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Fundraising for IVF...

Posted by papoose76 , 14 January 2011 · 3147 views

I considered fundraising last year, to help with the costs of the IVF and meds but ended up not doing anything about it. We re-financed our mortgage and consolidated our credit cards to take out the loan. I *think* we will be able to get a personal loan over a 3 year period this summer for our next IVF. My RE wants to double my meds this next time, so that will tack on AT LEAST another 3 grand. I am very open about our infertility problems, so everyone who knows me, knows that we did one cycle that failed. Our cycle ended up costing (at least) $10,000. Fees have increased as of January 1/2011, so I'm not sure exactly how much it will cost us this year.

I have an idea to start fundraising for this one. Tell me if I'm crazy, or what you would do, but I'm thinking of starting a facebook *cause* (I'm not sure if it would be a cause or what?) and ask for paypal donations? Does this sound crazy to anyone? It was amazing, my last cycle I kept all my friends informed of every step I was going through and I had so much support and people even cried when they found out my cycle failed. I blogged through FB notes, and youtube videos/updates. I jokingly posed the question at one point last year in my status about fundraising and having a fundraised baby, and people were seriously ready to help out! "Just let me know how I can help", "I would gladly donate something" (we were thinking of a merchandise bingo at the time).

The only thing stopping me (and it's a big one) is my pride. I feel shy just POSTING this blog entry, how would I feel in public where I live? Give me some pros and cons, please! LOL :thinking:

BabyVibez

Jan 14 2011 01:50 PM

I think that you could still do this, and be a little discreat.My friend just had emergency brain surgery. Found out on a Wednesday and went under the knife that Monday. Her family just started a private FB group where we all talk about who is bringing over dinner for the kids, who will go get groceries etcetc.Today they just posted info on a bank account ppl can donate to, to help with parking fees etc that are piling up.Suprisingly, everyone in the group said it was a great idea and they will donate asap.The group doesnt have much detail about her surgery, or about how this all came to be etc. Maybe it is just me being out of the loop but, it seems like people just see a need and a way to help and dive in.You could do the same thing. Make a private group and only invite those friends who you want to know about the journey. You could just make the info part something like "well... we're going to try again... this time we are going to need a little help" No one needs the gorey details. I wish you luck and look forward to hearing how it works out.

mollygirl21

Jan 14 2011 02:24 PM

The downside to fundraising that I can see is that if people give you money to help with IVF, they could feel the right to question the way you spend your discretionary income. It happened to a girl I know who had a transplant and there were fundraisers held for her. When she came out of the hospital, there was lots of talk around town about what she was spending her money on. My father offered to give us some money toward our last IVF but we decided not to take him up on it because then I wouldn't be able to do things like a vacation without feeling guilty. I know he wouldn't have cared but it would have bothered me. Everyone and every situation is different though. Only you know what is best for you.

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mollygirl21

Jan 14 2011 02:25 PM

Just wanted to add that I in no way think donating $5 or even $500 to someone in need gives a person the right to judge that person or ask for justification. I'm just saying what others could do and I wouldn't want to see you hurt by that.

silverdollar

Jan 14 2011 02:37 PM

The other caution is what do you do if God forbid, you get another BFN -You've now got a lot of people invested in the outcome.

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papoose76

Jan 14 2011 02:40 PM

All good points! Keep em coming!

papoose76

Jan 14 2011 03:23 PM

OMG that would be AWESOME, Kerrilyn!! You would really do that for me? :') I'll PM you.

hazypeanut

Jan 14 2011 04:51 PM

Kerrilyn, what a wonderful thing for you to do for someone

) Papoose good luck with your next cycle hun, when you have supporters like this, makes you feel just that little bit stronger

)

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Born2B

Jan 14 2011 05:41 PM

Hmmm difficult topic. I wish i could take money from people who offered it because it seems like it would make the financial burden so much easier, but i have to agree with mollygirl. How could you ever purchase anything else without someone possibly thinking "how can they afford that but not IVF?"I had a dear, dear girlfriend thankfully tell me she was planning a "baby shower" for my husband and I. She said she saw the pain we were going through and wanted to help somehow. She came up with idea of having a "Pre-baby baby shower" to help raise money for my husband and I (having a baby shower now and people giving us money INSTEAD of when we are pregnant and giving us "stuff"). I was brought to tears just to think of the beauty in this gesture but quickly realized the pressure i would put on myself if i let it happen. See, with every BFN i have recieved, i feel as though i'm letting someone down (e.g., my husband, my mother, etc) and if i took that money from people who were so hopeful for us to have a baby it would be just that many more people i'd be disappointing!! I couldn't do it! God bless their generosity though!!That's just my 2 cents!

