Javascript Disabled Detected

You currently have javascript disabled. Several functions may not work. Please re-enable javascript to access full functionality.

How did I ever get here?

Posted by Hoping4_1 , 18 August 2014 · 3050 views

As I look back on my journey I'll never forget when I first joined here. I was looking through some signatures and was showing my DH how some women here have gone through so many treatments. Shortly after that I got pregnant with twins on my first IVF. Never did I think I'd end up with my signature.

Now my signature is long, 2 IVF's and going onto my 5th FET...and my last transfer, with no live babies. How'd I get here, why me? I started my suprefact today with mixed emotions. I'm 32 with answers people don't want to hear when they ask me about having kids. I feel like my husband got the short end of the stick. I also feel like I'm just in a void, I have a terrible attitude to this cycle even though it's my last.

Even though in my mind, I believe this cycle will be another bust but there is a small glimmer of hope.
So, hopefully this will be the cycle where I get to change my signature and leave here with a happy ending.

bcbc, Vetter, gibasgirl and 8 others like this

tjluvbug

Aug 18 2014 09:44 AM

I really hope that this last cycle is the one!!! I think we go into these "last" cycles with a glimmer of hope but also a realistic pessimistic attitude when we've been through what we have so that we can maintain some level of self protection.

- gibasgirl and Emily81 like this

Natalia73

Aug 18 2014 11:03 AM

Hope, I will keep everything crossed for you to have this cycle work. THis is the hardest thing, when you get so close and so far in the end from your dream. I hear you, Girl, here. It is not the end, right?! Try to recope and just do it. ((Hugs))

- gibasgirl and ladylazarus like this

allcriedout

Aug 18 2014 12:06 PM

((HUGS)) hang in there. May this cycle be the one to give you and your dh your happy beginning!!!

FX!!

Love and hugs,

ACO

- bcbc and gibasgirl like this

CdnHockeyGal

Aug 18 2014 12:37 PM

Hoping - I wish I knew what to say...but I honestly really don't. I'm so sorry your journey has been the way it has. There is nothing I would want more than for this to be successful for you. G-d forbid it's not...we'll all be here for you. ((hugs))

- gibasgirl likes this

mouse

Aug 18 2014 01:03 PM

Fingers crossed for you. Success isn't at all tied to how happy-clappy you are. Hopefully this roll of the dice comes up just how you want.

- Vetter, gibasgirl and Emily81 like this

Raspberry

Aug 18 2014 01:45 PM

I sooo hope and pray this cycle is the "one" for you!!! I'm keeping everything crossed for you...it has to be your time Hoping!!! Fx! Fx!❤️

- gibasgirl likes this

want2babies

Aug 18 2014 02:16 PM

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I just read your sig and it is heartbreaking. You are very strong to have come this far. I have everything crossed for you that this will be your cycle! Best of luck!! Hugs.

- gibasgirl likes this

lindsayinport

Aug 18 2014 02:29 PM

Oh Hoping, how i hope and wish and pray for you to be able to write about your BFP, baby kicking, going onto labour and of course adding your birth announcement! I think about you often. The best of luck my friend!

- gibasgirl and Emily81 like this

alanna

Aug 18 2014 02:38 PM

I really hope this is the cycle you get to take home a baby. No one should have had to go through what you've been through. I think of you often and am really hoping and praying this is it for you.

- gibasgirl and cheers like this

gibasgirl

Aug 18 2014 04:44 PM

We are all pulling for you, Hoping.

ilovemydogs

Aug 18 2014 07:59 PM

Big hugs.

- gibasgirl likes this

impatient

Aug 18 2014 09:04 PM

Thinking of you.

Beth83

Aug 18 2014 09:22 PM

I hope this is it for you and you get a beautiful rainbow baby you so deserve. Please, please don't loose hope.

- Emily81 likes this

Butterfli

Aug 18 2014 09:35 PM

I honestly have all my crossables crossed. Hoping this is your last cycle to your live miracle xx

ollie2013

Aug 18 2014 10:28 PM

wishing you good luck and positivity! lets pray this one is the one!

Makana

Aug 18 2014 10:28 PM

Your signature made me cry

. You have been through soooo much! I hope this is finally your time. May the universe smile on you this time and give you a pregnancy to term and only good news.

- lindsayinport likes this

Red Wine

Aug 18 2014 10:34 PM

Best of luck!

silverdollar

Aug 18 2014 11:26 PM

I've been following your story since your screen name was Hoping4_1got2. Gosh you've been through more than enough. Infertility is so bloody unfair.

- Vetter and Emily81 like this

Emily81

Aug 19 2014 09:56 AM

Wishing you lots of luck. I have followed your story since the beginning as well(I have an IC as well). Wishing you lots of luck!!

Nurse08

Aug 19 2014 12:08 PM

Infertility sucks and no one really gets it unless you have walked in our shoes. I never ever thought we would be where we are today. Now we are expecting a baby via surrogate and I wouldn't change it for the world. It will make us appreciate our children more. No matter how you get your baby it will truly be amazing. I really hope and pray this is it for you. Hugs !

kerrilyn

Aug 19 2014 07:21 PM

Big hugs my friend. I know the feeling oh too well. Love ang hugs!

- Vetter likes this

jazzie

Aug 20 2014 09:31 AM

I am praying that this is IT for you. I had followed your story in the past and am sorry for all that you went through. Just know there are many many people rooting for you. xo