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Hour by hour, day by day

Posted by joyfulintent , 08 January 2010 · 1533 views

The pain does start to ease. Thank God as I'm not sure it's possible to stay sane for long in the place I was Monday/Tuesday.

Thank you all for your wonderful support and comments. I've never been more grateful for this site and the fantastic community here.

The fresh hell last night was that my milk came in. I should probably be able to see it as a good sign that my body works the way it's supposed but actually I think it's a cruel joke on the part of a universe not quite done with toying with me yet. Well, screw you, universe. I have shoved on a sports bra and plan to ignore it.

I am giving myself permission to enjoy small physical pleasures. A long hot shower, short walks, coffee with cream, my favorite perfume. Actually the perfume is nearly empty but it is probably quite a good thing that I have so far avoided the mall as in this state I expect I could rack up the Visa bill quite impressively.

I have also started to think through the practicalities of trying again. I wonder how long it takes the body to recover and if the answer is different for a FET vs a fresh IVF cycle.

J

Dreaming

Jan 08 2010 05:30 PM

Thinking of you. HUGE hug.

~*Megan*~

Jan 08 2010 06:15 PM

Sending you love and hugs *hugs*

Cassandra_Angela

Jan 08 2010 06:58 PM

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you.
While my losses cant compare to yours I have always found comfort in planning.
What would I do, when would I do it and how etc ....
Thinking that there would be a next step seemed somehow to dull the pain of the finality of what had happened.
Be kind to yourself, know that each day brings new and different thoughts & emotions and allow yourself for the moment do what helps you make it through the day in one piece.
Remember your DH and know that he is hurting too although men don't seem to show it as openly as women do, take comfort in each other and grieve together. Grieving alone can be a terrible thing, that I can say from personal experience.
Contrary to the saying I don't believe that time heals all wounds .... but it does make them hurt a little less.

jgeddes

Jan 08 2010 07:06 PM

hugs

Zuu

Jan 08 2010 08:31 PM

Thinking about you - so thanks for posting.

Hugs.

smc

Jan 08 2010 11:58 PM

I can't imagine what you have gone through. I admire your strength. I am glad that you are allowing yourself pleasure. You deserve it, there is no reason why you should not have joyful things even though it isn't a joyful time. Although we do not know each other your last post made my heart break for you. I am keeping you and your angel in my prayers. Shannon

Luckypenny

Jan 09 2010 12:18 AM

joyfulintent, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I have no words of wisdom, but you are in my thoughts.

mouse

Jan 09 2010 07:53 AM

((Joy))

joyandpeace

Jan 09 2010 09:25 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss, sending lots of hugs your way.

gibasgirl

Jan 10 2010 01:01 AM

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss.

mollygirl21

Jan 10 2010 09:09 AM

The body and mind are amazing things. Big hugs to you

Luli

Jan 10 2010 03:24 PM

So glad to see you are taking steps to keep yourself sane. You have been through so much, it's great that you can look towards the future. I wish you all the best.