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BabyVibez

Jan 14 2011 07:51 PM

The other thing you could do is ask for specific things to be covered and also list the things that you and DH are covering.You could say you need gas cards for all the trips to the clinic, some Tims cards for the trip, a hotel voucher if you need to spend the night. Pharmacy gift certs to buy hpts, meds.... stuff like that. Sometimes ppl give more when they know exactly what they are buying. They also feel better knowing, you can only spend their gift certs on the specific thing they gave it as (most likely).I agree with the ladies above though... people who give will be watching how you spend. As long as you are conscious of this and act accordingly things should be fine. You can also plan to announce that your baby shower (when you get to that point) will be 'no gifts' and just a celebration of your success. People will bring gifts anyways but will appreciate the gesture likely.The other idea I have seen is throwing something like a stag and Doh party where its like a casino night and ppl blow money on booze tickets and games. It will cost you money to run it, but could lead to big cash in the end.

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TashaS

Jan 14 2011 07:56 PM

I tend to agree with pretty much everyone's posts already - and that's definitely a pay it forward gesture Kerrilyn... amazing!Have you considered going back to your original merchandise bingo idea? Or what about a steak night? I think that anything that allows you to fundraise but still "give" people something for their money is the best way to go about it.

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impatient

Jan 14 2011 08:35 PM

I think it's a great idea to fundraise! I agree that one of the obstacles is that the outcome of IVF is not predictable, so your friends might feel (even subconsciously) that they've 'wasted' their money if you get a BFN. So maybe it is a better idea to sell something tangible.My old dragon boat team used to fundraise a lot. We did pub nights, 50/50 draws, wine draws ... one of the best sellers was movie tickets. You can order them bulk and then sell them to your friends. They get a great deal on the tickets and you get a percentage for your IVF fund.I think it's a great idea to discreetly ask for money. Without asking directly for donations, let people know how they can donate - either directly to an account, or buy buying gas cards or gift cards to a pharmacy. Or better yet, get a good friend to email people on your behalf ... I think it would come across better.

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karenbabyready

Jan 15 2011 02:08 AM

i believe many people you know would love to contribute, but wouldn't know how to do it 'graciously'...and your idea gives them a way to do it.. i think it's great.i really like the idea of one of your friends approaching people as opposed to you doing it... this allows them not to feel pressured or embarrassed in front of you if they are not into doing it

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gibasgirl

Jan 15 2011 08:40 AM

Lots of great advice here.

Smilin'

Jan 15 2011 09:31 AM

Although I understand where your coming from,. the cost in very high, I myself have done 3 IUIs and now 1 IVF, paid for my myself and my husband only. I do not agree that you do a fundraiser. If your family and friends want to assist you that is welcome but to directly ask people for money to support your ivf is a bit much. Paying for and enduring the procedure is one thing.....but if you cannot afford the procedure.....maybe holdoff and save until you can.

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conky

Jan 15 2011 10:37 AM

Smilin', I am not trying to argue with you and I think everyone's opinions on this topic are helpful including yours. However (and not knowing all the details of Papoose's diagnosis), biologically speaking not everyone has the luxury of waiting. For some it's now or never. If you have PCOS you have lots of time. But for someone with DOR for example (again, I don't know if this is the case for Papoose, I'm speaking generally) she can't afford to wait if she wants to have a child of her own.That said, Papoose, I agree that everyone has given you good advice. I think if someone else can spearhead this for you (the way a wedding or baby shower is usually done) you lower the risk of people being rubbed the wrong way about asking for money. Especially since we know how judgey some people can get when it comes to IVF and infertility in general. I also agree that people getting something tangible in return (by selling something) could be good.Good luck! I don't know if I'll ever fully get over my bitterness about having to put ourselves at such a financial disadvantage just for a better chance of having a child. Especially given the fact that we've been pretty responsible with our money because as a couple we easily make less than most couples I know. I suppose all of us going through this will get over that in a hurry if we manage to have a child, though. Anyway. Enough babbling. I hope you're able to come up with some creative solutions for raising money and that your friends and family are wonderfully generous and not judgey! Hug hug.

