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Last blog entry :(

Posted by papoose76 , 31 January 2013 · 4993 views

My marriage has fallen apart. Over the past year, battling depression and anxiety, my husband figured he couldn't handle it anymore. It turns out he was cheating the whole time we were together with multiple women. When he left me, he moved in with one of the women he was cheating on me with. I am now declaring bankruptcy because I can't maintain all the bills and mortgage on my own. Needless to say, I won't be using the 4 frozen embryos we have in storage. I am officially done TTC and I guess I will find my peace someday living child-free.

Thank you to all the women I met here, I wish you all the best.

DesignerBug

Jan 31 2013 10:42 PM

Such a heartbreaking conclusion. So sorry for all you've been through and the challenges that may lay ahead.

Wishing you all the best that you deserve and more.

- papoose76 likes this

rollergirl

Jan 31 2013 10:52 PM

So sorry to hear that.

You deserve better and all of the best.

silverdollar

Jan 31 2013 10:57 PM

Oh Papoose, I was just wondering about you recently. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough go. Hoping life starts to look up for you soon.

ladylazarus

Jan 31 2013 11:12 PM

I am truly sorry. Yes, you deserve much better. Here's to rising like a phoenix from what has transpired. I hope peace finds you soon. Enormous hug (((( ))))

- gibasgirl likes this

allcriedout

Jan 31 2013 11:21 PM

Oh Papoose:

This is absolutely horrible. How difficult and heartbreaking. I am so sorry for all that you have been through and for the challenges that you may be faced with moving forward. ((((HUGS))))

Wishing you all the best as you move forward and embark on your new journey of life and leave this nightmare behind you. As the others have said - you deserve more. I am confident that you will find it. Don't you ever give up hope!

Love and hugs,
ACO

nervus optimist

Feb 01 2013 08:15 AM

I am so sorry.

galfromaway

Feb 01 2013 08:31 AM

So sorry to hear this. I wish you all the best in moving on from here.

jojo10

Feb 01 2013 08:39 AM

So sorry to hear this Papoose, I too wish you the happiness you deserve. Please take good care of yourself.

Mollybean

Feb 01 2013 08:59 AM

i am so sorry to hear your story Papoose. I wish you much happiness in the future. Surround yourself with people who love you and make you happy.

My_time

Feb 01 2013 09:03 AM

Oh this brought tears to my eyes. Sorry to hear that sweetheart. Mind you, you are better off without such man in your life. It is heartbreaking. good luck!

MB.

Feb 01 2013 09:27 AM

I am so sorry. You deserve better.

zoe101

Feb 01 2013 10:18 AM

I am so sorry!! You deserve much better than that. My heartbreaks for you, but things will work out and it is his loss. I wish you all the happiness in your future!!!!!

smc

Feb 01 2013 10:31 AM

I was thinking about you yesterday, I should have written. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Sending lots of hugs

MeAgain

Feb 01 2013 10:41 AM

So sorry to hear this..

MeAgain

Feb 01 2013 10:42 AM

*****! sorry, just had to say it..

Baby2014

Feb 01 2013 11:56 AM

So sorry. I hope new happy beginning is coming to your way. You will meet a wonderful person who really deserves you! You are in my thoughts! Lots of Hugs

loo

Feb 01 2013 02:41 PM

Big hugs! You deserve wayyyyyy better. I sincerely hope the future brings you loads of happiness.

staceylee

Feb 01 2013 03:52 PM

I am so sorry ((hugs))

mouse

Feb 01 2013 04:33 PM

((You)) Brighter days and clearer paths are waiting for you. Be good to yourself.

dawnkey

Feb 01 2013 05:01 PM

Oh, Papoose. I'm sending you a big hug!! What a dick. Take care of you. <3

- mkttc likes this

My reproductive history (or lack thereof)

From age 13 to 18 I had one boyfriend who it turned out was unfaithful to me. We never used condoms because I trusted him and I was on birth control. He gave me an STD at age 17 (gonorrhea) and I had no symptoms, so I have no clue how long I had it before I had it treated.

From age 18 (yeah my relationships overlapped because I was "getting even" but fell in love with the guy I cheated with) to age 22 I was with a different guy. We lived together for 3 of those 4 years and ttc with no luck at all.

Age 23 to age 30 I was with my ex-husband. I started seeing my fertility specialist in 2004 (age 28). HSG showed clear tubes. Lap- 2 fibroids removed, some lysis of adhesions. 3 Clomid cycles all BFN. Another HSG showed clear tubes a year later, and another lap after that showed nothing major (exploratory). More clomid cycles, more bfn's. He never wanted to do ART, he called it "playing God". Then he cheated on me and I had to kick the bastard to the curb.

Age 32 (2008) to present, I have been with my second husband. We instantly fell in love and after a couple months of dating, moved in together and started ttc. We "just knew". We started seeing my same fertility specialist and had an HSG which showed one partially blocked tube (non-mechanical blockage). May 2009 I found out I was pregnant!! Very unexpected but very much wanted. Ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days showed nothing in uterus, pregnancy was ectopic. It was removed at 7 weeks pregnant. Worst emotional pain ever HSG 3 months later showed one fully blocked tube, one open. We registered in the IVF program in January 2010, and are just now in the process.

IVF #1
Suprefact: Sept 27-Oct 17
Puregon: Oct 8- Oct 17
ER: Oct 20
ET: 23: 3 eggs retrieved, all intact, 2 fertilized and made it to transfer!
Beta: November 4/10 moved up to Nov.2/10 because I started bleeding heavily and tested negative on a FRER. I am beyond devastated... Beta was less than 1.2 BFN

I am back on the waiting list at my clinic to do another IVF cycle. The wait is 8-9 months, so I won't be cycling until either July or August 2011. In the meantime, I will be trying naturally and giving "Benedryl therapy" a try in case I have implantation issues. Can't hurt.

HSG done March 15/11- Both tubes were clear. Appointment on April 6th, new b/w, pap, and Rx for Femara for May and June cycles.

IVF #2
July 25- first u/s and b/w. Cyst on right ovary & estrogen level high. Injections delayed.
July 28- second u/s and b/w; no change... cycle cancelled
July 31- October 1st I will be on BCP.
Oct 3- first u/s and E2 b/w- fingers crossed that the cyst will be gone...
Cyst is gone! Started microdose Suprefact (20 units) on October 4th twice a day, and Bravelle (150 iu) & Menopur (75 iu) on October 6th twice a day.
First monitoring appointment on October 12th!! Fingers still crossed!
ER, October 19th: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized!!
ET, October 22nd: 2 embryos transferred (one was 8 celled, the other a morula)
BFP on early pregnancy test (10miu) on 8dp3dt
Beta: November 3rd!!! Fingers crossed!!! 112!!!!!
Beta #2: November 5th- 133
Beta #3: November 9th- 31... Another angel baby in Heaven...

HSG; December/2011- Right tube blocked (hydrosalpinx) at the end where the ovary is. Left tube clear.

FET #1- transferred 3 embryos on March 23rd
BFN on FRER (April 4th)
Beta: April 5th- negative