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I've accepted he may be my one and only. Turning 30.

Posted by EMJRI , 18 November 2015 · 3675 views

Today - well tomorrow really... I'm only a few hours off... I turn 30!

I haven't been on here in months, mainly because (tho cycling has been on my mind daily) we haven't actively been cycling or really trying. Coming back on here I decided to reread my old posts. Reading them made me tear up, the person I was 4 years ago, 3 years ago and even 2 years ago... I was in such a fragile state, felt like the world was against me and becoming a mother was a far off dream.

Tho I know that girl is still very much a part of who I am, its not the person I am defined by today. I have my days when I look at my miracle of a son and thank god I have him, and there are days when I look at him and feel like I've failed him as a mother (tho those days aren't many, they still happen). Turning 30 in a few hours and tho I'm not anywhere near where I'd dreamed I'd be at this age, I'm still amazed at what I've accomplished. That little toddler looks to me everyday with such hope and such light in his eyes, I know I've done something right.

I never thought I'd be okay with having just one child and I truly hope I will have the chance to cycle again but if thats not in the cards, I think I've finally realized that I can accept him as my one and only.

Heres to 30.

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drpsych

Nov 18 2015 09:30 PM

He's a spectacularly beautiful little guy

Happy birthday miss (hug)

Lola1973

Nov 19 2015 06:31 AM

He's adorable:) I hope you find peace and happiness whatever life has in store for you.

ilovemydogs

Nov 20 2015 11:28 AM

I hope you had a lovely birthday. So many of us may never get the size of family we dreamed of, but I'm glad you're finding peace in your sweet little man.

Butterfli

Dec 06 2015 11:17 PM

What a beautiful post. I hope you had a wonderful birthday. Your lil guy is such a cutie and I don't think for a second you have failed him in anyway. Each family size comes with its own pros & cons. Enjoy your 30's may they be better & brighter than your 20's

t-bird

Dec 23 2015 01:20 AM

Happy birthday and congratulations on your son. Your family is perfect, but I just wanted to say that at 43, I am pregnant with our first child (never thought it would happen), so...I guess, maybe you just never know what life has in store. All the best.

dstephans

Jul 25 2017 11:36 PM

He's beautiful as are you! I had my first at 47 (gulp) and she's perfect. Do what's best for you and yours...but know that there is a huge difference between 30 something eggs and 40 something eggs...so even if you are okay with one today.. reserve your options by freezing some eggs..just in case you feel differently in a few years. If you don't need them..you're good. If you do... you are golden.

I just talked to a young single co-worker who froze her eggs and she told me the peace of mind was unbelievable. If that had been an option for me at that time I would have done the same. I was blessed that somehow in my 40s my eggs were still viable enough to have a live birth. But when I went in my RE said that my chances were only 1.2%-- not all that great. We progressed and I still have a few frozen...but live your best life. No unnecessary regrets...