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Smilin'

Jan 15 2011 12:06 PM

Conky, assuming I only have PSOS and lots of time is an error on your part. If we could not pay for our treatments ourselves we would not ask strangers for donations. Do not assume to know what each womens medical problem and history is. If we could not afford to buy our house we wouldn't, couldn't afford a car...wouldn't have one. Couldn't afford IVF....wouldn't do it. People can not assume others will afford their dreams and wishes. Each individual is responsible for their own....life is not a hand out.

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papoose76

Jan 15 2011 12:51 PM

Thank you everyone for the advice!! My family is big into Texas Hold Em tournaments, and its not unusual to have them as fundraisers (percentage of the pot goes to fundraising), and it's fun! I have decided against making a facebook "cause" for fear of exactly what you have pointed out, that people will be watching what you spend your money on, etc. Smilin, if we could all afford infertility treatments there would be no fear of failure. I am a Kindergarten teacher and my fiancee is also a teacher. We can surely AFFORD it, but we can't afford to simply throw away another 13 grand down the toilet. I will be 35 years old in May, my time is getting shorter to try. I've been trying to have a baby for 12 years off and on. I don't think it's fair to say to people, if you can't afford it don't do it.

conky

Jan 15 2011 02:07 PM

Conky, assuming I only have PSOS and lots of time is an error on your part. If we could not pay for our treatments ourselves we would not ask strangers for donations. Do not assume to know what each womens medical problem and history is. If we could not afford to buy our house we wouldn't, couldn't afford a car...wouldn't have one. Couldn't afford IVF....wouldn't do it. People can not assume others will afford their dreams and wishes. Each individual is responsible for their own....life is not a hand out.

Hi Smilin. I'm sorry if my post offended you. As I stated, I wasn't trying to argue with you and I think your point of view is valid. I wasn't making assumptions about your overall situation because obviously I don't know it. I wasn't directly speaking to your situation OR papoose's because I don't know either of you. I was speaking in general and using examples of different types of diagnoses and how much time one might realistically have. The fact is, someone with PCOS (for example) has a bigger window of opportunity for getting pregnant than someone who has DOR (for example). I was saying waiting to save money and trying later might not be an option for some people. I will grant that I'm a bit sensitive about this because I am one who doesn't have time to wait. But I was absolutely not trying to make a comment about your situation. I know the fact that I used PCOS probably made it seem like I was making a comment on your personal situation. The fact that you have PCOS listed in your profile did come into play when I thought about your potential perspective on waiting and trying later and I was trying to make a point from a different perspective. But making a comment about your personal situation was not my intention. Of course, you're right that any of us can make the decision to abandon treatment at any time. This is easier said than done but it's an option and if that would be your decision if you ran out of money, that's fair enough and I absolutely respect that. I would probably have to do the same.And that is all I'll say on the matter because I don't want to monopolize the comments on this blog any further and I'm really not looking to argue or raise any hackles.

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CareyJean

Jan 15 2011 02:46 PM

Just a thought, but many hojme bussiness can help you raise money, like tupperware etc. You may want to contact Barefoot venus, you can google this on the net, they are a bath and body company like body shop, but their products are much better. They may let you do like a home bussiness thing, and if you have a goal in mind, I think the money you raise will not take you very long and that way you do not have all the other pressure of other people watching what you do with your money. I believe you can do anything you need to, to reach your goal. The money needed to IVF is crazy and the pain that comes with the BFN such. I know when I first started I took it for granted that you get many fertilized eggs, and didn't really think I wouldn't get pregnant. As a matter of fact I was sure I would get pregnant with Twins...........boy what a learning curve. Good luck on your journey, stay focused, this can happen, unfortunately for us infertiles it takes way more effort.

papoose76

Jan 15 2011 06:45 PM

Just a thought, but many hojme bussiness can help you raise money, like tupperware etc. You may want to contact Barefoot venus, you can google this on the net, they are a bath and body company like body shop, but their products are much better. They may let you do like a home bussiness thing, and if you have a goal in mind, I think the money you raise will not take you very long and that way you do not have all the other pressure of other people watching what you do with your money. I believe you can do anything you need to, to reach your goal. The money needed to IVF is crazy and the pain that comes with the BFN such. I know when I first started I took it for granted that you get many fertilized eggs, and didn't really think I wouldn't get pregnant. As a matter of fact I was sure I would get pregnant with Twins...........boy what a learning curve. Good luck on your journey, stay focused, this can happen, unfortunately for us infertiles it takes way more effort.

