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Opinions?

Posted by Luckypenny , 08 May 2010 · 1536 views

Be careful what you ask for right, haha. But yes, I am asking for your opinions my most lovely ivf.ca friends!

On Monday I have an ET scheduled. Then the clinic asks that you take two days of bedrest. But not strict bedrest, you can get up and eat, etc. But they ask that you basically take it easy for two days - lay around, watch tv/movies, read, etc. Great, I can totally do that! Monday and Tuesday are stay at home and lay around days.

So this morning DH and I were talking and I mentioned that I have to go to a site meeting on Wednesday. Basically this entails driving 2hours, sitting at a meeting, discussing, taking notes, etc and then driving two hours back. Oh, and we'll go out for lunch. I like to go out for lunch :542:

I don't think this is a very big deal. I won't even actually drive, my supervisor will and I'll just sit in the passenger seat. But when I mentioned it to DH he was like "well don't go!". I was like "what?!?!? I don't think it's a big deal". He said "well, what does your forum think". What?!?! Wow, since when did you become interested in my forum (he thinks I'm addicted :rolleyes:

). Anyway, I said I would ask. I really don't think its a big deal, and it would be more of a hassle explaining to my supervisor why I can't go than just going. I don't really see it as being very different from sitting at my desk for two hours. Except for that two hours I don't even have to do anything

Also, our clinic is two hours away. So immediately following ET I will be sitting in the passenger seat for two hours.

This is along the lines of - I mentioned to my mom that I was going to go to Cambridge this month to visit a couple of friends. She was like "you know, you don't need to be running around right now". Um, what? Her point was that I should be taking it easy during this ivf cycle. But I think its worse to just sit around and then have nothing to do but stress, and think about whether it worked. While I agree its not great to get run down, I think its healthy to have plans, get out and about, see friends, enjoy life, etc. I'm planning on going to Cambridge 5dpt. Again, do you think its a big deal?

leigh14

May 08 2010 01:34 PM

Hmmm....this is an interesting one and I'm sure that you'll have some different opinions. If there is any additional stress involved (either from the meeting, or because it is outside of the "norm" of what you do in your job) I wouldn't do it. But really only you can be the judge. Having just gone through ET and returned to work, there have been days when I've wished I didn't have to go in at all. By being there, people presume that you're feeling 100% when perhaps you're not. Don't get me wrong...I haven't felt totally crappy! But I have had twinges, a little cramping, and sensations that I wasn't used to. I have also experienced some fatigue. Personally, I think the more rest you get (physically and mentally) the better. Some other people may feel differently though! Good luck with everything!

HugsALot

May 08 2010 01:49 PM

Its never been actually proven that "bedrest" helps. I unfortunately had about 1/2 a day and then had to run around and chase my kids. Still worked for me

I think you will be absolutely fine to go and it will probably be a good thing to get your mind off the transfer.Good luck!!!xooxx

sharlene

May 08 2010 01:57 PM

I would absolutely go back to normal by then. For both of my IVFs (this is #2) I pretty much went back to normal the day after the retrieval and the day after the transfer. I only needed tylenol the day of the retrieval and maybe some the day after. This time, after the retrieval, I was a passenger in the car for a 4 hour drive from NJ to Boston. Then I helped unpack and went out to dinner. The next day I walked about a mile to work and walked a mile back.
After the transfer I was a passenger again (back to Boston) for another 4 hour drive and went back to work immediately (I was dropped off at the office) where I proceeded to sit at a desk for an hour or so - then walked back home a little over a mile. I really felt almost fine (a little crampy, but not bad).

And I got BFPs both times - the first ended in a miscarriage, but not because I did or didn't do something - we had it tested and there were two trisomies - so it just wasn't viable (old eggs!).

If you think about it, women get pregnant all the time and usually don't even know about it for a few weeks - they go about their normal routines and things are just fine. Since our method of pregnancy is more invasive, a little more relaxing may be nice, but I really can't imagine that it is all that necessary.

Good luck! It is cute that your DH told you to consult your quija board!

Rosa

May 08 2010 01:58 PM

I'll tell you my take on it, and I think lots of people will disagree with me.

But I have read that whether you exercise or take it easy, it makes no difference to implanation rates. Recent studies have shown that - often clinics will say take it easy the day of transfer, and to resume normal activities afterwards (no heavy lifting though or excessive exercise). Going about a normal workday, sitting in a car, driving, walking and going about your normal activities is fine. It won't make a difference to the success of your cycle either way.

