Javascript Disabled Detected

You currently have javascript disabled. Several functions may not work. Please re-enable javascript to access full functionality.

Who'll take care of me?

Posted by Good Fortune , 18 January 2011 · 1482 views

My mum suffered a brain haemorrhage 10 days ago. I thought she was going to die.

The staff at the Neurological Centre at the hospital I work at were magnificent, and she has received amazing treatment that has embolised the bleed, and I think she's now out of danger. She's doing really well! :th_acheerlead:

Mum has never married and I am an only child. Her sister doesn't drive and her brother lives far distant. She has some nice neighbours, who might be useful once she's home and rehabilitated.
However, in the acute stage and immediately thereafter, it all fell to me. I was the one that decided, no this isn't flu, yes this is urgent. I'm really pleased to say I made all the right decisions and played leap-frog with the system, pulling strings and getting her treatment expedited. I was running on autopilot, and now that she's stable I haven't stopped sleeping! Bear in mind I had 2 exams last week as well. :th_angrywife:

But enough about how great I am. What I want to know is, who'll fight for me? Who'll look after me? DH says he will because we're going to die together, very old and very satisfied. I don't want to be worrying too much about that now, but surely he knows life isn't like that? Anything can happen. I hate the argument to one should have children because otherwise who will look after you in your old age, because there is no guarantee of that anyway. We all know families of more than one child that palm the care of their parents off onto one another or put them in a home.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm not a particularly social person, I like my space so I don't have lots of people round me. I don't want to go to church. I thought I was happy(ish) not having children - I could do lots of other things with my life. But it comes back to the fact I could end up alone in old age.

This thought has never occurred to me until this week, and I don't like it.

JuneBug

Jan 18 2011 06:49 AM

I went through something similiar and the same questions ran around my brain as well, listen to DH!I'm thinking of you and hoping the best for your Mom!

DiXie

Jan 18 2011 06:55 AM

well now you have me thinking too!! lolI am sure our DHs will be there for us! if not, there are always people to be paid to do it

Good Fortune

Jan 18 2011 08:05 AM

I should add, incase it all sounds a bit disgruntled, that I would do it again and don't feel hard done by for an instant. There was no question in my heart that this was my responsibility.

mollygirl21

Jan 18 2011 09:20 AM

If we're both alone in our old age, we'll move to some wonderful exotic country with an amazing nursing home and keep each other company. Maybe we'll go live on a cruise ship. Sorry to make light of it because I know it was a serious question. There is no answer that I can give to set your mind at ease except to say that things will work out. They will.

silverdollar

Jan 18 2011 09:21 AM

I'm so glad to hear your mom is recovering, she is very fortunate to have you in her life.

impatient

Jan 18 2011 09:54 AM

As DH keeps reminding me, just because you have bio children is no guarantee that they'll look after you in old age, or even that they'll be nice to you for that matter.The woman who lived next door to us when I was growing up had no kids or husband. Her only relative was a half-nephew who ended up being unable to look after her because he became infirm. Our neighbour did end up living well into her 90s, mind you! She was always fond of my younger brother because when he was about two years old, he told her that he loved her. We figure he was probably the only person who ever told her that. He was never particularly close to her when he was older, but he moved back into my parents house for a couple of years later on and kept an eye on her. He invited her over for her last Christmas before she ended up in a nursing home, and he and his wife ended up staying with her on her last night ever. So you never know - love and caring can come from unusual places!

lehogan

Jan 18 2011 10:01 AM

GF, you certainly don't sound disgruntled. Your mum is fortunate to have you close. If we lived our lives with thoughts like these at the forefront, what kind of lives would we be living? Not necessarily the ones we want, out of fear for the future.

mouse

Jan 18 2011 11:57 AM

Oooh, I want to join you and MG! Seriously tho' GF, what impatient (and others) said is true - you never know where love and support will come from. I used to wonder about this a lot (I decided I'd have to find a way to guilt my nephew into it, lol, and maybe your step daughters will decide they owe your for being so good to their Da, and for adding all that culture to their lives) but now my focus is on living long enough to take of our wee miss and the dog. So glad your Mum's had such good care and that this has opened the door for you two to come together more closely. Hugs to you!

DesignerBug

Jan 18 2011 12:13 PM

You will take care of you. How? Well, you'll put things in order, make arrangements, even make a special friend or two. There will be friends and likely even family. When it comes to getting old, it won't be about quantity of your resources, but quality. You will do just fine. And one day, many years from now when your time comes. Well, you will leave happy, content and at peace with having lived a wonderful life and having left a marvellous legacy. A legacy that will truly be yours. A legacy that will have touched the lives of many. As it is how you live your life that is your legacy, not what you leave behind.Here's a little story of two elderly neighbours. They were seemingly alone, but always had each the comfort of each other. Although they may not have spoken daily, they had a pack, an understanding. Each night they would put on their porch light to indicate to their neighbour that they had made it through another day and all was well. Each morning they would turn off the light to show they had made it through the night and were ready to start a new day. Should the routine be broken, then the other knew there was trouble and the appropriate arrangements would be handled. The neighbours were known to squabble and bicker frequently, but in their hearts they knew they had each other.It is you who will continue to live an amazing life and you won't need bio children to take care of you. You'll do just fine.

papoose76

Jan 18 2011 12:23 PM

DesignerBug- You have put so eloquently into words, what I was thinking. GF-

mouse

Jan 18 2011 12:42 PM

Ooh, DB, thanks for that!

TTC_2010

Jan 18 2011 04:36 PM

I don't know what to say except *HUGS* and you will always have your man by your side

gr8girrl

Feb 10 2011 06:59 PM

Hate to say it, but lots of kids are lousy caregivers to their parents. I think the men are worse but I've seen it in my own family... Best thing to do is save money for good care later and write a very good will. Tis an unfortunate reality for many.

Kady

Apr 04 2011 10:45 AM

Who will take care of you? Your husband, your step-children, your neighbours, your friends, yourself, perhaps any future children of your step-children, because they would be your grandchildren, people you haven't even met yet. You made the comment that you like your space and choose not to have lots of people around you -- and I can relate to that! But you have a community right here, who appreciate your eloquent, thoughtful, and caring words. Your friendships will grow and evolve as you do. Your mother is lucky to have a wonderful daughter. Your step-children are lucky too.