. It is hard to accept, but sometimes we close ourselves too much to what is "supposed to happen" or to the dream we all have/had of making that little miracle.

 

It is ok to stop. You are not alone. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.

[infertilestepmom]

Hi, I have been there and decided to stop. I did my last fertility treatment in 2015. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was a wreck physically and emotionally. As much as it pained me to stop, whenever I thought of trying again I would break. I would cry uncontrollably, and be too scared to continue. Whenever a cycle failed, I would be so devastated that I would have out-of-nowhere nose bleeds, which scared me that it was affecting my blood pressure. I just couldn't do it anymore.

 

It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the best decision I could have done at the time. I took time to grieve, I went to therapy, I talked to other people that did not have kids (single, divorced, infertility, it didn't matter, I just needed someone that would understand maybe not ever having kids), and signed up for a 9 months trainer at the gym to get my body back. 

 

Slowly but surely I started to feel better. I just concentrated on other aspects of my life. I am not a baby machine, I have hobbies, family, and friends. I bought a new house, I started a new hobby (woodworking) and started moving towards adoption.

 

Adoption is not for everyone, one of my friends had already already decided with her partner they would not go that route if they couldn't get pregnant and that is also ok. It is hard to accept, but sometimes we close ourselves too much to what is "supposed to happen" or to the dream we all have/had of making that little miracle.

 

It is ok to stop. You are not alone. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.

 

Thank you SO much for your message. It sounds like you were in the exact same spot that I'm in. I also saw in your details that you ended up adopting from CAS. That is truly amazing If it's okay, I'd love to find out more about your adoption process.

[Aiglee]

Of course, I will be happy to talk about anything you want to know. You can also take a look around the adoption section of this forum, there are more of us out there too

[idream]

Hi,

My partner and I have been TTC for almost 4 years and have been through what feels like hell and back. 2 IUI's, 3 IVF's - which resulted in me getting severe anxiety and depression. I am doing my best to look after myself now and I just don't think I can handle the physical/mental/emotional strain of more failed treatments.

 

This doesn't stop the fact that I have a glimmer of hope every month.

 

Is anyone else in my shoes? I'd love some advice or to learn about what your next steps will be.

 

As part of a little therapy for myself I also shared my infertility story online, which was a massive step for me...

You can check it our here if interested.

 

Thank you for any guidance you may have.

 

 

 

 

 

At one point I made the decision to stop and move on, i was out of money and out of emotional energy.. The only thing that got me to return was the OHIP funding which could be used to get donor eggs.  I have several double donor embryos is the freezer right now and if doesn't work with these I am done.  Moving on is never easy, but you have to do what is best for you.

[begin.again]

I've swayed back and forth between pushing forward.... doing my own IVF again, donor eggs and ultimately adoption. One road block after another. I have a change of heart almost weekly.  You're not alone in this.  So far the only advice I can give is to talk to a therapist if you find one you connect to.  I have been and it has been helping me navigate my journey.  I am trying to get my life back, stop putting things on hold and trying to make my daily life about more than just waiting for a baby.  It is so hard.  Thank you for sharing this.  Much love to you.

[Chil22]

Great post and story. Thank you for sharing. There is a blog/book "in due time" by Caroline Harries. It is faith based but my point is that her and her husband have decided to not take the fertility route. She has some great posts and insight and worth the read.

[infertilestepmom]

I am sorry for what you have been through. I just started reading the book "The Art of Waiting" and there is a story in there about a couple who just stopped trying. Finding a support group would be wonderful for you I think.

 

I'm going to check out that book. Sounds like like something I need. thank you xo

[Awoyt]

I think there should be a disclaimer with your blog, reading it at work is a bad idea, I couldn't help but cry.

Your storey is heart breaking but you have so much strength for sharing it. Thank you for that!~

So many women on hear have gone through so much pain. Some end with joy some not. I think that you are very inspiring to me. I hope that you find some peace with whatever decision you make.

[LilyChaska]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I am in the same boat. I have done fertility drugs in a couple of cycles and a couple with IUI. 5 year of trying to conceive a baby. We are funding to do an IVF cycle but there is something inside myself that is screaming to me "not to do it". the drugs are so hard, my stress levels are really high and i have depression. We are open our doors to adoption.

I decide to take care of myself .. i am no taking a decision yet. however i am re-connecting to my soul. I started doing restorative yoga. I want to get back to my normal weight.

Aiglee comment resonate to myself a lot. I am reading the Art of Waiting book (it is emotional and helpfull)

My only advice is to find your answer within you.... it could help counseling, yoga and meditation. Dr. Maria Rothenburger has a blog/podcast that I have found it really helpful.

I hope your journey guide you to your next step.

Sending you tons of love.