I hear you. I had very high hopes for my ivf and figured we'd only need the one time. Honestly I did not prepare myself for failure. For the record, I know that we will be able to get a loan for another round of ivf. Can we save that amount of money before my eggs turn to crap? NO FRIGGIN WAY!! That doesn't mean that we will be in the poor house either. When I thought of fundraising, I in NO WAY expected that we would be relying solely on the generosity of others, I just thought it might be nice to offset the cost. If I was rich, things would be much different.

My reproductive history (or lack thereof)

From age 13 to 18 I had one boyfriend who it turned out was unfaithful to me. We never used condoms because I trusted him and I was on birth control. He gave me an STD at age 17 (gonorrhea) and I had no symptoms, so I have no clue how long I had it before I had it treated.

From age 18 (yeah my relationships overlapped because I was "getting even" but fell in love with the guy I cheated with) to age 22 I was with a different guy. We lived together for 3 of those 4 years and ttc with no luck at all.

Age 23 to age 30 I was with my ex-husband. I started seeing my fertility specialist in 2004 (age 28). HSG showed clear tubes. Lap- 2 fibroids removed, some lysis of adhesions. 3 Clomid cycles all BFN. Another HSG showed clear tubes a year later, and another lap after that showed nothing major (exploratory). More clomid cycles, more bfn's. He never wanted to do ART, he called it "playing God". Then he cheated on me and I had to kick the bastard to the curb.

Age 32 (2008) to present, I have been with my second husband. We instantly fell in love and after a couple months of dating, moved in together and started ttc. We "just knew". We started seeing my same fertility specialist and had an HSG which showed one partially blocked tube (non-mechanical blockage). May 2009 I found out I was pregnant!! Very unexpected but very much wanted. Ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days showed nothing in uterus, pregnancy was ectopic. It was removed at 7 weeks pregnant. Worst emotional pain ever HSG 3 months later showed one fully blocked tube, one open. We registered in the IVF program in January 2010, and are just now in the process.

IVF #1
Suprefact: Sept 27-Oct 17
Puregon: Oct 8- Oct 17
ER: Oct 20
ET: 23: 3 eggs retrieved, all intact, 2 fertilized and made it to transfer!
Beta: November 4/10 moved up to Nov.2/10 because I started bleeding heavily and tested negative on a FRER. I am beyond devastated... Beta was less than 1.2 BFN

I am back on the waiting list at my clinic to do another IVF cycle. The wait is 8-9 months, so I won't be cycling until either July or August 2011. In the meantime, I will be trying naturally and giving "Benedryl therapy" a try in case I have implantation issues. Can't hurt.

HSG done March 15/11- Both tubes were clear. Appointment on April 6th, new b/w, pap, and Rx for Femara for May and June cycles.

IVF #2
July 25- first u/s and b/w. Cyst on right ovary & estrogen level high. Injections delayed.
July 28- second u/s and b/w; no change... cycle cancelled
July 31- October 1st I will be on BCP.
Oct 3- first u/s and E2 b/w- fingers crossed that the cyst will be gone...
Cyst is gone! Started microdose Suprefact (20 units) on October 4th twice a day, and Bravelle (150 iu) & Menopur (75 iu) on October 6th twice a day.
First monitoring appointment on October 12th!! Fingers still crossed!
ER, October 19th: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized!!
ET, October 22nd: 2 embryos transferred (one was 8 celled, the other a morula)
BFP on early pregnancy test (10miu) on 8dp3dt
Beta: November 3rd!!! Fingers crossed!!! 112!!!!!
Beta #2: November 5th- 133
Beta #3: November 9th- 31... Another angel baby in Heaven...

HSG; December/2011- Right tube blocked (hydrosalpinx) at the end where the ovary is. Left tube clear.

FET #1- transferred 3 embryos on March 23rd
BFN on FRER (April 4th)
Beta: April 5th- negative