Some people will take 2 weeks off after an IVF cycle - I never did for any of my cycles and 4 times I didn't a BFP and the last time I did. I did nothing different.

You should make the decision you are comfortable with - don't be unduly influenced by other people's opinions.

babatime

May 08 2010 02:03 PM

My opinion is that you will have to decide for yourself what is going to leave you with the least regret.
Wishing you all the best, Hope this is the one for you!!

Love and blessings
Kat

CareyJean

May 08 2010 02:09 PM

I have to agree with Kat, everyone is different and there is know proven theory to bedrest. But our minds can make us feel guilty if a BFP does not happen in the end, so the path of least regret is the best choice. Just remember your DH has a vote int this, in one of my cycles my DH asked me not to travel after the procedure and I did anyway. He always wonders what if........this does make me feel a little bit guilty. I think we forget they are invested in this too.

take care
Carey

~*Megan*~

May 08 2010 02:12 PM

Do what you feel is best for you and your embies

Luckypenny

May 08 2010 02:14 PM

It is cute that your DH told you to consult your quija board!

DH meant this board, but thanks for the laugh! Maybe I should consult a ouija board. Maybe Rick could add a Forum to the Ask the Expects thread called Ask The Ouija Board! In truth I wouldn't ask. My friend had one when we were in about 8th Grade, and very little freaks me out more than a Ouija Board - shiver!

Thanks ladies for your replies. They are my thoughts exactly. The meeting won't be stressful or out of the ordinary and it is good to do something that takes my mind off of "did it work?", "what could I google to figure out if it worked?", "is that a sypmtom? A good symptom or a bad symptom? I'll google it". Sitting in a car isn't going to effect my outcome. Visiting with friends will be good for me, not bad, even if I do have to drive to get there.

Luckypenny

May 08 2010 02:19 PM

Just remember your DH has a vote in this

Thanks for the reminder Carey. Sometimes it is easy to forget, DH's do have a say even if most of what happens, happens to or in our bodies. I'll definitely let him know that I understand his concerns and maybe discuss what is different than sitting at my desk vs. car and what is different between a car ride from the clinic vs. the meeting, just to make sure I understand exactly why he is concerned. And maybe also put some boundaries around what I do for the next little while, like I'll visit friends in Cambridge, but I'll be home by 10pm.

joyfulintent

May 08 2010 02:46 PM

I vote for doing both trips (the work thing and the friends visit) because I think you're logic makes sense that you're not really doing that much activity and I totally agree it is a good idea to have some distractions to take your mind off things and keep you away from google.

My DH really prefers me to do nothing at all. We did it completely his way last time and I hung out at home, mostly on the couch for 3 days. It was ok and I'll do that again if he wants me to but my 'what if' is whether it wouldn't be better to be normally active to get the blood flowing and my body firing on all cylinders.

He also asks me to consult this board about things - he says 'what do your ladies say?' because I think he expects the majority to side with him and he knows how much research and thinking we do about these things!

Luli

May 08 2010 03:08 PM

I agree with Kat on the 'path of least regret'. I did what felt right to me after all of my transfers. My DH and I discussed it and we came to the decision that we would do things the same each time, so we could try to figure out what wasn't working. On the day of transfer, I have always done acupuncture and lay in bed or on the couch and then just taken it easy after that. It didn't work the first three times but fourth time just taking it easy I got pregnant

I get crazy if I sit still for too long and I really understand the google thing! It can add so much stress! I didn't work for 3 days after but then I teach grade 2/3 kids in an arts based program, so it's quite different from sitting in a car.
I would side with DH on the social stuff though. I only do things (still) that I have to do, like work etc and if I want to see friends, I try to see them within walking distance, for an hour. I know it's lame and I'm usually a party girl but I'm exhausted and my niblet is so precious to me, I would do anything that 'might' help. The guilt of parenting seems to reach us IF parents before the egg even meets the sperm! I wish you all the best this cycle

wannakid

May 08 2010 04:26 PM

My vote is....

1) I would not go to the off-site. When this type of thing arises you lose control... you don't know if you will have difficulty finding parking and will have to walk far, or whether anything else might happen that might require you to walk, lift, etc. more that you would choose to after your transfer.

