

Infertility is sucking away any happiness I had
I just started the process of long protocol IVF this week and I feel totally and utterly alone. My DH couldn't make that appointment because he couldn't get out of work and when I got home to tell him about the appointment, he changed the subject to his baseball game the night before. The fact that he couldn't come to my first appointment crushed me because I needed him there emotionally but I think it crushed me more that he just didn't seem to care too much. This is an ongoing cycle with us and our lack of communication. We have barely seen each other this week as he has sports obligations three nights a week and then other hang outs with friends planned.
I am bitter!! I didn't sign up for any sports this year because I thought #1 maybe I'd be pregnant by now or #2 I'd be doing IVF and couldn't do anything rigorous anyways. So I sit at home while my husband comes and goes as he pleases with all his social events.
My friends have all but abandoned me because they are all busy moms of multiple children and I just don't fit into their lifestyle and don't have anything in common with them anymore. I have no support from family members either. It's a topic that is swept under the rug and not to be talked about.
My husband left me at home to go to his mom's place so he can celebrate his birthday and mother's day with his family. He asked if I was coming (after not speaking all morning) and I shook my head no. So he told me to have a great day and left. I wanted him to talk to me, to care about how I've been feeling, to want me to go with him but instead he just left me here like he's been doing all week. I just feel like I've been abandoned once again and that we are so far apart, there's no hope of us seeing eye to eye.
I can't stand to be here when he gets back and I have no where to go but to my parents house. I dread going there because I don't want to talk about my problems with them. We have our own family issues there. So here I sit on Mother's Day alone and depressed and with no one to turn to and wondering how my life turned out like this.
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