2) if your friends in Cambridge know about your ET and the circumstances, then I don't see how the car ride could affect things... and if you simply take it easy at their home that seems like the same as taking it easy in your own home. However, if they don't know what is going on, then, again, you lose control and may end up doing stuff you don't really want to do.

The bottom line for me is (and as confirmed by my fertility counsellor), and as noted by others above, I would choose the path of least regret. Are you ever going to say to yourself, I really wish I had gone to that off-site, or to Cambridge, in 2 or 4, or 12 months from now? Could you possibly be saying the opposite, if you, heaven forbid, get a BFN. If there is a chance (regardless of how invalid or irrational), avoid the situation!

Anyway, that's just my 2 cents. Obviously, the decision is yours to make. Good luck!!!

Pam n Kav

May 08 2010 05:59 PM

First of all... You are too cute!!!

Ok, I know where you're coming from. I get stressed if I have to tell my boss I cant do something that involves my job. So, my decision would be based on what causes me the least amount of stress.

We cant avoid all stressors and it seems that when we are cycling with IVF, that that is when most of the stressors pop up. I always felt like some people were deliberately trying to set me off at that time.

My next cycle no one is going to know when it happens and I am going to take 2 weeks vacation just because its the path of LESS STRESS. I wont be laying around, its just my job can be stressful.

Luckypenny

May 08 2010 07:31 PM

Wow, thanks everyone for the feedback! I'm only going to tell DH about the opinions that support my position -

Just kidding! I guess the opinions are pretty varied b/c we're all different and unique. Its interesting to hear lots of different takes on it.

I guess what stands out the most is "only do what you can live with".

For me, getting away from my computer on Wednesday will be nice. And it means that I don't have to climb the two long flights of stairs to my desk on my first day back first thing in the morning (that will come later in the afternoon!). No chance that we won't find parking, and it will be a walk across the parking lot, not a jog, so that's not an issue. Good points though.

After reading this I decided that I would set a firm time to leave Cambridge on Saturday and stick to it. I think I'll even wear my timex that has an alarm and set it for 8 or 8:30. Then when it goes off - time to go. I'll be home in good time. We may end going for a walk to the cafe near my friends house, but I walk 5km almost daily so for me that won't be a huge exersion. And it will be 5dpt, so by then I'll have been up and about for a few days. And if I'm not up to going out for a walk it's a friend that will understand and be sympathetic, so I don't have to worry about that (she tried for 4 years before finally concieving, after two miscarriages, and recently had her little girl, so she knows firsthand and will respect any limitations I set).

Thanks for all the feedback - you guys are the best!

Lilygirl2727

May 08 2010 10:31 PM

I truly and honestly don't think it matters. In my BFP cycles, I have been to Ponderosa an hour after transfer and had an all you can eat buffet, I have driven 3 hours home after transfer on extremely bumpy roads that I thought for sure would prevent my embryos from implanting, I have gone back to bartending at 5dpt in an extremely smoky environment which I REALLY thought would prevent my embryos from implanting....(I had no choice though because that is how I was paying for my cycle and would have lost my job if I hadn't gone), I have lifted babies and cleaned my house and fought with my husband and done all kinds of things that they tell you not to do. But I still managed to have success. Once the embryos are in there, I think we are no different than any other woman who gets pregnant the natural way. In fact, I think the more you move around (within reason of course) the more you get blood flowing to your uterus and the better and healthier that lining is. Just my thoughts though....ultimately you have to do what you feel is best. Good luck!

Rufus

May 09 2010 04:03 PM

I do agree with the others who say do what will cause you the least amount of regret and it sounds like you are comfortable with your plans. I was only advised to take it easy the day of transfer and no sex, but other than that, there weren't any restrictions noted.

I got let go from my job 3 days post transfer on my only BFP cycle, so I don't necessarily believe that negative stress is an issue as far as success goes.

Best of luck to you in this cycle!!!

impatient

May 09 2010 11:09 PM

I don't think it makes any scientific difference. Two days of bedrest is a long time - longer than most clinics recommend, I think.

aprilbaby

May 10 2010 03:10 PM

LP,

I had food poisoning the day after my ET and violently threw up then got on a airplane for 6 hours. THe rest of the week I swam in the ocean everyday, carried my 40lb DS, got a massage, and got back on plane for 6hours and you know my result!!!!!